Southern Boys: Finding Gavin Part 5

After a few hours of playing and snacks, we gathered up the little ones. They were less than ready to go, but it had been a long afternoon.

Walking toward the car, I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my abdomen. It was so intense that it had me hunching over and holding on to my stomach. I grunted and dropped Rhett's bag to the ground.

Leann quickly rushed to my side and placed her hand on my back. "Maria, are you okay?"

All I could do was shake my head. Gritting my teeth, I slouched down to the ground, as tears formed in my eyes from the pain.

"Oh my G.o.d, do I need to call someone? Can you get up? I can take you to the hospital." Fear was evident in her voice as she gathered up Chloe and Rhett and placed them in the car as quickly as possible.

She helped me from the ground, and I leaned on her as she guided me to the car. The moment I sat down, I felt a wetness pool in my panties. Panic set in immediately and I began crying. "Please take me to the hospital," I whispered in between sobs.

The next ten minutes were filled with Leann making phone calls. She called Ben to have him come and get Chloe. She said she refused to leave my side. She didn't want me to be alone, and I was thankful for that.

She then attempted to call Gemma, but the call went unanswered. Calling Ben back, she directed him to swing by Bud's and let him know that they would need to get Rhett.

Everything was a blur; all I could do was hold on to my stomach and pray with everything inside me that my baby would be okay.

Things happened very quickly from the moment we walked into the emergency room entrance. I was taken to the back, and the examination took place quickly. Questions were asked, one after another. All I could do was nod or shake my head. I felt lost.

"I'm pregnant," I told the nurse who was helping me undress. She looked back at me with saddened eyes. Nodding her head, she relayed the message to the other nurse beside her.

I focused on a sign, pinned to the wall at the end of the bed. It was some sort of rating system. It asked how you would rate your pain. It had numbers, and next to them was an explanation of the comparable level of pain. I focused on the highest number. Nowhere on the list did it say excruciating or heartbreaking. There was no explanation for what I was feeling.

I wasn't dumb; I knew what was happening. The moment the nurse helped me to remove my pants and I found the blood in my panties, I knew. I was losing my baby. I was losing the child that Gavin and I had created together. My heart was breaking with every second that pa.s.sed.

When the sonogram machine was wheeled into the room, followed by the doctor, I met her eyes. She tried to appear hopeful, but I could see it; she already knew what she was going to find.

Silence filled the room as she lowered the wand to my lower stomach. The minutes felt like hours, as I waited for confirmation of what I already knew.

"The baby." I paused, taking in a deep breath before I tried to speak again. "I lost the baby, didn't I?"

She could only nod her head as she took my hand in hers. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. This sometimes happens, and there is nothing you could have done to change it. We'll have to schedule a procedure. Is there someone I can call to be with you?"

His voice filled the room and my chest tightened. "Maria?"

The doctor turned as I looked past her. Gavin stood in the doorway, bracing himself on the edge. My tears fell heavily as he took a step in my direction.

"Baby?"

"What baby?" he asked.

Chapter Ten.

The darkness set in. I was lost in complete hopelessness. I lay motionless in the hospital bed, remembering the pain in Gavin's eyes as I told him about losing his baby.

He had focused on an imaginary spot between us and sat in silence. The distance between us appeared to grow with each pa.s.sing moment. I wanted him to say something, anything. I needed him to hold me and tell me that everything would be okay, but only silence filled the room.

When he looked up as the nurse entered the room, his eyes were filled with tears. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but the words were lodged within my throat.

He slowly stepped back away from the bed, while the nurse began explaining what would need to be done next. I really should have been focused on her words, but instead I stared past her. I wanted him to look at me; I needed the connection. He only stared at the ground, his lips pressed into a flat line.

The nurse explained that she would be back to get me once the room was available, and I could only nod my head.

The silence in the room was maddening. Gavin kept his place at the side of the room, leaning back against the wall. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets, and he looked down at his feet.

The longer he stood there, saying nothing, the angrier I got. I could feel it boiling within me, and at any time I feared I would explode.

"Say something," I said.

Silence once again.

"d.a.m.n it, Gavin. Say something or just leave." I fought back the sob that tried to escape.

He lifted his head and his eyes met mine. "Were you gonna tell me?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"Yeah, when?" his faced held little emotion. It was a blank canvas and it was killing me, not knowing what he was thinking.

"Tonight, I was gonna tell you tonight," I said.

"How long have you known?" he asked. He pushed off the wall to take a step in my direction. "How long have you known that you've been carrying my child?"

I single tear ran down my cheek as I whispered the answer. "Since I got back into town, after my daddy's funeral."

He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair-gripping at the edges and tugging, hanging his head low.

Once again he was silent, and all I could do was stare at him, pleading for him to understand why I had waited. I should have told him immediately, I know that. I was scared of his reaction-h.e.l.l, I was terrified myself. I had to let it sink in and settle. I had to accept it myself.

"I never meant to hide it from you. I was gonna tell you. I just wanted to go to the doctor first. I had an appointment tomorrow." I was rambling, but I was scared he would leave me before I could explain.

