Ten Years Among the Mail Bags Part 34

"Should the office be re-established here," said I to the ex-a.s.sistant, "can the Department rely on the benefit of your experience in its future management, as post master?"

My object of course was to fathom, if possible, the depth of any personal interest he might have had in making the certificate referred to.

"Well, sir, as to that," he answered, his face a little flushed, "I hardly think I could attend to it; and besides, I may go to the West in the Spring, if not before."

My unexpected inquiry as to a suitable candidate for the office, produced a marked sensation. I observed that it had especially disconcerted the "Committee on Statistics;" why it did so the reader will learn in due time.

Apologizing to the gentleman whose speech had thus been interrupted, he resumed, but in a few moments came to an abrupt close on the arrival of two young gentlemen, both residing near village number three, and therefore, except to a few, supposed to have come as spies and reporters. A short consultation, in which I took no part, showed that they were, as I inferred, all right on the main question, notwithstanding their location. They were brothers.

If the actors in this scene had been engaged in a play upon the stage, these two new characters could not have been introduced in a more artistic or timely manner. What they had to offer was prefaced by a few words from the gentleman who had just terminated his formal discourse, informing me that they had magnanimously volunteered to come here and throw their mite into the scale, on the side of truth and right, and that private interest, even, could not blind _them_ to the great injustice that had been perpetrated.

Their own testimony was very brief, and so was their stay, for, believing I had seen their names on one of the pet.i.tions asking for just what had been done, I unlocked my carpetbag, and on referring to one of the original papers which for the time being had been placed in my hands, I there found both their signatures, quite conspicuous among the pet.i.tioners!

And I felt bound to give others a sight of them, too, if for no other reason, to impart to the "injured" members of that community a slight knowledge of some of the difficulties which the Post Master General and his a.s.sistant often have to encounter in these and similar cases.

It was all news to those present excepting to the two "magnanimous"

gentlemen interested. They had doubtless supposed that the evidence of their double-dealing was very quietly sleeping in one of the snug and obscure pigeon-holes of the Appointment Office.

On coming into the room again, after a quarter of an hour's absence at the supper table, I missed these two generous volunteers, and understood they left very soon after I withdrew. Their inconsistent course was afterwards explained to me in this wise: After they had signed for the change, and the papers had gone to Washington, it came out that the three Select-men of the town had united in a letter to the Department, on the same side of the question, all three of them happening to live nearer the new sites than the old one; and the brothers having become involved in a somewhat bitter quarrel with one of those officials, had determined to get on the opposite side, in the post-office struggle, and defeat their wishes if possible.

Among the speakers was the Princ.i.p.al of the Academy before alluded to; a very intelligent gentleman, and one of dignified appearance. His observations related mainly to the inconveniences resulting to the members of that inst.i.tution from the want of a post-office. After he had concluded his remarks, I inquired,

"What is the present number of your pupils?"

Upon this, some one suggested obtaining a printed catalogue, and the "Committee on Statistics" forthwith disappeared in search of the required pamphlet. The zeal and efficiency of this gentleman may have had no connection with his desire to fill the office of post master, should the office be re-established. The reader will judge of this when he learns who was finally selected for that position.

After a few moments' absence, he returned with a copy of the catalogue.

Observing that it was for a previous term, I asked whether there were as many pupils now as at that time.

"The school is not quite as large at present," said the Princ.i.p.al; "but we expect even a larger number of pupils at the beginning of the next term."

The hint furnished me (as the reader will remember) by my official friend of mola.s.ses memory, in respect to the residences of the pupils, happening to occur to my mind, I ran my eye over the column containing that information, and found that, with few exceptions, they belonged in town. Consequently, unless they carried on a more extensive correspondence than is usual for such youth, the argument maintained by the Princ.i.p.al would lose much of its force. I made no allusion, however, to this discovery, and he soon closed his remarks, expressing the hope that the loud complaints of the distant (?) parents and guardians of the young ladies and gentlemen under his charge would soon be effectually hushed by the restoration of their former excellent mail facilities!

A few of those wise words, which, as Solomon a.s.sures us, are "as nails fastened by the masters of a.s.semblies," were driven, in conclusion, by farmer G., who, as a person sitting near me whispered, was a Justice of the Peace. His remarks were characterized by much good sense, but an untoward circ.u.mstance occurred as he concluded, which interfered with the gravity of the proceedings as well as with his own centre of gravity. As the closing pa.s.sage of his peroration fell from his lips, he also fell at the same instant!

There was a scarcity of seats upon the present occasion, and our oratorical friend had no sooner risen for the purpose of "pouring the persuasive strain," than his chair was appropriated by a fatigued neighbor, who "squatted" on the vacant territory, regardless of "pre-emption" or pre-session.

