Surrendering To The Dragon Part 15

Rolling onto her side, Nikki propped her head up with her hand. "Did it help?"

He shrugged. "A little. I still have nightmares every once in a great while, but talking about my troubles with someone allowed me to focus better overall." Tracing her cheek with a finger, he added, "You can talk to me, you know. Despite what you might think, I'm a pretty good listener if I want to be."

Even a few weeks ago, she would've called bulls.h.i.t. But thinking of how he'd listened to her ramble about her mother earlier, she believed him.

Still, talking about her captivity would mean releasing the memories she'd worked so hard to suppress.

Her dragon huffed. Think of Charlie.

What does our dead friend and mentor have to do with anything?

You vowed retribution, but what if a panic attack happens when we're inside a dragon hunter's hideout? Or, facing a group of them? You will fail everyone, including yourself. Is that what you want?

Nikki didn't want to admit her dragon had a point. Still, would Rafe think less of her if she told him the truth?

Rafe's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Tell me what's on your mind, Nikki. I'm starting to get a tad jealous of your dragon."

Her dragon hummed inside her mind, but Nikki ignored her. "I'm not sure if jealous is the right word. Having a two-sided conversation inside your head can be tiring at times."

"You say that, but I guarantee you wouldn't give her up for the world."

"No," she answered. "I wouldn't."

Cupping her cheek, Rafe caressed her skin with a gentle back-and-forth motion of his thumb. "Tell me and I'll hold you close until you fall asleep. Maybe I can help fend off the memories."

The corner of her mouth ticked up. "You're turning into quite the cuddler, Rafe Hartley. If you're not careful, you might ruin your reputation with the females."

"I don't care about my b.l.o.o.d.y reputation with women," he snarled. "I'm trying to get one particular woman to open up to me, but it's like squeezing blood from a stone at times."

She frowned. "Hey, that's not fair. You haven't told me much at all about yourself, apart from your work. I still don't know what happened to your friend who died."

"I don't tend to talk about personal details with other people. It's going to take some time to change that."

"Then how about this? You tell me about your friend who was killed in action and I'll tell you what caused my nightmare."

Rafe kept in his curse. Nikki was too clever.

Not that he didn't eventually want to share everything with her, but talking about Noah's death was never easy. Especially since it reminded him of how much of a b.a.s.t.a.r.d he'd been to Nikki four years ago.

Still, the lightly damp cheek under his skin reminded him of Nikki's screaming and thrashing about. Something was bothering her. The knowledge she could be silently suffering didn't sit well with him.

While he hated the fact the last few days of fun and teasing might be tarnished with his past, it would be selfish not to help when he had the chance. After all, it would not only heal her own mind, it would help prevent stress for their child.

And Rafe would do anything for his unborn child, even if it meant baring his soul.

Clearing his throat, he never took his gaze from Nikki's. "We have a deal." He settled to a more comfortable position on his side before continuing, "Noah Tucker was my best mate from childhood. We even signed up for the army together at sixteen. While we were a.s.signed different units for years, we both worked as hard as we could to be the best, which landed us in the Special Forces.

"Since we were a.s.signed some of the most dangerous missions and were looking for new strategies to try, the dragon-shifter guard was sent to work with us. I'll admit that at first, we were all skeptical about trusting them. At the time, very little was known about the dragons apart from the sacrifice program and the healing properties of their blood. While any dragon-shifter who wants to be a Protector is required to work for two years with the British armed forces, they had never before been sent to work critical a.s.signments. But by that point, we'd been in Afghanistan for so many years the military was willing to try something new.

"Everyone protested about working with the 'unpredictable beasts.' However, after meeting a few of the dragon-shifters and watching some demonstrations, Noah, myself, and a few others believed the dragons could help. Then came our first coordinated a.s.signment.

"We were to infiltrate an enemy stronghold. It was a smaller, isolated location that was disguised as a farm. According to the intelligence, fifteen men were hiding out there with a stockpile of weapons and armored vehicles that would soon be delivered to our enemies. The a.s.signment was simple enough-secure the enemies and take possession of the contraband. By doing so, it would weaken the enemy forces in the area, giving our side the chance to attack with minimal casualties and less collateral damage.

"Our team was divided into three groups-one headed by me, another by Noah, and a third by the dragon-shifters. We all made our approach after dark, but someone must've discovered our plans because, within seconds, a series of flash bombs went off, blinding us."

Rafe paused as the light and sounds filled his head as if it had happened the day before. The barrage of bullets, the yelling, the scent of blood. It all came rushing back.

Nikki touched his arm, and he snapped out of the memory. Realizing he had closed his eyes, he opened them to meet Nikki's lovely almond-shaped eyes. The understanding mixed with curiosity brought him back to the present.

Taking one of his hands, she threaded her fingers through his. Her voice was low when she said, "Tell me what happened next."

