Switching Gears Part 14

Really. First time I went with a bunch of friends. I thought I was cool and wanted to show off, so I did a front flip off a jump and the next thing I knew, I was getting helped down the mountain by the ski patrol.

I cant help it. Im laughing.

He puts a hand to his chest like hes offended. It was traumatizing.

And kind of hilarious. I can just see you showing off in front of everyone.

I havent been since.

How old were you?

Thirteen. He frowns for a second like it was a horrible memory and smiles again.

Didnt you grow up in California?

We moved a lot.

Oh.

He smiles again. Your turn.

Ah. My turn. I rub my hands together. Just one truth?

Yep. Anything you want. Preferably something not everyone knows.

Fine. I wrack my brain for something personal, but not too revealing. I dont date a lot.

He gives me a look. Whatever. I dont believe it.

Really. Im serious.

So you dont date. Does that mean youve never kissed anyone then?

My cheeks heat. Did he really have to go and ask that question? I never said that. I said I dont date. That doesnt have anything to do with kissing.

Interesting. So you play the field but dont settle down. I get it. I should be offended, but hes smiling and I know hes joking. At least I think he is.

I had a wild couple of years. What can I say? I laugh because its not even remotely true. Sure I kissed a few guys here and there, but there was only one person I ever really wanted to kiss and never got the chance. The only guy Ive ever loved. Lucas. And thinking about him makes me sad. The only person I ever told was Mom. I told her everything the day Lucas told me his cancer was back. Everything. And Kelsie knows now, but back then? No one else. Sure, people knew we were friends, like my dad and brother and his family, but my feelings for him were secret. Just like he kept the fact that he loved me secret.

Too many secrets.

I dont want to go through that ever again. Its one of the reasons I never get close to anyone anymore. Besides Kelsie, of course. Because after all is said and done, Im always left alone. Now more than ever. Even Mom will forget me sooner or later.

I dont picture you as a wild girl.

I frown, snapping back into the conversation. Im not.

Hes thoughtful for a moment. I thought you dated that Lucas kid.

I freeze. No.

Really? The way you react when I mention his name makes me think there was more than just friendship going on.

I really dont want to talk about this right now.

Sorry. Its just sometimes talking about things make you feel better.

Trust me. Talking about Lucas wont make me feel better.

Fair enough.

Thanks, I whisper, grateful hes not pushing the subject.

You ready to head out?

Yep.

Sorry its kind of a short date. I thought youd want to be rid of me pretty quick.

I chuckle. Im not that rude.

I think you just admitted you enjoy my company.

Surprisingly, its not that bad. I stare at my hands and cant stop the smile that creeps to my lips.

I have to admit, Im kind of enjoying hanging out with him. He keeps things interesting. And as much as I miss Lucas, its nice to have someone kind of like him to talk to again. Someone who likes to spend time with me, for me. Someone who treats me well and actually wants to get to know me. Someone who knows how to tease. And Cole totally has that one down.

Perfect. Just the reaction I was looking for.

I glance up as he stands, and I cant explain the warmth that rushes through my body when he smiles at me.

Im in big trouble.

CHAPTER 14.

The drive home is quieter than before. Cole focuses on the road, and I focus on the houses pa.s.sing by the window. Perfect houses with white picket fences and wrap-around porches. Green well-kept yards, fancy mailboxes, and big trees shading the lawns.

A neighborhood out of a movie. I could live here when Im older. With kids running around the yard while my husband and I watch them from the porch. I can be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy, right? Even when you feel like your life is crumbling down and you keep getting one piece of bad news after another. Theres a tiny chance for happiness after all is said and done.

Right?

As I contemplate my emotions swimming around, I glance at Cole again and try to a.n.a.lyze our date. Part of me wants to shut him out and pretend like what Im feeling when hes around isnt real. The other part wants to get to know him better. To go out with him again. To keep talking.

The music plays softly on the radio as he drives. The silence isnt awkward at all, just different. Like somethings changed. I havent decided if its a good thing or a bad thing.

He pulls into my driveway a few minutes later and turns the truck off. With a small smile, he jumps out and comes around to open my door. Once Im out, he walks me to the porch, his hand at his sides, all friend like. I wonder if h.e.l.l try to make a move. Im guessing no, since this was kind of a test date, but I dont seem to know what hes ever really thinking, so he could surprise me.

If he does make a move, though I dont know what Ill do.

We reach the bottom of the porch and he stops and turns toward me. So this was fun.

It was.

We should do it again.

I nod, but dont say anything. Once I make it up the three steps to the porch, I stop and turn toward him, waiting for Im not sure what.

He puts his hands in his pockets and watches me. I have a question.

Okay?

You know I like you. Ive told you as much. So, the question of the day is do I have a chance at all?

My heart quickens, and I back up a step. Cole I Does he? Could I let someone like him in? The answer is I dont know. I really dont know.

Really. He takes a step closer. I need to know now if it will ever go anywhere. I know the biking thing is a big deal for you. The captain thing is a big deal. I know you need to prove something by beating Whitney or whatever next Sat.u.r.day, but after all thats over, Id like to take you out again. If you know. If you dont mind.

