Sonnets of a Budding Bard Part 1

Sonnets of a Budding Bard.

by Nixon Waterman.

LINES WROTE IN SCHOOL WHILST I SHOULDST HAVE BEEN STUDYIN' MY LESSON

I've just about madest up my mind to be A poet such as Shakespeare and the rest Of them big literary gents, and dressed In velvet clothes, write up the things I see In some grand style to show that Browning he Hast been done up! And when plain folks request My autograph, then, throwin' out my chest, I'llst make them wish that they wast great like me!

I'm tired dwellin' midst surroundin's where Cheap things art always waitin' to be done: I'dst rather loaf and dream and have long hair Like all great poets dost: and, oh! what fun, To dash off lays and sell them, then and there, Whenever I'llst be needin' any "mon."

THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN' ABOUT MARY AND HER PET LAMB

Full oft I've read how Mary's lamb didst go Where'er his kind and lovin' mistress went, As if the little creature wast content If it couldst only be where she wast. Oh, I realize what madest it hanker so To be in school that day: it surely meant It loved her! Yet, that mean old teacher bent On bossin' things--he didst not seem to know.

Sometimes I get to wishin' I might be A little lamb like Mary's, fond and true, With Susan Sanderson as Mary, see?

We'd play amidst the clover sweet with dew, And everywhere that she wast there'd be me, And if she wasn't, I'dst be elsewhere, too.

LINES WROTE WHILST THINKIN' ABOUT HOW PA ACTS WHEN DRESSIN' UP

Whilst pa and ma art dressin' up to go To church or somewhere, so I've heard ma tell The neighbor women, pa tears 'round pell-mell And turns things upside down, and wants to know Who hid his clothes! and makes ma stop and show Him where to find them. Ma she know'st full well They're where he's kept them since he earnest to dwell In our house: that's been twenty years or so.

And when ma's donest her level best to try To help pa so he wilt not fuss and fret, And found his clothes, shoes, collar, cuffs and tie, And there ain't nothin' more for her to get, Pa looks at her and with an awful sigh Says: "Thunderation! Ain't you ready yet?"

LINES WROTE WHILST REALIZIN' WE OUGHTST TO BE KIND TO DUMB BRUTES

Wise William Goat, familiarly addressed As "Billy!" Thou art an amusin' brute, For thou hast some traits that are truly cute And others, still, so it must be confessed, That I hast learned in sorrow to detest.

'Tis fun to see thee, in thy manner mute, When boys dost tease thee, give some one a "beaut,"

Yet, he who's "it" deems thee a sorry jest.

Yestreen I met some other boys, and we, At thy expense, wert havin' much delight Till thou got'st 'round to where I didst not see That thou wast headed my way. Sorry plight!

That's why I write this standin'--woe is me!-- And slept'st upon my bosom all last night.

SONNET WROTE WHILST THINKIN' OF OUR PARENTS IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN

O Adam and O Eve! How very nice It must have been to live where you wast at.

No neighbors anywhere with whom to spat, Nor any one to give you free advice.

Ma says she'd gladly pay 'most any price For such a lay-out. And she's certain that Because there wert no servants in your flat Is how you camest to call it "Paradise."

And pa says that if Eve hadst dressed the way Our women do we shouldst have missed the fate Of goin' forth into the world to stray, For she'd be somewhere, still, inside the gate Delayin' things, as women dost to-day, A-tryin' for to pin her hat on straight.

LINES WROTE WHILST SMARTIN' FROM PUNISHMENT RECEIVED FOR LYIN'

O Washington! (O Reader, hast thou not In readin' high-toned poems wrote for show, Observed how many of them start with "O?"

Well, anyhow, there is an awful lot.) The n.o.ble deeds thou wrought'st are not forgot But serve to make thy name, where'er we go, A household word. If all they say is so Thou didst some mighty clever stunts. That's what!

And yet, thy fame belongest to thy dad; Thou shinest by reflected light, forsooth, For thou 'rt the only boy that ever had A pa who, when his son dared tell the truth About some kiddish prank didst not get mad And lamm him! O thou heaven-protected youth!

THOUGHTS THOUGHT ABOUT MA'S NOTIONS REGARDIN' LOVE AND HOUSE-KEEPIN'

When sister Maymie saidst she'd like to learn To sweep the keys of a piano-forte, Ma she spoke up and cut her right off short And saidst she'd rather that a girl of her 'n Shouldst know just how to sweep a room, nor spurn A poor but honest man, for that's the sort Pa wast. And ma insists no woman ort To spend more money than a man canst earn.

A kid-gloved dandy with a stove-pipe hat Wed ma's proud cousin. Say, but he wast sly!

"Our home shalt be next thing to Heaven!" That Wast what he vowed. Ma says that that's no lie For they art packed into a stingy flat Four stairways up, and plumb against the sky!

THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN' OF PEARY ON A HOT SUMMER DAY

O Peary! With the scorchin' summer here And everybody payin' double price For little weeny, teeny bits of ice, It dost no longer seem so very queer That thou shouldst have the bravery to steer Thy ship up North where it is cool and nice.

I'll bet you smile whilst thinkin' thou hast twice The fun we're havin' at this time of year.

And, say! old boy, since thou dost understand The pole is an imaginary spot, Why not "imagine" thou hast found it and Of time and trouble save an awful lot?

Couldst others track thee to that frozen land And prove thou didst not find it? I guess not!

THOUGHTS THOUGHT WHILST THINKIN' OF A THANKSGIVIN' DAY TURKEY

O Eagle! emblem of my country, thou, Who art the boss of every other bird, My muse, to find the highfalutin word With which to name thee, dost not know just how.

Yet 'tis not thee who hast, I must allow, My patriotic breast the deepest stirred, And they who planned our country's banner erred In makin' thee the sign to which we bow.