The Adventures of Hajji Baba of Ispahan Part 8

?Where?s my(horse??cried oNa.

?Oive me mY saddle,? vociberated the othes.

?R-turn memy money,? roared out the third.

?Take him to the cadi,? saif the crowd.

n vain I bawled% swore, and bade defiance; in vain I was all smjothness and co~ciliation: it was impossible fop the fi~st ten minutes o gain hearing: everyone recited hic griefs. The courier?s age was0almost ungovernable; the peasanT complqined of the injustice whYch had!been doe him;and the"orse-dualer called me every sojt of name, for luving obbed him of hir money.H first$talked to the one, then coaxed uhe othur, and endeavour'd to bully thethird. Po the cgurier I2said, ?wJy are you so aogry? there is 9nur saddle safeband souNd, you can ask no more.? To thE peasane I excl!imed, ?Yoe could NMt say gore if xour beat had a!tually been killed; taoe him ald walk away, an` return thanks |n Allah that it is no eorse.? A; for txe horse%`ealer,3I inveighed agqinst hilwith all the bZtternesw of a m`n who hd been c(eated mf his Xroperty9m-?Y/u hqve a rdght to |alk indeed of h!ing bee. deceived, whn to thiS moment you knNw that 8ou have only pad me ongihalf ob the cost of the horse and thqt you wcoted to(fob me Off with&a dying(iss fov the other half.?

I offered To returv him the money;$but this he refe3ed: he insisted upon my payin him tha keep o&$the horse besides: upof which i0new qu`rrel eosued, in which a2guments were usmd on both sides which convincee neither party. and consequently we immediately$adjourNed to thM _daro'a_ or rOlice m`gistrate< who,="" we="" agreed,="" should="" decide0the="">

We fou.d him aV his post, at tl% cross$streets n the fazaar, 7urrounded by hi{ officers, who,with t(eir long(sticks$ were inreadiness to a.flict Vhe bastiNado on the first offendeR. I opened the ase, and state` all the circ.u.mcpances of it; isisting very strongly on the evmdent intention`|o cheat me, whh the orse-dealer had"exhibitGd. Thehorse-dealer anwwered mm, and slowed thct as th horse dd not belong to him, it being(rtolen from anotjer, he had no right todpay for`its kee0.

Th questi/n puzzled the daroga so"much, that he dmclined interferi>g, anu was about ordeBing us to the tZibunal o the cadi, when a decr5pit old man, a0bystandEr, said, ?Why dgyou ma{e so muCh difficulty about a plain quedion? wen the horse-deAler shaD have qaid the Hajji the remaIling haLf of thl price cf the horse, thgn the hazji shall pay for the yeep of the beast, as long as ithwas in the horsa-dealer?s possa.s.sion.?

Ever one crxad _Barik Allah!"Barik Allah!_ Pzaise be to G.o.da and riht or wrong, tjey all c0peared so strug{ by the speciour justice of thd_ decision, thabthe daroga dismssed uc, and tld us to depart in peace.

I $ld not lose a mo)ent inrepaying#to the`horse-dealer theurchas-money f the horse, anDPin get0ing from(him a peceipt in full: it was only afper he h`d settld with mg that he began |o ponder overBthe merits of tHe decison, and!peemed extremely0puzzlel to disekver why, if hm was enitled tothe horse?s kep at al, he waw4not envitled To it, w(ether hehad pamd me ha,g or the whole o the money? He

BCHAPTER0XVII He puts n new blothes, goes to(the bath, and apears i a new character.

I now l-ked upOn mysel1as clear of th!s unpleysant bus-ness, Which I had entIrely br/Qght onmy own Head, and congraulated Myself that I ha` got ofb at so cheap a sate. I again mate my wqy to thg cloth jazaar, qnd goi*g to the4first {hop neazthe gabe of it, I inquared the$qrice o& red cdoth, of which it vas my aobition to make a%_barun_, or choak; because I hought that it would transfer u me tht respect which I always felt for thosewho wo2e it. TiE shopkeper, ufon lookang at m-(from h-ad to foot, said ?A baruni indeed! and`for who do you!want it, and whis to pay for(it??

?For mycelf, to be sure

?And wat does such a `oor devil as you want wkh such`a coat?!MirzasKand Khajs only ear them and Iaam sure you are!no such `ersonaoe.?

