The Broken Man Part 19

Jim was getting anxious. 'Come on, Liz.' He burst into the room. 'I've just checked on Alice, and she's still fast asleep. Anyway, Maureen knows the ropes by now. We'd better leave now or we'll be even later.'

He gave Buster an absent-minded pat on the head as he left and Buster retreated under the kitchen table.

As they climbed into the car, Liz still had a niggling doubt about their errand today. 'Jim?'

'Yes, love?' Jim was taking extra care as he pulled out onto the road. 'What's up?'

'I can't help feeling just a bit guilty.'

'Why's that?'

'Well, you know, there are so many people out there who can never have babies of their own. We've already got two beautiful children, and now we're about to offer a home to this boy Adam. It does seem a bit greedy, when he might be perfect for any one of those childless people.'

Jim had suspected for some time that Liz was not altogether sure about the fostering. 'Are you saying we should go back, ring Miss Martin and tell her we've changed our minds about having Adam?'

Liz was horrified. 'No! I'm not sayng that. Not at all.'

'Then what are you saying?'

Liz was silent for a moment, searching for the right words. 'I'm just asking, do you think we're being selfish fostering this boy? Won't we be depriving another family, who can never have children of their own?'

Jim was not surprised by the question. He had antic.i.p.ated something like this because of Liz's quiet mood over the past few days.

He took a time before answering. 'So instead of having Adam, you would rather we have another child of our own. Is that what you're thinking?'

'Something like that, yes. And don't tell me you haven't thought of it as well?'

'Yes, I might have given it a pa.s.sing thought, but that's all. Because I don't want us to take the risk of you being pregnant again. I know what could happen what has a seventy per cent chance of happening and I can't take the risk. I thought you agreed.'

'I thought I did as well. But maybe we should have discussed it further, before raising this poor boy's hopes.'

'No! Haven't we already discussed it until we're blue in the face, and it always comes out the same?'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Well, tell me this: would you still want to get pregnant, with such a high chance that our two beautiful children could be left without a mother?'

'It would break my heart to think of leaving them.'

'Yes, and it would break mine too.'

Flicking the indicator, Jim drew the car to the kerb and parked. Then he took hold of Liz's hand to tell her gently, 'Listen to me, sweetheart. I know how hard it is, but I thought we had already faced the situation and come to a joint decision. I love our two girls, and I still have room in my heart for a third child. I honestly don't mind whether it's a boy or a girl, but I don't want a third child if it means losing you.'

He leaned over and kissed her. 'Do you think I don't know just how difficult it is for you? You're a wonderful wife ... a natural mother. But you seem to have forgotten what the doctor said. He sat us both down and he told us that after the dangerous and traumatic time you had through both births, a third one might well be too much of a risk.'

'I know that. But a doctor can be wrong. It has been known.'

'No, Liz! For heaven's sake, listen to yourself! We almost lost both you and Harriet. Your heart actually stopped! You were in hospital for weeks. Even after you were eventually allowed home, it took you as long again to recover. Have you forgotten all of that?'

Liz had not forgotten the awful nightmare, not for a single minute. 'I just thought that maybe, with a third child, they would monitor me more. That's all,' she said quietly.

'Oh, I see.' Jim made a desperate effort to remain calm, although he was deeply angry at what she was saying. 'So, let me get this straight. You would like us to try for another child. And, regardless of what the doctor said, you think you know better. You think that if they monitor you throughout the pregnancy if they keep you in for possibly a third or half of the pregnancy everything will be just fine.'

'But it might be.'

'And the chances are it might not. And what about your two daughters? What if you were kept in hospital in order to "monitor" you? Would you really want them to be without their mother ... possibly for months? I would take your place with the girls ... possibly even lose my job. And every minute of every day I would wonder if you were ever coming home to us again.'

