The Book of the Thousand Nights and a Night Volume XV Part 11

THE GOODWIFE OF CAIRO AND HER FOUR GALLANTS.[FN#354]

It is said that in Misr lived a woman, a model of beauty and loveliness and stature and perfect grace, who had a difficulty with a man which was a Kazi and after this fashion it befel. She was the wife of an Emir[FN#355] and she was wont to visit the Baths once a month; and when the appointed term for her going forth had come, she adorned herself and perfumed herself and beautified herself and hastened, tripping and stumbling,[FN#356]

to the Hammam. Now her path pa.s.sed by the Kazi's court-house where she saw many a man[FN#357] and she stopped to enjoy the spectacle, upon which the judge himself glanced at her with a glance of eyes that bequeathed to him a thousand sighs and he asked her saying, "O woman, hast thou any want?" "No indeed,"

answered she, "I have none." Then he inclined to her and drawing near her said, "O lady mine and O light of these eyne, is union possible between us twain?" She replied, "'Tis possible," and he enquired of her when it could be, and she made an appointment with him saying, "Do thou come to me after supper-time,"--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable! Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Thirty-ninth Night,

Dunyazad said to her. "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night." She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Goodwife said to the Kazi, "Do thou come to me after supper-time," and went her ways and entered the Hammam, where she washed herself and cleaned herself; then, coming out thence, she determined to go home. But she was met on her road by a Gentleman[FN#358] who was Shahbandar of the Trader-guild, and he seeing her set his affections upon her; so he accosted her, saying, "Is't possible that we ever be merry together?" Hereat she appointed him to come when supper was done, after which she left him and ganged her gait. As she neared her home she was met by a Butcher whose heart inclined to her, so he addressed her saying, "Is union possible?" and she appointed him to visit her an hour after supper had been eaten. Then she went home and mounting the stairs took seat in the upper saloon open to the air, where she doffed her head-veil[FN#359] and all that was upon her head. Now in the neighbourhood of her house was a Trader and he had mounted to the terrace-roof for a reason; so when the woman bared her hair and taking up a comb began to dry and prepare it for dressing, his eyes fell upon her whilst so engaged, and his heart was engrossed with her love. Presently he sent to her an old woman; and she returned him a reply and appointed him to visit her house during the night after supper-tide. On this wise she had promised herself to four men.[FN#360] Now the Kazi had got ready for her a Kohl-style and the Gentleman had prepared for her a fine suit of clothes and the Butcher had led for her a full-sized ram and the Trader had set apart for her two pieces of silk. As soon as it was supper-time, behold, the Kazi repaired to her in privacy bringing his gift and knocked at the door which he found unbolted and she cried to him, "Come in." Accordingly he entered to her and presented to her that which was with him, but hardly had he settled himself comfortably in his seat when the Gentleman arrived and also rapped. Quoth the Kazi to the Goodwife, "Who may this be?" and quoth she, ?Fear thou nothing, but arise and doff thy dress;" so he stripped himself altogether and she garbed him in a gaberdine and bonnet[FN#361] and hid him in a closet and went to open the door. Hereupon appeared the Consul and she let him in and accepted what he had brought and seated him beside her. But hardly had he settled down when, behold, there came a knock at the door and he cried, "Who may that be?" Said she, "Fear nothing but up and doff thy dress;" so he arose and stripped himself and she disguised him in a gaberdine and bonnet and hid him in another closet all alone. Then she hastened to the door and suddenly the Flesher-man appeared and she let him in and led him within and having accepted his present seated him; but hardly was he at his case when the door was again knocked, whereat he was overcome and affrighted: however, she said to him, "Fear nothing, but arise and doff thy dress in order that I may hide thee." So he threw off his clothes and she invested him in a gaberdine and a bonnet and thrust him into a third cabinet. After this she went and opened the door when there came to her the Trader who was her neighbour, so she let him in and took what was with him, and seated him; and he was proceeding to sit down in comfort when behold, some one knocked at the door and he said, "Who may that be?" Hereupon she cried, "O my honour! O my calamity! This is my husband who but yesterday[FN#362] killed off four men; however do thou rise up and doff thy dress." He did as she bade him, upon which she garbed him in a gaberdine and a bonnet and laid him in a fourth closet. So these four one and all found themselves in as many cabinets[FN#363] sorely sorrowful and fearful; but she went forth and suddenly her mate the Emir came in and took seat upon a chair that was in the house. Hereat all four sensed that she had opened to her husband and had admitted him; and they said in their minds, "Yesterday he killed four men and now he will kill me." And each and every considered his own affair and determined in his mind what should happen to him from the husband. Such was the case with these four; but as regards the housemaster, when he took seat upon the chair, he fell to chatting with his wife and asking her saying, "What hast thou seen this day during thy walk to the Hammam?" Said she, "O my lord, I have witnessed four adventures and on every one hangeth a wondrous tale!" Now when the four heard the Goodwife speaking these words each of them said to himself, "Indeed I am a dead man and 'tis the intention of this woman to peach upon me." Presently her husband asked her, "What be these four histories?" and answered she, "I saw four men each and every of whom was an antic fellow, a droll, a buffoon; furthermore, O my lord, one and all of them were garbed in gaberdine and bonnet."--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Forty-first Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director,the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the woman said to her husband, "Moreover each of the four was habited in gaberdine and bonnet." But when the amourists heard these words every one of them said to himself, "Here be a judgment this strumpet of a woman hath wrought upon us, the wh.o.r.e! the witch!"

