The American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness and Fashion Part 1

The American Gentleman's Guide to Politeness and Fashion.

by Henry Lunettes.

LETTER VI.

MANNER--(_Continued._)

RULES TO BE OBSERVED IN MAKING MORNING VISITS, AND IN SOCIETY GENERALLY.

Aversion to Ceremonious Morning Visits--Proper Hours--Suitable Brevity--Character of Conversation--Card of Announcement-- Visits made at Hotels--Precautionary Rules--Mode of entering a Drawing-Room--Drawing-Room Rules--When Meeting other Visitors--When interrupted--When wishing to leave a Message or make an Appointment, etc.--Proper Courtesy when Visitors are taking Leave--Short Visits of mere Ceremony--Attendance upon Ladies making Morning Visits--Attentions Suitable-- Introducing--Ladies to take precedence in rising to go away --Gentlemen calling together--Dress, etc.,--When awaiting Ladies in a Public Parlor--Standing when Ladies are Standing --Offering the Arm--Suitable Gait--Minutia of Politeness-- Morning Wedding-Receptions--Whom you should Congratulate-- General Directions--Tact and Good Taste--Leaving Cards--Visits on New-Year's Day--Ceremonious Intercourse with Superiors-- Manner at Church--Mrs. Chapone's Rule--Self-possession one of the Distinctive Characteristics of Good-Breeding--Whispering, Laughing, Staring, etc., to be avoided--Retaining the Hat not admissible--Salutations at Church--Attending Ladies at Concerts, Lectures, Opera, etc. etc.--Propriety of Retaining the Seat you take on Entering--Incommoding Others--Courtesy due to Those near you--Manner of well-bred Persons in a Picture Gallery, etc.,--Reverence due to the Beautiful and the Good--Partaking of Refreshments in Public Places-- Discourtesy of any Semblance of Intrusiveness--Etiquette in Joining a Party--Politeness not to be laid aside in Business-intercourse--Elaborate ceremony unsuitable, at times--The Secret of Popularity--Manner at a Public Table-- Courtesy to Others--Self-importance a Proof of Vulgarity-- "Fast" Feeding--Pardonable Luxuriousness--Staring--Listening to Private Conversations--Rudeness of Loud Talking and Laughing, Shrugs, Glances, or Whispers--Courtesy due to a Lady entering a Dining-Room--To Older Persons--Meeting or pa.s.sing Ladies in Public Houses--Influence of Trifles in the Formation of Character--Frequent Discourtesy in ignoring the Presence of Ladies in Public Parlors, etc. etc.--Politeness due to Women, in Practical Emergencies--Nocturnal Peccadilloes--Travelling--True Rules--Courtesy to Ladies, to Age, to the Suffering--Indecorum of using Tobacco, etc. etc., in Public Conveyances--Ceremony a Shield, but not an Excuse--A Challenge Extraordinary--Anecdote of P----, the Poet--Practice and Tact essential to secure Polish of Manner--Life-long Stumbling--Practical Rules, the result of Annoying Experience--Carriage Hire--Driving with Ladies, etc.,--Manner in Social Intercourse--As Host--Etiquette of Dinners at Home--Precedence--Distinguished Guests--A Lady--A Gentleman--Reception and Introduction of Guests--True Hospitality as Host, better than mere Ceremony--Manner towards those unacquainted with Conventional Rules--Manner at Routs, at Home--Attention to Guests compatible with good _ton_--Anecdote--Respect to be rendered to all one's Acquaintances in General Society--To Married Ladies--To Strangers--The Distinction thus Exhibited between the Under-bred and the genuine Man of the World--No one ent.i.tled to Self-Excuses in this Regard, 157

ANECDOTES, SKETCHES, ETC.

A PROPHESY.--Table-Talk--A Rescue and a Lady's Grat.i.tude --Jealousy Disarmed--Backwoodsmen--Cordiality--Costume and Courtesy--Retort Courteous--An Interpolation and a Protest --Mr. Clay's Popularity with the Fair--Secret of his Success in Society--Mr. Clay and the _Belle Esprit_--A Definition of Politeness--A Comical Ill.u.s.tration--A Pun--A well-turned Compliment--Unconsciousness of Self--A Stranger's Impressions --A Poetic Tribute, 179

THE DEVOTEE OF THE BEAUTIFUL.--A Morning Drive--Antic.i.p.ation --Spiritual Enjoyment--Discord--A Disappointment, 184

THE SOLDIER'S WIFE AND THE GHOUL.--A Journey--The truly Brave --The Arrival--A Chapter of Accidents--Self-Reproach--The Ghoul--The Calmness of Despair--The Versatility of Woman-- But a Step from the Sublime to the Ridiculous--The Ghoul again--A Defiant Spirit--Punctilious Ceremony, 186