Tearful, knowing that he was right, Liz felt ashamed. 'I'm sorry. It's just that-'

'I know it's difficult, sweetheart. But, let's look at this another way. There's a young boy out there who's been through a nightmare. They say he's lost everything: his home, and his family. He has nothing and no one. They've told us what happened to him, and now they're trying to find him a family, some people who might build his belief in humanity again. Some people who might show him that the world is not the ugly, cruel place he has seen so far.' He grew emotional. 'Oh, Liz! We could give this boy so much. And who knows, maybe he'll do the same for us. But we won't do this unless you're happy about it. As for me, I'm ready to show him kindness and love as a subst.i.tute father. But before we go on, you have to be sure.'

'You're such a good man.' Liz slid over in her seat and kissed him soundly on the face. 'Jim Dexter, you are the kindest, most sensible man I've ever known. And I love you.'

Jim kissed her back. 'Are you nervous?'

'A bit. But I feel more content about the whole thing now.'

'Good. Now hang on. We're late already!'

Rea.s.sured, he pulled back out onto the road and roared away.

After seeing them off, Maureen set about her duties.

First, she ran up the stairs to peep in on Alice, who was still curled up in bed, sleeping soundly.

Tenderly, she took hold of the corner of her blanket and drew it up to her chin. 'That's a good girl,' she whispered. 'You sleep, while I see to the baby.'

Running downstairs, she crossed to the cot, where Harriet was happily sucking her thumb. 'It's not your feed time yet.' Maureen collected her from the cot. 'Ooh! You're a fat little lump and no mistake.'

Going over to the sideboard, she switched on the radio, and tuned it to her favourite music, which immediately filled the room. Soon she was jigging and jiving and thoroughly enjoying herself. Even the baby was smiling.

'Like it, do you?' Maureen jiggled Harriet up and down as they went round the room, and the baby laughed out loud. 'You and me, we're a right couple of swingers, aren't we, eh?'

Maureen was never happier than when she was listening to music and dancing the night away. There were all manner of new groups emerging, and she loved the new, exciting sounds that filled the clubs and pubs.

When the song ended, she placed the baby in her cot, dismayed to see that she'd been sick on her bib. 'Too much for you, was it?' She cleaned her up and set about checking her nappy. 'Good! Nice and clean ... One thing I hate is changing nappies ... ugh!'

'Maureen?' Alice, woken by the music, had made her way downstairs. 'Where's Mum?'

Small-built, Alice was blessed with big brown eyes and thick, straight brown hair. Normally she was as sweet-natured as she was pretty, but for some reason she now appeared to be unsettled.

'Mum and Dad have gone out. Mum said you didn't sleep very well last night. Maybe you might be better off going back to bed ... get some more sleep before Mummy and Daddy come home.'

'I don't want to go back to bed. I want to stay here with you.'

'OK. If that's what you want, that's fine by me.' Maureen could not recall Alice being so irritable.

She brought Alice right into the room. 'I bet you're hungry, aren't you? I'll make you something to eat. I'm sure your mummy's cupboards are full as always, so what do you want?'

'I want my mum.'

'I already told you, she and Daddy have gone out. They'll be back soon, though.'

'Mummy told me about the boy.'

'Oh, did she? Well, there you are then. So, you've no need to worry, have you?'

Maureen had recently overheard her own mother and Liz Dexter discussing the idea of the Dexters' fostering a child. When she later quizzed her mother, she was told never to eavesdrop on other people's conversations, and that she was to forget what she'd overheard. She had effectively put it out of her mind until just now, when Alice mentioned 'the boy'.

Heeding her mother's warning, she changed the subject to take Alice's mind off the idea of 'the boy'. 'I bet you're hungry, aren't you? What if I get you some cereal, or a gla.s.s of orange squash and a slice of toast?'

'I don't want anything to eat!' Running across the room, Alice threw herself on the chair beside the baby's cot, where she sat, very quiet and seemingly tearful.

'What's wrong, Alice?' Concerned, Maureen came and kneeled on the carpet beside her.

'Nothing.' Alice turned away.

Maureen persisted. 'There must be something wrong. You've come downstairs in a funny old mood. Why is that? Has something upset you? Or is it just that you're still tired?'

Alice shook her head, but gave no other reply.

Maureen was not so easily put off. 'So, do you want to talk about it?'

'No.'

