The American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness and Fashion Part 21

HON. EDWARD EVERETT, Secretary of State, for the U. S.

Be careful to remember that it is unsuitable to commence a communication to an _entire stranger_ an official letter, or one of ceremony, in reply to a gentleman acting in the name of a committee, etc., etc., with "Dear Sir." This familiarity is wholly out of place under such circ.u.mstances, and it is matter of surprise that our public men so frequently fall into it, even in addressing public functionaries representing foreign countries here, etc. In this respect, as in many others, their "quality," as that most discerning satirist, _Punch_, has recently said of the style of one of our men in high office--is not "_strained_!" The veterans of Diplomatic or of Congressional life should let us see that practice has refined their style of speaking and writing, rather than remind us that they have come to the _lees_ of intellect!

I have, for several years past, remarked the published letters of one of the distinguished men of the Empire State, as models of graceful rhetoric and good taste. I refer now, not to the political opinions they may have expressed, but to their _literary execution_. They indicate the pen of genius--no matter what the occasion--whether declining to break ground for a ca.n.a.l, to lay the corner-stone of a university, acknowledging a public serenade, or expounding a political dogma, a certain indescribable something always redeems them alike from common-place ideas, and from inelegance of language. See if your newspaper profundity will enable you to "guess" the name of the individual to whom I refer.

_Diplomatic Letters_ require a style peculiar to themselves, in relation to which it would be the height of temerity in me to adventure even a hint. The Public Doc.u.ments of our own country and of England, afford models for those of you who shall have occasion for them, as members of the "Corps Diplomatique."

_Letters of Friendship and Affection_ must, of course, vary in style with the occasions and the correspondents that elicit them. A light, easy, playful style is most appropriate. And one should aim rather at correctness of diction than at anything like an elaborate parade of language.

_Grammatical inaccuracies_ and _vulgarisms_ are _never_ allowable among educated people, whether in speaking or writing; nor is _defective spelling_ excusable.

_Punctuation_ and attention to the general rules of composition should not be overlooked, as thus only can unmistakable intelligibleness be secured.

Avoid all ambitious pen-flourishes, and attempts at ornamental caligraphy, and aim at the acquisition of a legible, neat, gentleman-like hand, and a pure, manly, expressive style, in this most essential of all forms of composition.

The possession of excellence in this accomplishment will enable you to disseminate high social and domestic pleasure. Nothing affords so gratifying a solace to friends, when separated, as the reception of those tokens of remembrance and regard. They only who have wandered far, far away from the ties of country, friends, and home, can fully appreciate the delight afforded by the reception of letters of a satisfactory character. And the welcome a.s.surances of the safety, health, and happiness of the absent and loved, is the best consolation of home-friends.

_Practice_, _patience_, and _tact_, are equally essential to the acquisition of ease and grace in this desirable art. _Wit_, _humor_, and _playfulness_ are its proper embellishments, and _variety_ should characterize its themes. A certain _egotism_, too, is not only pardonable, but absolutely requisite, and may even become delicately complimentary to the recipient of one's confidence.

Let me remind you, too, that--though "offence of _spoken_ words" may be excused by the excitement of pa.s.sing feeling--the deliberate commission of unkind, or, worse still, of unjust, untruthful, injurious language, to paper, argues an obliquity of moral vision little likely to secure the writer either

"What nothing earthly gives, or can destroy, The _soul's calm sunshine_,"

or the respect and regard of others.

Facility in writing familiar letters may be increased by the habit of _mentally_ recording, before inditing them, as opportunity affords material, such incidents of travel, items of personal interest, or gossiping intelligence, etc., as may be thought best suited to the tastes of your correspondents. And it is well, before closing such communications, not only to glance over them to satisfy yourself of their freedom from mistakes, but by that means to recall any omission occasioned by forgetfulness.

Notes of _Invitation_, of _Acceptance_, and _Regret_, require, of course, brevity and simplicity of expression. The _prevailing mode_ of the society you are connected with, is usually the proper guide in relation to these matters of form, for the time being. Thus the mere formula of social life at Washington, Boston, Charleston, Paris, or St.

