The Alchemist Part 11

FACE. Yes, and I'll take her too with all her faults, Now I do think on't better.

SUB. With all my heart, sir; Am I discharged o' the lot?

FACE. As you please.

SUB. Hands.

[THEY TAKE HANDS.]

FACE. Remember now, that upon any change, You never claim her.

SUB. Much good joy, and health to you, sir, Marry a wh.o.r.e! fate, let me wed a witch first.

SUR. Por estas honradas barbas -- SUB. He swears by his beard. Dispatch, and call the brother too.

[EXIT FACE.]

SUR. Tengo duda, senores, que no me hagan alguna traycion.

SUB. How, issue on? yes, praesto, sennor. Please you Enthratha the chambrata, worthy don: Where if you please the fates, in your bathada, You shall be soked, and stroked, and tubb'd and rubb'd, And scrubb'd, and fubb'd, dear don, before you go. You shall in faith, my scurvy baboon don, Be curried, claw'd, and flaw'd, and taw'd, indeed. I will the heartlier go about it now, And make the widow a punk so much the sooner, To be revenged on this impetuous Face: The quickly doing of it is the grace.

[EXEUNT SUB. AND SURLY.]

SCENE 4.2.

ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME.

ENTER FACE, KASTRIL, AND DAME PLIANT.

FACE. Come, lady: I knew the Doctor would not leave, Till he had found the very nick of her fortune.

KAS. To be a countess, say you, a Spanish countess, sir?

DAME P. Why, is that better than an English countess?

FACE. Better! 'Slight, make you that a question, lady?

KAS. Nay, she is a fool, captain, you must pardon her.

FACE. Ask from your courtier, to your inns-of-court-man, To your mere milliner; they will tell you all, Your Spanish gennet is the best horse; your Spanish Stoup is the best garb; your Spanish beard Is the best cut; your Spanish ruffs are the best Wear; your Spanish pavin the best dance; Your Spanish t.i.tillation in a glove The best perfume: and for your Spanish pike, And Spanish blade, let your poor captain speak -- Here comes the doctor.

[ENTER SUBTLE, WITH A PAPER.]

SUB. My most honour'd lady, For so I am now to style you, having found By this my scheme, you are to undergo An honourable fortune, very shortly. What will you say now, if some -- FACE. I have told her all, sir, And her right worshipful brother here, that she shall be A countess; do not delay them, sir; a Spanish countess.

SUB. Still, my scarce-worshipful captain, you can keep No secret! Well, since he has told you, madam, Do you forgive him, and I do.

KAS. She shall do that, sir; I'll look to it, 'tis my charge.

SUB. Well then: nought rests But that she fit her love now to her fortune.

DAME P. Truly I shall never brook a Spaniard.

SUB. No!

DAME P. Never since eighty-eight could I abide them, And that was some three year afore I was born, in truth.

SUB. Come, you must love him, or be miserable, Choose which you will.

FACE. By this good rush, persuade her, She will cry strawberries else within this twelvemonth.

SUB. Nay, shads and mackerel, which is worse.

FACE. Indeed, sir!

KAS. Od's lid, you shall love him, or I'll kick you.

DAME P. Why, I'll do as you will have me, brother.

KAS. Do, Or by this hand I'll maul you.

FACE. Nay, good sir, Be not so fierce.

SUB. No, my enraged child; She will be ruled. What, when she comes to taste The pleasures of a countess! to be courted -- FACE. And kiss'd, and ruffled!

SUB. Ay, behind the hangings.

FACE. And then come forth in pomp!

SUB. And know her state!

FACE. Of keeping all the idolaters of the chamber Barer to her, than at their prayers!

SUB. Is serv'd Upon the knee!

FACE. And has her pages, ushers, Footmen, and coaches -- SUB. Her six mares -- FACE. Nay, eight!

SUB. To hurry her through London, to the Exchange, Bethlem, the china-houses -- FACE. Yes, and have The citizens gape at her, and praise her tires, And my lord's goose-t.u.r.d bands, that ride with her!

KAS. Most brave! By this hand, you are not my suster, If you refuse.

