Swell Foop Part 32

Then it formed into the Demoness Metria. "What's up, doctors?" she inquired, her outfit becoming almost but not quite translucent, so as to compel the eyes of the males in the party without quite cauterizing them. It was evidently a fine art; Justin appreciated the precision of it without quite being able to remove his own eyes from the sight.

Breanna looked as if she were stifling a bleep-loaded outburst. Justin knew why: Metria was normally mischief, and this was a very important project. If they told her to go away, she would remain to pester them. But if they didn't, she might remain anyway. The question was how to get her to depart without alerting her to the fact that something extremely interesting was occurring.

"We are merely contemplating this dull rock," Justin said. That was technically accurate.

The demoness turned, showing more silhouette than a normal woman could manage in a lifetime. "Say, that looks just like a foop."

"A smelly what?" Breanna asked.

"A piece of filth, dirt, dung, muck, feces-"

"p.o.o.p?"

"Whatever," the demoness agreed crossly. "A smell p.o.o.p." She started to fade out. But then she reversed. "Hey, wait-that wasn't the word! I said foop, not p.o.o.p. What are you doing with a foop?"

"Bleep!" Breanna swore. "It almost worked."

Metria looked at her. "Are you trying to get rid of me, or only pretending to try to get rid of me?"

"Does it matter?"

"No. Obviously you folk are into something interesting here. You might as well tell me, on the off chance that I'll find it boring and fade out."

Breanna shot a desperate glance at Justin. He was able to receive it because he had managed to avert his eyes from the demoness when she faded and was keeping them clear now. It was a struggle, because his eyeb.a.l.l.s were straining to return to the barely showing cake and buns.

"It is indeed a foop," he said. "We are trying to determine what it may be good for."

"That's easy. It controls demons. Since n.o.body in his right mind wants to do that, I'll just remove it and throw it away, saving you the trouble." She reached down toward the stone, her decolletage flexing dangerously.

"No!" Justin and Breanna cried together.

The demoness paused. "Do you care to come clean now? I called your fake."

"Our what?" Justin asked.

"Pretense, dupe, counterfeit, dare, challenge-"

"Bluff?"

"Whatever. Tell me all about it, or I'll steal the Foop and throw it away."

"This is-this is-" Justin sputtered, unable to get the word out.

"Blackmail?" the demoness inquired sweetly, her short skirt becoming scantier.

"Whatever!"

"I guess we'd better tell her," Breanna said reluctantly.

"Very well," Justin agreed, though he would have preferred to utter a brush-scorching expletive. "This is not just any foop-it is the Swell Foop."

For once they saw the demoness aghast. Her clothing became entirely opaque. "The Swell Foop! You actually got it? I thought that was an untamed quack pursuit."

"A what?"

"A feral ugly-duck hunt. One quarter of an inch off-center."

"A wild goose?"

"Whatever! Have you any idea how dangerous that thing is?"

"No. Do you?"

"No. But it hasn't been used in centuries."

"So what were you saying about a foop controlling demons? Does the Swell Foop do that?"

"Of course. It controls Demons. You know, the major ones, big D's, like the Demon Xanth." She frowned. "If I may get serious a moment, you don't want to mess with that one."

"It is not our choice," Justin said.

"I suppose it isn't. But you are entering treacherous waters."

"It's weird seeing you serious," Breanna said.

"It's weird being near the Swell Foop."

"So how does it work?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know!" Justin exploded. "You said-"

"I said it was dangerous. I did not say I knew how to operate it. No demon does, of course. Otherwise we'd turn it permanently off."

"Really?"

"No. No demon can touch it."

"But you threatened to steal it and throw it away."

"That was a bluff, even for a regular foop. They are immune from demon molestation." Then she reconsidered. "However, I might stop you from using it, if I freaked you out." Her clothing began to turn gla.s.sy.

"Metria, this is serious business," Justin told her sternly. "If you don't want to help, then kindly fade out."

"Spoilsport." Her clothing opaqued again. "A demon girl just wants to have fun."

