Swamp Girl! Chapter 68

‘Swamp man’.

This again?
I’m starting to get tired of hearing this mystery phrase.
I felt it the last time I heard those words, but they made me dreadfully uncomfortable, as if they were a rejection of my very being.
As a matter of fact, Lucien said it to me last time: [You were never supposed to be there. Who are you?]
Sure, maybe I’m not supposed to be here.
After all, I’m someone else. This body is only temporary.

Lucien’s objective is to empty this body. Then, to seal Tetra inside. That way, he would prevent Tetra’s Heart from going on a rampage.
So that means Lucien has a way of driving me out of this body, right?
That’s why he restrained me like this.

— In that case, could it be that he found the location of my real body?

If so, then not only would that problem be solved, my long-cherished wish would come true — just like that.

To return to my original body.

I’ve longed for that ever since I entered this body. Always. I came this far on the belief that I would return to normal someday. So if my body’s been found, then fact is, I should be hailing this guy as my savior.

Suddenly, I recalled one of the things I’d picked up in Brellwandy.
At the guild, Arc had said [The military has Artor on lockdown.] They might have been searching for my body on Lucien’s instructions.

I looked at the man before me.

Just how much does he know?
To be frank, the only thing I know for sure is that I’m not [Chris]. That was clear from what he said when we met here before.
But what’s this ‘swamp man’?
No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t figure out what that was.

“…Just what the h.e.l.l do you mean by ‘swamp man’?”

After coming up empty, I ended up asking Lucien.
He grinned widely as though he’d been waiting for me to ask. It wasn’t the careless smile he’d worn until now, but something truly loathsome.

For a moment, I regretted asking, but it was already too late.
Besides, I knew that even if I didn’t ask, this man would have talked about it anyway. My faith in that was already close to conviction.

“I’ll say this first. I know your true ident.i.ty. Moreover, I’ll tell you this: The body that you’re searching for is already in my possession.”

Lucien spoke with genuine enjoyment. He was smiling like he couldn’t hold it in even if he wanted to.
It was completely different from what I was asking about, but in a way, he did answer another question I’d had.

So, Lucien knew about me after all. And my body was already in his hands.

“Do you want to return to your original body?”

‘Of course I do.’
His whispered question seemed to pierce right through to my innermost thoughts, and I… couldn’t bring myself to give him the obvious reply immediately.

I want to return. That’s a given. I’ve been living like this for the sake of returning.
To leave this body and return to being a man.
That was my wish.

But — that would bring an end to everything.
If I do that, then I’ll never see Leon again, for sure.
And what would happen to [Chris]? Would she get it back — this body, Tetra’s would-be vessel?

— Probably… not.

If that happened, how would Leon feel?
Wouldn’t he be losing [Chris] a second time?

Wait, that’s not it! What — What do I — !?

What do I want to do?

I want to see Leon. But I can’t afford to do that. If it’s possible for me to return to my original body right now, then I should. But I —

For Leon, I —

But I have to return!
For my sake, for Leon’s, I have to go!

“Of — of course I want to go back to my old body!”

I shouted, my thoughts in turmoil.
I’ve always wished for this. So rejecting it now, I might as well be rejecting myself.
That’s why I have to return. That’s what’s right!

“Mm, then I’ll return the body to you.”

Seemingly satisfied by the reply I shouted from amidst my internal discord, Lucien nodded, then snapped his fingers.

The gesture left me dumbfounded.
Am I really going back? Though I answered in such unambiguous terms, my heart was nonetheless shaken to the point where even I doubted myself.
From behind me echoed the steady sound of footsteps. Little by little, they grew louder.

“Ah, that’s right. I never answered your earlier question.”

As I was about to turn around, I heard Lucien’s voice again.
What does he want to say now? My attention almost completely focused on the movement behind me, his words went in one ear and out the other. I turned to look behind me.

“I suppose you haven’t heard of the swamp man? Lightning strikes a man next to a swamp, and he dies. But, through the power of the lightning, a man springs forth from the swamp. The man is dead. Then, what about the man who was just born? What if, for argument’s sake, his memories, everything about him, are the same as the dead man’s? He will surely live on under the misconception that he is the dead man. And no doubt the world around him will think the same. But the new man and the dead are two distinct existences.”