DAME P. I will not refuse, brother.

[ENTER SURLY.]

SUR. Que es esto, senores, que no venga? Esta tardanza me mata!

FACE. It is the count come: The doctor knew he would be here, by his art.

SUB. En gallanta madama, Don! gallantissima!

SUR. Por todos los dioses, la mas acabada hermosura, que he visto en mi vida!

FACE. Is't not a gallant language that they speak?

KAS. An admirable language! Is't not French?

FACE. No, Spanish, sir.

KAS. It goes like law-French, And that, they say, is the courtliest language.

FACE. List, sir.

SUR. El sol ha perdido su lumbre, con el esplandor que trae esta dama! Valgame dios!

FACE. He admires your sister.

KAS. Must not she make curt'sy?

SUB. Ods will, she must go to him, man, and kiss him! It is the Spanish fashion, for the women To make first court.

FACE. 'Tis true he tells you, sir: His art knows all.

SUR. Porque no se acude?

KAS. He speaks to her, I think.

FACE. That he does, sir.

SUR. Por el amor de dios, que es esto que se tarda?

KAS. Nay, see: she will not understand him! gull, Noddy.

DAME P. What say you, brother?

KAS. a.s.s, my suster. Go kuss him, as the cunning man would have you; I'll thrust a pin in your b.u.t.tocks else.

FACE. O no, sir.

SUR. Senora mia, mi persona esta muy indigna de allegar a tanta hermosura.

FACE. Does he not use her bravely?

KAS. Bravely, i'faith!

FACE. Nay, he will use her better.

KAS. Do you think so?

SUR. Senora, si sera servida, entremonos.

[EXIT WITH DAME PLIANT.]

KAS. Where does he carry her?

FACE. Into the garden, sir; Take you no thought: I must interpret for her.

SUB. Give Dol the word. [ASIDE TO FACE, WHO GOES OUT.] -- Come, my fierce child, advance, We'll to our quarrelling lesson again.

KAS. Agreed. I love a Spanish boy with all my heart.

SUB. Nay, and by this means, sir, you shall be brother To a great count.

KAS. Ay, I knew that at first, This match will advance the house of the Kastrils.

SUB. 'Pray G.o.d your sister prove but pliant!

KAS. Why, Her name is so, by her other husband.

SUB. How!

KAS. The widow Pliant. Knew you not that?

SUB. No, faith, sir; Yet, by erection of her figure, I guest it. Come, let's go practise.

KAS. Yes, but do you think, doctor, I e'er shall quarrel well?

SUB. I warrant you.

[EXEUNT.]

SCENE 4.3.

ANOTHER ROOM IN THE SAME.

ENTER DOL IN HER FIT OF RAVING, FOLLOWED BY MAMMON.

DOL. "For after Alexander's death" -- MAM. Good lady -- DOL. "That Perdiccas and Antigonus, were slain, The two that stood, Seleuc', and Ptolomee" -- MAM. Madam -- DOL. "Made up the two legs, and the fourth beast, That was Gog-north, and Egypt-south: which after Was call'd Gog-iron-leg and South-iron-leg" -- MAM. Lady -- DOL. "And then Gog-horned. So was Egypt, too: Then Egypt-clay-leg, and Gog-clay-leg" -- MAM. Sweet madam -- DOL. "And last Gog-dust, and Egypt-dust, which fall In the last link of the fourth chain. And these Be stars in story, which none see, or look at" -- MAM. What shall I do?

DOL. "For," as he says, "except We call the rabbins, and the heathen Greeks" -- MAM. Dear lady -- DOL. "To come from Salem, and from Athens, And teach the people of Great Britain" -- [ENTER FACE, HASTILY, IN HIS SERVANT'S DRESS.]

FACE. What's the matter, sir?

DOL. "To speak the tongue of Eber, and Javan" -- MAM. O, She's in her fit.

DOL. "We shall know nothing" -- FACE. Death, sir, We are undone!

DOL. "Where then a learned linguist Shall see the ancient used communion Of vowels and consonants" -- FACE. My master will hear!