Storymakers: Wanted Part 3

Verte tapped the wart on her crooked nose. "Glad one of ya still has the sense Grimm gave you." She walked over to Hydra and knocked the bow with her foot. "Well, Rexi, per the usual criminal patterns, you have a new toy, so you musta made it to the p.a.w.n shop. Did ya get what we ordered?"

I took out the small, brown box from my pack and handed it to her. "Yeah, I got it." Though it felt like it had been days rather than hours since my brief trip into Nottingham.

"Good, we gots a letter to read." Verte conferred in nonsense babble with Hydra. Once that was done, the sorceress handed out orders. "Dot, you and your thief buddy need to go get a chest out of the attic. It's next to the other unspeakable things."

I didn't budge, because I had already seen the gizzards, lizards, oozing eyeb.a.l.l.s, and carnivorous houseplants that Hydra kept in her pantry. I really didn't want to know what "unspeakable things" she kept in the attic.

Sensing my reluctance, Verte sighed and her face softened, making her look like a sweet old lady. Which made me want to say, Oh, Grandma, what big teeth you have...

"Or perhaps Hydra would be a dear and get it? Oh, I forgot she can't. Some thieving traitor led the giant Tinman to the rainbow where he kersquished her body."

Hydra managed to summon a single, sparkling tear. Apparently she was as skilled at guilt trips as she was at swapping heads.

Dorthea didn't look too excited to do the errand either. "Wouldn't it be better if Kato went?"

"Why no, it pos-o-tutely wouldn't. Now go and take the enchant-alator."

I peered around the chicken leg to where Verte pointed and saw a shimmery glitter tube spiraling upward. "No one could have told me about the enchant-alator before I climbed those scrawny drumsticks?"

"No time. Git."

I did have to begrudgingly admit, the enchanta-lator was a nice addition. Dorthea and I rode up in silence, the green flaming tips of her hair sparked and hissed, speaking volumes.

"What?" I asked. Though if I really focused, I could have used our bond to see what she wanted.

"I'm worried about you."

"Stop using my life like it's a credit card you order shoes with and quit murdering me. That'd be a solid start."

Dorthea stared down her nose at me. "I said I was sorry, okay. But that's not what I meant."

I sighed. "Let me guess. That mumbo dumbo pix about ceasing to exist that Verte spouted." And Morte. I was worried about it too, but since no one knew about my grim reaper... "I don't want to talk about it."

"Of course you don't, but we're going to anyway."

"Because you command it, Your Highness?" I said with a fake bow, my tone lower and rough like sandpaper.

"No, because I'm your friend and I care about you and I'll keep bringing it up until you deal." Dorthea huffed, her flaming hair flared brief but blindingly. "What was that? Did your shadow just move on its own? That's crazy."

"Yes, you are. I'm glad you finally noticed." The tube dinged at the top of the chicken hut just in time. I stepped out hastily to put some distance between us. "Let's just find the chest and get out of here. This place creeps me out." The creaky wooden attic had more cobwebs than walls. And I was pretty sure I saw fangs on the dust bunnies that were flitting in the dark corners.

Dorthea had obviously stopped short with her makeover before she hit the attic. Good thing, since it would have sucked my life force dry. And I'm not entirely certain I could come back from that. Before she'd made the wish that broke the world to pieces, I'd been privy to the other servants' gossip in the Emerald Palace for six years. I'd thought the Emerald curse was just a bunch of hooey the king and queen concocted to excuse keeping their daughter locked up.

Yeah...not so much.

Girl of Emerald, no man can tame. Burn down the World, consumed by flames.

A prophecy, a threat, a promise-who knew? The source of her magic, the green flames that lived inside her, that danced on the tips of her hair, that leaped to her hands at the barest spike of her temper-it was hungry, always looking for more energy. And I was the most readily available snack.

Whack.

Something hit me in the back of the head.

"Are you even listening to me?" Dorthea said, shoe still in hand.

"Nope."

Apparently she'd been talking, but I've gotten pretty good at tuning out voices lately.

"Ugh," she said, stamping her other heel. "Why do you keep pushing me away? I'm trying to help you, glam it!"

"Yeah, I can tell," I muttered and rubbed my head. "Look, I know I screwed up," I said, turning to her and clasping the opal necklace. "Right here's the proof. The debt I can't ever steal enough to pay off. You own my life and my deaths. So for the love of Grimm, just give me some s.p.a.ce and stop making it worse."