A FAIR CHAMPION.--A Query and its Solution--A Sketch--Raillery --A Tete-a-Tete--An Interruption--"Fashionable" Hospitality-- Genuine Hospitality--A Mother's Advice--An indignant Spirit-- Rebellion, 193

THE MAN OF ONE IDEA.--An Object for Worship--A Soiree--A Polite Colloquy--The Host at Ease--A pleasing Hostess--The Climax, 198

Young America--an Anecdote, 200

THE PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHER.--A handsome Aristocrat--An Accusation--A Courteous Neighbor--Fall of a "Fixed Star"

--Favorite Aphorism of Mrs. Combe--The Daughter of the Siddons, 201

LETTER VII.

HEALTH.

THE TOILET, AS CONNECTED WITH HEALTH.

The True Basis of Health--Temperance an inclusive Term --Foundation of the Eminence of J. Q. Adams--His Life a Model for the Young--His early Habits--Vigorous Old Age-- Example of Franklin in regard to Temperance--Ill.u.s.trations afforded by our National History--The Bath--Varying Opinions and Const.i.tutions--Imprudent use of the Bath--Bishop Heber-- General Directions--The Art of Swimming--Sponging-- Deficiencies of the Toilet in England--Collateral Benefits arising from habitual Sponge-bathing--The Hair--All Fantastic Dressing of the Hair in bad taste--Use of Pomades--Vulgarity of using Strong Perfumes--The Teeth--Use of Tobacco--Smoke Dispellers--The Nails--The Feet--A complete Wardrobe essential to Health--Early Rising--Its manifold Advantages--Example of Washington, Franklin, etc., in this respect--Daniel Webster's Eulogy upon Morning--Retiring early--Truth of a Medical Dogma --Opposition of Fashion and Health--Early Hours essential to the Student--Importance of the early Acquisition of Correct Habits in this Regard--Ill.u.s.tration--A combination of Right Habits essential to Health--Exercise--Walking--Pure Air--The Lungs of a City--Superiority of Morning Air--An Erect Carriage of the Body in Walking--Periodical Exercise--Necessary Caution --The Unwise Student--A Warning--A Knowledge of Dietetics and Physiology requisite to the Preservation of Health--Suitable Works on these Subjects--Riding and Driving the Accomplishments of a Gentleman--A Horse a desirable Possession--Testimony of Dr. Johnson--The Pride of Skill--Needful Caution--Judicious Selection of _Locale_ for these Modes of Exercise--Dr. Beatie's Tribute to Nature--Importance of Temperance in Eating and Drinking, as regards Health--The Cultivation of Simple Tastes in Eating--Proper Preparation of Food Important to Health-- Re-action of the Human Const.i.tution--Effect of Bodily Health upon the Mind--The pernicious Use of Condiments, etc., etc.

--YOUNG AMBITION'S LADDER.--Hours for Meals--Dining Late-- Injurious Effects of Prolonged Abstinence--The Stimulus of Distension--Repletion--Necessity of deliberate and thorough Mastication--Judicious Use of Time in Eating--The Use of Wine, Tobacco, etc.--The truly Free!--Dr. Johnson's Opinion--Novel Argument against the Habits of Smoking and Drinking--Advice of Sir Walter Raleigh to the Young--Then and Now--Council of a "Looker-on" in this Utilitarian Age--Erroneous Impressions --Authority of a celebrated Writer--Social Duties--The unbent Bow--Rational Enjoyment the wisest Obedience to the Natural Laws--A determined Pursuit in Life essential to Happiness and Health--Too entire Devotion to a Single Object of Pursuit, unwise--Arcadian Dreams--Attainable Realities--Truisms--Decay of the Social and Domestic Virtues--Human Sacrifices-- Relaxations and Amus.e.m.e.nts requisite to Health--Superiority of Amus.e.m.e.nts in the Open Air for Students and Sedentary Persons generally--Benefits of Cheerful Companionship-- Objection to Games, etc., that require Mental Exertion-- Converse Rule--Fashionable Watering-places ill adapted to Health--Avocations of the Farmer, Tastes as a Naturalist, Travel, Sporting, etc., recommended--Depraved Public Taste --Slavery to Fashion--Habits of Europeans, in this respect, superior to our own--Modern Degeneracy--Folly thralled by Pride, 203

ILl.u.s.tRATIVE SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES.