"But then after last night, I realized that I didn't want to wait any longer to tell you. I planned on telling you this morning, but you were gone when I woke up," I explained.

"So it's my fault I didn't know?" he asked. "I should have known that day, Maria. I should have been the first person you called once you found out. I had the right to know." He looked so lost.

"No, it was my fault. You're right. I should have told you sooner."

We were interrupted by the nurse once again, as she and the nurse's aide came into the room. I was scheduled for a D&C, and they were ready for me.

My heart broke as I watched Gavin slip from the room. I felt like everything around me had shattered into a million pieces, and all I wanted was Kori. I needed my best friend; I needed her support.

"Sweetheart, is there anything I can do for you?" the kind nurse asked as she looked down at me. Yes, she could chase after that d.a.m.n cowboy who just left my room. She could chase him down and explain to him that I needed him. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that we would be okay.

"Could you, um," I started to ask as my voice cracked with emotion. I took a moment to steady myself before continuing. "Could you actually call my momma for me?"

She reached out and took my hand in hers, squeezing gently. "Of course I can."

As I was wheeled back into my hospital room, after the procedure, I found my momma and brother Colt waiting for me.

The moment my eyes locked onto my mother's, the tears once again began to fall. I was exhausted and heartbroken.

Colt stepped forward, surprising me by taking me into his arms and squeezing me close.

"You okay, baby girl?" he asked, and all I could do was shake my head.

"We're here. We ain't leaving your side. I promise you that," he a.s.sured me.

I wasn't okay. I wasn't sure if I would ever be okay again-something that felt like it was impossible to reach.

I lost my baby, and the man I'm in love with walked out on me when I needed him the most.

I was devastated.

Chapter Eleven.

"Come on, let's take a trip," Colt said as he sat at the end of my bed, tugging on my leg.

"No, I can't. I'm supposed to be housesitting for Kori. I guess I failed at that too. I've pinned everything on Reed's father, and I feel horrible," I told him.

"Momma said that Reed's best friend and his wife have been taking care of things. They got it, baby girl, don't worry," he said, and I only felt guiltier. Leann and Ben had their own life; they didn't need to be filling in for me.

Everyone had been so kind and caring. Well, everyone but Gavin. I still hadn't heard from him. Everybody seemed sort of hush-hush about him when I was around.

"Let's go, just for a few days. h.e.l.l, we can go longer if ya want. I just think getting away would be good for you. Let's go somewhere where we can soak up the sun and forget about all the bad for a little while."

Colt scooted forward and tilted my chin up. "Let me do this. Let me be here for you. You and I have never had the chance to really form a relationship. I'd like that to change, Mar. I want be the big brother who steps up when he needs to. Let me help you begin to heal from all of this."

Colt wasn't the sappy type-he was more of the 'stand back and quietly observe' kind of man. It meant a lot to me that he was here. He was right, we had never had that chance.

"Okay, big brother. What's your plan?" I asked with a small, forced smile.

His face lit up and he stood from the bed. "You just pack. I'll take care of everything else." He walked to the door, and just before he exited the room, he looked back. "Warm weather, beach, and lots of booze coming your way."

He chuckled and I just shook my head. What had I gotten myself into?

Colt really had taken care of everything. He rented a cute little beach house in the Gulf Sh.o.r.es, and we spent three days basking in the sun. Over those three days, I learned a lot about my brother.

I found out how hard it was on him while he was living with my dad. He tried to explain why he had chosen to stay with him for years, taking all his bitterness. He felt like he owed my father to stick it out.

When my dad began to bury himself only deeper in debt, both Jake and Colt would just work harder. They would get their heads above water, only to have my daddy once again take them under. Slowly they watched as everything they had worked for began to disappear.

Colt and Jake went their separate ways and got jobs elsewhere, while they continued to watch my dad drift away.

I could see the pain in Colt's eyes as he remembered the years that had pa.s.sed. I really had no idea what they had gone through with my dad. I could just see it in his eyes that life was anything but perfect. In fact, I'm sure at times it was misery.

I learned that Colt had a fiancee once. They were young and in love-promising a future of kids with a big ole' house on a hill.

She went off to college and then things changed. She realized she had so many other things she wanted more.

So she ended things abruptly over the phone, taking the coward's way out, and leaving my brother behind, broken hearted, to pick up the pieces alone. After that, he kind of let go of the life he hoped for.

He said it wasn't worth the heartache in the end. Staying unattached and just randomly dating kept his heart safe. The thought of my brother spending his life alone, without love, was sad.

Returning home was hard. Kori herself had returned the day before, and I knew I would be forced to relive my recent devastation. I honestly just wanted to hide away and bury it all so deep. Talking about it would only bring back the hurt of it all.

So instead of calling Kori, like I told her I would, I crawled into bed and lay motionless in my dark room.

Chapter Twelve.

I woke to the sound of my door creaking open and light spilling into the room from the hall. It had to be early evening, because the setting of the sun barely showed through my window blinds.

I looked up as Kori crept into my room, closing the door quietly behind her. I never spoke. I just closed my eyes once again and pretended to be asleep.

I felt the bed dip as she sat on the edge. Her hand pushed the hair back from my face, before she whispered my name. "Maria."