Unconscious of this furtive proceeding, Mr. G. went on with his remarks, and closed with the following sentence:--

"In conclusion, sir, I should like to know whether the people of this village are to be put down in this way?"--at the same time attempting to resume the seat he had vacated, in the full belief that it was still where he had left it. As facts did not bear him out in this opinion, he was obliged to yield to the force of circ.u.mstances, and had gained such a backward impetus before he discovered the treachery of his friend, that he descended to the floor with as much emphasis as two hundred pounds of bone and muscle are capable of producing under similar circ.u.mstances!

The ill.u.s.tration of his remarks was perfect. He thought that the inhabitants of the village were to be "put down" in an underhanded manner. Whether they were to rise again as rapidly as did he, remains to be seen.

"That strain again; it had a dying fall,"

thought I after the orator descended so suddenly from his rhetorical and personal elevation.

Business was for the moment swallowed up in a roar of laughter, to which the ex-Senator, the dignified Princ.i.p.al, the energetic dealer in Statistics, and the Agent, contributed; and even the fallen speaker, whose t.i.tle to the _floor_ no one was inclined to dispute, joined in the chorus.

The person who had caused this catastrophe, apologized to Mr. G. by remarking, "You got through quicker than I'd any idee of."

"Or I either," dryly returned Mr. G., brushing the dust from his inexpressibles.

This occurrence seemed the signal for adjournment, and all retired in good spirits, thanks to the gentleman who had thus, in spite of himself, been made the instrument of producing such a pleasant state of feeling.

A sort of informal levee was held on the following morning, when all the forcible things bearing on the subject in hand were said which had been forgotten at the meeting of the night previous, or were the result of after cogitations.

As the time drew near for leaving, I called upon the landlord for my bill.

"Oh, that's all settled," said he.

"Settled? by whom, pray?" I asked.

"Why, _they_ told me not to take anything from you, as they would make it all right," he replied.

I called the attention of the landlord to the impropriety of such a course under the circ.u.mstances, since in the event of the restoration of the office to that village, it might be said, "Oh, it's easy enough to see how that happened. They knew what they were about when they paid the Agents' hotel bill."

For such reasons I declined the courtesy, and insisted on paying the bill myself. The landlord finally yielded, remarking, "_they_ won't like it when they find out that their directions were not followed."

Soon after, the stage arrived at the door of the hotel from a neighboring town, on its way to the rail road depot, and this was to be my conveyance to that place. I took leave of such of the gentlemen as were standing about the piazza, and mounted to the seat upon the top of the stage, behind and above the driver's station. To this elevated position I was unexpectedly followed by the "Committee on Statistics," and another person whom I had not seen before. This move on the part of the former gentleman was probably made not only to secure my ear during the pa.s.sage to the depot, but to prevent the post master there from gaining any advantage over him in the time which would elapse between the arrival of the stage and the departure of the cars.

Being placed, like men in general, between the known and unknown,--the "Committee" on one side, and the stranger on the other, my attention, soon after we had started, was attracted to the former individual by sundry punches in the ribs, proceeding from his elbow, accompanied with ominous winks and glances towards my other companion, who was just then conversing with the driver.

"Look out what you say," whispered the vigilant Committee, "that fellow is a spy; he is one of the Depot boys."

"All right," I replied, in all sincerity, for I was not sorry to find that my friend would be prevented by the presence of the "spy" from executing the design which he undoubtedly had, of catechizing me in reference to the report I should make to the Department.

Arriving at the station, I crossed over to the post-office, and there remained until the whistle of the locomotive was heard.

"Well, good bye, Mr. W----," said I to the post master, offering my hand.

"I think," said he, "that I will ride a little way with you, as far at least as the next station."

He accompanied me across to the depot, and as we stepped upon the platform of a car, we were followed by the "Committee" and one of his most interested friends, who had come over in the stage with us, an inside pa.s.senger.

These gentlemen were evidently bent on thwarting the plans of my saccharine a.s.sociate, but he had in an important particular greatly the advantage over them, for, by virtue of his office, he was allowed the privilege of riding in the mail car, to which we at once proceeded, leaving our disappointed friends in the outer world, among the undistinguished crowd whom the conductor indiscriminately calls upon for "your money or your ticket."

My companion and his opponents alighted at the next station, to wait for the return train, and as the cars moved on, I observed that they were conversing together, the countenance of the former displaying a radiant appearance of satisfaction which plainly showed his triumphant state of mind.

I have no means of knowing what pa.s.sed between them on their return, but it is altogether probable that the "Committee" and his friend employed the time in "pumping" or attempting to pump their a.s.sociate, unless he took refuge in the mail car.

The investigation resulted in restoring the post-office to the center village, and in discontinuing the two others.

The reader will be pleased to learn that the "Committee on Statistics"

received the appointment of post master.