The Adventures of Hajji Baba of Ispahan Part 7

I was visited by several women, for whom I wrote talismans, and they repaid me by small presents of fruit, milk, honey, and other trifles.

My back became so painful, that I was obliged to inquire if no one at Semnan could afford me relief. The barber and the farrier were the only two supposed to possess any medical talents; the one skilled in bleeding, drawing teeth, and setting a limb; the other, from his knowledge in the diseases of horses, being often consulted in human ailments. There was also a _gis sefid_, or grey wig, an old woman of a hag-like and decrepit appearance, who was looked up to as an oracle in all cases where the knowledge of the barber and farrier was of no avail, and who had besides a great many nostrums and recipes for all sorts of aches. Each came to me in succession: all were agreed that my disorder proceeded from cold; and as fire was the hottest thing in opposition to cold that they knew of, they as unanimously agreed that the actual cautery should immediately be applied to the part; and the farrier, on account of his dealings in hot and cold iron, was appointed operator. He accordingly brought a pan of charcoal, a pair of bellows, and some small skewers; and seating himself in a corner, made his fire, and heated his skewers: when they were red hot, I was placed on the ground flat on my face, and then, with great solemnity, my back was seared with the burning iron, whilst all the bystanders, at every touch, exclaimed, with great earnestness, ?_Khoda shefa midehed_,? G.o.d gives relief. My medical attendants, in their united wisdom, out of compliment to the prophet and the twelve Imams, marked me in thirteen different places; and although, when I had endured half the operation, I began to cry out most l.u.s.tily with the pain, still I was not let off until the whole was gone through.

It was long before the wounds which they had inflicted were cured; and as they never would heal unless I was kept in perfect quiet, I confined myself to my cell for a considerable time; at the end of which, my sprain had entirely taken its leave, and strength was restored to my whole frame. Of course, my recovery was attributed to the thirteen worthies, who had presided over the operation, and all the town became more than ever persuaded of the efficacy of hot iron; but I could not but think that long repose had been my best doctor--an opinion which I took care to keep to myself; for I had no objection that the world should believe that I was a protege of so many holy personages.

I now determined to pursue my journey to Tehran; but before I ventured to produce myself as a dervish upon that stage, I resolved to try my talent in relating a story before a Semnan audience. Accordingly, I went to a small open s.p.a.ce, that is situated near the entrance of the bazaars, where most of the idlers of the town flock about noon; and making the sort of exclamations usual upon such occasions, I soon collected a crowd, who settled themselves on the ground, round the place which I had fixed upon for my theatre. A short story, touching a barber at Bagdad (which I had heard when I was myself in that profession), luckily came into my memory; and, standing in the middle of a circle of louts with uplifted eyes and open mouths, I made my debut in the following words:--

?In the reign of the Caliph Haroun al-Rashid, of happy memory, lived in the city of Bagdad a celebrated barber, of the name of Ali Sakal. He was so famous for a steady hand, and dexterity in his profession, that he could shave a head, and trim a beard and whiskers, with his eyes blindfolded, without once drawing blood. There was not a man of any fashion at Bagdad who did not employ him; and such a run of business had he, that at length he became proud and insolent, and would scarcely ever touch a head, whose master was not at least a _Beg_ or an _Aga_. Wood for fuel was always scarce and dear at Bagdad; and as his shop consumed a great deal, the wood-cutters brought their loads to him in preference, almost sure of meeting with a ready sale. It happened one day, that a poor wood-cutter, new in his profession, and ignorant of the character of Ali Sakal, went to his shop, and offered him for sale a load of wood which he had just brought from a considerable distance in the country, on his a.s.s: Ali immediately offered him a price, making use of these words, ?_for all the wood that was upon the a.s.s.?_ The woodcutter agreed, unloaded his beast, and asked for the money. ?You have not given me all the wood yet,? said the barber; ?I must have the pack-saddle (which is chiefly made of wood) into the bargain; that was our agreement.? ?How!? said the other, in great amazement--?who ever heard of such a bargain?--it is impossible.? In short, after many words and much altercation, the overbearing barber seized the pack-saddle, wood and all, and sent away the poor peasant in great distress. He immediately ran to the cadi, and stated his griefs: the cadi was one of the barber?s customers, and refused to hear the case. The wood-cutter applied to a higher judge: he also patronized Ali Sakal, and made light of the complaint. The poor man then appealed to the mufti himself; who, having pondered over the question, at length settled, that it was too difficult a case for him to decide, no provision being made for it in the Koran, and therefore he must put up with his loss. The wood-cutter was not disheartened; but forthwith got a scribe to write a pet.i.tion to the caliph himself, which he duly presented on Friday, the day when he went in state to the mosque. The caliph?s punctuality in reading pet.i.tions is well known, and it was not long before the wood-cutter was called to his presence. When he had approached the caliph, he kneeled and kissed the ground, and then placing his arms straight before him, his hands covered with the sleeves of his cloak, and his feet close together, he awaited the decision of his case. ?Friend,? said the caliph, ?the barber has words on his side--you have equity on yours. The law must be defined by words, and agreements must be made by words: the former must have its course, or it is nothing; and agreements must be kept, or there would be no faith between man and man; therefore the barber must keep all his wood; but--? Then calling the wood-cutter close to him, the caliph whispered something in his ear, which none but he could hear, and then sent him away quite satisfied.?