and her husband understanding what she told him asked, "Wherefore didst thou not bring them hither that the sight might solace us?"

"O my lord," answered she, "had I brought them what hadst thou said to them? indeed I fear me thou wouldst have slain them!" And he, "No indeed; I would not have killed them, for they are but buffoon-folk, and we should have enjoyed their harlequinades and would have made them dance to us a wee and all and some tell us tales to gladden our minds; after which we would have suffered them depart and go about their own business." The wife enquired, "And given that they knew neither dancing nor story-telling what hadst thou done with them?" and replied he, "Had the case been as thou sayest and they ignorant of all this, verily we would have killed them and cast them into the chapel of case." The four men hearing such threatening words muttered to themselves, "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great;" but the Kazi said in his mind, "How remain Judge of this city when I shall have been found garbed in gaberdine and bonnet and dancing and tale-telling? and indeed this is the greater death. Allah bring to ruin this adulteress of a woman!" Then the Flesher took thought as follows, "How shall I continue to be Chief of the Butchers when I prance about with a bonnet on my pate? this is indeed a painful penalty!" Then quoth the Gentleman, the Consul, "How shall it be with me when I am seen dancing and donning a bonnet? indeed death by the sword were lighter than this!" Then muttered the Trader which was the woman's neighbour, "'Tis easier to kill myself with my own hand than to endure all such ill." Anon the woman said to her husband, "Inshallah--G.o.d willing--on the morrow we will bring them hither to thy house that we may solace ourselves therewith;" but said he, "Wallahi, hadst thou brought them this night 'twere better, for that to-morrow evening I have business in the house of the Chief Emir." Quoth she to him, "Now grant me immunity and give me permission and I will arise and bring them to thee at this moment, but each must come to thee alone and by himself." Quoth he, "O Woman, leave I do give thee and immunity I do grant thee;"

whereupon she rose without stay or delay and went to the closet wherein was the Judge. Then she opened it and entered, and taking him by the hand dragged him forward and came out with him and set him before her spouse garbed as he was in gaberdine and bonnet.

The house-master scrutinised him and was certified of his being the Kazi and said to him, "Blessed be to thee, O our lord, this bonnet and this gaberdine which become thee pa.s.sing well." But the Judge, as he stood before the presence of the woman's husband, bowed his front downwards and was clothed as with a garment in the sweat of shame and was sore abashed, when the Emir said to him, "O our lord the Kazi, do thou dance for us a wee the baboon dance and rejoice us; after which performance do thou tell us a tale that our b.r.e.a.s.t.s may thereby be broadened." But when the man said this to him, the Judge feared for his life because he had heard and well remembered the words of the householder and he fell to clapping his palms and prancing to right and left.