I had no idea what he was going on about. I paid no attention to the sound of his voice in my ears.

— Coming towards me was the mystery man Palmira and I had pursued the night of the ball.

I shuddered, feeling gooseb.u.mps break out all over my skin. My instincts were on full alert.

How could I have missed it?

That distinct red hair. That build, those eyes. That bearing. Of course I would feel uneasy.

–

–

Because it was [me].

–

–

“What is it this time, Prince Lucien? You certainly have extremely perverse hobbies,”

[I] said. In my voice, while looking at me.

“Ah… Aaah…”

The reality before my eyes sent tremors through my body.
Maybe I should say something.
But my voice wouldn’t come out. I didn’t even know what I was supposed to think.
The chains above my head made a rattling sound. If not for them, I would have fallen on my backside right then and there.
There was no strength in my legs, in my body.

“Yo, Chris. I want you to tell me your name. Your real name, the one you used when we made the contract.”

Stop. Stop it. Don’t go any further.

“…? Christopher Carson?”

[I] answered, giving me a dubious look as I stared, shaking.
The breath caught in my throat.

Then… Then who exactly am I?

If the [me] in front of me is Chris, then who the h.e.l.l is the me right here?

“O–Oi, is that girl okay?”

[I] approached me.
Stop. Don’t come over here.
My heartbeat sped up. It hurt to breathe.
[I] drew closer to me.

“You’re seriously sweating a lot. Are you okay?”

That hand — [my] hand — came toward me.
Please stop. Don’t come any closer. Don’t touch me.
Don’t you G.o.dd.a.m.n touch me — !

That hand — touched my cheek.
That moment it made contact, my vision spun.

–

–

The name’s Christopher Carson. Nickname, Chris.
An adventurer with a good bit of experience, even at eighteen, I tackled a certain set of ancient ruins.
In practice, an adventurer is a jack of all trades.
As long as you pay in gold, they’ll be your merc, your investigator, your explorer — you name it. But an adventurer’s primary occupation has got to be ruin exploration. Well, it sounds better if you call it ‘exploration’, but it’s basically glorified grave-robbing —

—

–

–

— Recently, I’ve been on a lucky streak.
Those ruins had never been explored before, and I managed to get a considerable amount of treasure out of them. On my way through, I carelessly set off a trap and got poisoned. I was about to die, but as luck would have it, I drank some ancient medicine — because h.e.l.l, what did I have to lose? — and I was able to pull through just fine.

…Now that I think about, I took a serious gamble there. Next time, I’d have to pay more attention.

Anyway, I picked up a good amount of treasure, enough to support me for at least ten years.
It was quite the haul, and I’ll be honest, even in my fairly long career as an adventurer, it was my first time laying my hands on this much money.

The guild branch I reported to was completely astounded. It was a nice feeling.

I did register the labyrinth I discovered, but it was actually pretty shallow, so there shouldn’t be anything important left down there.
The trailing hyenas might gather, but it’ll just be a fool’s errand. I knew I was being spiteful, but just imagining it brought a smile to my face.

Intending to play around for a while, I signed on with a southbound merchant caravan and headed to the Imperial Capital.
There aren’t really any great cities in the north.
Brellwandy isn’t even worth mentioning, but that said, Kakraw.a.n.ga’s pretty big. Way too bloodthirsty, though. Telaberan is a large city too, and one I’m thoroughly familiar with, but come on — when it’s time to play, the bigger the city, the better.

And that means the Capital.
I skipped out on the tedious work of being a caravan escort and paid money like an ordinary pa.s.senger, catching a ride through the mountains. It had always seemed like an extreme luxury to me, but this much is fine, right? I’ve endured my fair share until now.

It had been a long time since I last came to the capital.
From a professional perspective, adventurers tend to go north, because work is truly difficult to come by in the wealthy and relatively safe region of the south. That would change further south, but I’ve never been that far down before. As long as I’ve got money in my pocket, I’ll be fine here.

But right now, the Capital.
Since I wasn’t going to get inside the walls, naturally I secured my current lodgings in the outer districts and proceeded to take things easy.
It’s not bad to be able to cut back and relax. Until now, I’d always been rushing ahead, always desperate.
I imagine I’ll go back to that life someday, but it’s exhausting to be like that all the time.
It’s time for a break, okay? A break.
So I convinced myself, and spent every night out on the town.