Here then I made a pause in my narrative, and said whilst I extended a small tin cup which I held in my hand, ?Now, my n.o.ble audience, if you will give me something I will tell you what the caliph said to the wood-cutter.? I had excited great curiosity, and there was scarcely one of my hearers who did not give me a piece of money.

?Well then,? said I, ?the caliph whispered to the wood-cutter what he was to do, in order to get satisfaction from the barber, and what that was I will now relate. The wood-cutter having made his obeisances, returned to his a.s.s, which was tied without, took it by the halter, and proceeded to his home. A few days after, he applied to the barber, as if nothing had happened between them; requesting that he, and a companion of his from the country, might enjoy the dexterity of his hand; and the price at which both operations were to be performed was settled. When the wood-cutter?s crown had been properly shorn, Ali Sakal asked where his companion was. ?He is just standing without here,? said the other, ?and he shall come in presently.? Accordingly he went out, and returned leading his a.s.s after him by the halter. ?This is my companion,? said he, ?and you must shave him.? ?Shave him!? exclaimed the barber, in the greatest surprise; ?it is enough that I have consented to demean myself by touching you, and do you insult me by asking me to do as much to your a.s.s? Away with you, or I?ll send you both to _Jehanum_;? and forthwith drove them out of his shop.

?The wood-cutter immediately went to the caliph, was admitted to his presence, and related his case. ??Tis well,? said the commander of the faithful: ?bring Ali Sakal and his razors to me this instant,? he exclaimed to one of his officers; and in the course of ten minutes the barber stood before him. ?Why do you refuse to shave this man?s companion?? said the caliph to the barber: ?Was not that your agreement?? Ali, kissing the ground, answered: ??Tis true, O caliph, that such was our agreement; but who ever made a companion of an a.s.s before? or who ever before thought of treating it like a true believer??

?You may say right,? said the caliph: ?but, at the same time, who ever thought of insisting upon a pack-saddle being included in a load of wood? No, no, it is the wood-cutter?s turn now. To the a.s.s immediately, or you know the consequences.? The barber was then obliged to prepare a great quant.i.ty of soap, to lather the beast from head to foot, and to shave him in the presence of the caliph and of the whole court, whilst he was jeered and mocked by the taunts and laughing of all the bystanders. The poor wood-cutter was then dismissed with an appropriate present of money, and all Bagdad resounded with the story, and celebrated the justice of the commander of the faithful.?

CHAPTER XIV

Of the man he meets, and the consequences of the encounter.

I left Semnan with a light heart--my sprain was cured--I was young and handsome--twenty tomauns, my savings at Meshed, clinked in my purse--I had acquired some experience in the world; and I determined, as soon as I reached Tehran, to quit the garb of a dervish, to dress myself well from head to foot, and to endeavour to push my fortunes in some higher walk in life.

