The Brook Kerith Part 16

Paul waited for one of the Essenes to answer, and his eyes falling on Mathias' face he read in it a web of argument preparing wherein to catch him, and he prayed that G.o.d might inspire his answers. At last Mathias, in clear, silvery voice, broke the silence that had fallen so suddenly, and all were intent to hear the silken periods with which the Egyptian thanked Paul for the adventurous story he had related to them, who, he said, lived on a narrow margin of rock, knowing nothing of the world, and unknown to it, content to live, as it were, immersed in G.o.d. Paul's narrative was full of interesting things, and he regretted that Paul was leaving them, for he would have liked to have given longer time to the examination of the several points, but his story contained one thing of such great moment that he pa.s.sed over many points of great interest, and would ask Paul to tell them why the resurrection of Jesus Christ should bring with it the abrogation of the law of Moses. If the law was true once, it was true always, for the law was the mind and spirit and essence of G.o.d. That is, he continued, the law spiritually understood; for there are those among us Essenes who have gone beyond the letter. I, too, know something of that spiritual interpretation, Paul cried out, but I understand it of G.o.d's providence in relation to man during a certain period; that which is truth for the heir is not truth to the lord. Mathias acquiesced with lofty dignity, and continued his interrogation in measured phrases: that if he understood Paul rightly, and he thought he did, his teaching was that the law only served to create sin, by multiplying the number of possible transgressions. Thy meaning would seem to be that Jews as well as Gentiles sin by acquiring consciousness of sin, but by faith in Jesus Christ we get peace with G.o.d and access unto his grace. Upon grace, Paul, we see thee standing as on a pedestal crying out, sin abounds but grace abounds, fear not sin. The words of my enemies, Paul cried, interrupting; sin so that grace may abound, G.o.d forbid. Those that are baptized in Christ are dead to sin, buried with him to rise with him again and to live a new life. The old man (that which we were before Christ died for us) was crucified with Christ so that we might serve sin no longer. Freed from the bondage of the law and concupiscence by grace we are saved through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ from d.a.m.nation. It is of this grace that we would hear thee speak. Do we enter into faith through grace? Mathias asked, and, having obtained a sign of a.s.sent from Paul, he asked if grace were other than a free gift from G.o.d, and he waited again for a sign of a.s.sent.

Paul nodded, and reminded him that G.o.d had said to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compa.s.sion on whom I will have compa.s.sion. Then, Mathias said, the law of Moses is not abrogated, thou leanest upon it when it suiteth thy purpose to lean, and pushest it aside when it pleases thee to reprove us as laggards in tradition and among the beginnings of things. It was lest some mood of injustice might be imputed to G.o.d in neglecting us that we were invited to become thy disciples, and to carry the joyful tidings into Italy and Spain. But we no longer find those rudiments in the law. We read it with the eyes of the mind, and we receive not from thy lips that G.o.d is like a man--a parcel of moods, and obedient to them. It is true that G.o.d justifies whom he glorifies, Paul answered, but for that he is not an unjust G.o.d. If he did not spare his son, but delivered him to death that we might be saved, will he not give us all things? Who shall accuse G.o.d's elect? He that chose them? Who will condemn them? Christ that will sit on the right hand of his Father, that intercedes for us? Neither death nor life nor angels can separate me from the love of our Lord Jesus Christ, and if I came hither it is for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen that might be saved. G.o.d has not broken his promise to his chosen people. A man may be born an Israelite and not be one; we are true Israelites, not by birth but by election. G.o.d calls whom he pleases, and without injustice. But, brethren, Mathias would ask of me: why does G.o.d yet find a fault though none may resist his will? We dare not reason with G.o.d or ask him to explain his preferences. Does the vase ask the potter: why hast thou made me thus? Had not the potter power over the clay to make from the same lump two vases, one for n.o.ble and the other for ign.o.ble use. Not in discourse of reason is the Kingdom of G.o.d, but in its own power to be and to grow, and that power is manifested in my gospel.

The approval of the brethren whitened Mathias' cheek with anger, and he answered Paul that his denial of the law did not help him to rise to any higher conception of the deity than to compare him to a potter, and he warned Paul that to arrive at any idea of G.o.d we must forget potters, rejecting the idea of a maker setting out from a certain moment of time to shape things according to a pattern out of pre-existing matter. And I would tell thee before thou startest for the end of the earth that the Jesus Christ which has obsessed thee is but the Logos, the principle that mediates between the supreme G.o.d and the world formed out of matter, which has no being of its own, for being is not in that mere potency of all things alike, which thou callest Power, but in Divine Reason.

I have heard men speak like thee in Athens, Paul answered slowly and sadly, and I said then that the wisdom of man is but foolishness in G.o.d's sight. But thy stay there was not long, and thou hast not spoken of my country, Egypt, Mathias answered, and rising from his seat he left the table and pa.s.sed out on to the balcony like one offended, and, leaning his arms on the rail, he stood looking into the abyss.

