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Hannah Kron,[122] I know that I am a bandit, a murderer, not to have got you a divorce, or at all events a conditional divorce--but G.o.d in heaven is my witness: I hadn't the heart! I felt that if I left you a divorce, I should die of grief on the way. We are a true and faithful couple. G.o.d Himself was present at our union, and I am bound to you with my whole heart, we are one soul in two bodies, and I do not know how I shall live without you and without the child, may it be well, even for a minute.
And should anyone say I have left you a gra.s.s-widow, don't believe it; for I, Shmuel Mosheh, am your husband, and I have only done what I _had_ to do. What will misery not drive a man to? Hannah'li Kron, if I could lay my heart open before you, you would see what is going on there, and I should feel a little happier. As it is, dear soul, I am very wretched, the tears are pouring from my eyes so that I cannot see what I am writing, and my heart aches and my brain goes round like a mill-wheel--and my teeth chatter, and the letter-carrier, the illiterate boor, stands over me and bangs on the table and cries: "I must go! I must go!"
Lord of the world, have pity on me now and on my wife Hannah, health to her, and on the child, so that I may have joy of it yet.
From me, your dear husband, who writes in the inn on the way,
SHMuEL MoSHEH.
SECOND LETTER
My precious and beloved wife:
What am I to say to you? I see clearly that my idea of going away was heaven-sent, that G.o.d Himself put the thought of America into my head; everything He does is for the best.
My dear Hannah, whenever I shut my eyes I fancy myself at home again, and the dream comes from the other end of the world. For who would have thought that an idler like me, such a nincomp.o.o.p as I am, such a born fool, should ride on a railway, cross the sea in a ship, and arrive safe in America? The finger of G.o.d! "I will praise the Lord"--it was G.o.d's disposing--His will alone enabled me to leave you and the child, and may we be counted worthy to rear it for the Torah, the marriage canopy, and all good works.
Hannah'li Kron, I have seen great wonders on dry land, but nothing to what I saw on the sea. While I was at sea, I forgot everything I had seen on dry land, and now, among the wonders of America, I begin to, forget about the sea.
At first I was so miserable on board ship, there are no words for it.
But all ended well, and I am sure it was for your sake and the child's.
Hannah'li, I am sure you remember Leeb the reader,[123] who came to our town once a few years ago, and recited the prayers in our Shool during the Solemn Days. I remember that after the Day of Atonement you told me you had never heard such davenen[124] in your life. I even recall the very words you used: Leeb the reader "roars like a lion and weeps like a child."
Next morning there was something of a commotion in the town; people had forgotten Leeb the reader, hadn't paid him properly, and he, poor man, went from house to house collecting money--with a little girl, you remember, whose name was Genendil. She accompanied her father's singing with her childish voice. When they came to our house, you were very sorry for her, took her into your lap, kissed her on the head, and gave her something, I forget what. And you cried for compa.s.sion over the motherless child. Perhaps you wonder at my remembering all this?
You see, Hannah'li Kron, I remember all the kind things you said and all your actions, for they were full of charm. You are continually before me. I fancied sometimes, crossing the sea, that you stood beside me, and that the child had hold of your ap.r.o.n, and I heard your voices, and they sounded in my ears with a sweetness beyond all description.
And I have come across Leeb the reader, by the way.
Heaven forgive me, but Leeb the reader has sunk very low.
He paid no attention on board ship as to whether the food were kosher or not, and he drinks as is not the way with Jews. I never once saw him in prayer-scarf and phylacteries the whole time, or saying grace after meat. He goes about all day without a hat--and not content with this, he leads his daughter into the same paths. The Genendil of those days is now about seventeen. You should see her--a picture! And he made her sing and dance before the pa.s.sengers on board ship--and she sings in different languages. The people listened and clapped their hands with delight and cried out goodness knows what. And it was all so boisterous that really--....
At first--why deny it?--I was very pleased to see them. It's always somebody from home, I thought. I won't have to hang about so lonely and wretched. But afterward I felt greatly distressed. I couldn't bear to watch his goings-on with his daughter. And now and again it cut me to the heart to hear a Jew, who used to stand at the reading-desk, a messenger of Israel to the Almighty, talk such disgusting nonsense. And his voice is burned with brandy.