About a day?s journey from Tehran, as I was walking onward, chanting, with all my throat, a song on the loves of _Leilah_ and _Majnoun_, I was overtaken by a courier, who entered into conversation with me, and invited me to partake of some victuals which he had brought with him. The heat of the day being overpowering, I willingly accepted his invitation. We settled ourselves on the borders of a rivulet, near a cornfield, whilst the courier took off his horse?s bridle, and permitted it to feed on the new wheat. He then groped up, from the deep folds of his riding trousers, a pocket handkerchief, in which were wrapped several lumps of cold boiled rice, and three or four flaps of bread, which he spread before us, and then added some sour curds, which he poured from a small bag that hung at his saddle-bow. From the same trousers, which contained his shoes, a provision of tobacco, a drinking cup, and many other useful articles, he drew half a dozen raw onions, which he added to the feast; and we ate with such appet.i.te, that very soon we were reduced to the melancholy dessert of sucking our fingers.

We washed the whole down with some water from the rivulet, and only then (such had been our voracity) we thought of questioning each other concerning the object of our respective journeys. From my dress, he perceived me to be a dervish, and my story was soon told: as for himself, he was a courier belonging to the Governor of Asterabad, and, to my joy and surprise, was carrying the happy intelligence of the release of my former companion, Asker Khan, the Shah?s poet, from his captivity among the Turcomans. I did not let the courier know how much I was interested in his errand, for experience had taught me how wise it was, in the affairs of life to keep one?s own counsel; and, therefore, I pretended ignorance of even the existence of such a person.

My companion informed me that the poet had managed to reach Asterabad in safety, and that, being dest.i.tute of everything, he, in the meanwhile, had been dispatched to give intelligence of his situation to his family.

He showed me the letters with which he was entrusted, which he drew forth from his breast, wrapped up in a handkerchief; and being a very inquisitive fellow, though unable to read, he was happy to find in me one who might give him some account of their contents. The first which I inspected[30] was a memorial from the poet to the king of kings, in which he set forth, in language the most poetic, all the miseries and tortures which he had endured since he had been thrown into the hands of the Turcomans: that the hunger, the thirst, and the barbarous treatment which he had experienced, were nothing, when compared with the privation of the all-gracious and refulgent presence of that pearl of royalty, that gem of magnificence, the quintessence of all earthly perfection, the great king of kings! that as the vilest reptile that crawls is permitted to enjoy the warmth of the glorious sun, so he, the meanest of the king?s subjects, hoped once more to bask in the sunshine of the royal countenance; and, finally, he humbly prayed, that his long absence might not deprive him of the shadow of the throne; that he might aspire to reoccupy his former post near his majesty?s person, and once again be permitted to vie with the nightingale, and sing of the charms and perfections of his lovely rose.

The next letter was addressed to the prime vizier, in which that notorious minister, decrepit in person, and nefarious in conduct, was called a planet among the stars, and the sheet anchor of the state, and in which the poet sues for his protection. There was nearly a similar one to his former enemy, the lord high treasurer. I then inspected the letters addressed to his family, of which one was to his wife, another to his son?s tutor, and a third to his steward. To his wife, he talked of the interior arrangements of his anderun; hoped that she had been economical in her dress, that she had kept the female slaves in good order, and desired her immediately to set herself and them about making clothes for him, as he was dest.i.tute of everything.

To the tutor, he enjoined great attention to his son?s manners; hoped that he had been taught all the best forms of cant and compliment; that he never omitted to say his prayers; that he was by this time able to sit a horse, to perform the spear exercise, and to fire a gun on the full gallop.

To his steward, he gave some general instructions concerning the administration of his affairs--enjoined great economy; that he should daily go and stand before the prime vizier; praise him to the skies; and make all sorts of professions, on his part, to his excellency; that he should keep a good watch upon his women and slaves; that his wife should not go too often to the bath; that when she and her slaves went abroad to take the air, he should accompany them. He hoped that no intriguing old women, particularly Jewesses, had been admitted into his harem; and that the walls, which surrounded the women?s apartments, had always been kept in good repair, in order to prevent gadding on the housetop with the neighbours. He ordered that his black slave, Johur, was now no longer to be allowed free access into the anderun; and if ever seen to be familiar with any of the female slaves, he and they were to be whipped: finally, he desired the steward to give the courier a handsome reward, for being the bearer of such good news to his family.

I folded up the letters again; those which had been sealed, I again sealed, and returned to the courier. He seemed to reckon a great deal upon the reward that he was to get for bringing the first intelligence of the poet?s safety, and told me that, fearing some other might get the start of him, he had travelled day and night; and added, that the horse, which he now bestrode, belonged to a peasant, from whom he had taken it forcibly on the road, having left his own, which was knocked up, to be brought on after him.

