The Book of Humorous Verse - novelonlinefull.com
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ON HEARING A LADY PRAISE A CERTAIN REV. DOCTOR'S EYES
I cannot praise the Doctor's eyes; I never saw his glance divine; He always shuts them when he prays, And when he preaches he shuts mine.
_George Outram._
EPITAPH INTENDED FOR HIS WIFE
Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she's at rest, and so am I.
_John Dryden._
TO A CAPRICIOUS FRIEND
IMITATED FROM MARTIAL
In all thy humors, whether grave or mellow, Thou 'rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow; Hast so much wit, and mirth, and spleen about thee, There is no living with thee, nor without thee.
_Joseph Addison._
WHICH IS WHICH
"G.o.d bless the King! G.o.d bless the faith's defender!
G.o.d bless--no harm in blessing--the Pretender.
But who pretender is, and who is king, G.o.d bless us all, that's quite another thing."
_John Byrom._
ON A FULL-LENGTH PORTRAIT OF BEAU MARSH PLACED BETWEEN THE BUSTS OF NEWTON AND POPE
"Immortal Newton never spoke More truth than here you'll find; Nor Pope himself e'er penn'd a joke More cruel on mankind.
"The picture placed the busts between, Gives satire all its strength; Wisdom and Wit are little seen-- But Folly at full length."
_Lord Chesterfield._
ON SCOTLAND
"Had Cain been Scot, G.o.d would have changed his doom; Nor forced him wander, but confined him home."
_Cleveland._
MENDAX
See yonder goes old Mendax, telling lies To that good easy man with whom he's walking; How know I that? you ask, with some surprise; Why, don't you see, my friend, the fellow's talking.
_Lessing._
TO A SLOW WALKER AND QUICK EATER
So slowly you walk, and so quickly you eat, You should march with your mouth, and devour with your feet.
_Lessing._
WHAT'S MY THOUGHT LIKE?
_Quest._--Why is a Pump like Viscount Castlereagh?
_Answ._--Because it is a slender thing of wood, That up and down its awkward arm doth sway, And coolly spout, and spout, and spout away, In one weak, washy, everlasting flood!
_Thomas Moore._
