Tattooed Emotions Part 26

Damien couldn't find out like this, and I needed quietness. The chattering noises in my ears were too much to bear.

After several minutes pa.s.sed, I released a shaky lungful of air. The pressure in my head was beginning to subside. I blinked a few times to clear the haze out of my vision, and I came face-to-face with Damien. The concern and utter terror etched on his face made my heart falter an unsteady beat. Hidden beneath those heartfelt emotions, I could sense his unmistakable hurt.

"I'm taking you to the hospital, Raelyn," he stated.

"I don't need one," I replied barely above a murmur. I already had a doctor, so I wasn't going to the emergency room to be poked and prodded.

It was time to acknowledge that I needed to place a call to Dr. Enright. The Mexican food, the night at FireSide Bar, this morning, all the nausea or headaches-none of it could be brushed off as a fluke incident. And I couldn't ignore the conclusion of where my symptoms were stemming from. Something was wrong with me, and I needed to accept the truth staring me in the face.

Damien intently eyed me. "Then, you are coming home with me, so we can talk while I keep a close eye on you without any interruptions. And when we're finished, I'll be the one to decide if you need to go to the ER or not." A muscle in his jaw constricted. "Please don't waste your energy arguing with me because there is no f.u.c.king way that I'm letting you out of my sight."

A small part of me wanted to protest to delay the inevitable conversation I needed to have with him, yet the other part knew my time had run out. He needed and deserved my honesty.

"All right," I agreed with a simple nod, biting back tears.

Then, I was in his arms where I prayed I could remain forever.

Damien and I were in his living room. I was standing by the couch, too nervous to sit. Damien stood at the window and gazed out at the ocean. It reminded me of the first day I'd met him in the office conference room-the way he'd rested his arm on the window frame while looking outside, the way his eyes had appeared troubled when he finally turned to face me, as if his mind were completely somewhere else.

I let out a grave sigh, realizing one always thought about the beginning at the end.

Damien broke the tense silence first. "Why do people keep saying you're sick, Raelyn?" He didn't pause for me to answer. "First, Cale said it in the bar that night you confronted him about stealing from me, and then your ex-fiance-who I hadn't even known existed until today-mentioned it." He dragged his hand through his hair.

A sense of dread overcame me when he still refused to look at me.

"Because I am." I closed my eyes and fought for hope. Then, I remembered I had no concrete answers yet, so I corrected my error, "I mean, I was."

"You are, or you aren't?" His voice was full of hurt, as though I'd kept a dear secret from him and deceived him.

And to me, I had.

"Pick one, Raelyn. And I want the truth."

"I've been in remission for almost seven months." I forced each word out.

With an unhurried pace, he pivoted to stare at me. The agony in his eyes was more than my heart could bear.

"And now?" he choked out. His voice was as broken as I felt inside at the idea of losing him.

The sight of Damien with tears in his eyes had my heart free-falling into the pit of my stomach. I was terrified of my future-or the possibility of not having one at all.

"Now, I think it's back," I cried.

He let my admission dangle in the air between us before he quietly spoke, "I'm in love with you, Raelyn." He gave me a small smile before his expression filled with uncertainty. "Yet you can't even share your secrets with me. So, how can there be love without trust?"

"The same reason I can love you and all your secrets." I stepped toward him on shaky legs, unwilling to accept the doubt in his voice and the unsaid distance he was putting between us. "You haven't exactly been forthcoming with your past either."

"That's just it, Raelyn. Mine are in my past-where they belong and where they'll stay. My past has no place in my future."

My body sagged in defeat at his response, wanting to give up. I wasn't sure how I'd expected our discussion to go, but it wasn't like this.

"Yeah, well, I wish mine could be in the past, too. But I don't get that choice, do I?" I spit, angered by the gravity of my statement, as my walls came crashing down around me.

I'd had no business falling in love. It wasn't fair to Damien or myself to give our hearts to one another when I had no idea what lay ahead of me.

Now, I was the one putting s.p.a.ce between us as I spun around on my feet and walked away, too overcome with my own grief and reservations.

"Where are you going?" he demanded at my back. "You don't get to walk away from me. Not now, Raelyn."

I drew my own conclusions as to why we'd kept so many things from one another. I began to shake as I gazed at him over my shoulder. "You're right, Damien." Tears streamed down my face. "I don't need you to trust me with your past, and you don't belong in my future. Our secrets seem to be our own worst nemeses. I didn't share mine with you." Tears gushed down my face, and I struggled to make eye contact with him. "Because I didn't want to see that look you are giving me right now. I don't want your pity any more than you want mine."