He squeezed her hand in his and took strength from her touch. "By the time I could see again, the dragons were picking off the men they could find. However, since most of the men were inside the farmhouse or the outside shed, I knew I needed to stick to the plan and infiltrate the shed if we wanted any chance of success.

"Leading the remainder of my team onward, we made it ten feet from the large shed when two armored vehicles sped out the side of it. It had been decided earlier that the dragons should take out any vehicles so that we didn't have to weigh ourselves down with rocket launchers.

"So, we took cover until the threats could be handled. Unfortunately, one of the dragons was shot out of the sky and crashed to the ground. The armored vehicles changed course, heading straight for the injured blue dragon. In near darkness, I could barely make out what happened next. But after the fact, when I learned the truth, the images made sense."

More than that, it had changed his life forever.

He pushed on. "But I'm getting ahead of myself. Noah's team was closer to the vehicle and the dragon since their target had been the farmhouse. One of the men from Noah's unit ran and jumped onto the vehicle. A second later, a grenade went off and the vehicle exploded. The distraction gave the injured dragon time enough to hop further away and make her way into the air again.

"Trained as we were, I would give our fallen comrade his or her full dues once we completed our objective. Leading my team into the farmhouse, we managed to capture the three remaining men inside. The dragons took care of the other armored vehicle, and Noah's team took over the farmhouse. I was so busy securing our prisoners, it was almost twenty minutes before I had a chance to find out about the casualties."

While a bad feeling had sat in Rafe's gut since the explosion, he'd held the hope that his best friend hadn't fallen.

Nikki squeezed his hand. "The man who took out the armored vehicle was Noah."

Between Nikki's comforting presence at his side and the knowledge it was only him and her in the room, he allowed tears to form in his eyes. His voice was gravelly when he answered, "Yes."

"Oh, Rafe. I know words can't bring him back, but I'm so sorry."

She cupped his cheek and he leaned into her touch. "The b.l.o.o.d.y fool had been n.o.ble and honorable to the end. According to his team, he'd sacrificed his life by carrying live grenades and jumping in the vehicle, all to save the dragon-shifter. Not just because he believed the dragon was as much part of his team as those actually under him, but he knew how precious dragons could be. He'd been dating the blue female dragon in secret and had been halfway in love with her." He looked away. "And the b.a.s.t.a.r.d had never told me. What was worse, the female dragon-shifter had been pregnant with his child."

"Wow. What happened to them?"

Meeting Nikki's gaze again, he shook his head. "I don't know. Not wanting to tarnish his reputation or risk his posthumous medal, no one ever reported Noah's connection to the dragon-shifter, let alone the existence of their child. Because of her injuries, the dragon, Gwendolen, was sent back home to Clan Snowridge. I have no idea what she told her clan, but she never returned to the army."

Once his hatred had cleared enough to remind him of his promise, Rafe had spent months trying to find something out about Gwen.

It still sat heavy on his soul that he couldn't fulfill his promise to his best friend.

Nikki's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Did you ever get the chance to see Noah's child?"

Rafe shook his head. "Even now, Snowridge is still closed to humans, apart from the sacrifices. I haven't been able to find out anything. To this day, I haven't been able to live up to the promise to look after Noah's family if anything happened to him."

Determination flashed in Nikki's eyes. "As soon as we have the chance, I can ask Kai. His mother, stepfather, and half-sister live on Snowridge. They might know something."

Rafe hadn't known about Kai's family. "I didn't think clan members changed clans, at least, until recently with Lochguard."

Nikki shrugged. "Sometimes, in the case of true mates, it happens. Other times, a dragon needs a place to stay en route to somewhere else. Or, if they're badly injured, we look after them. Kai's mother found her true mate with a Snowridge dragon. Since Kai was from her first mating and a teenager, he decided to stay here, but his mother went to Wales."

He loved the fact Nikki told him about her clan without hesitation. She must trust him. "As much as I hate to be in Kai's debt, it will be worth it to finally find Noah's child and ensure he or she is safe and well-cared for. We had always promised each other to look out for one another's families and loved ones. I've failed him so far." She nodded, and he squeezed her fingers. "But I have a little more to tell you."

Moving a few inches closer, Nikki murmured, "Then tell me."

Staring at Nikki's rumpled hair, sharp gaze, and beautiful face, he wondered how he ever could have dismissed her as nothing more than a young woman with a fancy. "Everything with Noah happened a few weeks before you arrived. You replaced Gwendolen on the dragon-shifters' team. And as much as I can now understand why Noah would give up his life to protect his woman and child, at the time, I blamed Gwen for Noah's death. If they hadn't been involved, would he have sacrificed himself? Or, would he have settled for something less surefire, such as a diversion?

"So, when you approached me, I let the anger and sadness I'd bottled up out on you." Leaning down, he rested his forehead against hers. "If you had done the same before Noah's death, I probably wouldn't have gone out with you, but I wouldn't have been the mean b.a.s.t.a.r.d I was. The fact you've given me another chance despite all that means the world to me."

