Standard Selections Part 74

ACT II, SCENE III

CHARACTERS: Brummell; Isidore; Fotherby; Nurse; another Old Woman; Landlord; Waiter.

SCENE: Brummell's lodgings in a miserable apartment house at Caen, France. Eight years have elapsed. With no means of livelihood and pursued by creditors, Brummell is now reduced to abject poverty, broken health, and a deranged mind. He is thrown among people of low rank and is subjected to many indignities; but to the last he clings to his fastidious tastes and is a gentleman among imaginary aristocrats.

OLD NURSE. _in high Norman cap, discovered seated in arm chair, mending stockings; another_ WOMAN _near her._

NURSE. Yes, my dear, clean out of his mind--that's what he's gone.

OLD WOMAN. Deary me!

NURSE. Aye, and there be folks as says he was once as neat and tidy as a new sixpence. Now he's as dirty as a George the First halfpenny!

OLD W. Deary me!

NURSE. Aye, child, and he knew lords and dooks--and such like--now it's anybody as'll give him a dinner. It's time they did something with him--for put up with his going's on any longer, I cannot! A nuss's is a horrid life, ain't it, child?

OLD W. 'Orrid--deary me! So this very afternoon that's comin', he's to go?

NURSE. Aye, child--the landlord's goin' to offer to take him for a walk, which'll please him--and then take him off to see if the nuns'll have charity upon him--if not, there's nothing but the street. He wouldn't go if he know'd it--still he hasn't a copper coin--he's as cunning as any fox. Have a little drop of somethin' comfortable, child!

OLD W. Deary me!--at this time of day--but I do feel a sinking!

NURSE. It'll do you a world of good. [_Getting bottle_--_a knock._]

Lawk! what an awkward hour for people to call! [_Knock again._]

OLD W. Deary me! Perhaps it's Mr. Brummell.

NURSE. Not it! It's more than he dare do, to knock twice like that. It's his old man-servant, come to take off that there dirty screen. [_Opens door._]

_Enter_ BRUMMELL--_muddy_--_supported by_ ISIDORE

BRUM. Isidore, give me my dressing gown!

ISID. Dressing gown! that's good--why I never put my own on nowadays!

BRUM. [_talking to himself_]. That screen mustn't go--nor the d.u.c.h.ess's armchair. [_Turning to_ NURSE.] Mind that, nurse, whatever happens to me, this chair and the screen remain. Ha! ha! what would Ballarat say, if----

NURSE. There, never mind them folks. Pull your coat off, and put your dressing gown on, do!

BRUM. Dear me! I hope the ices will be better--the punch I've seen to!

The d.u.c.h.ess shall sit here.

NURSE [_to_ OLD WOMAN]. That's how he goes on nearly every day. The high folks he knew have turned his head. Sometimes he makes one of the waiters announce a lot of folks, as never come, while he, like an old fool, bows to n.o.body, and hands nothing to that old chair.

OLD W. What work it must give you.

NURSE [_to_ BRUMMELL]. There, take that muddy coat off, n.o.body's coming to-day.

BRUM. Leave the room and see that everything is ready.

NURSE. Drat it. [_Rings the bell._] I must have the waiter up. He'll soon manage him.

BRUM. [_rising, totters forward, and arranges his shabby dress_]. Well, now I'm ready! Hark! I think I hear the first carriage. Sir Harry, no doubt.

_Enter_ WAITER

NURSE. Just see to this old man--make him change his coat, for I can't.

WAITER. Well, this is the last of it. Master says he may sleep in the streets, but he doesn't stay here another night if he knows it. They won't have him at the asylum without money, and he hasn't a rap.

NURSE. Nor a stick; for there's little enough left to pay my poor wages.

WAITER [_to_ BRUMMELL]. Come, off with the coat!

BRUM. My good fellow, leave it me to-night. I've a few friends coming.

Hush! there's the first arrival. Pray, my good sir, see to my guests.

WAITER. Well, let's humor the old blade once more--he'll be in the streets to-morrow.

NURSE [_to_ OLD WOMAN]. Just notice this tomfoolery, child.

OLD W. Deary me! it almost frightens me. See how pleased he is.

WAITER. Sir Harry Gill!

BRUM. [_advancing ceremoniously, and holding out his hand, and coming down, as though talking to somebody at his side_]. My dear Harry, I'm delighted to see you. Were you at the opera last night?

NURSE [_to_ OLD WOMAN]. Did you ever hear the like of it?

WAITER. Here goes again! [_Goes as before to door, and throws it open._]

Lord Ballarat!

BRUM. [_advancing as before, and receiving imaginary visitor_]. My good fellow, I'm sorry I missed you at the club the other night; but I went into the d.u.c.h.ess's box, and----

WAITER. I must stop this. The d.u.c.h.ess always comes last, and then he's satisfied. [_Throwing open the door, and calling pompously._] Her Highness the d.u.c.h.ess of Canterbury.

BRUM. [_totters to door, bowing very profoundly, and handing the imaginary d.u.c.h.ess to his armchair--leans over the chair, and bows frequently as he talks_]. Your highness is too good! This is indeed an honor. Permit me the satisfaction of handing you to your seat. And is the duke well? And little Nutmeg--is his ear better? Poor little fellow!

I hope you will allow me to give him a charming little collar I have for him.

WAITER. There, that'll do! [_To_ BRUMMELL.] Come, now, they're all gone--take your coat off.

BRUM. [_starting, and falling into chair_]. Yes, gone--gone--true--they're gone! [WAITER _helps him to take his coat off._] Give me my cap! [NURSE _puts his old velvet cap on._]

WAITER. [_going_]. Call me up again, nurse, if he won't mind you. Do you hear what I say, Mr. Brummell?