Somewhere Inside Part 20

Could it really be possible? I wondered. I wondered.

Iain was out surfing with his buddies, but I was too curious to wait for him to come home. I rushed out to the drugstore and bought a home pregnancy test.

I paced around in our bathroom, checking my watch to see when two minutes had pa.s.sed so that I could read the results. I picked up the test and looked at the small round screen. A plus sign was staring back at me. I was pregnant. Iain and I were going to have a baby. I was overwhelmed with excitement. For so long I had resisted the idea of starting a family. I felt too busy and was occupied with my own issues. Now I looked at being pregnant as an incredible blessing and a miracle. I couldn't wait to tell Iain. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text message: "When r u coming home? I have a surprise 4 u."

Iain got back about an hour later. His face was darkened from the sun and he smelled of salt water. "What's this surprise?" he said curiously.

"It's on your dresser," I replied.

Grinning, he raised one eyebrow and headed for our bedroom. I followed along, not wanting to miss his reaction. When he got to the dresser, he picked up the white plastic wand-shaped tester and brought it closer to his face to inspect it.

"Is this for real? Is this what I think it means?" I could see that tears were starting to form in his eyes.

I nodded excitedly. "We're going to have a baby," I declared.

He rushed over to kiss me and instantly began rubbing my belly. We held each other, laughing and crying all at once.

It's hard to believe that in one year, I was sentenced to twelve years of hard labor, and in the same year, the love of my life and I conceived a child. I thought back to the early days of my captivity when I both feared and hoped I might be pregnant. I had spent many sad nights anguishing over the idea that Iain and I would never have the chance to have children. Now those thoughts seem like a distant nightmare. In just a few months, we will be welcoming a new baby girl into our family. We plan on calling her Li.

epilogue.

LAURA.

FROM THE TIME OF my captivity and since I returned home, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the events of March 17, when I made the tragic decision to step foot onto North Korean soil. A number of factors led up to that ominous moment, which included not only my desire to tell the most powerful story but also the trust we placed in a guide who, at the time, seemed reliable and cautious. But in the end, there are no excuses. my captivity and since I returned home, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the events of March 17, when I made the tragic decision to step foot onto North Korean soil. A number of factors led up to that ominous moment, which included not only my desire to tell the most powerful story but also the trust we placed in a guide who, at the time, seemed reliable and cautious. But in the end, there are no excuses.

You can plan and prepare, but when real-life events unfold, sometimes you have to go with your gut and hope you are right. On that gloomy, frigid morning, my instincts were wrong and the implications were enormous. For 140 days, I lived in utter terror, not knowing if I would ever see my family again; I subjected the people I love most to the nightmare of their lives; I caused the U.S. government to spend valuable time trying to secure our release; and I may have put the brave North Korean defectors who shared their stories with us in more danger than they already were. These demons haunted me throughout my captivity and continue to do so today.

Every day now I reflect on how fortunate I am to be home. I recognize the unique circ.u.mstances that contributed to our release, including having a former vice president as the chairman of the company I work for and a sister with influential connections in the media world. Many people do not have these kinds of ties. In fact, countless journalists and filmmakers remain behind bars today simply for trying to expose the truth. It is important that we keep them in our thoughts and prayers.

I hope something positive can come out of the story of my and Euna's captivity, including an increased awareness of what's happening along the ChineseNorth Korean border. North Korean defectors have endured unimaginable hardships and suffering within their homeland and beyond its borders, and their stories are in grave need of attention.

I often think about the people I met during my captivity. I wonder what Mr. Yee, Mr. Baek, Min-Jin, Kyung-Hee, Paris, and the others are doing and what kind of lives they are living. Have they gone back to their old jobs? Is their patriotism for their country as fervent as it was before? Did their experience with me change their views of Americans or the United States in any way? I will always be grateful for the glimmers of compa.s.sion and humanity they showed me, and I hope one day they and their fellow North Koreans are allowed the freedom to determine their own destiny.

LISA.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SISTER and Euna Lee makes me more eager than ever to make sure people know about the colossal humanitarian crisis inside North Korea and on its border with China. My sister's team was silenced from telling the story, but those who've risked their lives to escape dire conditions in North Korea continue to find themselves in another kind of tragic uncertainty in China. There are literally thousands of people who live in the shadows, unable to be free in China because they fear being caught and repatriated to North Korea, where they would face near certain death. Their stories are heartbreaking. and Euna Lee makes me more eager than ever to make sure people know about the colossal humanitarian crisis inside North Korea and on its border with China. My sister's team was silenced from telling the story, but those who've risked their lives to escape dire conditions in North Korea continue to find themselves in another kind of tragic uncertainty in China. There are literally thousands of people who live in the shadows, unable to be free in China because they fear being caught and repatriated to North Korea, where they would face near certain death. Their stories are heartbreaking.