A Jew of Alexandria, Manahem whispered in Paul's ear, but he holds fast by the law in his own sense, and in telling of this Christ thou---- We would hear of Peter, Saddoc interrupted, the fisherman thou foundest eating unclean meat with the Gentiles. Have I not said, Paul answered, that what is eaten and what is drunk finds neither favour nor disfavour in G.o.d's eyes--that it is not by observance we are saved, but by faith in our Lord Jesus Christ that died to redeem us from the law, and was raised from the dead by his Father, and who appeared to the twelve and to five hundred others, some of whom are dead, but many are still alive?

But this Christ, who was he when he lived upon this earth? Manahem inquired. Son of the living G.o.d, Paul answered, that took on the beggarly raiment of human flesh at Nazareth, was baptized by John in Jordan, and preached in Galilee, went up to Jerusalem and was crucified by Pilate between two thieves; the third day he rose from the dead, that our sins---- Didst say he was born in Nazareth? Hazael asked, the word Nazareth having roused him from his reveries, and was baptized by John in Jordan, preached afterwards in Galilee, and suffered under Pilate?

Was crucified, Paul interjected; then you have heard, he said, of the resurrection? Not of the resurrection; but we know that our Brother Jesus was born in Nazareth, was baptized in Jordan by John, preached in Galilee and suffered under Pilate. Pilate condemned many men, Paul answered, a cruel man even among the Romans. But born in Nazareth and was baptized by John didst say? I said it, Hazael answered. Which among you, Paul asked, looking into every face, is he? Jesus is not here, Hazael replied, he is out with the flock. He slept by thy side on this balcony last night. We've listened to thy story with interest, Paul; we give thee thanks for telling it, and by thy leave we will return to our daily duties and to our consciences.

CHAP. x.x.xVII.

One of the Essenes had left some quires of his Scriptures upon the table; Paul picked them up, but, unable to fix his attention, he walked out on to the balcony, and when the murmur of the brook began to exasperate him he returned to the domed gallery and walked through it with some vague intention of following the rubble path that led out on to the mountains, but remembering the Thracian dogs chained under the rocks, he came back and stood by the well, and in its moist atmosphere fell into argument with himself as to the cause of his disquiet, denying to himself that it was related in any way to the story he had heard from the Essenes--that there was one amongst them, a shepherd from Nazareth, who had received baptism from John and suffered under Pilate, the very one whom he had heard talking that morning to Jacob about ewes and rams.

At last he attributed his disquiet to his anxiety for the safety of Timothy.

All the same, he said, it was strange that Pilate should have put one from the cen.o.by on the cross, another Jesus of Nazareth.... It might be that this Essene shepherd and his story were but a trap laid for him by the Jews! But no----

Paul remembered he had written a long epistle to the Galatians reproving them for lack of faith, and now he found himself caught in one of those moments to which all flesh seems p.r.o.ne. But no; the cause of his disquiet was Timothy; Jesus had promised him news of Timothy, else he would not have delayed so long among these clefts. He might start at once; but he would not be able to find the way through these hills without a guide, and he could not leave till he heard from this Essene why Pilate had ordered him to be scourged. What crime was he guilty of?

A follower he was, no doubt, of Judas the Gaulonite, else Pilate would not have ordered him to be crucified. But the reason for his having left the wilderness? There must be one, and he sought the reason through the long afternoon without finding one that seemed plausible for more than a few minutes.

The drone of the brook increased his agitation and the day was well-nigh spent when the doors of the cells opened and the brethren began to appear in their white garments; and when they had found seats about the table Paul related that he was waiting for Jesus to return from the hills.

At last he heard one say: here is Jesus, and at the sound of the familiar name Paul started up to meet him, and speaking the first words that came to his lips he asked him if it were true that he was from Nazareth and had received baptism from John and suffered under Pilate. I was born in Nazareth, but what of that? Why dost thou look into my face so steadfastly? Because this noon, Paul answered, while thou wast with thy flock, I was moved to tell the brethren of Jesus of Nazareth, who died on the cross to redeem us, for I would that all you here should join with us and carry the joyful tidings to Italy and Spain. The doors are open----

Hazael coming from his cell at that moment stayed the words that had risen up in Paul's mind, and he looked at the president as if he expected him to speak, but Hazael sank into his chair and soon after into his own thoughts. So thy name is Jesus and thou'rt from Nazareth?