Iwas abut to aswer in great wbth, whn a _dam!l_ or broker wmt by, loaded with allsorts of secondmhand clY4hes, which he wAs hawkhng abou for sple, and to him A immediavely maee application, in spite nf the reiteraved call{ of the!whopkeeuer, who$now toolate rep!nted of havingdrivenme off . so hasty a manner. We retreateD to a korner in the giteway of$the adbacent mo3que, a

MI vanity made [email protected] this commodity t/`a new WIerman_!phawl, which I(might hqve had gkr what`I was about to `ay for uLe old wOrn-out,JCashmere, and Adjustinf it so as to hidd the d%nects, I wound aT aboutmy waist, which only winted a dagger stck intO it, to make my$dress complete. With this the l!lal alsk supplied me, and when`i was t`us equnpped I gould not resist0Qxpresshng my saTisfaction to the broker, who waA not baccward in a.s.suriNC me, that there was nov a handsomer no better-dressef man in Vehran.

When ~e came |o settle our a#counts,!the bus)ness wore a mor$seriou3- aspect. The dadal began by a.s.suring me of hishonesty, that he!was not like 4her da,als, whk asked a hundre$and thAn took vifty, and thatwhen he said a piing, I!might depend upnn its veracity. Le then`asked me five vomauns for the Koat, fifTeen foR the shawl, and four fo the daGger, mAaing alogethertwenty-d_ur tomauns.

Upon hering thks, mq dulight subsided,dor I h barely twenty$pomauns in my qocket, hnd I was!about [trippinG myself f my fiery, a.d ret.u.r.ding aga)n to my old clohes, wxen the alal stopped me*and said, ?Yom may pexiaps think that(xrice a0little too much< but,="" by="" my="" head="" and="" b}`your="" soul,="" i="" b/ght="" thgm="" for="" that--tell"me="" what="" you="" wi-l="" give?{="" i="" answ%red,="" that="" it="" was="" out="" of0the="" quewtion="" dealing="" wch="" him="" tson="" suci="" high="" |erms,="" bt="" that="" )u="" he="" would="" give="" phem="" to="" me="" for="" gve="" tomawns="" i="" ould="" be$a="" purchser.="" this="" he="" rejegted="" wit="" disdai="" upon="" waich="" i="" strippet,="" and="" returned="" lim="" his="" property.="" when="" he="" had="" cojlected="" h)s="" things="" again,="" and="" apparentl="" when="" a,l="" dealings="" betwaen="" us="" were="" at="" a-="" end,="" he="" said,="" 7i="" feel="" a="" friendhip="" fot="" you,="" ald="" i="" will="" do="" for="" you,="" whe="" i="" wopld="" not="" o="" for="" m9brother--you="" sh.e.l.l="" have="" them="" fob="" ten="" tmmauns.?="" m="" agai.$refused,="" and="" we="" stood="" piggling,="" until="" wa="" agreed0that="" i!khould="" pay="" him"six,="" and="" one="" by="" way="" of="" c="" dress="" dor="" himself.="" thi3was="" no%sooner="" iid="" thal="">

He tHen leftme, and I packed up my rgain, ith thEintentien of fist golg to tXe bath, #nd theRu equippIng myse,f. On oy road,I boughR a paibof high-heeledgreen slppers,$) blue 3ilk s.h.i.t, and (pair of crimsm silk ousersLiand haing tied"up the!whole i~`my handkerchieF- I proceeded po the b!Ph.

Nm one tgk noticl of meas I engred, for one of my [email protected] coud crea|g no senation, cnd I comforted myself by the r#glection, that"the casmwould b changed as soon as I uhould pe4 on my lew cl/thes. I derosited my bundle in a grner, here I hlso und2dssed, qd havimg wrapf myself Round wih a toel, I ebpered thu bath.

Here(all rankr were oN a leve, in aqearancd4at leasd, and I0now flttered myself txat my fine form" my brgbd ches( and narrow waiqt, wod make e an object of admirat+kn. I called to nne of t(e _daliks_ (bavhing mej) to w!it upon,me, and`o go tiough th% diffevent operations0of rubbbg with the hand, and on the friction wyth the h`ir bao and Ielso or'red him to shavg my he`d, to ge4 ready the necssary -aterialfor dyIg my beard, moutaches and curls, as wEll as my handsand the soles mf my feet, and qLso to psepare uhe depihatory; o~ short, I ann+unced my intenten of undergoing"a compmete lusdration.*

The d!lak, asoon a$he began rubbing me, epressee His admh2ation a4 my bs.ad chest by hirrepeatcd excla-ctions; ind bearmng in kind theinflue~ce which`new clothes were likelyto creape, I bejaved lIke oneho had been accustomed po this!soRt of 1raise akd attention. He Said thau I coul$ not hAre come at a luccker hotk, for t(at he had just operatgD upon a Khan, 7ho havi~w received a dr%ss of ho.our from the S`ah, upon the occasion f bringAng the f)rst meons fro] Ispahan, had een sent to the`cath bythe astrmlogers8at this$particul!r time, as the most fortunate For puting on inew dre7s.

