The American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness and Fashion Part 39

"From the time that, at my mother's feet, or on my father's knees, I first learned to lisp verses from the Sacred Writings, they have been my daily study, and vigilant contemplation. If there be anything in my style or thoughts worthy to be commended, the credit is due to my kind parents, in instilling into my early mind a love for the Scriptures."

"How long will it take you," inquired Napoleon, of the young brother-in-law of Junot, "to acquaint yourself with the Coptic language, and be prepared to go to Egypt on a secret service?"

"Three months, sire," replied the energetic Frenchman, with scarcely a perceptible pause for consideration.

"_Bien!_" returned the great Captain, "begin at once." And he moved on in his briefly-interrupted walk, through the _salon_ of the beautiful mother of the youth, saying to the Turkish Amba.s.sador, who accompanied his stroll:--"There is such a son as one might expect from such a mother!"

Three months from that night there left the private cabinet of Napoleon, a stripling, of slight form and yet unsunned brow, charged by him who _knew men by intuition_, with a task of fearful risk and responsibility; and, on the morrow, he was embarked on the blue waters of the Mediterranean, speeding toward a land where, from the heights of the Pyramids, a thousand years would behold his deeds!

"I swear, I'll cut that woman! I'll never call there again, that I am determined!" cried Paul Duncan, impetuously.

"But why, brother? Don't judge too hastily," replied his sister, gently.

"The whole family have always been so kind to us; for my part, I think one seldom meets persons of more polished manners, and"----

"Polished manners!" interrupted the irritable man, rudely, "what do you call _polished manners_? I gave up R---- himself, just because he is so devilish _un_-polished, long ago. He pa.s.sed me, once or twice, in Wall-street, with his head down, and didn't even bow! after that I let him run!"

"He is so engrossed in his philanthropic schemes that, I suppose, he really did not see you," interposed his sister, mildly. "But the ladies are not responsible for his peccadilloes."

"No, they cannot answer for their own, _to me_," retorted the other, with bitterness. "When I went in, last evening, she and her mother were both in the room. The old lady rose, civilly enough, but Mrs. R---- kept her seat, partly behind a table, even when I went to her and shook hands."

"Dear brother," expostulated his companion, "don't you know that Mrs.

R---- is not well? She has not been out in months."

"What the devil, then, does she make her appearance for, if she can't observe the common proprieties of life?"

"I doubt whether you would have seen her, had she not been in the room when you entered. Did she remain during the whole time of your call?"

"Certainly; but the old woman slipped out, when some bustle appeared to be going on in the hall, and never made her appearance again, at all, only sending in a servant, just as I was going away, to say that she 'hoped to be excused, as her father had just arrived.'"

"He is very aged, and she always attends upon him herself, when he is there, even to combing his hair," explained the gentler spirit. "I remember admiring her devotion to the old man, who is very peculiar, and somewhat disagreeable to persons generally, when I was staying there a day or two."

"Well, well; what has that to do with her treatment of me? Couldn't she trust him with the rest of the family for a few minutes? There is a tribe of women always on hand there, besides a retinue of servants."

"If you will permit me to say so, without offense, Charley," returned the lady, with sudden determination of manner, "I fear you did not display your usual _tact_ on the occasion, and that you, perhaps, took offense at circ.u.mstances resulting from the embarra.s.sment of our friends, rather than from any intention to be impolite to you. Ladies are not always equally well, equally self-possessed, equally in company-mood, or company-dress. I don't know what might not befall any of us, were we not judged of, by our friends rather by our general manner to them, than by any little peculiarities, of which we may be ourselves wholly unconscious at the time."

If you are as much impressed as I was, upon first perusing them, with the following sentences from Sir Humphrey Davy's pen, you will require no apology from me, for transcribing them here.

"I envy no quality of mind or intellect in others--not of genius, power, wit, or fancy; but, if I could choose what would be most delightful, and, I believe, most useful, to me, I should prefer _a firm religious belief_, to every other blessing, for it makes life a discipline of goodness, creates new hope, when earthly hopes vanish, and throws over the decay, the destruction, of existence, the most gorgeous of all light; awakens life, even in death, and, from decay, calls up beauty and divinity; makes an instrument of torture and shame the ladder of ascent to Paradise; and, far above all combination of earthly hopes, calls up the most delightful visions--palms and amaranths, the gardens of the blessed, the security of everlasting joys, where the sensualist and the skeptic view only gloom, decay, and annihilation."

With these sublime words, my dear nephews, I bid you, affectionately,

Adieu!

HENRY LUNETTES.

LETTER XII.

CHOICE OF COMPANIONS AND FRIENDS--SELECTION OF A PURSUIT IN LIFE--COURTSHIP--MARRIAGE--HOUSEKEEPING--PECUNIARY MATTERS, ETC.

MY DEAR NEPHEWS:

I think it was Burke who said that those who desire to improve, should always choose, as companions, persons of more knowledge and virtue than themselves. He had, however, the happy faculty of eliciting information from all with whom he came in contact, even as the bee extracts sweetness from the most insignificant and unattractive flower. It is said of him, you are aware, that he never took refuge under a projecting eave for five minutes, to escape a shower, with another man, without either giving or receiving instruction.