They returned their attention to the Foop. "How will we know when we have the right combination?" Jaylin asked.

"We shall have to give it a command each time we change the Rings," Justin said. "When it responds, then we'll know."

They tried a combination. "Swell Foop, rise," Justin said. To no avail.

"It occurs to me that we may be trying the wrong testing procedure," Che said. "The Foop may not do things to itself, but rather it must affect demons."

The others nodded. "Then Metria can indeed be of a.s.sistance," Justin said. "If the Foop makes her do something not of her own choosing-"

"How can we tell?" Breanna asked. "She may choose to humor us."

"It is a risk we shall have to take."

"I'll cooperate," Metria said. "Because this is interesting."

"Hold on," Cynthia said. "If we try things on her, and they work, it may simply be because she is cooperating, not because of the Foop."

"Excellent point," Justin said. "Metria, you must help us by being completely perverse. Don't do anything we ask you to, unless you are compelled."

The demoness smiled. "This may be fun."

Justin tried, with the Foop Rings the same as they were. "Demoness, turn around."

"No way," Metria said.

They tried another combination. "Turn."

"No."

They tried another. "Turn."

"Go jump."

Justin, uncertain whether she was teasing them, was becoming quietly pained. They had thought they had success when they got the Foop; now failure was looming. He tried another combination. "Turn."

"Ouch!"

All of them were startled. "What's the matter?" Justin asked.

"I got a sudden pain in my posterior. But I'm not turning."

She was starting to be truly uncooperative. He hoped they found the right combination soon.

Breanna touched the Foop. "I'm disgusted. We're not getting anywhere."

"You and me both," Metria said, turning mottled gray. "We're all wasting our time."

"I came all the way here to Xanth, and braved the Void, for nothing?" Jaylin asked sorrowfully. She touched the Foop. "For this dull stone?"

"The thought makes me cry," Metria said, and bright tears flowed down her face.

Justin suspected that they were being mocked. He tried a new combination. "Turn."

"No, it's your turn."

Several combinations later, they still had no results.

Then Sim thought of something. "For a moment there, we had emotions," he squawked. "And the demoness shared those emotions."

A glance of sheer amazed surmise circled them. "Emotions!" Che exclaimed. "It generates Demon emotions!"

"And little d demon emotions," Metria agreed, surprised. "I'm excited."

"And you're faking it," Breanna said. "This isn't that setting."

"Curses! Foiled again."

"But is that the same as controlling demons?" Justin asked.

"I believe it is," Che said. "Human beings are ruled by their emotions, and even centaurs have been known to be strongly influenced."

"But merely feeling pained or disgusted or sad does not necessarily govern what a person does."

"Why are you marrying Breanna?" Cynthia asked.

"Because I love her. But that doesn't mean-" He paused. "Love is an emotion! I am indeed governed by it. Still, I also feel a certain, um, attraction when Metria displays her, shall we say, infernal charms, but I don't act on that."

"Really?" the demoness asked. "I have been holding back, out of deference for the defects of mortals, but-"

"For the whats?" Breanna asked, frowning.

"Imperfections, weaknesses, faults, failings, flaws-"

"Foibles?"

"Whatever. But if I chose to be seriously seductive-"

"Don't bother!" Breanna snapped.

But she was too late. The demoness had already faded her outfit to bra and panties, and Justin's eyeb.a.l.l.s had locked into place. Those tiny bits of cloth barely constrained incredibly luscious quivering ma.s.ses of healthy sculptured flesh. He reached for that divine form, unable to help himself.

Then the vision was cut off by Breanna's body. "Point made, demoness," she said as Justin's eyeb.a.l.l.s broke free of their ruts and resumed mobility. "Men are ruled by their emotions. But we women aren't."

"Then why did you intervene?" Metria asked evenly.

"Because it griped me all to bleep to think of my man making out with a vamp like you."

"You were governed by jealousy. That's an emotion."

Breanna stared at her for a moment and a half. "Bleep!"