Ten Years Among the Mail Bags Part 33

Finding I could obtain no independent conveyance by which to make the tour of observation through the other parts of the town, I accepted the offer of a young man who drove up to the store very opportunely, to whom the idea was suggested by the post master, and who, it was hinted, was in no way identified with this vexatious dispute.

During the first mile or so of our ride his neutrality seemed well sustained, but it began rapidly to disappear as we came in sight of the village which had been bereft of its post-office as well as its post master, his answers to my questions betraying a decided bias toward the "let well enough alone" policy as applicable in this case.

I did not propose to stop there at this time, but to pa.s.s through to the upper village,--but my suspicions that I had after all committed myself to the temporary keeping of one of the friends of the new sites, were fully confirmed when I found him taking a narrow by-way through the old settlement, poorly calculated to show off the place to much advantage.

"Look here," said I, "don't go through this hollow, but take a turn round by those spires, and let me see what they have got to brag about."

Coming to a halt, and backing round in a somewhat spiteful manner, during which manoeuvre we came near upsetting, he soon came upon the route indicated.

Whether from a conviction that there was no use in trying to cheat me any longer, or from the study requisite for the invention of some new system of tactics likely to be more successful, he said but little more during the rest of our ride.

I subsequently ascertained that he and the scheme of getting two post-offices for one, rejoiced in one and the same paternity, or in other words, that his mother was the wife of the enterprising and wealthy gentleman before mentioned, and like a good and dutiful son, he "went in" for whatever favored the "old man's" interest.

Pa.s.sing through one of the main streets of the middle or post-officeless village, I observed standing in front of a respectable, ancient-appearing mansion, a solemn-looking hea.r.s.e, and a large number of other vehicles, indicating that funeral services were being performed within, and through the open windows and doors I could see the friends and mourners.

"A funeral, I perceive," said I to my companion.

A sullenly emphasized "yes," was all the notice vouchsafed to my remark.

"A fine-looking lot of horses collected here," I continued.

"Yes, pretty fair," he rejoined, without, however, withdrawing his attention from a large fly which was annoying our animal, and at the same time proving himself anything but an expert marksman by his repeated unsuccessful attempts to annihilate the insect with the lash of his whip.

"This accounts for my seeing so few persons in the streets," I remarked. "They must be attending the funeral."

"I suppose so," he answered, at the same instant striking the unlucky fly dead, which neither he nor bob-tail had before succeeded in choking off.

A quarter of an hour more found us at village number three, pleasantly situated upon elevated ground, and consisting of an old-fashioned country church, the fine establishment of the wealthy pioneer in this post-office enterprise, already referred to, a store, and a few other buildings.

The solitary merchant here was also the newly-appointed post master, a very worthy man from all appearances, though of course deeply impressed with the idea that the "balance of power" should not be disturbed by a discontinuance of the recently established office, and the restoration of the old one on its former site. And it appeared very clear that he had done all in his power to make the inconvenience of the late change fall as lightly as possible upon those more directly interested, for he had arranged to extend every accommodation in his power, and among other things to post a list of all the letters for distant sections of the town, upon the "meeting-house" door every Sabbath, and to keep his office open "between meetings," for the delivery of all mail matter which should be called for.

His brief history, as related by himself, brought to light the fact that he had served the Government as post master many years before, having originally been appointed, as he said, by "old Hickory"

himself.

During half an hour's conversation, the information furnished at this point was generally of a candid and impartial character, though the explanations regarding a defunct bank, the remains of which stood within a stone's throw of the post-office, proved the most troublesome subject that was talked over. The expiration of its charter, if I mistake not, was given as the reason for its closed doors.

The measured tolling of the church bell attracted my attention. The funeral procession from the other village had reached the hill and was just entering the burial-ground, through the church-yard, and after a short interval pa.s.sed out again on its return.