Paul said, turning to the shepherd, and Jesus answered: I was born in Nazareth and my life has been lived among these hills. Our guest, Saddoc said, interrupting, has told us the story of his life, and he hopes to persuade us to leave this gorge and go with him to Italy and on to Spain. To Spain? Jesus asked. To carry the joyful tidings that the doors of salvation are now open to all, Saddoc answered. He has told us that he was once a great persecutor of Christians. Of Christians? Jesus repeated. And who are they? The Christians are they that believe the Messiah promised to the Jews was raised by G.o.d from the dead, Saddoc replied, and our guest would have us go with him to Spain, for on the road to Damascus he had a vision, and nearly lost his sight in it. And ever since he has been preaching that the doors are open to all. He is the greatest traveller the world has ever known. Christ is a Greek word, Manahem said, for it seemed to him that Saddoc was speaking too much, and that he could give Jesus a better account of Paul's journeyings, his conversions of the Gentiles and the persecutions that followed these conversions: for the Jews, Manahem said, have been on his track always, and his last quarrel with them was yester even by the Jordan, where he was preaching with Timothy. They lost each other in the hills. Of Timothy I have news, Jesus answered. He met a shepherd in the valley who pointed out the way to Caesarea to him, and it may be that he is not far from that city now. Then I will go to Caesarea at once, Paul cried. I have promised to put thee on the direct road, Jesus said, but it is for thee to choose another guide, he added, for Paul's face told him the thoughts that were pa.s.sing in Paul's mind: that he would sooner that any other of the brethren should guide him out of the wilderness. After looking at Paul for some time he said: I've heard from Manahem and Saddoc that thou wast a persecutor of Christians, but without understanding, so hurried was the story. And they tell me, Paul said, that thou'rt from Nazareth and suffered under Pilate. More than that they do not seem to know; but from what they tell me thy story resembles that of our Lord Jesus Christ who was betrayed in a garden and was raised from the dead. At the words, who was betrayed in a garden, a light seemed to break in Jesus' face and he said: some two years of my life are unknown to anybody here, even Hazael does not know them, and last night I was about to tell them to him on the balcony.

You all remember how he was carried out of the lecture-room on to this balcony by Saddoc and Manahem, who left him with me. I had just returned from the mountain, having left my flock with Jacob, our new shepherd, and Hazael, who recovered his senses quickly in the evening air, begged me to tell him of Jacob's knowledge of the flock, and I spoke to him highly of Jacob.... Hazael, have I thy permission to tell the brethren here a.s.sembled the story I began to tell thee last night, but which was interrupted? The old man raised his head and said: Jesus, I hearken, go on with thy story.

Brethren, yester evening I returned from the hills after having left our flock in charge of Jacob. You know, brethren, why I confided the flock to him. After fifty (I am fifty-five) our steps are no longer as alert as they were: an old man cannot sleep in a cavern like a young man nor defend himself against robbers like a young man, and yesternight was the first night I spent under a roof for many a year, and under that roof I am to live henceforth with you here, tending on our president, who needs attention now in his great age. These things were in his mind and in mine while we sat on the balcony last night taking the air. Hazael had spoken his fear that the change from the hills to this dwelling would prove irksome to me at first, and our talk turned upon the life I have led since boyhood. Our president seemed to think that the better life is to live under the sky and the sure way to happiness is in solitude: he had fallen to admiration of my life spent among the hills, and had spoken to me of the long journeys he used to undertake in his youth over Palestine, seeking for young men in whom he foresaw the making of good Essenes; many of you here are his discoveries, myself certainly. We indulged in recollection, and listening to him my thoughts were back in Nazareth, and I waited for him to tell me how one night he met my father, Joseph the carpenter, returning home after his day's work, and seeing in him a native of the district, he addressed himself to him and begged my father to point out the road to Nazareth. My father answered: I am going thither, thou canst not do better than follow me. So the two fared on together, talking of a lodging for the night, my father fearing that no house would be open to a stranger, which was the truth. They knocked at many, but received only threats that the dogs would be turned upon them if they did not hasten away. My father said: never shall it be rumoured in Nazareth that a stranger was turned away and had to sleep in the streets. Thou shalt have my son's bed, and taking Hazael by the hand my father urged him and forced him into our house. Thou shalt sleep in my house, my father said, and shook me out of my sleep, saying, Jesus, thy bed is wanted for a stranger, and to this day I remember standing in my smock before Hazael, my eyes dazed with sleep.

Next day Hazael was teaching me; and it pleasing him to see in me the making of a good Essene, and my father being willing that I should go (a good carpenter he did not see in me), he took me away with him through Samaria into Jerusalem, and we struck across the desert, descending the hills into the plain of Jericho, and crossed the Jordan.

After a year's probationship I was admitted into the order of the Essenes and was given choice of a trade, and it was put forth that I should follow the trade of my father or work amid the fig-trees along our terraces, but my imagination being stirred by the sight of the shepherds among the hills, I said, let me be one. And for fifteen years I led my flock, content to see it prosper under my care, until one day, spying two wolves scratching where I knew there was a cave, an empty one I thought, the hermit having been taken by wolves not long before, I couched my spear and went forward; at sight of me and my dogs the wolves fled, as I expected they would, and the hermit that had come to the cave overnight came out, and after thanking me for driving off the wolves asked me if I could guide him to a spring of pure water. Thou'rt not far from one, I said, for the cave he had come to live in was situated in the valley of the leopard's den, which is but half-a-mile from our brook. I will go thither with thee this evening, but first drink from my water-bottle, I said, for I could see he needed water, and I spoke to him of the number of hermits we had lost lately from wild animals, but he did not heed me, and as soon as he had soothed his parched tongue with my water-bottle he began to tell me that he had come from the sh.o.r.es of the Dead Sea and was about to begin to preach the baptism of repentance for the remission of sins, and that we must not indulge in hope of salvation because we have Abraham for our father.