"I never wanted this," Dorthea said quietly, her voice shaking. "You've changed. I'd make it all go away if I could. I wish-"

"Don't even think it," I cut her off. The w-word was strictly off-limits for her. Not even Oz really understood her powers and what she was capable of.

I scanned the room for what we'd come here for. Just under the north window rested a medium-size chest that looked like it had been carved from the warped heart of an ironwood tree. That by itself would have made the chest unbreakable, but the container was also wrapped with chains and a half dozen padlocks.

Whatever was in there was worse than poison-apple-level bad news.

Dorthea must have thought the same thing, cuz she shut up the second she saw it. I took a deep breath. As long as the chest stayed sealed, I was safe. Probably.

We carried it to the enchant-alator and went down in it silently, each of us holding a side. We set the wooden chest down on the gra.s.s just as the third sun was setting behind the trees.

"Good. There's one half. Now for the other." Verte motioned to Kato, who dropped a pill in a bucket of water.

Nothing happened immediately, but Kato stepped back anyway and took cover. Hydra opened her mouth, but he cut her off with what we all already knew she was about to say: "I know. I know. Wait for it."

The water bubbled, just a few tiny plops at first, but within seconds, it came to a full boil. With a sploosh, two big feet burst out from the bottom of the pail. From there, legs emerged. The bucket was just the right size to cover the lower half of the torso that grew out the top. Then two manly arms popped out the sides. And last, a head-with a blindingly white smile and a ma.s.s of blond, curly locks that would make Goldy scream in jealousy.

"This isn't right. We didn't order Grow-A-Beau." Verte checked the box again. "Where's the spellphone? Somebody call customer service."

"h.e.l.lo, gorgeous," I said and took a step closer to inspect the boy in the bucket. Just to make sure it was safe.

"Rexi!" Verte yelled. "This is your fault. I know it."

"Rex," the Grow-A-Beau said slowly, as if testing his own voice. He stared deeply into my eyes, then winked and flexed his muscles.

Hydra whistled low. "Hot toasted borscht."

"Glammed right," Dorthea said, nodding. At Kato's growl, she hastily added, "If you go for that sort of thing."

The ironwood chest began to shake, the lid pushing and rattling against the chains.

"Oy. Now we've done it." Verte's chin hair curled and spun wildly. "She smells fresh meat."

"Rule of Service: Loyal help is expensive to maintain. That's why the best kingdoms run on the backs of indentured servitude or blackmail."

-Thomason's Tips to Ruthless Ruling.

6.

Rotten to the Core.

"She?" I squeaked and pointed to the chest. "What's in there?"

"Man-eater," Hydra slurred.

Verte clucked, "That was never proven." The chest thumped, like someone was trying to get out. "I know you don't like Gwennie, but you gotta swap heads with the hussy since only she can read the message."

Dorthea went over to inspect the newly grown hottie. "So if the Gwennie head is in the box, isn't swapping into it gonna be a little tough, since, I don't know, the body we just grew is a guy and he kinda already has a head?"

"Off wiff 'is head," Hydra slurred.

"Ew, no," I said, vetoing the idea.

"I don't see why not." Verte ignored me and skimmed the small print on the package. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, brain not included. Well, obviously, since who needs their eye candy to think." She looked up and shrugged. "Might work."

"No!" Dorthea and Kato shouted together.

"Why can't she just zap her soul from one head to the other? Why do we need a new body at all?" I asked.

"To make the transfer successfully, the new head gots to be connected to a heart. Without that anchor, the head rots and loses connection to Hydra's soul," Verte said.

"Bah," Hydra said and rolled her eyes. The left one popped out of the socket and plopped on the ground.

I covered my mouth to stop the chunks of my lunch from escaping.

"See," Verte said, grabbing the eye and popping it back in Hydra's head. "We're lucky she's lasted this long."

Dorthea put her hands on her hips. "Well, that body is defective merchandise. Just call the shop and make them deliver a new one. Duh." Spoken like a true shopaholic.

"We could do that," Verte seemed to consider. "And at the same time, we place a sign with one of those thingeramoggoos that tells everyone in Story, We are here. Next idea."

"She is half-right," Kato said, defending his princess. "We just need to exchange the body. It's getting dark, so the forest won't be safe to navigate. I'll go to the shop in the morning. Surely the message can wait until then."

Hydra burped. "Being excused."

"She needs to swap outta this head before it spoils any more. For that, we need a new body. Rexi will go," Verte said without even looking at me.

