Still Thinking Of You Part 20

'Right,' confirmed Mia.

Jason took another swig of his beer and concentrated on not moving his face so much as a fraction. First, he needed to decide which expression to settle into. What was appropriate? Raised eyebrows to show shock? Open mouth to show horror? Or a lewd wink that suggested his best friend playing away on his prenuptial holiday was entirely acceptable? Jase remembered that he was with Mia and so decided he didn't need to act. His face twisted with hurt.

'He's never said anything to me.'

And oddly that was why Jason was feeling hurt. Not the fact that his latest would-be conquest had been conquered by someone else. All thoughts of Jayne's fantastic b.l.o.w. .j.o.b and the promise of as yet undiscovered delights in the sack vanished. The fantasy of Jayne making a great steady girlfriend disappeared instantly, even faster than its admittedly rapid appearance. After all, there were always other fish in the sea. But the fact that Rich had kept something so mammoth a secret from him that betrayal stung.

'I saw them kissing in the foyer of the cinema this evening.'

Jason tried to compute this information.

'That's not necessarily an affair. Neither of them has confided in you, have they?'

'Neither of them bothered to deny it,' said Mia. 'They do work together, so it's possible. They've spent a lot of time together this hol. They clearly get along. Thinking about it, Jayne suits Rich better than Tash does.'

Mia needed Jason to believe that Rich and Jayne were something of an item. If they were simply having a meaningless fling (his last and her rebound), then Jason would not move on from wanting Jayne. In fact, he would probably see her willingness to be a s.l.u.t as a definite turn-on. Mia knew that neither Jase nor Rich was squeamish about sloppy seconds and had a number of past conquests in common. Herself included.

'Poor Tash,' muttered Jase.

This startled Mia. She was so wrapped up in her own scheme that she had failed to consider how the consequences of this liaison would affect anyone but her.

'Suppose,' she admitted grumpily. Mia rarely spared sympathy for women who had been cheated on. There were too many of them; it would be an endless and exhausting mission. Jase finally managed to catch the bartender's attention. He ordered two double whiskys. He pushed one towards Mia and downed the other himself. He immediately repeated the order.

'What are you going to do?' he asked Mia.

'Do?' She was confused.

'Are you going to tell Tash?'

'h.e.l.l, no.'

'Don't you think you should?'

'It's not my business.'

'Well, it sort of is, now that you know.'

'You know, too. What are you going to do?' asked Mia, lobbying the ball of moral responsibility firmly back over the net towards Jason.

'Right now, I'm going to get very drunk and then...' Scaley Jase paused and looked around the dance floor. His eyes rested on a girl of about twenty years old who was wildly circling around her friend as though her friend was a pole in a Spearmint Rhino lap-dancing bar. Clearly very drunk already, she was strutting her not particularly funky stuff in a clumsy but amusing way. She wore a short denim skirt and a white b.o.o.b tube. She was amply endowed and so she repeatedly had to hike it up because her enthusiastic dance movements were in danger of leaving her exposed. She wore too much make-up, even by Jase's standards.

'And, then, I am going to sleep with her, if she wants to,' said Jason.

Tuesday.

41. The Morning After.

Jason woke up next to the busty bottle-blonde. He gently shook her awake and asked if she wanted him to order her a room-service breakfast, before she left. They both knew that he was extending a courtesy by offering breakfast, but also making it clear that was all he was offering. The bottle-blonde was young and resilient. She didn't want breakfast, but she did ask if she could take the toiletries from the bathroom before she headed back to the apartment that she was sharing with five other, similarly uncomplicated girls.

'Sure, and, look, maybe we can hook up again. Maybe tonight?' offered Jason. He didn't intend doing so, but, on the other hand, he didn't intend not to do so.

'Maybe,' shrugged the girl.

Jason had been good at the oral stuff. She had enjoyed s.e.x with him. She'd noticed before that tequila slammers made her particularly h.o.r.n.y. But in the daylight, and now she was sober, he looked very old. He had wrinkles around his eyes that last night looked distinguished, but this morning they were just sad. And he had grey p.u.b.es it was horrifying. She wasn't sure she'd want her friends seeing her with him again. Besides, she didn't really believe that stuff he'd spouted last night about him owning a penthouse pad in Soho and a Porsche Boxster. This meant that he was a p.r.i.c.k for making it up.

'I'm going to b.l.o.o.d.y freeze getting back to my apartment,' she moaned, as she wriggled into her minuscule skirt and b.o.o.b tube. Jase gave her a Ralph Lauren jumper and the money to call a horse and sleigh. He knew he'd never see his jumper again, but he wanted to feel like a gentleman.

He gave the girl a perfunctory kiss on the cheek and, as the door closed behind her, he wandered into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He felt c.r.a.p, and it wasn't the one-night stand. He was male and incapable of understanding why anyone would feel anything other than marvellous about achieving a one-night stand. It wasn't even his hangover.

It was Rich.