His words seemed to be true words, and I pondered on them, and along the Jordan everybody was asking whether he was the promised Christ. I walked miles to hear him, leaving my flock in another's charge, or waited for him to return to his cave, and often spent the night watching over him lest a wild beast should break in upon him while he slept. I had known none but my brethren, nor any city, and John had travelled through all Judea, and it was from him I learnt that the world was nearing its end, and that if man did not repent at once G.o.d would raise another race out of the stones by the wayside, so needful was the love of man to G.o.d; and though it had always seemed to me G.o.d was gentler than he seemed to be in John's prophesying, yet his teaching suddenly seemed to be right to me. I got baptism from him in Jordan and went into the wilderness to read the Book of Daniel, in which he said all had been foretold, and, having read, at his advice I bade farewell to the brethren. Manahem, Saddoc, Mathias, Caleb and Eleazar remember my departure; you regretted it and tried to dissuade me, but I answered you, saying that G.o.d had called me to preach in my own country, Galilee, that whosoever has two coats should give one to the poor; for it is the poor that will intercede for us on the last day; and, carrying John's doctrine further, I declared that it were easier for a sword to pa.s.s through an eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven, which may be true, but such judgments should be left to G.o.d, and, carrying it still further, I said it was as hard for a rich man to go to heaven as for cow to calve in a rook's nest.

In my teaching I wandered beyond our doctrines and taught that this world is but a mock, a shame, a disgrace, and that naught was of avail but repentance. John's teaching took possession of me, but I would not have you think here that I am about to lay my sins at John's door, for sin it is for a man to desire that which G.o.d has not given, and I should have remained an Essene shepherd following my flocks in the hills, whereas John did well to come out of his desert and preach that the end of the world was approaching and that men must repent, for G.o.d willed him to preach these things. His teaching was true when he was the teacher, but when I became his disciple his teaching became false; it turned me from my natural self and into such great harshness of mind that in Nazareth when my mother came with my brothers and sisters to the synagogue I said, woman, I have no need of thee, and when Joseph of Arimathea returned to me after a long attendance by his father's bedside (his father had lain in a great sickness for many months; it was through Joseph's care that he had been saved from death, Joseph was a good son), I told him he must learn to hate his father and his mother if he would become worthy to follow me. But my pa.s.sion was so great in those days that I did not see that my teaching was not less than blasphemy against G.o.d, for G.o.d has created the world for us to live in it, and he has put love of parents into our hearts because he wishes us to love our parents, and if he has put into the heart of man love of woman, and into the heart of woman love of man, it is because he wishes both to enjoy that love.

I fear to think of the things I said at that time, but I must speak of them. One man asked me before he left all things to follow me if he might not bury his father first. I answered, leave the dead to bury their dead, and to another who said, my hand is at the plough, may I not drive it to the headland, I answered: leave all things and follow me. My teaching grew more and more violent. It is not peace, I said, that I bring to you, but a sword, and I come as a brand wherewith to set the world in flame. I said, too, that I came to divide the house; to set father against mother, brother against brother, sister against sister. I can see that my remembrance of him who once was wounds the dear brethren with whom I have lived so long; I knew it would be hard for you to hear that an Essene had broken the rules of a holy order, and it is hard for me to stand before you and tell that I, who was instructed by Hazael in all the pious traditions of our race, should have blasphemed against G.o.d's creation and G.o.d's own self. You will thrust me through the door as an unworthy brother, saying, go, live in the wilderness, and I shall not cry out against my expulsion through the hills and valleys, but continue to repent my sins in silence till death leads me into silence that never ends. You are perhaps asking yourselves why I returned here: was it to hide myself from Pilate and the Jews? No, but to repent of the evil seed that I had sown that I returned here; and it was because he wished me to repent that G.o.d took me down from the cross and cured me of my wounds in Joseph's house and sent me here to lead the sheep over the hills, and it was he who put this last confession into my mouth.

It seems to me that in telling this story, brethren, I am doing but the work of G.o.d; no man strays very far from the work that G.o.d has decreed to him. But in the time I am telling I was so exalted by the many miracles which I had performed by the power of G.o.d or the power of a demon, I know not which, that I encouraged my disciples to speak of me as the son of David, though I knew myself to be the son of Joseph the carpenter; and when I rode into Jerusalem and the people strewed palms before me and called out, the son of David, and Joseph said to me, let them not call thee the son of David, I answered in my pride, if they did not call it forth the stones themselves would. In the days I am telling, pride lifted me above myself, and I went about asking who I was, Moses, Elijah, Jeremiah or the Messiah promised to the Jews.

A madman! A madman, or possessed by some evil spirit, Paul cried out, and rising to his feet he rushed out of the cen.o.by, but n.o.body rose to detain him; some of the Essenes raised their heads, and a moment after the interruption was forgotten.

A day pa.s.sed in the great exaltation and hope, and one evening I took bread and broke it, saying that I was the bread of life that came down from heaven and that whosoever ate of it had everlasting life given to him. After saying these words a great disquiet fell upon me, and calling my disciples together I asked them to come to the garden of olives with me. And it was while asking G.o.d's forgiveness for my blasphemies that the emissaries and agents of the priests came and took me prisoner.