I didn't wait for his response as I ran up the curvy staircase and turned to the right toward an open door. It was a loft with a navy-blue love seat. I entered the room and threw myself onto the cushions, well aware that I'd left a desolate and confused Damien standing in the living room.

Alone.

I felt my body being lifted into strong arms as I came to.

"I'm still mad at you, you know." I sniffled angrily into his chest as emotions attacked me from all sides. Deep down, I knew I wasn't mad at him. I was furious with my body.

"You can be upset with me all you like, gorgeous girl." He kissed my temple as he sauntered down the hallway to his room. "But the woman who owns my heart and every other f.u.c.king piece of me will sleep in my bed"-he gently laid me down on it and kissed my lips-"and in my arms where I can feel her heart beating against my own, so I can remember that, no matter what life brings our way, she's still mine."

His words brought on an onslaught of new emotions.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed uncontrollably. "I should have told you sooner, but I couldn't."

"As am I, Raelyn." He brushed his thumb across my right brow while lovingly gazing at me. "There are many things about myself that I haven't shared with you either. I promise that, someday soon, when I'm ready, I will."

"I'm scared," I admitted, overwhelmed by the outcome of our future.

"I am, too," he agreed softly, reaching behind him to pull his shirt over his head before tossing it onto the floor. "I promise you, not even my scars that tarnish my flesh and haunt the deepest parts of my heart and soul will keep me from loving you."

My vision went fuzzy with my tears. Then, I cried harder at the idea of not being able to see the man who I loved with my heart, body, and soul even though he was right in front of me. It gave me a small inkling of what it would feel like to lose him completely.

I wouldn't survive without him.

A deeply excruciating agony seized every cell in my body, and it wrapped around my heart, stabbing at it, piercing me. I'd never experienced such anguish in my life.

"Stay with me, Raelyn," he demanded softly, pulling me out of my reverie.

Just like that, he'd brought me back.

With our faces inches apart, he continued, "I'll be d.a.m.ned before I let any kind of illness take you from me. We are going to beat our demons together. You and me, together-that's the only way it will ever be." He took my hands in his and guided them up over his shoulders. "Touch me, Raelyn. Take my strength, and use it as your own."

He was finally giving me what I'd longed for, yet I couldn't bring myself to move my hands in fear of causing him pain.

"What?" I slowly shook my head. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." He placed a tender kiss on my lips. "The only thing that has the power to hurt me, Raelyn, is the thought of not having you."

The severity of his statement penetrated my soul, and I knew he deserved my honesty before I could hold him to his declaration.

"Damien, I need you to understand something."

His gaze searched mine. "Okay."

I opened my mouth to speak, yet I couldn't seem to make any words come out. My lower lip began to tremble, as did the rest of me. Fear was choking me.

"Raelyn..." Damien drawled, delicately caressing my face. "Nothing you tell me will change how I feel about you."

A sob escaped as I knew my secret could change everything. I swallowed and asked him my deepest, darkest fear, "Will you still want to be with me even if you don't get the chance to love me for very long?"

Those gray eyes of his briefly widened before they were flooded with an array of emotions, some reflecting my own.

I had to continue before I lost my voice, "The illness that made Nick pack his bags and break off our engagement was...well, I'd been diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was supposed to be incurable."

His eyes filled with water. My hands automatically came to his face to offer him comfort.

"The odds had been stacked against me, yet I somehow beat them...until now. I need you to understand that you might not get forever with me."

When a droplet slipped down his cheek and landed on my chest, he lowered his head and tore his gaze from mine. I skimmed my hands up his soft stubble to find his hair, giving him some time to pull his thoughts together.

"You might be wrong," he said. "Your symptoms might be something different."

"Yes, they might."

"This changes nothing between us, Raelyn." He looked me square in the eyes. "Not a d.a.m.n thing."

Right then and there, I wanted to tell him that I loved him, reverently and forever, however long that might be. But I held myself back. Even though I'd inadvertently admitted my feelings to him earlier while in the living room, it felt unfair to pledge my love to him until I knew where I stood with my health.

"You don't have to say anything else." He settled his body into me. "I'll be strong enough for both of us. I'll love you enough for both of us."

Once again, he reached for my hands and set them on his shoulders. "Now, touch me, and kiss me, gorgeous girl of mine." He smiled softly and nipped at my lips. "Because I'm going to make love to you."