And they must take me in hand and try to make me presentable. They made fun of me on board. It was always: "Idler!" "Fool!" He tweaked my ear-locks; she pulled the fringe off my "little prayer-scarf," and the whole ship took it up.
And what ailed them at me? That I avoided forbidden food and preferred to fast rather than touch it.
You know, I dislike quarrelling, so I edged away, hid in a corner, and wept my heart out in secret.
But they discovered me and made a laughing-stock of me, and I thought it would be my death.
It is only here, in America, that I see it was all a G.o.dsend; that G.o.d, in His great goodness, had sent Leeb the reader before me into America, as He sent Joseph before his brothers into Egypt.
Because, what should I have done without them? A man without the language of the country, without a trade, not knowing at which door to knock? And Leeb the reader is quite at home here, talks English fluently, and he got me straight away into a cigar-factory, and I am at work and earning something already.
Meanwhile we are in the same lodging, because how should I set about finding one for myself?
And they behave quite differently to me now. Genendil has given over quizzing me about my beard and ear-locks, and keeps at a distance, as beseems a Jewish daughter. She cooks for us, and that is very important, although I eat no meat, only eggs, and I drink tea without milk.[125]
She washes for us, too.
There is a lesson to be learned from this, namely, that what the Lord does is for the best.
And do you know _why_ it has all turned out for the best? For _your_ sake!
On the boat, already, when I began to feel I could bear it no longer, I plucked up my courage and went to Genendil and told her I was your husband. I recalled to her memory the time after the Day of Atonement when they were in our house, how good you were to her, how you took her on your knee, and so on.
Her manner changed at once, she had compa.s.sion on me, and her eyes filled with tears. Then she ran to her father, and talked it over with him, and we made peace.
They immediately asked the captain to treat me better, and he agreed to do so.
I was given bread as much as I could eat, and tea as much as I could drink. The crew stopped tormenting me, and I began to breathe again.
You should have seen what a favorite Genendil was on board. And no wonder: first, she is a great beauty, and for a beauty people will jump into the sea; secondly, she is really good-natured, and people are simply charmed by her.
And now, my precious wife, I will give you some good news:
Leeb the reader tells me I shall earn at least ten dollars a week.
I reckon to do as follows: the half, five dollars, I will send to you, and keep five for myself. I will live on this and save up to buy a Talmud. The Mishnah books I brought with me. I have settled to read at least ten pages of the Gemoreh a week. I won't buy a prayer-scarf, because so far I have prayed in Leeb the reader's--for Leeb the reader had one with him.
To what end, I don't know, because, as to praying--never a word!
I persuade myself, this is also heaven-sent; he was made to bring a prayer-scarf on my account.
Perhaps he means to pray at the reading-desk during the Solemn Days. Who knows? They are drawing near. Anything is possible in America. The world here is topsy-turvy. And the Lord knows best what is good for a man.
Do you know what? I am not angry with your brother, the bandit, any longer. It's the same thing again: I tell you, that also was a G.o.dsend; it couldn't otherwise be possible that a man should treat his sister so.
That was all brought about in order that I should run away to America, and send for you to come to me. And when, G.o.d helping, I have made some money, I will a.s.sist your brother, too. I tell you, he also is a pauper.
I see now--what _we_ call a rich man is a beggar in America.
I end my letter, and this time briefly, although I have heaps and heaps more to say, because I am afraid Leeb the reader and Genendil may come in, and I don't want them to see what I have written to you. And I beg of you very much not to show my letters to a living soul. Why need a stranger know of our doings? And I hug and kiss the child, long life to it. Give it ten thousand loving kisses from me--do you hear?
From me, your husband
SHMuEL MoSHEH.
THIRD LETTER
My beloved wife:
I can remember when Yoneh the shoemaker went to America, and people began to talk about it for the first time, wondering what it was like there, how things were done.
They asked, whether people walked on their heads, and it is true that everything here is upside down. No sort of order, only a great shouting and noise, as in the butchers' meeting-house at home.