Petersburg, may be somewhat varied, as _usage_ alone frequently determines these niceties, and all eccentricities and peculiarities in this respect, as in most others, are in bad taste. Cards, or Notes, of Invitation to Dinners and Soirees, are frequently printed, and merely names and dates supplied in writing. The example of the _best society_ (in the most elevated sense of that much-abused phrase) everywhere, sanctions only the most unpretending mode of expression and general style, for such occasions. The utmost beauty and exquisiteness of finish in the mere _material_, but the absence of all pretentious ornament, is thought most unexceptionable.

_Invitations to Dinner_ should be acknowledged at your earliest convenience, and--whether accepted or declined--in courteously ceremonious phraseology. In the instance of invitations[12] to b.a.l.l.s and Evening-Parties, Weddings, etc., haste is not so essential; but a seasonable reply to such civilities should by no means be neglected.

[12] I was somewhat surprised lately, in perusing an agreeable novel, written by one of our countrywomen, to observe her use of the word "_ticket_" as synonymous with _invitation_, or _card of invitation_. A "_ticket_" admits one to a concert, the opera, or theatre but one receives an "_invitation_," or "_card of invitation_" to a dinner, ball, or evening-party, at a friend's house. All misnomers of this kind savor of under-breeding--they are _vulgarisms_, in short, unsanctioned either by taste or fashion.

When you wish to take a friend--who is a stranger to the hostess--with you to an evening entertainment, and are upon sufficiently established terms with her to make it quite proper to do so, acknowledge your invitation at once, and request permission to take your friend--thus affording an opportunity, if it is requisite, for the return of an invitation enclosed to you for your proposed companion. Some form like the following will answer the purpose:

Mr. Thomas Brown has the honor to accept Mrs. Mason's very polite invitation for next Thursday evening.

With Mrs. Mason's permission, Mr. Brown will be accompanied by his friend, Mr. Crawford, of Cincinnati, who is at present temporarily in New York.

CARLTON HOUSE, _Monday morning, December 28th_.

Among intimate friends, it is sometimes most courteous, when _declining an invitation_, in place of a mere formal "regret" to indite a less ceremonious note, briefly explanatory, or apologetic. _Essential good-breeding_ is the best guide in these occasional deviations from ceremonious rules.

Formal notes of invitation, and the like, should not be addressed to several persons inclusively. Of course, a gentleman and his wife are invited in this inclusive way, as are the unmarried sisters of a family, when residing in the same house; but visitors to one's friends, a married lady and her daughters, as well as the younger gentlemen of a family, should, severally, have separate notes, directed to them individually, where ceremony is requisite, though all may, for convenience, be enclosed in the same envelope, with a general direction to the elder lady of the house.

Letters, or notes, commenced in the _third person_, should be continued throughout in the same form. It is obviously incorrect (though of frequent occurrence), to adopt such phraseology as--"Mr. Small presents his compliments to Miss Jones," etc., and to conclude with "Yours respectfully, G. Small." This mode of expression (the third person), is only adapted to brief communications of a formal nature. No _address and signature_ are required when the names of the recipient and of the writer are introduced into the body of the note, as they necessarily are. The place of residence (if written), and the date, are placed at the left hand side of the paper, _below_ the princ.i.p.al contents.

Letters designed to be mailed--such as are written to persons living at a distance from your own place of residence--should have your proper _mail address_ legibly written on the right hand side of your sheet, _above_ the rest of the communication, together with the date.

Notes addressed to persons residing in the same place with yourself, require only the name of the street you reside in, and your number, with the _day of the week_--as "Clinton Place, Thursday P. M.," or, "No. 6 Great Jones St., Monday morning"--which is usually placed below the other portions of the missive. It is usual to write _short notes of ceremony_ so as to have the few lines composing them in _the middle_ of the small sheet used.

Forms of signature and address vary in accordance with the general tenor of letters. When they are of an entirely ceremonious character, or addressed to superiors, usage requires an elaborate address and subscription; but the style of familiar epistles permits throughout every variety of language that good taste and good feeling may invent or sanction. Only let there be a general harmony in your compositions. Do not fall into the inadvertency of the person who addressed a missive full of the most tender expressions of regard to his mistress, and signed it--"Yours respectfully, Clark, Smith & Co."