My hands lightly skimmed over the raised marks on his skin. I wanted to weep at how painful it must have been for him to endure such an unspeakable thing. But I didn't. I wouldn't let his past win, just like he wasn't going to let my illness win.

He was going to fight for me, and me for him.

We were going to fight together, as one.

As we made love into the night-gently, pa.s.sionately, ardently-I didn't know what tomorrow would bring or where we would go from here. All I knew was, without a shadow of a doubt, I was where I belonged, wrapped in Damien's arms.

Please join me for the continuation of Raelyn & Damien's story.

RELEASING NOVEMBER 19, 2015.

ADD IT TO YOUR GOODREADS HERE.

TATTOOED SCARS.

"Don't you see, Damien?" I cried. "All I want is to enjoy every second that I have left with you." I swallowed thickly and dug deep within myself for the courage to finish as tears streamed down my face. "You are supposed to be my perfect ending, but I'm just your beginning."

Damien's gray eyes darkened beyond anything I'd ever seen before while filling with unmistakable heartache. "Don't you ever f.u.c.king say that to me again, Raelyn."

He stepped toward me and pulled me into his arms where he gently used his hand to force me to look up at him. "There is no ending for us."

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to read my book.

As with each of my stories, the couples weave their way into my heart and become a part of me. I hope you enjoyed Damien and Raelyn's story and continue the rest of their journey with me.

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I have so many wonderful people to thank. Each person has truly been a blessing throughout this new chapter in my life.

First and foremost, I cannot express enough thanks to my remarkably talented editor, Jovana Shirley, at Unforeseen Editing. She was the first person I met when I started this journey of writing, and I'm forever grateful for her friendship, advice, and the endless late nights she shares with me while perfecting every single word of each of my novels. She takes my original ma.n.u.scripts and makes them shine. Thank you for your continued dedication and hard work! Much love, lady!

To my family, who has always supported me with unconditional love, even during the times when I practically live in my writing cave-Thank you, and I love you all dearly. *Hugs & Kisses*

To Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations-Thank you for taking all the photographs and creating a work of art with all my covers. I am in awe of your extraordinary talent, and I absolutely love each and every cover.

To my dear husband, Travis-A special thanks for taking the time to read my ma.n.u.script at a moment's notice, for giving me sincere words of affirmation when I needed them the most, and for always being my rock. You are my high school sweetheart who has made all my dreams come true. Love you, always.

To Tammie Lee-Thank you for all your heartfelt thoughts and suggestions for my ma.n.u.scripts, the way you always go above and beyond for me and my books, our late-night messaging filled with laughter, and most of all, for being such a dear friend. Many, many hugs.

To my dear friend across the pond, Felicity-Words can never express my thanks to you, not only for reading my novels and helping me perfect them, but also for being such an incredible friend to me. Our friendship has only blossomed with time. I'll always cherish it. Your beautiful card sits proudly on my bookshelf, and I smile every time I see it.

To Elle-I just adore you, lady. You and I are kindred souls who share a love for the country to anything with wheels and a motor. I can picture us on our ATVs, doing burnouts and racing through open fields-all the while, not giving a d.a.m.n that we have mud on our jeans or caked in our hair. Someday, we are going to meet, and I truly can't wait to squeeze you.

To Athena-You are truly an amazing woman. It always brings a smile to my face when I see that I have a message from you. I adore our friendship and our shared love for writing, and I love your insight on my stories. You have a wonderful talent.

To my beta readers-Thank you for your countless hours of reading my novels and for giving me the push I need with your kind and encouraging words. You all help me perfect my work and make it the best it can be, and I'm extremely thankful to each of you.

To the many bloggers who put their hearts and precious time into reading and promoting my book-Many, many thanks to you all! Truly, I'm deeply humbled and grateful for all that you do for us authors and, even more importantly, for the many friendships I've made along the way.

To all the ladies at InkSlinger PR-Thank you for your guidance and hard work in organizing my blog tours, cover reveals, giveaways, and so much more. Without you, I never would have known what steps to take.

To all fellow authors who have become friends-Thank you for writing books where I can lose myself for hours and for inspiring me to write love stories of my own. You have all welcomed me with open arms, and I'm extremely thankful.

And especially to my readers-I can never thank you enough for reading my book. All your support means the world to me.

Image Credit: Golden Czermak with FuriousFotog.

Alicia Rae is a contemporary romance author who lives in Dekalb, Illinois, with her husband and three beautiful boys. Alicia has a pa.s.sion for reading all types of romance, writing to bring a story to life, and photography.