At the touch of their hands the belief that I was the Messiah promised to the Jews rose up in my heart again, and when the priests asked me if I were the Christ, the Son of the Blessed, I answered, I am, and ye shall see the son of man sitting on the right hand of G.o.d; and it was not till I was hanging on the cross for upwards of two hours that the belief I had come down from heaven to do our Father's will faded; again much that I had said seemed to me evil and blasphemous, and feeling myself about to die I called out to my Father, who answered my call at once, bringing Joseph of Arimathea to the foot of the cross to ask the centurion for my body for burial. But the centurion could not deliver me unto him without Pilate's order, and both went to Pilate, and he gave me to Joseph for burial.

Nor did our Father allow the swoon to be lifted till Joseph entered the tomb to kiss me for the last time. It was then he opened my eyes and I saw Joseph standing by me, a lantern in his hand, looking at me ... for the last time before closing the tomb.

He lifted me on to his shoulder and carried me up a little twisting path to his house, and an old woman, named Esora, attended to my wounds with balsam, and when they were cured Joseph began to tell me that my stay in his house was dangerous to him and to me, and he vaunted to me in turn Caesarea and Antioch as cities in which I should be safe from the Jews.

But my mind was so weak and shaken that his reasons faded from my mind and I sat smiling at the sunlight like one bereft of sense. Strive as he might, he could not awaken me from the lethargy in which I was sunken, and every day and every week increased his danger and mine; and it was not till the news came that my old comrades had come to live in the Brook Kerith that my mind began to awaken and to move towards a resolution; an outline began to appear, when I said, I have led my sheep over the hills yonder many a time, and tempted me to speak of you till the desire arose in me to see you again. You remember our arrival one morning at daybreak and my eagerness to see the flock.

Brother Amos was glad to see me back again, and in talking of the flock Joseph was almost forgotten, which shows how wandering my mind was at the time.... He left without seeing me, but not without warning Hazael not to question me else my mind might yield to the strain, saying that it hung on a thread, which was true, and I remember how for many a year every cliff's edge tempted me to jump over. Joseph was gone for ever, and the memory of my sins were as tongues of flame that leaped by turns out of the ashes. But the fiercest ashes grow cold in time; we turn them over without fear of flame, and last night I said to Hazael as we sat together, there is a sin in my life that none knows of, it is buried fathoms deep out of all sight of men, and Hazael having said there was little of the world's time in front of him, I felt suddenly I could not conceal from him any longer the sin that Joseph had not dared to tell him--that I had once believed myself to be a precursor of the Messiah like many that came before me, but unlike any other I began to believe myself to be the incarnate word.

A soft, vague sound, the gurgle of the brook, rose out of the stillness, as it flowed down the gorge from cavern to cavern.

After a little while Hazael called to Manahem and bade him relate to Jesus the story Paul had told them, and when Jesus had heard the story he was overtaken with a great pity for Paul. But thinkest that he will believe thee? Hazael asked, lifting his chin out of his beard, and the calm of Jesus' face was troubled by the question and he sank upon a stool close by Hazael's chair. What may we do? he muttered, and the Essenes withdrew, for they guessed that the elders had serious words to speak together.

Thou hast heard my story, Hazael; nothing remains now but to bid farewell to thy old friend. To say farewell, Jesus, Hazael repeated, why should we say farewell? Hazael, the rule of our order forbids me to stay, Jesus answered; those who commit crimes like mine are cast out and left to starve in the desert. But, Jesus, Hazael replied, thou knowest well that none here would put thee beyond the doors. Thy crimes, whatever they may have been, are between thee and G.o.d. It is for thee to repent, and from hill-top to hill-top thou hast prayed for forgiveness, and through all the valleys. All things in the end rest with him. Speak to us not of going. But if G.o.d had forgiven me, Jesus answered, and my blasphemies against him, he would not have sent this man hither. And what dost thou propose to do? Hazael asked, raising his head from his beard and looking Jesus in the face.

To go to Jerusalem, Jesus answered, and to tell the people that I was not raised from the dead by G.o.d to open the doors of heaven to Jews and infidels alike. But who will believe thee to be Jesus that Pilate condemned to the cross? Hazael asked. Twenty years have gone over and they will say: a poor, insane shepherd from the Judean hills. Be this as it may, my repentance will then be complete, Jesus muttered. But thou hast repented, Hazael wailed in his beard. But, Jesus, all religions, except ours, are founded on lies, and there have been thousands, and there will be thousands more. Why trouble thyself about the races that cover the face of the earth or even about thine own race. Let thy thoughts not stray from this group of Essenes whom thou hast known always or from me who found thee in Nazareth and took thee by the hand.

Why think of me? It is enough to remember that all good and all evil (that concern us) proceeds from ourselves. Hast not said to me that G.o.d has implanted a sense of good and evil in our hearts and that it is by this sense that we know him rather than through scrolls and miracles?