_Legibility_, _Intelligibility_, and _Accuracy_ are requisite in the _direction_ of all epistolary compositions.

Correct taste demands some attention to the subject of _Writing-Materials_. It is now becoming the practice to use small-sized paper for communications of ceremony and friendship, continuing the contents through several sheets, if necessary, and numbering each in proper succession. It is, also, usual to write ceremonious letters on but one side of a sheet, and to leave a wide margin upon the left hand side, and a narrower one on the opposite edge of the paper.

The finest, smoothest paper should always be used, except for mere business matters; and, though some pa.s.sing fashion may sanction tinted paper, pure white is always unexceptionable. All fancy ornaments, colored designs, etc., etc., are in questionable taste. If ornamental bordering, or initial lettering is adopted, the most chaste and unpretending should be preferred.

Except for _mailing_, envelopes should correspond exactly with the sheet inclosed. Envelopes sent by post should be strong and large-sized.

Sometimes it is well to re-enclose a small envelope, corresponding with the written sheet, in a large, firm cover, and to write the full direction upon that.

Sealing wax should always be used for closing all epistles, except those of an entirely business nature. _Stamps_ and _seals_ may vary with taste. A plain form with an unbroken face, suffices; or initials, a device and motto, one or both; or hereditary heraldic designs may be preferred.

Letters intended to go by mail on the continent of Europe, should be written on a single, large sheet of _thin_ paper, and _not enveloped_.

_It is as ill-bred not to reply to a communication requiring an acknowledgment, or to neglect proper attention to all the several matters of importance to which it relates, as it is not to answer a question directly and personally addressed to you._

_Prompt.i.tude_ is also demanded by good-breeding, in this regard.

Necessity only can excuse the impoliteness of subjecting a friend, or business-correspondent, to inconvenience or anxiety, occasioned by delay in replying to important letters.

Tyros in epistolary composition may derive advantage from noting the peculiar excellences of the published letters of celebrated authors and others; not for the purpose of servile imitation, but as affording useful general models, or guides. Miscellaneous readers may note the genial humor and patient elaborateness characterizing the letters of the "Great Unknown," the felicities of expression sometimes observable in the familiar missives of Byron, and of his friend Tom Moore (when the latter is not writing to his much-put-upon London publisher for table-supplies, etc.!) amuse himself with the gossiping capacity for details exhibited by those of Horace Walpole, and con, with wondering admiration, the epistolary ill.u.s.trations of the well-disciplined, thoroughly-balanced character of the great American model, of whose writings it may always be said--whether an "order," written on a drum-head, or the draught of a doc.u.ment involving the interests of all humanity is the subject--that they are "_well done_."

Among the collections of letters I remember to have read, none now occur to me as offering more variety of style than those included in the "Memoirs of H. More." They are a little old-fashioned now, perhaps; but some of them, both for matter and manner, are, in their way, unsurpa.s.sed in English literature. Some of those of _Sir W. W. Pepys_, I recollect as peculiarly pleasing.

Several of the published letters of Dr. Johnson, and one or two of those of our own Franklin, are to be regarded as among the curiosities of literature, rather than as precedents which circ.u.mstances will ever render available, or desirable. Johnson's celebrated letter to Lord Chesterfield, declining his proffered patronage, for instance--and Franklin's, concluding with the witty sarcasm--

"You are now my enemy, and I am

"Yours, B. FRANKLIN."

At some future time, perhaps, the literary treasures of our country will be enriched by specimens of the correspondence of such of our contemporaries as inspire the highest admiration for their general style of composition. Who could fail to peruse with interest, letters from the pen of Prescott, who never makes even such a physical infirmity as his, a plea for inaccuracy, or carelessness of expression? And who would not hail with delight any draught presented by the bounteous hand of Irving, from,

"The well of English undefiled,"

whence he himself has long quaffed the highest inspiration!

"There they are!" shouted James.

"Here they come!" exclaimed Miss Mary Marston.

"They have made good time, the lazy dogs, for once!" said I.

"Oh, I'm so glad!" echoed the silvery cadences of Nettie Brown, who seemed about to dance to the music of her own merry voice.