Last night, after the farce in the cinema, Rich had rushed out of the foyer and fled to the hotel. He hadn't looked back. He didn't know where Jayne had gone, whether she'd returned to watch the rest of the film or not, and he didn't care. For all he cared she could have flung herself off the side of a mountain. In fact, that was the only favour she could do him.

Rich hadn't given any thought to what the others would think if he disappeared. He just wanted to be with Tash and only Tash. He had decided that he would tell her.

He'd tell her everything.

He'd tell her that he hadn't included Jayne in his accounts of his exploits. And he was sorry about that. That he'd s.h.a.gged her on and off for an age. And that he wasn't exactly proud of that. And he'd tell her that Jayne was trying to... what? Seduce him? And that he didn't want that. It sounded ludicrous. Why would any man be affronted by Jayne trying to seduce them? It sounded like a lie, a cover-up. What if Tash didn't believe him?

When he'd got back to their room Tash was already asleep. She'd fallen to sleep still grasping her novel, and she was sort of smiling. She looked so peaceful and relaxed.

Rich felt lonely.

For the first time since he had met Tash, Rich felt that they were operating in entirely different worlds. When they'd arrived at Avoriaz, they were so in sync with one another. Their lives were moving along in harmony, but now Tash slept soundly and he was full of despair. He resented her ignorance, and yet he had no one to blame for the new status quo except himself.

And, b.l.o.o.d.y Jayne.

He convinced himself that if Tash had been awake he would have followed his plan and told her all about Jayne, but he decided not to wake her to do so. If he did, he'd be lending the incident yet more import than it deserved. It would be better if he told her in the morning. Things were always better in the morning.

While Tash's sleep had been deep, Rich's had been fitful. He'd been plagued with nightmares of being gobbled up by a giant caterpillar. In his dream he'd called to Tash to rescue him, but she'd ignored him. It didn't take Freud to interpret that one.

Despite his fitful sleep, when he woke up Rich did feel a little better than he had the night before. The sun was shining into their room and, as he looked out of the window on to the slopes, the view calmed and soothed. Like yesterday, the slopes were beautifully groomed and as new. He wished that everything could be wiped clean so simply.

Rich decided to dress in silence and get on to the slopes before Tash woke. It wasn't that he was avoiding her it was just that boarding would clear his mind. He was sure that out there, on the immaculate slopes, he'd find the correct words to explain his situation to Tash. Words that would at once absolve him and help to maintain her confidence and love. He couldn't find those words in their hot bed.

Rich was delighted to find Scaley Jase in the hotel foyer. It was almost as though Jason could sense when his friend needed him most. Rich shook his hand and leant in to hug him in a way he was pretty confident was pretty manly. Rich always felt easier with malemale physical contact in Europe. After all, Italian and Greek men held hands and it didn't mean they were gay. Rich didn't go as far as holding Jason's hand, but he patted Jase on the back as though they hadn't seen one another for weeks.

Jase thought Rich was behaving like a man who'd just scored. He wondered if it was with Jayne or Tash.

'I was waiting for you,' explained Jase. 'I've already planned a route.' Jase pulled out a map and started to discuss the business of the day. 'Let's ride the Avoriaz to Les Croets route, to start with. Get over to number 49 lift, do the Du Tour run down to Proclou. Then, if I'm not dead, which I might be because that is a b.l.o.o.d.y hard run, pick up Seraussaix to Quemont, or du Barondown to Tetras. Whichever. Then you can come down Super Morzine, but I'm going to take the lift as it's another tough run and, while I am f.u.c.king top on my board, I have only been on it for a few days. The estimated time is just thirty minutes, so we'll probably take anything between fifteen minutes and four hours, depending on the level of injury sustained.' Jason folded away the map. 'Then we'll go to a park.'

Inwardly, Rich sighed with relief. He was so grateful that he was a boy and could avoid any emotional issue, if he played fast and hard enough.

42. Rich and Jayne's Story.

'Who are you looking for?' asked Jason.

Rich had performed reasonably well on the slopes and the park all morning, having only fallen twice, but clearly he wasn't giving the boarding his full attention. He wasn't being daring, he wasn't allowing himself to become absorbed. Instead he nervously and repeatedly checked over his shoulder. He was expecting that at any minute Jayne would pop out from behind an evergreen and shout, 'Surprise!' Clearly, he wasn't being rational. They hadn't told anyone where they were. Avoriaz was enormous. She'd have a difficult job in tracking them down.

Still, he couldn't relax.

'Let's get a hot chocolate,' replied Rich, avoiding the question. He checked his watch. 'It's nearly one o'clock, I'm starving. I think I'll get a crepe, too.'

Jason and Rich found an eatery on the edge of the piste and boarded to the door. They clicked out of their bindings and firmly wedged their boards in half a metre of snow. They ordered a stack of crepes and some hot chocolate.

Jason, normally so effervescent, the reigning master of amusing small talk, had decided to remain stonily silent that morning. His silence was partly to afford opportunity to Rich, if Rich did decide he wanted to confide in him (and this was Jase's hope), and partly because he was sulking that Rich hadn't confided as yet. The technique worked.