Though my sister's ordeal was the most trying of her life and our family's lives, I am proud of what Laura was doing. But just because she's home doesn't mean the story is over. I am reminded of the importance of journalists out in the world, often away from their own families, because they are determined to bring these stories to light. The only way things can change is for people to change them. But people cannot change things they don't know about. It's the job of journalists to raise awareness about what's happening in the world. And there are so many stories to tell.

Anyone interested in helping the people who've made it out of North Korea should support an organization called Liberty in North Korea, or LiNK, a terrific group that works to provide better livelihoods for refugees. They are on the front lines trying to bring attention to this human crisis. Their website is www.linkglobal.org.

Our family was also helped tremendously by two organizations that work to ensure that the rights of journalists are protected and not squelched by governments. They are the Committee to Protect Journalists (CPJ), www.cpj.org, and Reporters Without Borders (RSF), www.rsf.org. Both CPJ and RSF were our voices when we could not speak due to the sensitivities involved.

FINALLY, WE BOTH WANT to address the government of North Korea: to address the government of North Korea: Should anyone from your government read this book, we want you to know that though we have unique but independent perspectives on North Korea, neither of us ever had any malicious intentions when visiting your country. We just firmly believe in the fundamental right of people to be free.

We met some extraordinary individuals in your country and they treated us with kindness. For that we will be forever grateful. We truly hope that one day your people will be able to experience the kind of freedom all human beings deserve.

Sincerely, Laura Ling and Lisa Ling

Just because many people have asked...

MOM'S S SPECIAL W WATERCRESS S SOUP R RECIPE

1 whole chicken breast with bones 2 pork ribs 4 to 6 dried red dates 1/4 cup dried almonds cup dried almonds 2 to 4 small dried cuttlefish (optional) 2 bunches of watercress 1/4 cup goji berries cup goji berries Salt

1. Blanch the chicken and pork for approximately 1 to 2 minutes. Blanch the chicken and pork for approximately 1 to 2 minutes.

2. Bring a pot of water (approximately 10 cups) to a boil. Place the chicken, pork ribs, red dates, dried almonds, and cuttlefish (if using) in the pot and bring to a boil again. Bring a pot of water (approximately 10 cups) to a boil. Place the chicken, pork ribs, red dates, dried almonds, and cuttlefish (if using) in the pot and bring to a boil again.

3. Turn the heat to low and simmer for another 3 to 4 hours. Turn the heat to low and simmer for another 3 to 4 hours.

4. Remove the bones from the stock. Add the watercress and goji berries. Remove the bones from the stock. Add the watercress and goji berries.

5. Bring to a boil, then turn the heat down and cook for another 30 minutes. Add salt to taste. Bring to a boil, then turn the heat down and cook for another 30 minutes. Add salt to taste.

acknowledgments.

WE HAVE SPENT COUNTLESS hours trying to think of every person who helped in the effort to bring Laura and Euna home. We've tried to come up with all of the names, but inevitably there will be some we have forgotten. For that we are deeply sorry. Know that every prayer and positive thought was incredibly helpful and meant the world to us. So thank you. hours trying to think of every person who helped in the effort to bring Laura and Euna home. We've tried to come up with all of the names, but inevitably there will be some we have forgotten. For that we are deeply sorry. Know that every prayer and positive thought was incredibly helpful and meant the world to us. So thank you.

First, we must acknowledge our loving parents, Douglas Ling and Mary Ling. We opened up elements of your pasts that you probably didn't ever want exposed. We deeply appreciate your willingness to let us share parts of your life-particularly the challenging parts. We would not be the women we are if it weren't for everything you've done for us. We thank you, Dad and Mom, for your unconditional love and support.

The same goes for our husbands. Iain and Paul, we are so lucky to have such incredible partners in life.

We thank all of the members of our huge family distant and close.

To our editor, Henry Ferris, and his colleagues at William Morrow, HarperCollins: We knew from the moment we met you that we wanted to work with you. Isn't it funny how that works? Henry, we just adore you. Danny Goldstein, thanks for helping with research. And many thanks to Seale Ballenger and Brianne Halverson for expertly handling the publicity.

To Suzanne Gluck, Henry Reisch, Jon Rosen, Cary Berman, Ari Emmanuel, and all of our other friends at William Morris Endeavor: Thanks for always having our back. Suzanne, what a tiny but powerful force you are.

To Vice President Al Gore and Joel Hyatt: Thank you for providing the opportunity to raise awareness about stories that need to be told. Thank you for your relentless efforts to bring Laura and Euna home.

To the Current TV family and the Vanguard team: Thank you for your love and friendship. Your work continues to be an inspiration to many. Adam Yamaguchi: Thank you for the invaluable support you provided to our family.

To Amba.s.sador Mats Foyer and Johan Eidman: Thank you for your unwavering persistence and your kind hearts.

