Swingin Round the Cirkle Part 21

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M.

(wich is Postmaster), and likewise late Chaplin to the expedishn.

P.S. I opened the carpet sack on the train, spectin to find a clean shirt in it, at least. It contained, to my disgust, an address to be read before the Cleveland Convention, a set uv resolutions, a speech, and a pet.i.tion uv the proprietor thereof for a collectorship, signed by eight hundred names, and a copy uv the Indiana State Directory for 1864.

The names wuz in one hand-writin, and wuz arranged alphabetically.

x.x.xV.

An Appeal to the People just before the October Elections.

POST OFFIS, CONFEDRIT ROADS (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), October 1, 1866.

President Johnson, who hez bin likened to Androo Jaxon, and wich, since my appintment I conseed him to be, in many partikelers, his sooperior, requested me and William H. Seward (his secretary and chaplin) to draw up and publish to the Democracy of the various States holdin elecshuns this fall an address, or ruther an appeal, firmly beleevin that hed he extendid his tour to Maine, and isshood an address to em, that that state wood not hev gone ez it did. William refoozed to take part in the appeal, sayin that it warnt uv no use, and so the dooty devolved upon me.

DEMOCRATS AND CONSERVATIVES UV THE NORTH:

Appresheatin the gravity uv the isshoo, I address yoo. The signs uv the times is ominus. A Radikle Congress, electid durin the time when the Southin States, wich comprises reely all the intellek uv this people, didn't take no part in the elekshen, bein too bizzy gettin out uv Sherman's way to open polls,--a Congress, I repeat, in wich there ain't no Southern man, and wich consekently kant, by any stretch uv the hooman imaginashen, be considered Const.i.tooshnel, hez dared to thwart the President uv the United States, and set up its will agin hisn! I need skarcely recount its high-handed acts uv usurpashen. It pa.s.sed a bill givin rites to n.i.g.g.e.rs, wich, accordin to Scripter (see Onesimus, Ham, and Hagar, the only three texts in Scripter uv any partikeler account) and the yoosages uv the Democrisy, ain't got no rites; and the President, exercisin the high prerogatives put into his hands by the Const.i.tooshen, vetoed it. Here the matter should hev endid. He hed expressed, in a manner strikly Const.i.tooshenel, his objecshens to the measure; and a proper regard for his feelins, and just deference for his opinions, ought to hev indicated the right course. Here wuz peace offered this Congres. Here wuz the tender uv a olive branch. The President didn't want a quarrel with Congres; he didn't desire a continyooance uv the agitation wich hed shook the country like a Illinois ager; but he desired Peece. Congres cood hev hed it hed they only withdrawed their crood noshens uv what wus rite and what wuz wrong; ratified, ez they shood hev done, sich laws ez the President saw fit to make: in short, hed they follered the correct rool when we hev a Demokratic President, and put the Government in his hands, with an abidin trust in his rect.i.tood and wisdom, we mite hev avoided this struggle, and thus wood hev bin peaceful. But this reckless Congris, bent upon consentrating power in its hands instid uv dividin it between him and Seward, pa.s.sed the bill over his head, regardlis uv his feelins!

The responsibility for the dissension rests, therefore, with Congres.

But these questions are altogether too hefty for the Demokratic intellek, and I fling em out for the considerashen uv the few Post Masters we get from the Union ranks. To the Dimocrisy I Address myself more partickerlerly.

DO YOU WANT TO MARRY A n.i.g.g.e.r? This ishoo is agin before yoo. Are you in favor uv elevatin the Afrikin to a posishen where he kin be yoor ekal, or perhaps yoor sooperior? That ishoo is agin before yoo for yoor decision, only the danger to yoo is increased. The matter has become threatening; for, disgise it ez we may, thousands uv em kin read, and they are akk.u.mulatin property, and wearin good clothes to a extent trooly alarmin to the Dimokratic mind. We hev alluz consoled ourselves with the soothin reflection that there wuz a race lower down in the scale uv humanity than us uns. Shall we continue to enjoy that comfort?

That's the question for every Dimokrat to consider when he votes this fall. Remove the weight uv legal disability, and ten to one ef they don't outstrip us even, and then where are we goin to look for a race to look down upon? It's a close thing atween us now; and ez we uv this generation can't elevate ourselves, why, for our own peece uv mind, we must,--I repeet it,--MUST pull them down.