Hereupon the Emir laughed consumedly, he and his wife, and they signed and signalled each to other deriding the judicial dance, and the Kazi ceased not skipping until he fell to the floor for his fatigue. Hereupon the man said to him, "Basta! Now tell us thy tale that we may rejoice thereat; then do thou rise up and go about thy business." "Hearkening and obedience," said the Judge and forthright he began to relate the adventure of

The Tailor and the Lady and the Captain.[FN#364]

It is related that a Tailor was sitting in his shop facing a tall house tenanted by a Yuzbashi, and this man had a wife who was unique for beauty and loveliness. Now one day of the days as she looked out at the latticed window the Snip espied her and was distraught by her comeliness and seemlihead. So he became engrossed by love of her and remained all day a-gazing at the cas.e.m.e.nt disturbed and perturbed, and as often as she approached the window and peered out therefrom, he would stare at her and say to her, "O my lady and O core of my heart, good morning to thee; and do thou have mercy upon one sore affected by his affection to thee; one whose eyes sleep not by night for thy fair sake." "This pimp be Jinn-mad!" quoth the Captain's wife, "and as often as I look out at the window he dareth bespeak me: haply the folk shall say, ?Indeed she must needs be his mistress.'" But the Tailor persevered in this proceeding for a while of days until the lady was offended thereby and said in her mind, "Wallahi, there is no help but that I devise for him a device which shall make unlawful to him this his staring and casting sheep's eyes at my cas.e.m.e.nt; nay more, I will work for ousting him from his shop." So one day of the days when the Yuzbashi went from home, his wife arose and adorned and beautified herself, and donning the bestest of what dresses and decorations she had, despatched one of her slave-girls to the Tailor instructing her to say to him, "My lady salameth to thee and biddeth thee come and drink coffee with her." The handmaiden went to his shop and delivered the message; and he, when hearing these words,[FN#365] waxed bewildered of wits and rose up quivering in his clothes;--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Forty-third Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the Tailor heard the girl's words, he quivered in his clothes; but indeed he recked not aught of the wiles of womankind. So after padlocking his shop he went with her to the house and walked upstairs, where he was met by the lady with a face like the rondure of the moon and she greeted him right merrily, and taking him by the hand led him to a well-mattressed Divan and bade her slave-girl serve him with coffee, and as he drank it she sat facing him. Presently the twain fell to conversing, she and he; and she soothed him with sweet speech, whilst he went clean out of his mind for the excess of her beauty and loveliness. This lasted until near midday, when she bade serve the dinner-trays, and took seat in front of him, and he began picking up morsels[FN#366] designed for his lips and teeth, but in lieu thereof thrust them into his eye. She laughed at him, but hardly had he swallowed the second mouthful and the third when behold, the door was knocked, whereupon she looked out from the cas.e.m.e.nt and cried, "Oh my honour! this is my husband." Hereat the man's hands and knees began to quake, and he said to her, "Whither shall I wend?" Said she, "Go into this closet," and forthright she thrust him into a cabinet and shot the bolt upon him and taking the key she tare out one of its teeth[FN#367] and put it in her pocket. After this she went down and opened the door to her husband who walked upstairs; and finding the dinner trays bespread, asked her, "What is this?" She answered, "I and my lover have been dining together." "And what may be thy lover?"

"Here he is."[FN#368] "Where may he be?" to which she replied, "He is inside this closet." Now as soon as the Tailor heard her say this say, he piddled in his bag-breeches and befouled himself and he was in a filthy state with skite and p.i.s.s.[FN#369]

Hereupon the Captain asked, "And where's the key?" and she answered, "Here it is with me."[FN#370] "Bring it out," said he, so she pulled it from her pocket and handed it to him. The Captain took the key from his spouse and applying it to the wooden bolt of the cabinet rattled it to and fro[FN#371] but it would not open; so the wife came up to him and cried, "Allah upon thee, O my lord, what wilt thou do with my playmate?" Said he, "I will slay him!" and said she, "No, 'tis my opinion that thou hadst better pinion him and bind him as if crucified to the pillar in the court floor and then smite him with thy sword upon the neck and cut off his head; for I, during my born days, never saw a criminal put to death and now 'tis my desire to sight one done to die." "Sooth is thy speech," quoth he: so he took the key and fitting it into the wooden bolt would have drawn it back, but it could not move because a tooth had been drawn therefrom and the while he was rattling at the bolt his wife said to him, "O my lord,'tis my desire that thou lop off his hands and his feet until he shall become marked by his maims;[FN#372] and after do thou smite his neck." "A sensible speech," cried the husband and during the whole time her mate was striving to pull the bolt she kept saying to him, "Do this and do that with the fellow," and he ceased not saying to her, "'Tis well." All this and the Tailor sat hearkening to their words and melting in his skin; but at last the wife burst out laughing until she fell upon her back and her husband asked her, "Whereat this merriment?" Answered she, "I make mock of thee for that thou art wanting in wits and wis.dom."