"It's too dangerous and there are too many traps," Dorthea said, backing up her fiance.

The Emerald Sorceress overruled the princess. "Rexi can do it." It wasn't that Verte had faith in me particularly, but she was the one who made the deal for me to work off Dad's taxes in the palace kitchens. Only she knew exactly who I was and why I could avoid the traps laid in these woods.

"Nope. No. I absolutely forbid it." Dorthea crossed her arms over her chest.

"She doesn't believe in you..."

I didn't need Morte taunting me from my sunset-stretched shadow. I could feel fear and hesitation from Dorthea's leaking emotions.

Beyond that, it bothered me that everyone was talking about me as if I weren't there. Like I didn't have a say. n.o.body cared what I thought because my opinion didn't matter.

"Precious that you think a puppet gets to decide which way its strings are pulled."

I knew exactly what I needed to do.

"Verte's right. I'll go," I said.

There was cursing, arguing, eyelash batting, and more cursing, but eventually Dorthea agreed. And by the time night fell, I made all the necessary preparations. I was ready.

Dorthea and Kato escorted me to the opening of the clearing. Verte and Hydra were nowhere to be seen. Better that way, really.

"Be careful," Dorthea said. Her flaming hair acted like a torch, lighting our surroundings. "Stay out of sight. Don't talk to strangers. Go straight to the shop and back, mind you, and don't steal anything you don't absolutely have to."

"You sound like your mother," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

Kato squeezed Dorthea's hand, snuffing out the green flames glowing in her palms. I could feel her worry flare along with her agitation at me.

Her glare said plenty too. "I mean it. You could have at least let me give you a disguise makeover. We are all outlaws."

"No way in spell am I letting you touch me with your Maker magic. Besides, I'm a hexed sidekick; n.o.body's looking for me. And if they were, my wanted picture doesn't even look like me. For once, being unimportant has been useful."

Kato stepped forward and squeezed my shoulder, then pulled me close to whisper in my ear. "Just because you have a fool's luck doesn't mean you should act like one. Be smart and come home to us."

I shrugged him off and backed away with a chuckle. "You two are the ones the world should worry about." I stared intently at my fidgety hands. "So take care of each other. And...stuff." As far as good-byes went, that was as gushy as I could handle or offer without tipping them off that I had no intention of coming back at all. I turned to the handsome and dimpled golem and gestured toward the path. "Well, let's go, DumBeau." (He'd earned his name due to lack of brain and the fact that his ears hadn't really stopped growing.) He followed me, smiling blindly and brightly, without a care for what was happening or that he was defective goods. At least he no longer wore a bucket around his waist. Kato had dressed him in some clothes from the Huntsman fashion line that Dorthea had accidently conjured using her Maker magic.

But there ain't nothing free in this world. Magic always has a cost. To get anything of value, something of equal worth must be sacrificed. Equivalent exchange. It's been my experience that royals do most of the getting, while the rest of us do the sacrificing. And while I was packing provisions for the journey, I discovered that Dorthea's little magical shopping spree for DumBeau had swiped nearly all of Hydra's spell ingredients, as well as most everything I owned. In fact, I was pretty sure that DumBeau's calf-length coat was made of mossy loam from the forest and leather from my last good pair of breeches.

Which is why I felt no guilt in taking his coat. Repossession.

I waited until the ironwood tree sentinels closed the archway behind us before trying it on. Since I was shorter, the hunter's coat swamped me a bit. But the soft moss hood was large enough to keep my face concealed.

"Rex?" DumBeau said with his head tilted to the left.

"Hate to break it to you, but you're not actually going anywhere, so you don't need it anyway." I pulled out laces I'd swiped from a ridiculous pair of leafy riding boots. With heels, of course. I'd found them when I was scavenging for useful supplies in the home makeover disaster.

Knotting the laces together, I made a long rope and fastened him to the nearest tree.

Securing my knots tight, I took a step back. DumBeau's smile was gone, his lower lip sticking out as if in deep thought, which was extra difficult without a brain.

"Look, it's nothing personal." Aside from bungling my name, DumBeau was quiet, good-looking, and compliant-the perfect man. Much better than that fur ball prince. "Sorry, but running away is sort of a solo project."

In my defense, I'd only said I would go. I hadn't said where or with whom. Or to do what. Or that I was coming back. I'd just agreed that I could make it through the merry men's traps. If everyone a.s.sumed something else...well, that wasn't my problem.