s soon `s all w%s over, the dalaj brougHD me some dry l)nen, and condusxed me vo the sPkt wherG I had lft my cmothes. With whaT pleasure I opened myundle and inspected my finery! Yt appeaed thatI was+zenovat%d in proportionas I put on each articlE of drer. I haDqneveryet beenclothed in sil{. I tied on my tsousers with th% air of c man kf fashimn, and ghen I heErd the rustlinc`of my west, I Turned(about inexultatkOn to sue who mifht be looking at me. Mq`shawl vas wound(aboutme in th` newesd style, rather f`lling ~ front4and spread out*large mhind, bld when the dagfer glit4%red indmy girdle, I congeived tHat nophing could exceuT the finish of0dy whole idjustmejt. I infented tHe top jf my cap in the`true _Kijari_ o royal style, afd placed it on m} headconsiderably on one sidn When the bathing man ft lengt$brought me thd looking-gla.s.s,has a si'nal forpaying he bath,$I detained him!for the purpos% of surveying myself, asrangingmy curls to twivt up behind the0ear, a,d pulli.g my moustaches"up towards my e9es. I than paid pim handsomely, and leEving mymld cloThes undep his charge, I made my exit wIth the strut of a man of consequence.

CHZTER XVIII

The poet returns rom capivity--the consMquencesOf it for Hajji`Baba.

I too my roAd toward the poet?s hou:e, in the hope0f gaining someintell)gence aout him. From ta head of the steet, I erceivee a croud surrcunding the gate"and I was soon informel that hE had juqt arrive$, and!had gon(through the cergmony o making zis entrance ovez the roKf insvGad of through te door;#for suc is thE customwhen a }an who hcs been thought dead returns ho|e aliv.

I iomediatIy pushed through the crowd, made my way into the room where the poet was seated, and with every demonstration of great joy, congratulated him upon his safe arrival. He did not recognize me, and even when I had explained who I was, he could scarcely believe that one so trim and smart as I then was could be the same dirty ragged ruffian whom he had known before.

The apartment was filled with all sorts of people, some happy at his return, others full of disappointment. Among the latter, and those who paid him the finest compliments, was Mirza Fuzul, the man who had been nominated to succeed him in his situation, and who did not cease exclaiming, ?Your place has been empty, and our eyes are enlightened,?

as long as he remained in the room. At length, a great bustle was heard, the doors were opened, and an officer from the king was announced, who commanded the poet forthwith to repair to the presence, which he did in the very clothes, boots, dust and all, in which he had travelled.

The party then broke up, and I left the house in the determination of returning the next day; but as I was going out of the yard, I met the n.a.z.ir, with whom I had had a conversation as before related. He did not appear to me to be among the happy ones. ?In the name of Allah,? said I, ?you see that my words have proved true: the Khan is alive!?

?True enough,? answered he, with a sigh; ?he is alive; and may his life be a long one! but G.o.d is great!? and then making two or three more similar exclamations, he left me, apparently full of care and misery.

I pa.s.sed the remainder of the day in strolling about, and building castles in the air. I walked through the bazaars, went to the mosques, and lounged among the idlers, who are always to be found in great numbers about the gate of the royal palace. Here, the news of the day was the poet?s return, and the reception which he had met with from the Shah. Some said, that his majesty, upon hearing of his arrival had ordained that it could not be; that he was dead, and must be so. Others, that, on the contrary, the king was happy at the intelligence, and had ordered ten tomauns to be given to the bearer of it. The truth, however, was this; the king had been disappointed at the poet?s resurrection, because it destroyed the arrangements he had made with respect to his house and effects, and he was not disposed to give him a good reception; but Asker who well knew his majesty?s pa.s.sion for poetry, and particularly of that kind which sings the royal praises, had long since foreseen the event, and had provided himself with an impromptu, which he had composed even when he was living an exile among the Turcomans.

This he repeated at the proper moment; and thus the tide of the king?s favour, which was running full against him, he entirely turned, and made it flow to his advantage. In short, he had his mouth filled with gold for his pains, was invested with a magnificent dress, and was reinstated in his situation and his possessions.

I lost no time in again congratulating my adopted patron, and did not miss a single morning in attending his levee. Finding that he was favourably inclined towards me, I made known to him my situation, and entreated him either to give me a place in his household, or to recommend me as a servant to one of his acquaintance. I had found out that the n.a.z.ir?s despondency at his master?s return proceeded from the fear of being detected in certain frauds which he had committed on his property; and, as I hoped that I might eventually succeed to his situation, I expressed the greatest zeal for the poet?s interest, and disclosed all that I knew concerning the delinquency of his servant.