— It looks like I’m not cut out for that sort of life after all.
Money wasn’t a concern for me, but I was rotting away in this lazy lifestyle. Drinking booze, playing with women, it’s sort of unsatisfying.
Before I knew it, I was raising h.e.l.l with my sword drawn. It was boredom. Even though I was living it up, no matter what I did, something was missing.

I might say all sorts of things, but in the end, I love life on the edge.
I might be a pretty self-destructive guy.

When I was struggling over whether to go south or something, I met him.
Lucien, a man of unknown age, said to me, ‘If you have the time, why not work for me?’

I thought he was kinda shady. But I really did have the time, and it was rare to be scouted, so for some reason, I gave working for him a shot.
In any case, I was starved for excitement. Cynically, I thought that even if the guy was sketchy as h.e.l.l, it might offer some brief entertainment. So I accepted, only to find out he was a prince.

For the first time, I entered the world within the Capital’s walls, and what’s more, I got to go to the castle.

Sure, I did want to get some thrills, but this was a bit much.
And on top of that, this guy was no model prince.
‘This is confidential,’ he said, and led me to an underground area below the castle, where he ultimately a.s.signed me to labyrinth guard duty.

And he even showed me that weird-a.s.s thing earlier, too.

But in the end, I don’t know what this mysterious prince wants with me. I went underground on his orders, but that was it. Aside from that, he might as well have told me to do as I pleased.1

At first, my curiosity helped; just being there was enough. But it’s peaceful inside the walls, so nothing ever happened. I got fed up with it before long, but even though I asked the prince what I should do, he wouldn’t give me a straight answer.

Meanwhile, he told me to attend a party as an armsman.
Things were getting more and more incomprehensible. Plus, midway, he called me back underground via telepathy.
I had absolutely no idea why.

Just what the h.e.l.l does this guy want me do —

–

–

“UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH–!”

G.o.d — those memories. I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Startled, Chris pulled away from me.
But I no longer had the luxury of caring about such things.

Those memories, those experiences — there’s no mistake, they belonged to Chris. If I had made it out of Artor, that was the life I would’ve had.

And the fact is, the Chris before me was living that life.

The man before my eyes — is Chris. Without a doubt.
Then that — is no longer me.
If so.

Who am I!
WHO am I who WHO who am who am who wHO am I am I am I am I!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!”

An all-consuming terror I’d never known threatened to shatter me into tiny pieces.
The chains rattled. Sweat, tears, saliva soaked my face. My body wouldn’t stop trembling.

Just who the h.e.l.l am I?
It’s all fake.
The feeling of losing my parents; my hometown, which I thought would stand forever; my experiences weathering the dangers of the adventuring life; my memories of war — not one of them is mine.

Then what am I!

“O–Oi, what’s wrong with her? This definitely isn’t normal.”

Don’t speak! Don’t speak with that voice! With — with my voice!

“UUUUUUUUUAAAA–!”

Lucien had come closer to me without me noticing. Grabbing my hair, he turned my face forward.
When my eyes focused, his face was right in front of me.

He was grinning fiendishly —

“You understand now, don’t you? You can’t return anymore. Well, it’s not that you can’t anymore. You never had a place to return to in the first place. On the contrary, even the simple fact that you’re here is impossible. Now, I’ll ask you again. Who are you!?”

“Ah–ugh–ah–ahh–”

I can’t think anymore.

I — I am —

“You don’t get it? Then I’ll say it for you. I’ll tell you. You are nothing more than the copy of a memory. Something that shouldn’t exist. A fake. A void. An imitation. A fraud. Make-believe — so, what shall I call you? — ‘Swamp man’, maybe? No– ”

Lucien cut himself off, and then, with a twisted grin, he said to me:

“Swamp girl.”

Footnotes
1. Guessed: 地下に行ったにはいったが、それだけで、後はただ、好きなようにしてくれればいいときたもんだ ↵

A thousand points to Ickara for figuring it out, d.a.m.n you /fist-shaking
And also to Shuc49 for explaining the Swampman! I’ve encountered the concept before, but I’d never heard of the original thought experiment.

Also, this means SG!’s official pairing is Prince x some dude’s memories.
……And I can dig it.