'I'm a good listener.'

Alice shook her head a second time.

'OK. No more questions then.'

Maureen started on her way to the kitchen. 'I'm really thirsty, though. I'll make us both orange squash. If you don't want it, I expect I'll be thirsty enough to drink the both of them.'

Busying herself in the kitchen, she made two orange squashes and carried them back into the other room. 'Here we are.'

There was no sign of Alice.

Worried, Maureen put the drinks down; and searched around, but Alice was nowhere to be seen. There was just Harriet in the cot, happily kicking her legs and gurgling.

Maureen ran to the window and looked out. She called her name, but there was no sight or sound of Alice.

She ran into the hallway. 'Alice, are you upstairs?'

No answer.

She ran up the stairs two at a time, and found Alice in her bed.

'Why didn't you answer me?' Maureen tried not to sound harsh. 'You had me really worried. Did you not hear me calling?'

'You told me to go back to bed,' Alice answered casually.

'No, Alice! I didn't actually say you had to go back to bed. I just suggested it, because I thought you might still be tired.'

'I am.'

'All right. I'll leave you for a while. Is there anything you want?'

'No, thank you.'

After settling Alice between the bedclothes, Maureen returned to keep an eye on Harriet. She also drank the two orange squashes waste not, want not then carried the empty gla.s.s and beaker into the kitchen, all the time wondering what was wrong with Alice. Buster was now asleep under the table.

Returning to check on Harriet again, she heard movement from upstairs. Going into the hallway she called out, 'Alice, are you all right?'

'Yes, thank you.'

'You will shout me if you need anything, won't you?'

'Yes.'

'Just try and get some more sleep. I'll let you know as soon as your parents get back. OK?'

'Yes, OK.'

Maureen wandered back to talk to Harriet. 'Hmm! So, Alice knows about the boy, eh?' She tickled the child under the chin. 'You don't know yet, though ... you're too young to know what's going on, anyway.'

She thought about Alice. 'I'm glad her mum told her they might foster a little boy, because it's not fair when your parents keep secrets and you only find out about them after something happens,' she told Harriet.

She wondered how Alice really felt about having a brother. 'I think it would be nice for you and Alice if they fostered a boy, because brothers look after you. And they don't steal your make-up and clothes like my sister Jan does.' She rolled her eyes. 'She is such a nuisance. I have to hide everything from her!'

Glancing into the cot, she noticed that Harriet was now asleep. 'Oh, I see, don't want to talk to me, eh? You've got your belly full and a nice clean nappy on, so now it's snooze-time, is it?'

Smiling, she went and rummaged in the kitchen drawer, looking for magazines. She found just the one. Bursting with fashion items and kinds of make-up, it was just what she needed.

Curling up in the front room with the magazine stretched out on the arm of the chair, she was soon lost in the many, colourful pages.

Upstairs, Alice sat at the window, silently crying. With her nose pressed against the windowpane she looked up and down the street, watching for the car to bring home her parents. 'Why do you need a boy when you've got me and Harriet?' she whispered.

She went back to lie on the bed. She lay there for what seemed an age, her sorry gaze fixed on the precious rag dolly that her daddy won for her at a fair two years ago.

Taking the doll into her embrace, she cuddled and kissed it. 'We don't need a boy, do we? We just need Mummy and Daddy, and me and Harriet.'

For a while, she hugged the doll tight and softly cried, her tears dampening the doll's raggedy face. She then returned to the bed, where she sat thinking. She was angry, and for the first time in her short life, she felt incredibly lonely.

After a time, loneliness became rejection, and her anger turned to rage. Throwing the doll across the room, she got from the bed and ran across to the window again. 'Don't bring him home. We don't want him here,' she muttered angrily.

A moment later, she collected the rag doll from the carpet and hugged it to her chest. 'We're all right, aren't we, Dolly? Just you and me and Harriet.'

Very gently at first, she painstakingly untied the two bows that tied the doll's plaits. That done, she undid the two thick plaits and, one at a time, she calmly and systematically tore out each hair from the scalp, until there was not a hair left on the doll's head.