I could break his heart. I could tell him to leave me alone right now and be done with it. Ignore him on the trails and in school next fall. Never look back so Ill never get hurt. But something stops me. So instead of pushing him away, all I do is smile. After I beat Whitney, we can talk more.

He frowns. About that. Do you need any help? I could go riding with you. Give you some pointers. You only have a week to train and I could help you a bit.

My eyes narrow. Why? Are you so sure Whitneys gonna win? It comes out short, even though I dont mean it to.

No, I have to He trails off and looks at the ground. Look. I was going to tell you this earlier, but I didnt know how. He pulls something out of his jacket pocket and hands it to me.

Biking gloves.

What are these for? The wheels in my head start turning. These gloves are nice. Like top-of-the-line nice. Id never spend so much on a pair of gloves like these.

I glance up at him and he hesitates before speaking. A few weeks ago, Edge approached Whitney and me.

I dont hear anything else. All I can do is stare at the gloves and try to control my scattered emotions. Youre sponsored? Both of you?

He rocks back and forth and finally settles, his eyes meeting mine. Yes.

I nod and bite my tongue. Dont freak out. Dont freak out. I knew it was coming, since hes amazing, but why did he wait so long to tell me? Especially about Whitney? Congratulations.

Like I said before. I was gonna tell you earlier, but didnt know how. Hes trying to read the look on my face. I can see it in his eyes. Trying to figure out how much to tell me. If Im angry. If Im upset.

I think of Mom and Dad keeping Moms diagnosis from me. And now Cole and Whitney are sponsored? Does no one in this world trust me? I dont get it. I dont understand. Whats with all the secrets? Are they trying to make me go crazy?

You got this a few weeks ago?

Yes.

My temper rises, just a tad. Huh. So, I basically made an idiot out of myself when I asked Whitney for a rematch. And you just stood there and let me.

His eyes widen. Why would that make you an idiot? Whitneys good, but she knows youre good, too. She sees you as a threat. Beating you one-on-one will actually be a challenge for her.

Im not a challenge. I dont have a sponsor. I dont have people watching me and begging me to race for them. Im just me. I put the gloves back in his hands feeling sad, of all things. Which is weird. I thought I was going to be angrier. But now Im confused. Confused and hurt by everyone.

I look up at him and note the strange emotions on his face. What is he trying to prove by telling me this? I turn and struggle trying to get my keys out of my pocket to open the stupid door. I need to get away from him. I need to get to the safety and sanctuary of my room. Away from everyone. Goodnight.

Come on, Emmy. This is not how I wanted to end our date.

I let out an annoyed breath. It wasnt even a date. You took me out to be nice. Thats all. So I wouldnt feel like such a loser when Whitney beats me again.

Stop. He grabs my arm, stopping me as I try to get my key in the lock. What is it with you? Why are you so against me? Im trying here. Ive been trying for a year and when I finally make some progress with you, you start I dont know. Feeling all sorry for yourself.

What do you want me to do, Cole? Do you want me to worship you or something? Tell you how good you are? Beg you for your help because I cant handle things on my own?

No. You know me better than that.

Do I? Are we even friends? Because the last time I checked, we werent.

He steps closer. My heart hammers in my chest as his hazel eyes search mine. I dont know. Are we?

My eyes narrow and Im so close to pushing him off the porch I can feel it. You"

He grabs my hands as I try to shove him away and instead of him flying backward, he pulls me close so Im inches away from his face. Nice try. He looks amused. Not mad at all. If you would have let me finish, I would have told you something else. Im bringing my sponsor to your race against Whitney. To watch you. As in, if they like you, theyll sponsor you, too.

It takes a second to register. Are you serious?

Of course Im serious. If youd stop thinking of me as the bad guy, you might actually trust me a little.

I stare at him. Hes a little frustrated with me; I can see it. But theres something else there, too. I No words. No words will form, so I continue to stare. My eyes flick to his lips as his move to mine.

So close. So close. Hes so very close. His breath on my skin makes me shiver, and as much as I want to slap him, another part of me wants him to kiss me.

Somethings seriously wrong with me.

Cole I Too close now. Too close. I lean away, just a little, and so does he.

He stares at me, lines creasing his brow as a frown forms on his lips. Im sorry, he breathes. I shouldnt have He trails off.

Im not sure if hes talking about the sponsor or something else. Instead of asking, I step away. Disappointment washes over me as he drops my hands. Thank you for dinner. I turn away, trying to forget the way hes looking at me but the thought makes me turn back around. Ill see you tomorrow.

Im glad to hear it, he says with a small smile. Until next time.

I go inside and shut the door. Im surprised Mom and Dad arent hovering anywhere close"especially Dad, to make sure Im not making out on the front porch or something. Instead of finding them, I go down to my room. As I lay on my bed, my head is a sea of strange and unfamiliar emotions that I cant quite figure out.

Its going to be a long night.