His excellent habit in this respect, nevertheless, in no degree invalidated the practical wisdom of the remark I have ascribed to this celebrated statesman. It is not easy to attach too much importance to the _choice of Companions and Friends_, especially during that period of life when we are most susceptible to outward influences.

Much enjoyment is derived from a.s.sociation with those whose tastes, pursuits, and sentiments are similar to our own; but, in making a selection in this respect, it is better to seek the companionship of persons whose influence will have the effect to elevate rather than to depress our own mental and moral standard. Hence, young persons will be most improved by the example of those whose greater maturity of years and acquirement give them the advantage of _experience_.

Byron and others of the morbid school to which he belonged, or rather, perhaps, which he originated, strove to establish as a truth, the libellous charge that humanity is incapable of true, disinterested friendship. Happily for the dignity and healthfulness of the youthful mind, this affected misanthropy, having had its day, is dying the natural death to which error is doomed, and we are again permitted to respect our common nature without wholly renouncing our claims to poetic sensibility!

It seems, to my poor perceptions, that there needs no better test of the capacities of our fellow-creatures, with regard to the n.o.bler sentiments, than _our own self-consciousness_! If we know ourselves capable of lofty aspirations, of self-sacrifice for others' good, of rejoicing in the happiness of our friends, of deep, enduring affection for them, by what arrogant right shall we a.s.sume ourselves superior to the race to which we belong?

As the man who habitually rails at the gentler s.e.x must, necessarily, have been peculiarly unfortunate in his _earliest a.s.sociations_ with woman, so he who professes a disbelief in true friendship, may be presumed, not only to have chosen his a.s.sociates unwisely, but to be himself ill-const.i.tuted and ill-disciplined. If

----"VIRTUE is more than a shade or a sound, And man may her voice, in this being, obey,"

then is friendship one of the purest and highest sources of human enjoyment!

Eschew, then, the debasing, soul-restraining maxims of Byron, Rochefoucauld, and their imitators, and seek in communion with the gifted and the good, elevated enjoyment and inspiring incentives to n.o.ble purposes and manly achievements.

But if the old Spanish proverb, "_Show me your friends and I will tell you what you are_," is applicable to the selection of ordinary a.s.sociates, of how much more significance is it in relation to _confidants_! To require such a friend, pre-supposes the need of _advice_, and only superiority in age and knowledge of the world and of the human heart, can qualify any one for the responsibility thus a.s.sumed. Nothing is more frequently volunteered by the inexperienced than advice, while _they who properly appreciate its importance are the least likely to give it unasked_.

In connection with the subject of confidences and confidants, ponder well the concentrated wisdom contained in this brief sentence: "Be careful _of whom you speak, to whom you speak, and how, and when, and where_."

If from self-consciousness we draw conclusive proofs of the elevated powers of our nature, we also learn, with equal certainty, the need that all have of forbearance, lenity, and forgiveness. They who look for _perfection_ in human companions, will entail upon themselves a life-long solitude of spirit. Some one has prettily said that the fault of a friend is like a flaw in a beautiful china vase; the defect is remediless; let us overlook it, and dwell only upon what will give us pleasure.

It is almost useless to attempt to give you any advice with respect to the choice of an occupation in life. I trust, however, that you need no argument to convince you that respectability and happiness unitedly require, let your pecuniary circ.u.mstances be what they may, that you should have such an incentive to the due exercise of your powers of body and mind.

No consideration is, perhaps, more important than that of _following the natural inclination_ in making this decision, provided outward circ.u.mstances render it possible to do so; and in this country a man may almost always overcome obstacles of this kind, by patient perseverance.

The impression, formerly so prevalent, that none but the three learned professions, as they are called, require a thorough education, as a prelude, is, I must believe, much less generally entertained, than when I was a young man. And this is as it should be. There can be no human employment that is not facilitated by the aid of a cultivated, disciplined intellect, and our young countrymen, who so frequently make some temporary and lucrative occupation the stepping-stone to advancement, should always bear this in mind. One day, America, like Venice of old, will be a land of merchant princes--but none will take rank among these self-elevated patricians but they who add the polish, the refinement and the wealth of intellect, to the power derived from external circ.u.mstances.

The _Physical Sciences_ and the _Inventive_ and _Practical Arts_ are claiming the attention of our times to a degree never before known; and these afford new and sufficient avenues for the exercise of talents tending rather to mechanical than to metaphysical exertion.

Remember, always, that a man may give dignity to any honest employment to which he shall devote his energies--and better so, than to possess no claims to respect except those bestowed by position. As the pursuit of wealth as an end, rather than a means, is not the n.o.blest of human purposes, so mere occupation and external belongings do not determine the real worth of mind or character.

"I am brother to the _Worker_, And I love his manly look, As I love a thought of beauty, Living, star-like, in a book.

I am brother to the humblest, In the world's red-handed strife,-- Those who wield the sword of labor, In the battle ranks of life!