Abide by thy own words, Jesus. Be not led away again by an impulse, and go not forth again, for it is by going forth, as thou knowest, that we fall into sin. Wouldst try once more to make others according to thine own image and likeness, to make them see and hear and feel as thou feelest, seest and hearest; but such changes may not be made by any man in another. We may not alter the work of G.o.d, and we are all the works of G.o.d, each shaped out of a design that lay in the back of his mind for all eternity. We cannot reshape others nor ourselves, and why do I tell things thou knowest better than I? The thoughts that I am teaching now are thine own thoughts related to me often on thy return from the hills and collected by me in faithful memory. Hast forgotten, Jesus, having said to me, the world cannot be remoulded, all men may not be saved, only a few, by the grace of G.o.d? I said these things to thee, Hazael, but what did I say but my thoughts, and what are my thoughts? Lighter than the bloom of dandelion floating on the hills. It is not to our own thoughts we must look for guidance but G.o.d's thoughts, which are deep in us and clear in us, but we do not listen and are led away by our reason.

My sin was to have preached John as well as myself. I strayed beyond myself and lost myself in the love of G.o.d, a thing a man may do if he love not his fellows. My sin was not to have loved men enough. But we are as G.o.d made us, and must do the best we can with ourselves.

Jesus waited for Hazael to answer him, but Hazael made no answer, but sat like a stone, his head hanging upon his chest. Why dost thou not answer, Hazael? he said, and Hazael answered: Jesus, my thoughts were away. I was thinking of last night, of our talk together in that balcony--I was thinking, Jesus, how sweet life is in the beginning, and how it grows bitter in the mouth; and the end seems bitter indeed when we think of the gladness that day when we walked through the garlanded streets of our first day together in Nazareth. It was in the springtime of our lives and of the year. How delightful it was for me to find one like thee so eager to understand the life of the Essenes: so eager to join us. Such delight I shall not find again. We spoke last night of our journey from Nazareth to Jerusalem and across the Jordan. Thou wouldst not follow thy father's trade, but would lead flocks from the hills, and becamest in time the best shepherd, it is said, ever known in the hills.

No one ever had an eye for a ram or ewe like thee, and of thy cure for scab all the shepherds are envious. We were proud of our shepherd, but he met John and came to me saying that G.o.d had called him to go forth and convert the world. Since G.o.d has placed thee here, I said, how is it that he should come and call thee away now? And thou wast eager with explanation up and down the terraces till we reached the bridge. We crossed it and followed the path and under the cliffs till we came to the road that leads to Jerusalem. It was there we said farewell. Two years or more pa.s.sed away, and then Joseph brought thee back. A tired, suffering man whose wits were half gone and who recovered them slowly, but who did not recover them while leading his flock. How often have we talked of its increase, and now we shall never talk again of rams and ewes nor of thy meditations in the desert and on the hill-tops and in the cave at night. So much to me were these sweet returnings of thee from the hills that my hope was that the dawn was drawing nigh when thou wouldst return no more to the hills, and yesternight was a happy night when we sat together on the balcony indulging in recollection, thinking that henceforth we should live within sight of each other's faces always. My hope last night was that it would be thou that wouldst close my eyes and lay me in a rock sepulchre out of reach of the hyenas. But my hopes have all vanished now. Thou art about to leave me. The brethren? No, they will not leave me, but even should all remain, if thou be not here I shall be as alone.

But, Hazael, all may be as thou sayest, the Jews will welcome me, Jesus answered. I am no longer the enemy; Paul is the enemy of Judaism and I am become the testimony. Judaism, he says, is the root that bears the branches, and if I go to Jerusalem and tell the Jews that the Nazarene whom Pilate put upon the cross still lives in the flesh, they will rejoice exceedingly, and send agents and emissaries after him wherever he goes. Paul persecuted me and my disciples, and now it would seem that my hand is turned against him. Remain with us, Hazael cried. Forget the world, leave it to itself and fear not; one lie more will make no difference in a world that has lived upon lies from the beginning of time. A counsel that tempts me, for I would begin no persecution against Paul, but the lie has spread and will run all over the world even as a single mustard seed, and the seed is of my sowing; all returns to me; that Paul was able to follow the path is certain testimony that he was sent by G.o.d to me, and that I am called to be about my Father's work. As thou sayest, things repeat themselves. Farewell, Hazael. Farewell, my father in the faith. So there is no detaining thee, my dear son, and, rising from his seat, Hazael put a staff in Jesus' hand and hung a scrip about his neck. If thy business be done perhaps---- But no, let us indulge in no false hopes. Neither will look upon the other's face again. Jesus did not answer, and returning to the balcony Hazael said: I will sit here and watch thee for the last time.

But Jesus did not raise his eyes until he reached the bridge, and then he took the path that led by the cen.o.bies of other days, and walked hastily, for he was too agitated to think. A little in front of him, some hundred yards, a great rock overhung the path, and when he came there he stopped, for it was the last point from which he could have sight of the balcony. As he stood looking back, shading his eyes with his hand, he saw two of the brethren come and touch Hazael on the shoulder. As he did not raise his head to answer, they consulted together, and Jesus hurried away lest some sudden and impetuous emotion should call him back from his errand.