Quoth he, "Wherefore?" and quoth she, "O my lord, had I a lover and had he been with me should I have told aught of him to thee?

Nay; I said in my mind, ?Do such and such with the Captain and let's see whether he will believe or disbelieve.' Now when I spake thou didst credit me and it became apparent to me that thou art wanting in wits." Cried he to her, "Allah disappoint thee!

Dost thou make jibe and j.a.pe of me? I also said in my thoughts, ?How can a man be with her and she speak of him in the face of me?'" So he arose and took seat with her, the twain close together, at the dinner-tray and she fell to morselling him and he to morselling her, and they laughed and ate until they had their sufficiency and were filled; then they washed their hands and drank coffee. After this they were cheered and they toyed together and played the two-backed beast until their pleasure was fulfilled and this was about mid-afternoon--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night, and that was

The Seven Hundred and Forty-fifth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Yuzbashi fell to toying with his wife, and thrusting and foining at her cleft,[FN#373] her solution of continuity, and she wriggled to and fro to him, and bucked up and down, after which he tumbled her and both were in gloria.[FN#374] This lasted until near mid-afternoon when he arose and went forth to the Hammam.

But as soon as he left the house she opened the cabinet and brought out the Tailor, saying, "Hast thou seen what awaiteth thee, O pander, O impure? Now by Allah, an thou continue staring at the windows or durst bespeak me with one single word it shall be the death of thee. This time I have set thee free, but a second time I will work to the wasting of thy heart's blood."

Cried he, "I will do so no more; no, never!" Thereupon said she to her slave-girl, "O handmaid, open to him the door;" and she did so, and he fared forth (and he foully bewrayed as to his nether garments) until he had returned to his shop. Now when the Emir heard the tale of the Kazi, he rejoiced thereat and said to him, "Up and gang thy gait!" so the judge went off garbed in his gaberdine and bonnet. Then said the house-master to his wife, "This be one of the four, where's Number Two?" Hereat she arose and opened the closet in which was the Gentleman and led him out by the hand till he stood before her husband, who looked hard at him and was certified of him and recognised him as the Shahbandar; so he said to him, "O Khwajah, when didst thou make thee a droll?"[FN#375] but the other returned to him neither answer nor address and only bowed his brow groundwards. Quoth the house-master to him, "Dance for us a wee and when thou shalt have danced do thou tell us a tale." So he fell perforce to clapping his hands and skipping about until he fell down of fatigue when he said, "O my lord, there is with me a rare story, and an exceeding strange if thou of thy grace accord attention to my words." "Tell on and I will listen to thee," quoth the other, whereupon said the Gentleman, "'Tis concerning the wiles of womankind," and fell to relating the adventures of

The Syrian and the Three Women of Cairo.[FN#376]