After we had conversed a little more, he seemed entirely overpowered by fatigue, and fell into a profound sleep. As he lay extended on the gra.s.s, I looked upon him, and I began to reflect how easy it would be to forestall him. I knew the whole of the poet?s history;--in fact, I was in some measure identified with it. I began to think that I had a right to the first relation of it. Then as to the horse, it was as much mine as his; particularly since the peasant, with his own, must now be close at hand: so without more ceremony, I unfolded the handkerchief, which still lay in his lap, and taking out the letter to the steward, I mounted the horse: I applied the stirrups to his sides;[31] I galloped off; and in a very short time had left the sleeper far behind me, and had made considerable progress on the road to the capital.

As I rode along, I considered what was now my best line of conduct, and in what manner I should best introduce myself to the poet?s family, so as to make my story good, and secure for myself the reward which had been destined for the courier. I calculated that I should have at least a good day?s start of him; for when he awoke, he probably would be obliged to walk some distance before he got another horse, should he not regain his own, which was very doubtful; and appearing on foot as he did, it would be a hundred to one if anybody would believe his story, and he, most probably, would now be refused the loan of a beast to carry him on. I resolved, therefore immediately upon reaching Tehran, to sell the horse, and its accoutrements, for what they would fetch; I would then exchange my dervish?s dress for the common dress of the country; and making myself up as one come from off a long journey, present myself at the gate of the poet?s house, and there make the best story I could, which would be a sufficiently easy matter, considering how well I was acquainted with every circ.u.mstance relating to him.

CHAPTER XV

Hajji Baba reaches Tehran, and goes to the poet?s house.

I entered Tehran early in the morning by the Shah Abdul Azim gate, just as it was opened, and immediately exhibited my horse for sale at the market, which is daily held there, for that purpose. I had proved it to be a good beast, from the rate at which I had travelled since taking my hasty leave of the courier; but a horse-dealer, to whom I showed it, made out so clearly that it was full of defects, that I thought myself in luck, if I got anything at all for it. It was _chup_--it had the _ableh_[32]--it was old, and its teeth had been burnt;--in short, it seemed to have every quality that a horse ought not to have. I was therefore surprised when he offered me five tomauns for it, provided I threw him the bridle and saddle into the bargain; and he seemed as surprised when I took him at his word, and accepted of his offer. He paid me down one half of the money, and then offered me a half-starved a.s.s in payment of the remainder; but this I refused, and he promised to pay me in full when we met again. I was too much in haste to continue bargaining any longer; so going straightway to the bazaar, I bought a black cap, laid by my dervish?s tiara, and having equipped myself in a manner to be taken for one come from off a journey, I inquired my way to the house of the poet.

It was situated in a pleasant quarter of the town, surrounded by gardens filled with poplars and pomegranate trees, and in a street through which ran a stream of water, bordered by beautiful _chenars_.[33] But the house itself seemed indeed to speak the absence of its master: the gate was half closed; there was no stir about it; and when I entered the first court, I could perceive but few indications of an inhabitant. This looked ill for my promised reward. At length, making my way to the upper room, that was situated over the gate, I there saw a man of about fifty years old, seated on a felt carpet, smoking his kalian, whom I found to be the very person I was in search of, viz. the _n.a.z.ir_ or steward.

I immediately exclaimed, ?Good news! the khan is coming.?

?_Yani cheh?_ what do you mean?? said he; ?which khan? where? when??

When I had explained myself, and had presented the letter addressed to him, he seemed to be thrown into a mixed state of feigned joy and real sorrow, amazement, and apprehension.

?But are you very sure,? said he, ?that the khan is alive??

?Very sure,? returned I; ?and before to-morrow is over, you will receive another courier, who will give you many more particulars of his safety, and who will bring letters to the king, viziers, and others.?

He then began to make all sorts of incoherent exclamations; ?This is a wonderful business! What dust has fallen upon our heads? Where shall I go? What shall I do??