TO GIVE ETERNITY TO TIME.--The Senate-Chamber and the Dying Statesman--The Moral Sublime, 225

JONATHAN'S SINS AND A FOREIGNER'S PECCADILLO.--Celebrities --Dinner-table Sallies--Grave Charges--Yankee Rejection of Cold Meats--Self-Preservation the First Law of Nature!-- A Mystery Solved--National Impartiality--Anecdote--Storming a Fort--Successful Defence, by a Lady, of herself!--A Stratagem--The Daughter of a Gun--An Explanation--The Tortures of Outraged Modesty, 226

Dr. Abernethy and his Yankee Patient, 232

COSMOPOLITAN CHIT-CHAT.--A Heterogeneous Party--The Golden Horn--Contemplations in a Turkish Caique--A Discussion-- "Christian Dogs" and the Dogs of Constantinople--An unpleasant Discovery--A Magical Touch--The Song of the Caidjis--A National Example, 232

THE IMPERTURBABLE GUEST.--A Dinner-Table Scene, 238

The Youth and the Philosopher: Lines by Whitehead, 239

LETTER VIII.

LETTER-WRITING.

Importance of this Branch of Education--Its Frequent Neglect --Usual Faults of the Epistolary Style--Applicability of the rule of the Lightning-Tamer--Variety of Styles appropriate to varying Subjects and Occasions--Impossibility of laying down all-inclusive General Rules--Requisites of Letters of Business--Legibility in Caligraphy--Affectation in this respect--Avoidance of Servile Imitation--Advantage of possessing a good Business-hand--Time-saving Importance of Rapidity--Letters of Introduction--Form Suitable for Ordinary Purposes--Specimen of Letters Introducing a Person in Search of a Business Situation, Place of Residence, etc., etc.-- Introduction of Artists, Professional Men, etc.--Presenting a Celebrity by Letter--Proper Attention to t.i.tles, Modes of abbreviating t.i.tles, etc., etc.--Letters of Introduction to be unsealed--Manner of Delivering Letters of Introduction-- Cards, Envelopes, Written Messages, etc., proper on such Occasions--Appointments and due Courtesy, etc.--Form of Letter to a Lady of Fashion--Etiquette in regard to Addresses --Letters Presenting Foreigners--Personal Introductions-- Common Neglect of Etiquette in this respect--Proper Mode of Introducing Young Persons, or those of inferior social position--Of Introducing Men to Women, very Young Ladies, etc.--Voice and Manner on such Occasions--Explanations due to Strangers--Common Social Improprieties--American Peculiarity --Hotel Registers, etc.--Courtesy due to Relations as well as to Strangers--Impropriety of indiscriminate Introductions-- Preliminary Ceremonies among Men--In the Street--At Dinners --Evening-Parties--Receptions--Conventional Rules subject to Changes, dictated by good-sense--Supremacy of the Law of Kindness--Visiting Cards--European Fashion of Cards--Style usual in America--Place of Residence--Phrases for Cards --Business Cards: Ornaments, Devices, Color, Size, Legibility, etc.--Letters of Recommendation--Moral Characteristic--Proper Style of Letters of Condolence-- Form of Letters of Congratulation--Admissibility of Brevity --Letters to Superiors--Ceremonious Form for such Communications--Proper Mode of Addressing Entire Strangers --Common Error in this respect--Punch's Sarcasm--Diplomats and Public Functionaries should be Models in Letter-writing --An Enigma--Diplomatic Letters--Letters of Friendship and Affection--General Requisites of Epistolary Composition-- Letters a Means of conferring and Receiving Pleasure-- Distinctive Characteristic of the Epistolary Style-- Peccadilloes--Aids facilitating the Practice in this Accomplishment--Notes of Invitation, Acceptance, Regret --Observance of Usage--Simplicity the best _ton_ and taste --Etiquette with regard to Invitations to Dinner--Courtesy in Matters of Social Life--Error of an American Author-- Ceremony properly preceding taking an uninvited Friend to a Party--Abstract good-breeding the best Test of Propriety --Proper form of Ceremonious Notes of Invitation--Use of the Third Person in writing Notes--Mailed Letters--Local Addresses, Form of Signature, etc., etc.--Requisites of Letter-Superscription--Writing-Materials--Small Sheets, Margins, etc.--Colored Paper, Fanciful Ornaments, Initials, &c.--Envelopes and Superscription--Wax, Seals, etc.--European Letters--Rule--Prompt.i.tude in Letter-writing--Study of Published Models beneficial to the Young--Scott, Byron, Moore, Horace Walpole, Washington--Sir W. W. Pepys, etc.

--Curiosities of the Epistolary Style--Antic.i.p.ated Pleasure, 241

ILl.u.s.tRATIONS.