Agin then I repeet, DO YOU WANT TO MARRY A n.i.g.g.e.r? Yoor daughters wunst carried banners onto wich wuz inskribed that trooly Dimokratic motto, "White husbands or none!" and in consequence they've bin mostly livin in the enjoyment uv none. Are they to go back on that holy determinashen to preserve the Anglo Sackson race on this continent in its purity? Do yoo want the n.i.g.g.e.r--the big buck n.i.g.g.e.r--the flat-footed n.i.g.g.e.r--the woolly-headed n.i.g.g.e.r--the long-heeled n.i.g.g.e.r--the bow-legged n.i.g.g.e.r--the n.i.g.g.e.r--to step up aside uv yoo, and exercise the prerogatives uv freemeen in this country? Do you want the n.i.g.g.e.r aforesed to be mayors uv your towns, with all the hatred they hev towards us? Wat chance, O Dimokratic dweller in cities! think yoo yoo'd hev if hauled up afore a n.i.g.g.e.r mayor on a charge uv disorderly conduct? Wat chance wood yoor children hev in a skool uv wich all the teechers wuz n.i.g.g.e.rs? Wat chance wood yoo hev wen arrestid for small misdemeanors, afore n.i.g.g.e.r judges?

How, let me ask, in the name of High Heaven, wood yoo like to be tried for hoss stealin afore a n.i.g.g.e.r jury?

"But," say some uv yoo, who, set ravin by drums, and flags, and sich, went off violently into the war, and wuz, perhaps, saved from starvin by n.i.g.g.e.rs, "these n.i.g.g.e.rs wuz our friends in the late war--they fought agin the South!"

O, wat a deloosion! O, wat blindnis! Troo, they did; and that shows the danger that's afore us; that lifts the fog from the precipise onto wich we are standin, and shows us our danger. Wat does this fact prove? It proves the onreasonableness uv the n.i.g.g.e.r--his discontentednis with the posishen to wich nacher a.s.signed him, and his cussid disposition to upset the normal condition. The Bible makes him a servant unto his brethren (see Ham, Hagar, and Onesimus, three blessed texts). Science proves him to be, not a man, but a beast; and so, take him ez we may, either ez our brother or ez a beast,--and Dimocrisy, with that liberality wich hez always distinguished it, gives every man his choice wich theory to take,--his condition is servitood. But he, with a cussidness, a perversity wich I never cood understand, flies into the face uv the Divine decree, flies into the face uv science, and a.s.serts his independence! He turned agin them ez hed fostered him; turned agin, in many instances, his own parents (in these instances, for convenience, the parents adopted the brethren theory), and for an abstract idea fought agin em. That restlessness under bonds alarmed the Dimocratic mind. We who owned em under the Skripter (see Onesimus, Hagar, and Ham), and under the eternal laws uv scientific trooth wuz content with the arrangement, and why shood they not hev bin? Things wuz normal. They worked, and we eat; and ef they hed bin content with this ekitable division uv the labor uv life, all wood hev bin smooth to-day.

Their takin part agin us at the South, and in favor uv the Federals, is, instead uv a coz uv feelin good toward em, a source uv oneasiness; instid uv bein a reason for elevatin uv em, it's my princ.i.p.al reason for depressin uv em. Sich onsettled minds shood be quieted; this itchin to raise theirselves shood be crushed out uv em, that Science and Holy Writ (see Onesimus, Hagar, and Ham) may be vindicated.

Shel we desert Androo Johnson, after all the trouble he hez bin to in gettin back to us? Shel we elect a Congres this fall so soaked in Ablishin--so filled with objeckshuns to our Southern brethren, ez to refooze to receive em back into the seats which they vacated? Consider!

The Southern Dimokracy hevn't, and don't, lay up nothin agin yoo. They are willin to forgive and forget. They failed, but they are willin to forgiv the cause uv the failyoor. They hevn't got the government they wanted, but they find no fault with that, but are willin to take charge of the wun they hev bin compelled to live under. Kin they offer fairer?