Having now obtained all the information I could in that quarter, I suggested to my escort that I was ready to move, and we were soon on our way back. About half way to the middle village, we came up with the procession, and followed along at a slow pace, in fact forming a part of the solemn cortege.

It had somehow leaked out that the "Post-Office Agent" was there, and along the whole line, hats and even bonnets could be seen projecting from the sides of such of the carriages as were provided with coverings. Compared with the post-office question, the grave was nowhere, and funerals were at a discount. Some of the most interested happened to be in the nearest vehicles to us, and when they discovered who my companion was, a number of the animals were suddenly relieved of a good share of their burthen. Several of the deserters fell in the rear, and without waiting for a formal introduction, began to discourse eloquently upon the subject of their post office grievances.

I a.s.sured them that I would spend the night at the hotel in their village, where I would be happy to meet them and their friends, for the purpose of inquiry and investigation.

[Ill.u.s.tration]

Many a head of a family, I think, was missed that evening from the tea tables, for although it was about the usual hour of that repast when I reached the hotel, the citizens came flocking in in great numbers, and filling the s.p.a.cious audience room which the landlord had hastily prepared on hearing of my approach, to its utmost capacity, and even before I was fairly seated.

Most of them being still in the same dress in which they had attended the funeral ceremonies, the "customary suit of solemn black," they were about as well-looking a set of men as you will often see in country or city. A more excited and anxious group of faces, I am sure was never seen in a council of war on the eve of a great and decisive battle. Nor will I attempt to a.s.sert that I was wholly free from anxiety as to how I should acquit myself before this august a.s.sembly, as the representative and embodiment of the Government, on this trying occasion.

The scene, however, considered in reference to the real importance of the interests at stake, was richly ludicrous. I felt that the dignity of the Post-Office Department was for a time committed to my keeping, and I flatter myself that I succeeded admirably in sustaining it, though it required occasionally not a little effort.

One of the gentlemen whose acquaintance I had informally made in the rear of the funeral procession, did the honors in the way of introducing me to each of those who had a.s.sembled, and to such as came in in the course of that ever-to-be remembered evening--I should have said night, for it was not far from daylight, when I had listened to the last eloquent appeal in behalf of restoring to them their lost rights and privileges.

The whole thing was conducted in a way which, for parliamentary order and decorum, would have put to the blush the lower House of Congress near the close of the session; and I am not quite sure that the upper branch of that Honorable body, with an exciting subject in hand, could not have derived some useful hints from the manner in which business was there enacted.

The room, which I understand was soon after christened and is now known as "Restoration Hall," was about twenty-five feet by thirty, and for most of the time during this eventful meeting, I chanced to occupy the only rocking chair therein, at one side of the room facing the door. Considering that most of the company were my seniors by several years, that was hardly polite; but after several times insisting in vain that some one else should take the post of honor, I settled down without further misgivings.

Never did I so heartily regret my ignorance of the art of stenography as now; for a _verbatim_ report of all that was here said, would prove the richest and most amusing part of this narrative.

After some general and desultory conversation, and considerable manoeuvring as to who should lead off, the responsible task fell upon a somewhat venerable and prominent citizen, who, as I perceived from his "opening," had enjoyed the honor of representing the town in the lower House, as well as the Senate of the State. This gentleman's indignation was so intense at the "shabby treatment" of the Government, that at first he seemed to question the propriety of condescending to enter into any argument or formal statement in support of a speedy restoration of the post-office.

"I feel myself mortified and humbled," said he, "that anything more should be required in this case in securing us justice, than a mere glance at this a.s.semblage, which, leaving out the speaker, cannot be surpa.s.sed in respectability and intelligence, by any which could be so readily convened in any community."

(A general sensation, and a modest a.s.sent all round, so far as looks could indicate it.)

"You have before you, sir," continued he, "professional men--men who have devoted all their lives to the training and education of youth,--farmers, mechanics, and merchants,--all of them, sir, men who know their rights, and knowing dare maintain them, sir. Many of them, and I for one, sir, differ with the Administration in politics; but I take it, sir, that has nothing to do with the settlement of this business. Our Government will have arrived at a pretty pa.s.s, indeed, when it makes a distinction between a whig or locofoco community, in the granting of mail facilities."