THE WARNING--A SKETCH OF NILE-TRAVEL.--A Group and a Dialogue amid the Ruins of Thebes--Mustapha Aga and the Temple of Karnac--The Arrival--The Distribution--Delights, Disappointments, and Despair, 268

Anecdote of the Mighty Wizard of the North, 273

A DRAWING-ROOM COTERIE OF CRITICISM.--The Library and the Intruder--Paternal Authority--Condemnation--Comments and Criticisms--A Compliment--A fair Bevy--Wit and Wisdom-- Sport and Seriousness--A Model Note and a Fair Eulogist-- Paternal Approbation--What American Merchants should be --An Anecdote--Discoveries and Accessions--_Apropos_--Fair Play and a _Ruse_--A Group of Critics--An Invitation--A Rival--An Explanation and an Admission--A Rescue and Retreat --An Old Man's Privilege--Seventeen and Eighty-two--May and December, 273

The First Billet-Doux, 284

LETTER IX.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

Comparative Importance of Accomplishments--Difference between Europeans and Americans in this regard--Self-Education the most Useful--Peculiar Incentives to Self-Culture possessed by Americans--Cultivation of a Taste for the Ideal Arts-- Desirableness of a Knowledge of Drawing--Incidental Benefit resulting from the Practice of this Art--A Taste for Music-- Mistaken Conceptions of the Importance of this Accomplishment --Advantage of learning Dancing--Desirableness of Riding and Driving--Various Athletic Exercises--A ready and graceful Elocution of great Importance--A Source of Social Enjoyment --The Art of Conversation--Use of Slang Phrases--Disadvantages of Occasional Lenity towards the Corruptions of Language-- The only Safe Rule--Common want of Conversational Power-- The Superiority of the French over all other People in this Respect--The Salons of Paris--Pleasures of the _Canaille_-- French Children--Practice essential to Success--The Embellishments of Conversation--Habits of a Celebrated Talker --Anecdote of Sheridan--Some Preparation not Unsuitable before going into Society--Qualities most essential to secure Popularity in General Society--The "Guilt of giving Pain"--Avoidance of Personalities--The Language of Compliment--Two Good Rules--Reprehensibleness of the Habit of indulging in Gossip, Scandal, or Puerile Conversation--The Records of "Heaven's High Chancery"--Importance of Exact Truthfulness in Conversation--The Capacity of adapting Language to Occasions of Importance--Use of Foreign Phrases or Words--Tact and Good-Breeding the Safest Guides in such Matters--Advantage of the Companionship of Cultivated Persons, in Promoting Conversational Skill--Misuse of Strong Language--Conversational Courtesies--Aphorism by Mr.

Madison--Modesty Proper to the Young in this Respect--Bad taste of talking of one's self in Society--The World an Unsuitable Confidant--Quotation from Carlyle--Sympathy with Others--The softer graces of Social Intercourse--Cheerfulness universally Agreeable--A Glee in which Everybody can join --Anecdote--Human Sunbeams--Judicious selection of Conversational Topics--Avoidance of a.s.sumption and Dictatorialness--Proper Regard for the Right of Opinion --Courtesy due to Ladies and Clergymen--Folly of Promulgating Peculiarities of Religious Opinion--Rudeness of manifesting Undue Curiosity respecting the Affairs of Others--Boasting of Friends--Anecdote--Quickness at Repartee, one of the Colloquial Graces--Dean Swift and his "fellow"-- Anecdote of the Elder Adams--A Ready and Graceful Reply to a Compliment not to be Disregarded among the Elegancies of Conversation--The Retort Courteous--Lady Hamilton and Lord Nelson--Specimens of Polite Phraseology--General Conversation with Ladies--Essential Characteristics of Light Conversation--Improprieties and Familiarities-- Disagreeable Peculiarities--A Dismal Character--Anecdote of Cuvier--Tact in Avoiding Personal Allusions--Peculiarity of American Society--Ages of the Loves and Graces--A Young Jonathan and an English Girl--Violation of Confidence-- Sacredness of Private Conversations--Politeness of a Ready Compliance with the Wishes of Others in Society, 286

ILl.u.s.tRATIVE ANECDOTES AND SKETCHES.

SANG FROID AND SANDWICHES.--A Ride with a Duke--The eager young Sportsman--A Rencontre--A Query and a Response--A substantial _Bonne Bouche_, 312

A Frenchman's Relaxation, 314

Polemics and Politeness--Watering-place Society--Omnibus Orations--Sulphur-water and Sacrifices--Religionists, Ladies and License, Reaction and Remorse, 315

An unexpected Declaration--Parisian _furore_--The unknown Patient--Practice and Pathos, 317

The Three Graces--Honor to whom Honor was Due--A Group for a Sculptor--Woman's Wit, 318

Scene in a Drawing-room, 320