When he hala litte recovred him#elf, I ^deavouRed to persuade him to give me qn expla~ction of his emotions o this oicasion, and tel me why he felv(so agitated, and apparntly diw0ressed, at wha5$ought nnly to*Be a maTter of jiy. AllI could`ear fr'm him ws, ?He must be d%ad; eFerybody"says he,is dead;his wife dreamv)that sle had lost her largestxooth--6he one that gavm her suAd achin' pain, and thergfore he (s dead besidds the king has s$ttled it so. He cannot be alivD; he mut not bd alive,?

?Wl,? said I, ?i he is `ead, be"t so; All I ca~(say is- that h!was ofe of thE true balievers ct Aste2abad, n}t six dqys ago; nd thau he will soon rove interson,"by showhng himself at TEran, in the course of$another 7eek.?

After the n.a.z.ir had sat, and wondered,pand ruinated Or some time, hE said,?You will not be surpriSmd at m} perplexity when I tell;ou of the stat% of things here$ in co.sequence of the report of my master?s depth.

In the firqt plac%, the ShAh has 3eized a.l his property: h`s house(?

furniure, and live s4ock, insluding his Georgian slaves, are!uo be iven to hur Ali Mirza,&one of the king?s young%r sons:!his vilage no~ belongs to the"qrime vizier: his place is abouw to be `estowedtpon Mrza Fuzud; and,(to crowall, his wife h s marrmed his 7on?s tutor.

Say, then,)whether or no I have no|`a right to be astonishdd and rtrplexed??

I !greed vhat there was no disputhng his right; ?jut, in 4he meanwhile,?

said I,ewhat becomes od my reward??

*?O, as for that,? answebed the azir, ?you cann4 expect anythino fromme; for!9ou have broughtAme no joyful tk`ings: you may b

Upon which, promAsing to$return nn some nture dy, I let the n.a.z.ir toJhis own0reflectkOns, anl quitted.the house.

j CHAPTER XVI

He maies plans for thU future.$and is involved in a quarrel.

I determineeto waid the arvival ofthe poe, and through h{ interferenc%!to endeevour to0get into sOme sitUation, here I light gan my bbead honestly, and acquire a chaLce of advancing myself i. life, without havingrecourse$to the(tricks end frauds which!I had hitherto ractisgd: for I!was tied of h}rding wmth the ow and the vulg`r; and I saw so`many instances$before me of me rising in the world, ajd acquring both richez$and ho.our, whe had sprung from(an origin quitE as obccure as }y own, that I elready antic.i.p.ated my ejevation. and even settned in my own mild how I"should at when`I was a prime vizier.

?Who,? said I

I comuinued rapt upn thest sort of meditaions, sa`ted wi|h my bakk against the Gall of ne of t` crowded avenue which lead to phe gatu of thu royal alace, and had so worked up my magination by the pros.p.a.ct of my futur greatndss, that$on rising to wqlk awayL I instictivel pushed#the crowd from!aefore oe, as if such rgspect from them was due Xo one of my lofty pregnsions$ Some s$ared at Me, som abused }e, and others*Took me for a mAman; and indee when I came toMyself, an looked at mytattere clotheu and mybeggarls0appearance, I could not help s-iling it their`surprise, and a my folmy; and straightay went Into tha cloth bazaar hn the dvermination of fitting myself out in decent [email protected], as the fist step0towards -y chane of li`.

Making my ay thrgugh the crowd, I was stopped by a violeNt quarrel betwuan threE men, w)g were abusing mAch othEr with m.re than ordinary violance. I tushed idto the gircle which surmunded them, an$"there,to my hsmay, discovere` the curier, hom I hAd deceiv%d, seconded by!

peasant, attasking tHe horse-dealer,whom the had jst pullQe off te horsu, which I had sod him.

?Tha~(is my horse,? kkid the(peasant,

?That is mysaddle,= said tHe couri5r.

?Tjey are mine,? Exclaimel the horse-deal%r.

Iammediately saw the daner in wL)ch I stood, and was about to slink awey, when M was perceived zy the xorse-deader, who seized hold of my girdle, and(said, ?Tis is the man I boughtdthe hor;u of.? As soon cQ I wag p%cognized by the courie, immedi tely the whole brunt ob the qurrel, nike a th5nder-cloud, bust on my head, ad I waw almost overwhelmed by ts vioeence. Rscal, tjief, cheat, were epithevs which were dhnned inro my eazs withoUt mercy