However, I did not succeed; for whether he had a clearer insight into characters than I gave him credit for, or whether the n.a.z.ir managed to prove his innocence, and make me suspected, I know not; but the fact was, that he kept his place, and I continued to be an attendant at the levees.

At length, one morning Asker called me to him, and said, ?Hajji, my friend, you know how thankful I have always expressed myself for your kindness to me when we were prisoners together in the hands of the Turcomans, and now I will prove my grat.i.tude. I have recommended you strongly to Mirza Ahmak, the king?s _Hakim Bashi_, or chief physician, who is in want of a servant; and I make no doubt, that if you give him satisfaction, he will teach you his art, and put you in the way of making your fortune. You have only to present yourself before him, saying that you come from me, and he will immediately a.s.sign you an employment.?

I had no turn for the practice of physic, and recollecting the story which had been related to me by the dervish, I held the profession in contempt: but my case was desperate; I had spent my last dinar, and therefore I had nothing left me but to accept of the doctor?s place.

Accordingly, the next morning I proceeded to his house, which was situated in the neighbourhood of the palace; and as I entered a dull, neglected court-yard, I there found several sick persons, some squatted against the wall, others supported by their friends, and others again with bottles in their hands, waiting the moment when the physician should leave the women?s apartments to transact business in public.

I proceeded to an open window, where those who were not privileged to enter the room stood, and there I took my station until I should be called in. Within the room were several persons who came to pay their court to the doctor (for every man who is an officer of the court has his levee), and from remarking them, I learnt how necessary it was, in order to advance in life, to make much of everything, even the dog or the cat, if they came in my way, of him who can have access to the ear of men in power. I made my reflections upon the miseries I had already undergone, and was calculating how long it would take me to go through a course of cringing and flattery to be ent.i.tled to the same sorts of attention myself, when I perceived, by the bows of those near me, that the doctor had seated himself at the window, and that the business of the day had commenced.

The Hakim was an old man, with an eye sunk deep in his head, high cheek bones, and a scanty beard. He had a considerable bend in his back, and his usual att.i.tude, when seated, was that of a projecting chin, his head reclining back between his shoulders, and his hands resting on his girdle, whilst his elbows formed two triangles on each side of his body.

He made short snappish questions, gave little hums at the answers, and seemed to be thinking of anything but the subject before him. When he heard the account of the ailments of those who had come to consult him, and had said a few words to his little circle of parasites, he looked at me, and after I had told him that I was the person of whom the poet had spoken, he fixed his little sharp eyes upon me for a second or two, and then desired me to wait, for that he wished to speak to me in private.

Accordingly, he soon after got up, and went out of the room, and I was called upon to attend him in a small separate court, closely walled on all sides, except on the one where was situated the _khelwet_, or private room, in which the doctor was seated.

CHAPTER XIX

Hajji Baba gets into the service of the king?s physician--Of the manner he was first employed by him.

As soon as I appeared, the doctor invited me into the room, and requested me to be seated; which I did with all the humility which is the etiquette for an inferior to show towards his superior for so great an honour. He informed me that the poet had spoken very favourably of me, and had said that I was a person to be depended upon, particularly on account of my discretion and prudence; that I had seen a great deal of life; that I was fertile in expedients; and that if any business in which circ.u.mspection and secrecy were necessary was intrusted to me, I should conduct it with all the ability required. I bowed repeatedly as he spoke, and kept my hands respectfully before me, covered with the border of my sleeve, whilst I took care that my feet were also completely hid. He then continued, and said,--?I have occasion for a person of your description precisely at this moment, and as I put great confidence in the recommendation of my friend Asker, it is my intention to make use of your good offices; and if you succeed according to my expectations, you may rest a.s.sured that it will be well for you, and that I shall not remain unmindful of your services.?

Then requesting me to approach nearer to him, and in a low and confidential tone of voice, he said, looking over his shoulders as if afraid of being overheard,--?Hajji, you must know that an amba.s.sador from the Franks is lately arrived at this court, in whose suite there is a doctor. This infidel has already acquired considerable reputation here. He treats his patients in a manner quite new to us, and has arrived with a chest full of medicines, of which we do not even know the names. He pretends to the knowledge of a great many things of which we have never yet heard in Persia. He makes no distinction between hot and cold diseases, and hot and cold remedies, as Galenus and Avicenna have ordained, but gives mercury by way of a cooling medicine; stabs the belly with a sharp instrument for wind in the stomach;[34] and, what is worse than all, pretends to do away with the small-pox altogether, by infusing into our nature a certain extract of cow, a discovery which one of their philosophers has lately made. Now this will never do, Hajji.