There was a man, a Shami, who came to the G.o.d-guarded city of Misr al-Kahirah--Misr of Mars--and with him was a store of money and merchandize and sumptuous clothing. He hired for himself a room in a caravanserai, and having no slave, he was wont to go forth every day and roam about the city-thoroughfares and cater for himself. Now this continued for a while of time till one day of the days, as he was wandering and diverting his mind by looking to the right and to the left, he was met on the way by three women who were leaning and swaying one towards other as they walked on laughing aloud; and each and every of the three surpa.s.sed her fellow in beauty and loveliness. When he looked at them his mustachios curled[FN#377] at the sight and he accosted them and addressed the trio, saying, "May it be that ye will drink coffee in my lodging?" "Indeed we will," said they, "and we will make mirth with thee and exceeding merriment, pa.s.sing even the will of thee." Quoth he, "When shall it be?" and quoth they, "To-night we will come to thy place." He continued, "I am living in a room of Such-and-such a Wakalah."[FN#378] and they rejoined, "Do thou make ready for us supper and we will visit thee after the hour of night-prayers." He cried, "These words are well; " so they left him and went their ways; and he, on the return way home, bought flesh and greens and wine and perfumes; then, having reached his room, he cooked five kinds of meats without including rice and conserves, and made ready whatso for the table was suitable. Now when it was supper-time behold, the women came in to him, all three wearing capotes[FN#379] over their dresses, and when they had entered they threw these cloaks off their shoulders and took their seats as they were moons. Hereupon the Syrian arose and set before them the food-trays and they ate their sufficiency, after which he served to them the table of wine, whereat they filled and pa.s.sed to him and he accepted and swilled until his head whirled round, and as often as he looked at any one of them and considered her in her mould of beauty and loveliness he was perplext and his wits were wildered. They ceased not to be after such fashion until the noon o' night.--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Forty-seventh Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Syrian and the three ladies ceased not to persevere in the drinking of wine until the noon o' night, at which time he would not distinguish between masculine and feminine from the excess of his wine-bibbing, so he said to one of the three, "Allah upon thee, O my lady, what may be the name of thee?" She replied, "I am hight ?Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me?'" Whereat he exclaimed, "No, Wallahi!" Then he up-propped himself on his elbow and rising from the ground said to the second, "Thou, O my lady, and life-blood of my heart, what is thy name?" She answered, "I am hight ?Never-sawest-thou-my-like,'" and he replied, "Inshallah--what Allah willeth--O my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like." Then said he to the third, "And thou, O dearling of my heart, what may be the name of thee?" And said she, "I am hight ?Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me.'" When he heard these words he cried out with a loud outcry and fell to the ground saying, "No, by Allah, O my lady Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me."[FN#380] But when the three women regarded him his reason was upset and they forced upon him more wine-bibbing whilst he cried to them, "Fill for me, ho my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like, and thou too, my lady Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me, and eke thou, O my lady Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me." And they drove him to drink still more until he fell to the ground without a vein swelling[FN#381] for he had become drunken and dead drunk. When they saw him in this condition they doffed his turband and crowned him with a cap, and fringes projecting from the peak,[FN#382] which they had brought with them; then they arose and finding in his room a box full of raiment and ready money, they rifled all that was therein. Presently they donned their dresses and, waiting until the door of the Wakalah was opened after the call to the morning-prayer, they went their ways and the Veiler vouchsafed them protection[FN#383] and they left the Syrian man in his room strown as a tried toper and unknowing what the women had done with him of their wile and guile. Now when it was the undurn-hour he awoke from his c.r.a.pula and opening his eyes, cried, "Ho my lady Never-sawest-thou-my-like! and ho my lady Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me! and ho my lady Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me!" But none returned to him any reply. Then he pulled himself together and glanced carefully around but his sight fell not upon anyone beside him, so he arose and went to the box wherein he found never a single thing. This restored him to his right senses and he recovered from his drink and cried, "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great: this be a judgment they have wrought forme." Then he went forth still wearing the tall fringed cap and knowing nothing of himself and, when he had issued from his caravanserai, he cried to everyone he met in the streets, "I am seeking Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me?" and the men would reply, "No, I never sighted the like of thee;" and to a second he would say, "I am looking for one Never-sawest-thou-aught-like-me;" and the other would answer, "Indeed, I never beheld thy fellow;" then he would ask a third, "Hast thou seen one Look-at-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me?" and the questioned would answer, "Indeed, I have looked at thee but I know thee not at all." And he ceased not wandering about, bonnet on head, and everyone who met him by the way returned to him the like replies until he came upon a party of folk who were in front of a barber's booth.[FN#384] There he cried upon them also, "Ah!

Hast-thou-seen-aught-like-me! and Ah! Never-sawest-thou-my-like!

and Ah! Look-upon-me-and-thou-shalt-know-me!" Hereat, understanding that he was touched in brain and this was a judgment that had been wrought upon him, they seized him and forced him into the barber's shop and bringing a mirror set it in his hands. When he looked therein he found a fool's cap upon his head, so forthwith he tore it off and took thought and said to those present, "Who of you can guide me to those three women?"