The fate uv war wuz agin em. Buryin all hard feelins, they extend to us Chrischen charity, and say, Here we are--take us--give us our old places. They hev bin chastened. Their household G.o.ds hev bin destroyed, and their temples torn down. Wun neighbor uv mine lost two sons in the Confedrit army; another son, which he hed refoosed $1500 for in 1860, he wuz compelled to shoot, coz he wuz bound to run away into the Federal army; and two octoroons, which he hed a dozen times refoosed $2500 for, each, in Noo Orleans, he saw layin dead on the steps uv a skool house in Memphis. Hez he suffered nothin? And yet he is willin to take a seat in Congress--forgettin all he hez suffered, and forgivin the cause thereof.

What wickedness it is wich would further bruise sich a broken reed!

Therefore, ez yoo love yourselves and hate the n.i.g.g.e.r, I implore yoo to act. Take yoor choice uv the platforms uv the different States--vote ez a Johnson Unionist, or ez a Democratic Johnsonian--but vote.

Kentucky holds out her hands appealingly! Kentucky implores yoo to bild up a bulwark North uv the Ohio River to save what little is left uv pure Dimocracy there! Kentucky will back yoo in yoor endeavors. Will you heed her cry? Shel she appeel in vain? Forbid it, Hevin!

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M.

(wich is Postmaster).

x.x.xVI.

The October Elections.--The Effect the Result produced in Kentucky.

[Ill.u.s.tration: AFTER THE FALL ELECTION.]

CONFEDRIT ROADS (wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky), October 14, 1866.

There is mournin in Kentucky. The results of the elections in Ohio, Injeany, Pennsylvany, and Iowa reached me yesterday through a Looisville paper, wich wuz dropped off the cars at Secessionville, wich is the nearest station to us, and wich, I hapnin to be there, I picked up.

Ohio--40,000 Ablishin!

Injeany--20,000 Ablishin!

Pennsylvany--20,000 Ablishin!

Iowa--30,000 Ablishin!

ABLISHIN! Wat a dreery waste uv Ablishin! Not a single oasis uv Dimocrisy anywhere,--nary Aryrat on wich our ark kin rest in safety,--but all around us the mad waves uv Ablishnism rearin their crestid heads muchly.

I felt it my dooty to make this fact known to my neighbors; for, sposin that His Serene Highness' trip wood secure us enuff deestricts to make the next Congress safe, and consekently make us certin uv admission, they hed been makin arrangements for restorin things to their normal condishun, ez they were before the war.

In fact, two weeks before, in view of the expected success uv the Democracy, a meetin hed bin held on the subject. Some wuz for at once seezin the n.i.g.g.e.rs wherever they cood be found, and puttin em at work; but the conservatives overruled this. They held that slavery hed bin abolished, and that it ought not be restored; in fact, that, to act in good faith, it cood not be reestablished. Deekin Pogram announced a plan. The town authorities shood pa.s.s a ordinance for the proper government uv the n.i.g.g.e.rs. Their good and ourn demanded it. For instance, they shood not be permitted to be out after 7 o'clock, P.M., in the evenin; they shoodent leave the plantashen onto wich they wuz employed; they shood work every day till 7; and to do away with the pernicious work uv the Freedmen's Bureau, no man and wife wich hed bin married by a chaplin uv the Bureau, or by any one else, shood be employed on the same plantashen, and also no father or mother and child.

Sich ez violated these ordinances shood be arrested by anybody, and fined; and in default uv payment uv the fine and costs, shood be sold to the person who wood take his or her labor for the shortest number uv years, and pay the fine and costs aforesed. "Ez a conservative," sed the Deekin, "I sejest this plan."

"Do yoo want to know my definition uv the word 'conservative?'" sed Joe Bigler, a returned Confederate soljer, who, I bleeve, hez seen enough uv war. "It's a man who goes a roundabout way to do a devlish mean thing.

Deekin, why can't yoo go to the devil by a straight road, ez I do?"

The interupshen uv the demoralized wretch wuzn't notist; and ez the trustees uv the township wuz all present, the ordinance wuz pa.s.sed, and that night two thirds uv the n.i.g.g.e.rs within five miles uv the Corners wuz arrested and sold, and within two weeks every one hed bin capcherd.