'I find myself in a bit of a difficult situation,' said Rich as he handed Jason a mug of hot chocolate.

They made their way outside towards a wooden picnic bench and sat down to munch on their crepes.

'Oh?' grunted Jason, not turning to look at his friend, who was staring out to the horizon anyway.

'It's, er... Jayne. You know you were on about her the other day and you, er... you were wondering whether she goes like a train... well, she does.'

Despite the seriousness of his situation, Rich couldn't stop the flashback forcing its way into his mind. Jayne was pure fire in the sack, and years of taking pride in such lays was a tough habit to break, he grinned to himself. Jase turned to him just in time to catch the grin subside, and irritation shot through his body like electricity.

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'I'm telling you now.'

'Why didn't you tell me before?'

Rich didn't want to admit the truth, which was that he hadn't needed to tell Jason before, but now he'd discovered that Jayne was a psycho and Mia had caught them snogging, and there was a need. Even in his self-obsessed and distracted state he could tell that Jason was clearly affronted by the lack of confidence. G.o.d, if he felt slighted, Rich could only imagine the hurt Tash would register.

He searched for another explanation. 'It was awkward. What, with her being Ted's sister.'

'We're all adults,' argued Jason.

Rich sighed and decided, due to lack of choices, to be honest. He thought back to when he first slept with Jayne and unearthed the reason he'd remained shtoom about his conquest ever since. 'We weren't then, or, rather, only just.'

'I'm not following.'

'It was a long time ago. It was legal and everything,' Rich rushed to justify. 'Just,' he added. 'I was a sort of birthday present.' Jason looked confused. Rich struggled to make himself clear, but shame tore at his vocal cords and reasoning. 'Do you remember she came up to uni for her sixteenth birthday, which coincided with our first year Summer Ball?'

'I remember the ball. I can't say I remember Jayne being there.'

'No reason you should. Everyone was smashed.'

'So you slipped her the sausage. Hid the long yard?' Jason was trying to pull this confession into familiar territory. The pair were used to describing their s.e.xual exploits in ludicrously crude terms.

Rich refused to meet him on common ground; he was too uncomfortable. 'I've always felt bad about it.'

'Why? She's fit. Nothing to be ashamed of.'

Rich sighed. She hadn't been back then. She'd been a plain-looking schoolgirl, not the s.e.xy siren she was now. Suddenly it was clear to him. Rich knew why he had been unable to tell Tash about Jayne he was ashamed. Not of the way she looked back in those days any hole was a goal. But she was a schoolgirl. Just sixteen that day, and he had been nineteen. A man. Something in the back of his mind, then and ever since, told him that Jayne had not been quite ready. Not as robust and sophisticated as she liked to pretend. He'd pretended to believe her faux sophistication because it had suited him.

He rubbed his hands together to try to create some heat. 'Look, I was drunk. Everyone was. She was.' It had been his justification then, and he held on to it now.

'She did want it, didn't she?' asked Jason carefully.

'G.o.d, yes, begging for it. Of course,' Rich was offended. 'What do you take me for?'

'Well, then, no big deal,' said Jase, relieved. 'Everyone has to have a first time, mate. Sixteen is legal, as you said. You did her a favour. At least you knew what you were doing. Better than a fumble with some spotty virgin.'

It was true that by nineteen years old Rich wasn't exactly the splendid s.e.xual specialist that he was now, but he had had several notches on his bedpost which made him the envy of his peers.

'Is that why you didn't want her here? Because of some ancient history?'

Rich played with a promotional leaflet that was propped between the cinnamon shaker and the sugar bowl; it advertised heli-boarding and night-time skiing. Rich fancied both of these activities, so the leaflet offered a legitimate distraction. He steadfastly refused to meet Jason's eye. But they knew each other too well.

'That wasn't the only time, was it?' demanded Jason.

'No.'

'You did her again.' Rich nodded, reluctantly. 'When?'

'She moved to London when she was twenty-one. She looked me up. She used the excuse that she was going into management consultancy, like me. And so we met up for a couple of drinks so that I could give her some career pointers.'

'And that wasn't the only point you gave her,' sn.i.g.g.e.red Jason. He always found it mildly erotic to think about his friends' conquests; he never a.n.a.lysed this.

'We ended up in bed and then, er, well, have ended up there, on and off, ever since. It's just a casual thing.'

'A casual thing? A casual thing that's lasted a decade?' Jason stamped the snow from his boots. Rich couldn't work out if the gesture was one of pride in his mate's antics or fury. It was neither. Jason was stamping his feet because he was cold.

'Yeah, well, almost a decade,' admitted Rich.

's.h.i.t.'

'Exactly.'

'Are you still...?'

'No, no.' Rich was quick to rea.s.sure. 'I called it off when I met Tash. Once I met her I didn't want any one else.'

Jason wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. 'So what was last night? One for old time's sake?'

'Oh. Mia told you?'