They said to him, "O Syrian, march off with thyself to thy own land for that the folk of Egypt can play with the egg and the stone."[FN#385] So he arose without stay and delay; then, taking what provaunt was sufficient for the way and what little of fine raiment had been left to him, he quitted Cairo intending for his own country. Now the Emir hearing this tale of the Shahbandar wondered thereof with extreme wonderment and said to the Gentleman, "An thou have finished do thou fare forth and go about thy business." Accordingly he went from him still garbed in gaberdine and bonnet on head when the house-master asked his wife, "Who of them here remaineth with thee?" And she answered, "Have patience and I will bring thee the third." So she arose and opening another closet summoned the Flesher and taking him by the hand, whilst he was ashamed and abashed, led him till he stood before her spouse and the poor fellow availed not to raise his eyes from the ground. Presently the husband considered him and knew him and was certified that he was Such-and-such the Chief Butcher and head of the craft, so he said to him, "Ho thou the clever one, do thou dance for us a wee and after that tell us a tale." Accordingly he stood up and clapped hands and fell to dancing and prancing till such time as he dropped down for fatigue; after which he said, "O my lord, I have by me a tale anent the craft and cunning of women." Asked the other, "And what may it be?" and the Butcher began to relate the tale of

The Lady with Two Coyntes.

It is told of a woman which was a fornicatress and adulteress and a companion of catastrophes and calamities that she was married to a Kaim-makam[FN#386] who had none of the will of mankind to womankind, at all, at all. Now the wife was possessed of beauty and loveliness and she misliked him for that he had no desire to carnal copulation, and there was in the house a Syce-man who was dying for his love of her. But her husband would never quit his quarters, and albeit her longing was that the horse-keeper might possess her person and that she and he might lie together, this was impossible to her. She abode perplext for some sleight wherewith she might serve her mate, and presently she devised a device and said to him, "O my lord, verily my mother is dead and 'tis my wish to hie me and be present at her burial and receive visits of condolence for her; and, if she have left aught by way of heritage, to take it and then fare back to thee." "Thou mayest go," said he, and said she, "I dread to fare abroad alone and unattended; nor am I able to walk, my parent's house being afar.

Do thou cry out to the Syce that he fetch me hither an a.s.s and accompany me to the house of my mother, wherein I shall lie some three nights after the fashion of folk." Hereupon he called to the horse-keeper and when he came before him, ordered the man to bring an a.s.s,[FN#387] and mount his mistress and hie with her; and the fellow, hearing these words, was hugely delighted. So he did as he was bidden, but instead of going to the house they twain, he and she, repaired to a garden carrying with them a flask of wine and disappeared for the whole day and made merry and took their pleasure[FN#388] until set of sun. Then the man brought up the a.s.s and mounting her thereon went to his own home, where the twain pa.s.sed the entire night sleeping in mutual embrace on each other's bosoms, and took their joyance and enjoyment until it was morning tide. Hereupon he arose and did with her as before, leading her to the garden, and the two, Syce and dame, ceased not to be after this fashion for three days solacing themselves and making merry and tasting of love-liesse.

On the fourth day he said to her, "Do thou return with us to the house of the Kaim-makam," and said she, "No; not till we shall have spent together three days more enjoying ourselves, I and thou, and making merry till such time as I have had my full will of thee and thou thy full will of me; and leave we yon preposterous pimp to lie stretched out, as do the dogs,[FN#389]

enfolding his head between his two legs." So the twain ceased not amusing themselves and taking their joyance and enjoyment until they had ended the six days, and on the seventh they wended their way home. They found the Kaim-makam sitting beside a slave which was an old negress; and quoth he, "You have disappeared for a long while!" and quoth she, "Yes, until we had ended with the visits of condolence for that my mother was known to foyson of the folk. But, O my lord, my parent (Allah have ruth upon her!) hath left and bequeathed to me a somewhat exceeding nice." "What may that be?" asked he, and answered she, "I will not tell thee aught thereof at this time, nor indeed until we remain, I and thou, in privacy of night, when I will describe it unto thee."-- And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Fifty-first Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the woman said to her husband, "My mother hath left and bequeathed to me somewhat, but I will not tell thee thereof till the coming night when we twain shall be alone." "'Tis well," said he; after which he continued to address himself, "Would Heaven I knew what hath been left by the mother of our Harim!"[FN#390] Now when darkness came on and he and she had taken seats together, he asked her, "What may be the legacy thy mother left?" and she answered, "O my lord, my mother hath bequeathed to me her Coynte being loath that it be given to other save myself and therefore I have brought it along with me." Quoth he of his stupidity (for he was like unto a cosset),[FN#391] "Ho thou, solace me with the sight of thy mother's Coynte." Hereupon she arose; and, doffing all she had on her of dress until she was mother-naked, said to him, "O my lord, I have stuck on my mother's Coynte hard by and in continuation of mine own cleft and so the twain of them have remained each adjoining other between my hips." He continued, "Let me see it;"