I hied me to the Corners, and the first man I saw wuz Bascom, the grocery keeper, engaged in the congenial biznis uv tappin a barrel uv contentment, wich he hed just receeved. I wuz a goin to tell him the dread intelligence, when he caught site uv me. "Taste that, Parson," sed he, holdin out a tin dipper full. I drank it off, and one look at him onmand me. "Kin I o'ercloud that smilin cheek?" thot I, ez, in a fit uv absent-mindednis,--wich I hev every now and then,--I held out the empty dipper to be filled agin, wich it wuz. "No! for a time he shel be spared;" and I borrered his mule, and rode away pensively.

I wuz goin fust to Deekin Pogram's, for he wuz the most interested uv eny in the settlement. After the meetin mentioned above, the Deekin hed caused the arrest uv sich n.i.g.g.e.rs ez he cood ketch, and had had em fined in sums uv $275 and uppards, wich bein unable, ez a rool, to pay the fine, he hed kindly bid em in.

He hed picked up, here and there, all uv his old servants, ceptin those wich hed bin killed in the army, and the few misguided ones wich hed made their way North, and that mornin the plantashen wuz to be reconstructed upon the old patriarkle system. Mrs. Deekin Pogram wuz marsh.e.l.lin four uv the likeliest wenches I ever saw in the kitchen; his son Tom wuz chuckin a yaller girl under the chin, wich hed bin born on the place about eighteen years before, and wich, owin to a unfortunate resemblance to the Deekin, bed caused a onpleasantnis between him and his wife, wich endid in the loss uv the most uv his hair, and the sellin uv the girl's mother to Noo Orleans. The two girls hed each their waitin-maids, and wuz a puttin them through their paces. There hed bin some trouble in gittin em reconstructed, it bein deemed nessary to take the conseet out uv em, wich they wuz all a doin. Ez I rode up, the old lady bed jest knocked one uv em down with a fire-shovel, and wuz dancin a Highland fling onto her prostrate body. Almira, the oldest gal, hed her fingers in the wool uv her gal; and tother one wuz a thumpin hern to redose her to her proper level; and the Deekin hisself wuz a deelin with one ongrateful wretch, who objected to bein put to work on them terms, not realizin that the Bureau was gone. Ez the Deekin hed a revolver he yielded the pint, and submitted to be flogged, wich the Deekin wuz doin ez neatly ez I ever saw, considerin he hed bin out uv practis four years. He had him tied up to a tree, and wuz a wollopin uv him gorjus.

While he wuz a convinsin uv him with his whip that there wuz trooth in the Skripter, and that Ham wuz reely a servant unto his bretherin, I exclaimed, "Stop!" and immejitly whispered the appallin news in his left ear (tother one hed bin chawed off in a misunderstandin at Bascom's the previous Sunday nite, after servis). Never shel I forgit the look uv woe on that eminent Christian's face. The whip fell from his nerveless hand; and with teers streemin down his cheeks, washin up little streaks uv dirt in the most heart-rendin manner, he gasped in a husky voice to the wife uv his buzzum, "Cut him down, Mirandy! The North's gone Ablishin, and the d----d n.i.g.g.e.rs will be free anyhow!" and the old patriarch swooned away at my feet.

And sich an expression of anguish ez distorted the face uv the Deekin's wife I hope never to see agin. Droppin the shovel, she stood ez one petrified, with her foot elevated in mid air, ez in the act uv stompin, and uttering a shreek wich methinks I hear ringing in my ears yet, she fell precisely ez she stood, with her leg crooked ez ef 'twuz froze there. Tom released the gal he wuz subdooin, and mountin his horse rode off to the Corners without saying a word; and unable to witness the distress uv that stricken family, I made haste to mount my mule and go to; while the n.i.g.g.e.rs, feelin that they were wunst more their own men and women, scattered in every direction.

"Sich is the froots uv Radikelism," murmured I. "Sich is the bitter cup fanaticism hez put to our lips;" and castin one lingring look at the prostrate forms uv the Deekin, his wife (with her foot insensibly raised), and their two gushin daughters, I spurred the mule, and departed.

Wood that every Ablishnist in the North hed seen that site, and wuz possessed uv a sole to appreshate it! Then would they vote differently.

PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P.M.

(wich is Postmaster).