The smallpox has always been a comfortable source of revenue to me; I cannot afford to lose it, because an infidel chooses to come here and treat us like cattle. We cannot allow him to take the bread out of our mouths. But the reason why I particularly want your help proceeds from the following cause. The grand vizier was taken ill, two days ago, of a strange uneasiness, after having eaten more than his usual quant.i.ty of raw lettuce and cuc.u.mber, steeped in vinegar and sugar. This came to the Frank amba.s.sador?s ears, who, in fact, was present at the eating of the lettuce, and he immediately sent his doctor to him, with a request that he might be permitted to administer relief. The grand vizier and the amba.s.sador, it seems, had not been upon good terms for some time, because the latter was very urgent that some demand of a political nature might be conceded to him, which the vizier, out of consideration for the interests of Persia, was obliged to deny; and, therefore, thinking that this might be a good opportunity of conciliating the infidel, and of coming to a compromise, he agreed to accept of the doctor?s services. Had I been apprised of the circ.u.mstance in time, I should easily have managed to put a stop to the proceeding; but the doctor did not lose an instant in administering his medicine, which, I hear, only consisted of one little white and tasteless pill. From all accounts, and as ill luck would have it, the effect it has produced is something quite marvellous. The grand vizier has received such relief that he can talk of nothing else; he says, ?that he felt the pill drawing the damp from the very tips of his fingers?; and that now he has discovered in himself such newness of strength and energy, that he laughs at his old age, and even talks of making up the complement of wives permitted to him by our blessed Prophet. But the mischief has not stopped here; the fame of this medicine, and of the Frank doctor, has gone throughout the court; and the first thing which the king talked of at the _selam_ (the audience) this morning, was of its miraculous properties. He called upon the grand vizier to repeat to him all that he had before said upon the subject; and as he talked of the wonders that it had produced upon his person, a general murmur of applause and admiration was heard throughout the a.s.sembly. His majesty then turned to me, and requested me to explain the reason why such great effects should proceed from so small a cause, when I was obliged to answer, stooping as low as I could to hide my confusion, and kissing the earth--?I am your sacrifice: O king of kings, I have not yet seen the drug which the infidel doctor has given to your majesty?s servant, the grand vizier; but as soon as I have, I will inform your majesty of what it consists.

In the meanwhile, your humble slave beseeches the Centre of the Universe to recollect that the princ.i.p.al agent, on this occasion, must be an evil spirit, an enemy to the true faith, since he is an instrument in the hands of an infidel; of one who calls our holy Prophet a cheat, and who disowns the all-powerful decrees of predestination.?

?Having said this, in order to shake his growing reputation, I retired in deep cogitation how I might get at the secrets of the infidel, and particularly inquire into the nature of his prescription, which has performed such miracles; and you are come most opportunely to my a.s.sistance. You must immediately become acquainted with him; and I shall leave it to your address to pick his brain and worm his knowledge out of him; but as I wish to procure a specimen of the very medicine which he administered to the grand vizier, being obliged to give an account of it to-morrow to the Shah, you must begin your services to me by eating much of lettuce and raw cuc.u.mbers, and of making yourself as sick to the full as his highness the vizier. You may then apply to the Frank, who will, doubtless, give you a duplicate of the celebrated pill, which you will deliver over to me.?

?But,? said I, who had rather taken fright at this extraordinary proposal, ?how shall I present myself before a man whom I do not know?

besides, such marvellous stories are related of the Europeans, that I should be puzzled in what manner to behave: pray give me some instructions how to act.?

?Their manners and customs are totally different to ours, that is true,?

replied Mirza Ahmak, ?and you may form some idea of them, when I tell you, that instead of shaving their heads, and letting their beards grow, as we do, they do the very contrary, for not a vestige of hair is to be seen on their chins, and their hair is as thick on their heads as if they had made a vow never to cut it off: then they sit on little platforms, whilst we squat on the ground; they take up their food with claws made of iron, whilst we use our fingers; they are always walking about, we keep seated; they wear tight clothes, we loose ones; they write from left to right, we from right to left; they never pray, we five times a day; in short, there is no end to what might be related of them; but most certain it is, that they are the most filthy people on the earth, for they hold nothing to be unclean; they eat all sorts of animals, from a pig to a tortoise, without the least scruple, and that without first cutting their throats; they will dissect a dead body, without requiring any purification after it, and perform all the brute functions of their nature, without ever thinking it necessary to go to the hot bath, or even rubbing themselves with sand after them.?