so she stood up before him and pointing to her parts, said, "This which faceth thee is my coynte whereof thou art owner;" after which she raised her backside and bowing her head groundwards showed the nether end of her slit between the two swelling cheeks of her sit-upon, her scat of honour, crying, "Look thou! this be the Coynte of my mother; but, O my lord, 'tis my wish that we wed it unto some good man and pleasant who is faithful and true and not likely treason to do, for that the Coynte of my mother must abide by me and whoso shall intermarry therewith I also must bow down to him whilst he shall have his will thereof." Quoth the Kaim-makam, "O sensible say! but we must seek and find for ourselves a man who shall be agreeable and trustworthy,"

presently adding, "O woman, we will not give the Coynte of thy mother in marriage to some stranger lest he trouble thee and trouble me also; so let us bestow this boon upon our own Syce."

Replied the wife of her craft and cursedness, "Haply, O my lord, the horsekeeper will befit us not;", yet the while she had set her heart upon him. Rejoined the Kaim-makam her husband, "If so it be that he have shown thee want of respect we will surely relieve him of his lot." But after so speaking he said a second time, "'Tis better that we give the Coynte of thy mother to the Syce;" and she retorted, "Well and good! but do thou oblige him that he keep strait watch upon himself." Hereat the man summoned his servant before him and said to him, "Hear me, O Syce; verily the mother of my wife to her hath bequeathed her Coynte, and 'tis our intent to bestow it upon thee in lawful wedlock; yet beware lest thou draw near that which is our own property." The horsekeeper answered, "No, O my lord, I never will." Now after they arrived at that agreement concerning the matter in question, whenever the wife waxed hot with heat of l.u.s.t she would send for the Syce and take him and repair with him, he and she, to a place of privacy within the Harem, whilst her mate remained sitting thoroughly satisfied, and they would enjoy themselves to the uttermost, after which the twain would come forth together. And the Kaim-makam never ceased saying on such occasions, "Beware, O Syce, lest thou poach upon that which is my property;" and at such times the wife would exclaim, "By Allah, O my lord, he is a true man and a trusty." So they continued for a while[FN#392] in the enjoyment of their luxury and this was equally pleasurable to the husband and wife and the lover. Now when the Emir heard this tale from the Butcher, he began laughing until he fell upon his back and anon he said to him, "Wend thy ways about thine own work;" so the Flesher went forth from him not knowing what he should do in his garb of gaberdine and bonnet. Hereupon the woman arose and going to the fourth closet threw it open and summoned and led the Trader man by the hand and set him before her husband who looked hard at him in his droll's dress and recognised him and was certified of him that he was his neighbour. So he said, "Ho Such-an-one! Thou art our neighbour and never did we suspect that thou wouldst strive to seduce our Harim;[FN#393] nay rather did we expect thee to keep watch and ward over us and fend off from us all evil.[FN#394] Now by Allah, those whom we have dismissed wrought us no foul wrong even as thou wroughtest us in this affair; for thou at all events art our neighbour. Thou deservest in this matter that I slay thee out of hand, but Default cometh not save from the Defaulter; therefore I will do thee no harm at all as did I with thy fellows even save that needs must thou tell us a tale whereby to rejoice us."[FN#395]

Quoth he, "Hearing and obeying," and herewith fell to relating the story of

The Whorish Wife who Vaunted her Virtue.

It is related that once upon a time there was a man which was an astronomer[FN#396] and he had a wife who was singular in beauty and loveliness. Now she was ever and aye boasting and saying to him "O man, there is not amongst womankind my peer in n.o.bility[FN#397] and chast.i.ty;" and as often as she repeated this saying to him he would give credit to her words and cry, "Wallahi, no man hath a wife like unto the lady my wife for high caste and continence!" Now he was ever singing her praises in every a.s.sembly; but one day of the days as he was sitting in a seance of the great, who all were saying their says anent womankind and feminine deeds and misdeeds, the man rose up and exclaimed, "Amongst women there is none like my wife, for that she is pure of blood and behaviour;" hereat one of those present said to him, "Thou liest, O certain person!"--And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Seven Hundred and Fifty-fourth Night,