The term "locofoco" proved for a moment a slight firebrand in the camp--a six foot, plain farmer-looking individual, who had not I think attended the funeral, and who, like the brave Putnam, had left his plough in the furrow, on hearing of a chance to fight--starting to his feet and interrupting the speaker,--

"Your Honor," said he, "I hope my whig friend, if he must speak of politics, will consent to call democrats by their right names. What would he say if I should apply the term 'federalists' to his side of the house?"

The first speaker was evidently preparing for a broadside in return for this interruption, but it was averted at once by the a.s.surance volunteered on my part, that the question of politics would have nothing to do with this one; and that no harm was probably intended by the use of the objectionable designation; whereupon our agricultural friend quietly resumed his seat, his blood seemingly several degrees cooler than when he left it.

"You're right, sir, no harm _was_ intended," good-naturedly responded the pioneer orator. "It came so natural to say locofoco, that I hardly noticed it myself. We all have one common object here, and the fact that neighbour B. is the only loco--I beg pardon--democrat, who happens to be present, should have suggested to me greater allowance for his sensitive feelings."

There was a general laugh at the expense of our lone representative of the democracy, and the discussion resumed its more legitimate channel.

At a later period, a careful canva.s.sing would have shown quite a respectable sprinkling of the political friends of the gentleman who took exceptions as above stated; and I have always mistrusted that he managed in some way to procure their special attendance, being evidently a little chagrined at the accidental exposure of the very meagre representation of his party at the commencement.

The gentleman having the floor proceeded:--

"I am satisfied the Post Master General would never have decided as he has, if he had waited for further information. And the indecent haste with which certain men acted in this matter, is a downright shame and disgrace. I doubt not, from what I can learn, that they had their pet.i.tions secretly circulating, as soon as the sickness of our late post master became known. Would to G.o.d he had lived to defeat their selfish and illiberal schemes! But an overruling Providence ordered it otherwise, doubtless for the accomplishment of some wise purpose!

"We are prepared to show you, sir, by the figures, (though we have seen that, in the hands of unprincipled men, figures _will_ sometimes lie,) that three-fourths of the mail matter for the town belongs to persons of this village, who, by this wicked movement, are obliged to send a distance of two miles for their letters and papers."

Here was a strong statement, exhibiting a greater difference in the business and correspondence of the three villages than even the papers on the official files of the Department had claimed. I was therefore disposed to call for the proof, if it could be had, before proceeding further.

"Is there any way of getting at what you have just stated as a fact?"

I inquired.

They were not to be caught napping, for the "Committee on Statistics"

was on the spot, to meet any such exigencies that might arise.

A slight nod of the gentleman's head toward the corner of the room was promptly responded to by one of the company, whom I had observed listening more intently, if possible, than the rest, to the opening address.

He might be described as a gentleman about forty years of age, with sharp features, and withal as active and keen-looking a body as you will often come across. With a smile, and an air of self-reliance, he drew from his hat a bundle of papers of different shapes, from an inch wide to a full sheet of large size "cap," and, coming to the table, placed them upon it. A moment's search, during which not a word was spoken, produced the desired voucher, which was to confirm the truth of the three-fourths a.s.sertion. It proved to be a certificate signed by the a.s.sistant of the late post master, setting forth that, _in his opinion_, only about one-quarter of all the letters arriving at that office, during the last three months of its existence, went outside of a circle of one mile.

The ex-a.s.sistant himself, being present, was appealed to, but although he was willing, in general terms, to re-affirm what he had put upon paper, yet he failed to furnish any very satisfactory data upon which the calculation had been made. It was so much at variance with the allegations contained in the pet.i.tions for the new sites, that the impression could not be resisted that there had been truth-stretching somewhere.