Stalky and Co Part 26

"'The only son of his mother, and she a widow.' That is the least reasonable sort." The chaplain read with pursed lips. "If half those charges are true he should be in the sick-house; whereas he is disgustingly well. Certainly he has shaved. I noticed that."

"Under compulsion, as his mother points out. How delicious! How salutary!"

"You haven't to answer her. It isn't often I don't know what has happened in the school; but this is beyond me."

"If you asked me I should say seek not to propitiate. When one is forced to take crammers' pups--"

"He was perfectly well at extra-tuition--with me--this morning," said the Head, absently. "Unusually well behaved, too."

"--they either educate the school, or the school, as in this case, educates them. I prefer our own methods," the chaplain concluded.

"You think it was that?" A lift of the Head's eye-brow.

"I'm sure of it! And nothing excuses his trying to give the College a bad name."

"That's the line I mean to take with him," the Head answered.

The Augurs winked.

A few days later the Reverend John called on Number Five. "Why haven't we seen you before, Padre?" said they.

"I've been watching times and seasons and events and men--and boys," he replied. "I am pleased with my Tenth Legion. I make them my compliments.

Clewer was throwing ink-b.a.l.l.s in form this morning, instead of doing his work. He is now doing fifty lines for--unheard-of audacity."

"You can't blame us, sir," said Beetle. "You told us to remove the--er--pressure. That's the worst of a f.a.g."

"I've known boys five years his senior throw ink-b.a.l.l.s, Beetle. To such an one have I given two hundred lines--not so long ago. And now I come to think of it, were those lines ever shown up?"

"Were they, Turkey?' said Beetle unblushingly.

"Don't you think Clewer looks a little cleaner, Padre?" Stalky interrupted.

"We're no end of moral reformers," said McTurk.

"It was all Stalky, but it was a lark," said Beetle.

"I have noticed the moral reform in several quarters. Didn't I tell you you had more influence than any boys in the Coll. if you cared to use it?"

"It's a trifle exhaustin' to use frequent--our kind of moral suasion.

Besides, you see, it only makes Clewer cheeky."

"I wasn't thinking of Clewer; I was thinking of--the other people, Stalky."

"Oh, we didn't bother much about the other people," said McTurk. "Did we?"

"But _I_ did--from the beginning."

"Then you knew, sir?"

A downward puff of smoke. "Boys educate each other, they say, more than we can or dare. If I had used one half of the moral suasion you may or may not have employed--"

"With the best motives in the world. Don't forget our pious motives, Padre," said McTurk.

"I suppose I should be now languishing in Bideford jail, shouldn't I?

Well, to quote the Head, in a little business which we have agreed to forget, that strikes me as flagrant injustice... What are you laughing at, you young sinners? Isn't it true? I will not stay to be shouted at.

What I looked into this den of iniquity for was to find out if any one cared to come down for a bathe off the Ridge. But I see you won't."

"Won't we, though! Half a shake, Padre Sahib, till we get our towels, and _nous sommes avec vous_!"

A LITTLE PREP.

Easter term was but a month old when Stettson major, a day-boy, contracted diphtheria, and the Head was very angry. He decreed a new and narrower set of bounds--the infection had been traced to an out-lying farmhouse--urged the prefects severely to lick all trespa.s.sers, and promised extra attentions from his own hand. There were no words bad enough for Stettson major, quarantined at his mother's house, who had lowered the school-average of health. This he said in the gymnasium after prayers. Then he wrote some two hundred letters to as many anxious parents and guardians, and bade the school carry on. The trouble did not spread, but, one night, a dog-cart drove to the Head's door, and in the morning the Head had gone, leaving all things in charge of Mr. King, senior house-master. The Head often ran up to town, where the school devoutly believed he bribed officials for early proofs of the Army Examination papers; but this absence was unusually prolonged.

"Downy old bird!" said Stalky to the allies one wet afternoon in the study. "He must have gone on a bend and been locked up under a false name."

"What for?" Beetle entered joyously into the libel.

"Forty shillin's or a month for hackin' the chucker-out of the Pavvy on the shins. Bates always has a spree when he goes to town. Wish he was back, though. I'm about sick o' King's 'whips an' scorpions' an'

lectures on public-school spirit--yah!--and scholarship!"

"'Cra.s.s an' materialized brutality of the middle-cla.s.ses--readin' solely for marks. Not a scholar in the whole school,'" McTurk quoted, pensively boring holes in the mantel-piece with a hot poker.

"That's rather a sickly way of spending an afternoon. Stinks too.

Let's come out an' smoke. Here's a treat." Stalky held up a long Indian cheroot. "'Bagged it from my pater last holidays. I'm a bit shy of it though; it's heftier than a pipe. We'll smoke it palaver-fashion. Hand it round, eh? Let's lie up behind the old harrow on the Monkey-farm Road."

"Out of bounds. Bounds beastly strict these days, too. Besides, we shall cat." Beetle sniffed the cheroot critically. "It's a regular Pomposo Stinkadore."

"You can; I shan't. What d'you say, Turkey?"

"Oh, may's well, I s'pose."

"Chuck on your cap, then. It's two to one. Beetle, out you come!"

They saw a group of boys by the notice-board in the corridor; little Foxy, the school sergeant, among them.

"More bounds, I expect," said Stalky. "Hullo, Foxibus, who are you in mournin' for?" There was a broad band of c.r.a.pe round Foxy's arm.

"He was in my old regiment," said Foxy, jerking his head towards the notices, where a newspaper cutting was thumb-tacked between call-over lists.

"By gum!" quoth Stalky, uncovering as he read. "It's old Duncan--Fat-Sow Duncan--killed on duty at something or other Kotal.

'_Rallyin' his men with conspicuous gallantry._' He would, of course.

'_The body was recovered_.' That's all right. They cut 'em up sometimes, don't they, Foxy?"

"Horrid," said the sergeant briefly.