CHAP. x.x.xVIII.

A small black bird with yellow wings, usually met with along the brook flitting from stone to stone, diverted his thoughts from Jerusalem and set him wondering what instinct had brought the bird up from the brook on to a dry hill-top. The bird must have sensed the coming rain, he said, and he came up here to escape the torrent. On looking round the sky for confirmation of the bird's instinct, he saw dark clouds gathering everywhere and in a manner that to his shepherd's eye betokened rain. The bird seems a little impatient with the clouds for not breaking, he continued, and at that moment the bird turned sharply from the rock on which he was about to alight, and Jesus, divining a cause for the change of intention, sought behind the rock for it and found it in a man lying there with foam upon his lips. He seemed to Jesus like one returning to himself out of a great swoon, and helping him to his feet Jesus seated him on a rock. In a little while, Paul said, I shall be able to continue my journey. Thou'rt Jesus whom I left speaking in the cen.o.by. Give me a little water to drink. I forgot to fill the bottle before I left the brook, Jesus answered. There is a little left, but not the fresh water that I would like to give thee, Paul, but water from overnight. It matters not, Paul said, and having drunk a little and bathed his temples, Paul asked Jesus to help him to his feet, but after a few yards he tottered into Jesus' arms and had to rest again, and while resting he said: I rushed out of the cen.o.by, for I felt the swoon was nigh upon me. I am sorry to have interrupted thy discourse, he added, but refrain from repeating any of it, for my brain is too tired to listen to thee. Thou'lt understand the weakness of a sick man and pardon me. Now I'm beginning to remember. I had a promise from thee to lead me out of this desert. Yes, Paul, I promised to guide thee to Caesarea---- But I rushed away, Paul said, and thou hast followed me, knowing well that I should not find my way alone to Caesarea. I should have missed it and perhaps fallen into the hands of the Jews or fallen over the precipice and become food for vultures. Now my strength is coming back to me, but without thee I shall not find my way out of the desert. Fear nothing, Paul, I shall not leave thee till I have seen thee safely on thy way to Caesarea or within sight of that city. Thou hast come to guide me? Paul asked, looking up. Yes, to guide thee, Paul, to accompany thee to Caesarea, if not all the way the greater part of it, Jesus answered. Thou'lt sleep to-morrow at a village about two hours from Caesarea, and there we shall part. But be not afraid. I'll not leave thee till thou'rt safe out of reach of the Jews. But I must be at Caesarea to-morrow, Paul said, or else my mission to Italy and Spain will be delayed, perhaps forfeited. My mission to Spain, dost hear me? Do not speak of thy mission now, Jesus answered, for he was afraid lest a discussion might spring up between him and Paul, and he was glad when Paul asked him how it was he had come upon him in this great wilderness.

He asked Jesus if he had traced his footsteps in the sand, or if an angel had guided him. My eyes are not young enough to follow footsteps in the sand, Jesus replied, and I saw no angel, but a bird turned aside from the rock on which he was about to alight abruptly, and going to seek the cause of it I found thee.... Now if thy strength be coming back we will try to walk a little farther.

I'll lean on thee, and then, just as if Paul felt that Jesus might tell him once again that he was Jesus of Nazareth whom Pilate had condemned to the cross, he began to put questions: was Jesus sure that it was not an angel disguised as a bird that had directed him? Jesus could only answer that as far as he knew the bird was a bird and no more. But birds and angels are alike contained within the will of G.o.d; whereupon Paul invited Jesus to speak of the angels that doubtless alighted among the rocks and conversed with the Essenes without fear of falling into sin, there being no women in the cen.o.by. But in the churches and synagogues it was different, and he had always taught that women must be careful to cover their hair under veils lest angels might be tempted. For the soiled angel, he explained, is unable to return to heaven, and therefore pa.s.ses into the bodies of men and women and becomes a demon, and when the soiled angel can find neither men nor women to descend into they abide in animals, and become arch demons.

Paul, who had seemed to Jesus to have recovered a great part of his strength, spoke with great volubility and vehemence, saying that angels were but the messengers of G.o.d, and to carry on the work of the world G.o.d must have messengers, but angels had no power to carry messages from man back to G.o.d. There was but one Mediator, and he was on the point of saying that this Mediator was Jesus Christ our Lord, but he checked himself, and said instead that the power to perform miracles was not transmitted from G.o.d to man by means of angels. Angels, he continued, were no more than G.o.d's messengers, and he related that when he had shed a mist and darkness over the eyes of Elymas, the sooth-sayer in Cyprus, he had received the power to do so direct from G.o.d; he affirmed too, and in great earnestness, that it was not an angel but G.o.d himself that had prompted him to tell the cripple at Iconium to stand upright on his feet; he had been warned in a vision not to go into Bithynia; and at Troas a man had appeared to him in the night and ordered him to come over to Macedonia, which was his country; he did not know if the man was a real man in the flesh or the spirit of a man who had lived in the flesh: but he was not an angel. Of that Paul was sure and certain; then he related how he had taken ship and sailed to Samothrace, and next day to Neopolis, and the next day to Philippi, and how in the city of Thyatira he had bidden a demon depart out of a certain damsel who brought her master much gain by soothsaying. And for doing this he had been cast into prison. He knew not of angels, and it was an earthquake that caused the prison doors to open and not an angel. Peter had met angels, but he, Paul, had never met one, he knew naught of angels, except the terrible Kosmokratores, the rulers of this world, the planetary spirits of the Chaldeans, and he feared angel worship, and had spoken to the Colossians against it, saying: remember there is always but one Mediator between G.o.d and man, Jesus Christ our Lord, who came to deliver us from those usurping powers and their chief, the Prince of the Powers of the Air. They it was, as he had told the Corinthians, that crucified the Lord of glory. But perhaps even they may be saved, for they knew not what they did.