Nikki searched his eyes before finally replying, "Now that you've told me what happened, both my mind and heart can truly forgive you. I lost a trusted mentor and fellow Protector last year. I understand what it's like to grieve silently while trying to display a strong face to the world."

At her forgiveness, happiness flooded his body. He was a step closer to winning Nikola Gray, he was sure of it. Once he had her, then he would find a way for them to stay together.

Provided she wanted a family, of course. Rafe wasn't sure what he'd do if he had to choose between Nikki and his child.

But all that was in the future. In the present, he needed to focus on the dragonwoman next to him.

Cupping her cheek with his free hand, he gently kissed her and said, "Is that what your nightmare was about? The death of your fellow Protector?"

Chapter Thirteen.

Nikki blew out a breath. "Are you sure you want to talk about that? It's not a happy story."

Moving his hand to thread his fingers through her hair, Rafe tugged lightly. "I don't care if it's happy or not. As long as it helps settle your mind and gives you a better chance at a happier life, then I will gladly listen to whatever you need to get off your chest, Nikki." She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "And you do need to get it off your chest. Don't try to deny it. Whatever was haunting your dreams sits heavily on your shoulders."

Her dragon chimed in. He is right.

You keep saying that.

I don't want to since I like to be the one who is right. However, I need his help to sort out your stubborn a.r.s.e.

"Does your dragon side with you or me?" Rafe asked.

She shot him a glance. "How do you know what we're talking about?"

"Call it a lucky guess." She narrowed her eyes and he chuckled. "Okay, whenever it comes to something you don't want to do or talk about, your pupils start flashing. My hunch is that you two argue a lot."

Her dragon preened. He is clever. And is usually on my side. I want to keep him.

Ignoring her beast, she muttered, "You're too b.l.o.o.d.y perceptive."

"Of course. It's my job to be perceptive." He lowered his voice. "It just means you're going to have to work harder to fool me."

Rolling her eyes, she sighed. "Maybe I was wrong before. Your arrogance alone is like a dragon-shifter's."

"It's not arrogance when it's fact."

Nikki battled a smile but gave in. "Too bad you can't fly, or you could challenge Marcus King of Clan Skyhunter. Maybe then the southern English dragons would join forces with Lochguard and us."

Releasing her hair, he lightly brushed her shoulder, her waist, her hip. "How about you stop trying to change the subject and tell me what's bothering you? That's more interesting to me right now than devising a plan on how to take over a dragon clan."

His intense gaze made her draw in a breath.

Her beast spoke up. Talk to him and then we can jump him.

What are you talking about?

You want s.e.x. But he won't give it to us until you tell him.

Unlike you, I can restrain myself.

Her dragon snorted. Right. Then tell me why there's wetness between our legs, and an ache waiting to be filled.

Tired of her beast's too-observant nature, Nikki tossed her dragon into a mental prison.

Meeting Rafe's eyes, she half-expected to see impatience. But there was curiosity and a calmness she wished she had in the present.

Squeezing her hip, Rafe murmured, "I'm going to wait until you're ready, but you're not going to sleep again until I have the truth."

"I could kick you out into the cold and then go to sleep."

He grinned. "Then I'd just find a way back in. I already have several options ready to use."

"Stubborn b.a.s.t.a.r.d that you are, you'd just keep coming back, wouldn't you?"

"Come on, Nikki. You know me well enough to answer that for yourself. Quit stalling. I held up my end of the deal. Now it's your turn."

The reminder about Rafe's eyes p.r.i.c.kling with tears when he'd bared his soul made Nikki feel about two inches tall for trying to weasel her way out of telling him about her time with the dragon hunters.

If he could talk about one of the most painful times of his life, she could, too.

After taking a deep breath, the words spilled from her lips. "A little over a year ago, Bram and Evie's adopted son, Murray, was kidnapped by the dragon hunters, who were then based in Carlisle. Since Evie was one of the hunters' targets, she was moved to a secure location and another female Protector named Charlie, along with myself, were a.s.signed as her guards. You might have heard of some of the general details before." Rafe nodded, and she continued, "Well, quite simply, Charlie and I f.u.c.ked up. Bram said the area was secure and rather than double-check to ensure it was, we just accepted it. It was how the dragon hunters were able to catch us by surprise."

Nikki had still been training at the time, but she should've spoken up about taking a second look around for threats to Bram or Charlie. Maybe if she had, Charlie might still be alive.

But she wasn't going down that road again. If she didn't get the entire episode out now, she might never do so.

Finding her voice, she continued, "The hunters drugged us with something that knocked Charlie and me unconscious for a while and prevented us from shifting for two or three days; I lost track of time. At any rate, being the younger Protector with an injured shoulder, the hunters decided I would be easier to interrogate. As for Charlie..."

Nikki swallowed as the roars of pain reverberated in her ears. Even locked in a room far away from the laboratory, the dragon cries had reached her sensitive ears. And she'd been powerless to help her friend.