Jesus was afraid that Paul's vehemence would carry him on into another fit like the one that he had just come out of, and he was glad to meet a shepherd, who pa.s.sed his water-bottle to Paul. Fill thy bottle from mine, the shepherd said to Jesus, and there is half-a-loaf of bread in my wallet which I'd like thee to have to share with thy traveller in the morning, else he will not be able to begin the journey again. Nay, do not fear to take it, he said, my wife'll have prepared supper for me.

Jesus took the bread and bade his mate farewell. There is a cave, Paul, Jesus said, in yonder valley which we can make safe against wolves and panthers. Lean on my arm. Thy head is still a trouble; drink a little more water. See, the shepherd has given me half-a-loaf, which we will share in the morning. Come, the cave is not far: in yon valley. Paul raised his eyes, and they reasoned with vague, pathetic appeal, for at that moment Jesus was the stronger. Since it must be so, I'll try, he said, and he tottered, leaning heavily on Jesus for what seemed to him a long way and then stopped. I can go no farther; thou wouldst do well to leave me to the hyenas. Go thy way. But Jesus continued to encourage him, saying that the cave in which they were to rest was at the end of the valley, and when Paul asked how many yards distant, he did not answer the exact distance, but halved it, so that Paul might be heartened and encouraged, and when the distance mentioned had been traversed and the cave was still far away he bore with Paul's reproaches and answered them with kindly voice: we shall soon be there, another few steps will bring us into it, and it isn't a long valley; only a gutter, Paul answered, the way the rains have worn through the centuries. A strange desert, the strangest we have seen yet, and I have travelled a thousand leagues but never seen one so melancholy. I like better the great desert. I have lived all my life among these hills, Jesus replied, and to my eyes they have lost their melancholy.

All thy life in these deserts, Paul replied eagerly, and his manner softened and became almost winning. Thou'lt forgive, he said, any abruptness there may have been in my speech, I am speaking differently from my wont, but to-morrow I shall be in health and able to follow thee and to listen with interest to thy tales of shepherding among these hills of which thou must know a goodly number. My speech is improving, isn't it? answer me. Jesus answered that he understood Paul very well; and could tell him many stories of flocks, pillaging by robbers and fights between brave Thracian dogs and wolves, and if such stories interested Paul he could relate them. But here is our cave, he said, pointing to a pa.s.sage between the rocks. We must go down on our hands and knees to enter it; and in answer to Paul, who was anxious to know the depth of the cave, Jesus averred that he only knew the cave through having once looked into it. The caves we know best are the vast caves into which the shepherd can gather his flocks, trusting to his dogs to scent the approach of a wild animal and to awaken him. Go first and I'll follow thee, and Jesus crawled till the rocks opened above him and he stood up in what Paul described as a bowel in the mountain; a long cave it was, surely, twisting for miles through the darkness, and especially evil-smelling, Paul said. Because of the bats, Jesus answered, and looking up they saw the vermin hanging among the clefts, a sort of hideous fruit, measuring three feet from wing to wing, Paul muttered, and as large as rats. We shall see them drop from their roosts as the sky darkens and flit away in search of food, Jesus said. Paul asked what food they could find in the desert, and Jesus answered: we are not many miles from Jericho and these winged rats travel a long way. In Brook Kerith they are destructive among our figs; we take many in traps. Our rule forbids us to take life, but we cannot lose all our figs. I've often wondered why we hesitate to light bundles of damp straw in these caves, for that is the way to reduce the mult.i.tudes, which are worse than the locusts, for they are eaten; and Jesus told stories of the locust-eating hermits he had known, omitting, however, all mention of the Baptist, so afraid was he lest he might provoke Paul into disputation. See, he said, that great fellow clinging to that ledge, he is beginning to be conscious of the sun setting, and a moment after the bat flopped away, pa.s.sing close over their heads into the evening air, followed soon after by dozens of male and female and many half-grown bats that were a few months before on the dug, a stinking colony, that the wayfarers were glad to be rid of. But they'll be in and out the whole night, Jesus said, and I know of no other cave within reach where we can sleep safely. Sometimes the wild cats come after them and then there is much squealing. But think no more of them. I will roll up my sheepskin for a pillow for thee, and sleep as well as thou mayest, comrade, for to-morrow's march is a long one.