To our little crisis management team of Alanna Zahn, Jeff Rose, and Morgan Wandell: Words cannot express how much we appreciate all of the time and effort you expended to help us. We love you deeply.

To the entire Chopra family: Thank you for helping to keep Laura and Euna's story in the press. Gotham and Mallika, your friendship means everything to us. Thank you for helping us with Care2, Good, Causecast, Beliefnet, Huffington Post, and AC360.

To the lauraandeuna.com team of Morgan Wandell, Andy Cheatwood, Grant Kindrick, Lisa Chudnofsky, Cindy Lin, Jennifer Fader, and Chris Mendez: Thank you for donating your valuable time to build the most beautiful website. With your help, we collected more than one hundred thousand signatures on the pet.i.tion to the government of North Korea.

John and Amy Jo Gottfurcht and the team at SSI: Thank you for your constant support of Iain and our family.

Han Park, Evans Revere, David Kim, and Selig Harrison: Thank you for your concern and counsel.

Thank you to all of the friends from past and present who wrote to Laura while she was in captivity. Your words and stories provided hope and strength when she needed it the most.

Thank you, Dr. Basil and Shirley Va.s.santachart, and those at the Loma Linda University Medical School. We love you, Dr. Basil and Shirley. Thank you for always taking care of our family.

To Ron Olsen and Lawrence Barth of Munger, Tolles and Olsen: Thank you for your generosity, time, and wise counsel.

To Charles, Lorraine, Hannah, Jill, and the rest of the Clayton family: Thank you for being our U.K. headquarters and for sending parcels regularly to Pyongyang.

To our dear friends Jean Roh, Phil Hong, and Rick and Erin Piller: We are so grateful for the love and support you gave to Laura, Iain, and our family. Your friendship means the world to us.

To President Bill Clinton, Doug Band, John Podesta, Justin Cooper, David Straub, Min Ji Kwon, the U.S. Secret Service, and the pilots and crew who traveled so far to bring Euna and Laura home: Thank you for undertaking an unprecedented mission that was so full of uncertainty. We are eternally grateful.

Thank you, President Barack Obama, Secretary Hillary Clinton, and those in the White House and Department of State for your unwavering efforts: Kurt Tong, Linda McFadyen, Alex Arvizu, Stephen Bosworth, Kurt Campbell, Dan Cintron, Roberta Cooper, Maureen Cormack, Glyn Davies, Joseph Detrani, Daryl Hegendorfer, Sherri Holliday-Sklar, Allison Hooker, Sung Kim, Julie Kim-Johnson, Dan La.r.s.en, John Merrill, Cheryl Mills, Jaime Oberlander, Johna Ohtagaki, Pamela Park, Amy Patel, Eric Richardson, Jennifer Roque, Ed Shin, Jim Steinberg, Jake Sullivan, Mark Tesone, the U.S. Bureau of Consular Affairs, Janice L. Jacobs, Michele Th.o.r.en Bond, Mich.e.l.le Bernier-Toth, David J. Schwartz, the U.S. Emba.s.sy Beijing, Richard L. Buangan, Linda L. Donahue, Nancy W. Leou, Bridget M. Lines, Teta M. Moehs, Maria W. Sand, Randy Townsend, William Weinstein, and the U.S. Consulate General Shenyang.

To everyone who helped with the vigils and other efforts: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to help; you were lights for Laura in a very dark place. Most important, thank you for your friendship and prayers (again, if we've forgotten anyone, please forgive us): Brendan McShane Creamer, Elsa Cheung, Brenna Hamilton, Beth Diebels, Marcus Marquez and everyone at the L Wine Lounge, Elizabeth MacMillan, Jim Jordan, Isabel Johnson, Del Campo High School, Cheryl Marsh, Mike Shen, Daniel Beckmann, Holly Gibson, Kathy Zembera, San Francisco Academy of Art, Danielle Chang, Angie w.a.n.g, Rose Tibayan, Paula Rangel, Max Jones, Kim Jones, Lisa Anderson, Meghan Miller Jedrzejczyk, Nancy Loo, Teresa Cheung, Linda Yu, Richard Horgan, Stephanie Tsai, Nina May, Todd Leong, Cindy Hw.a.n.g, Rob Everett, David Ly, Fred Teng, Kevin DeSoto, Dina Moris.h.i.ta, Welly Yang, Teddy Zee, Woody Pak, Alex Castro, Michael Beynart, Michael Fitzgerald, Joe Omar Gonzales, Kristina Velasco, Maya Lin, Lynn Perkins, Rebecca Delgado, Jeff Ong, Mindy Lee, Sara Mibo Sohn, Benson Lee, Lucie Morillion, Asia Liu, Karen Leigh, Janice Lee, Lisa Chung, Erik Gregory, Nzinga Shakur, Sean Donovan, Lisa Jenkins, Joyce Mar, Jennie Chau, Pastor Ken Joe, Trevor Debenning, LeeAnn Kim, Narcissus Allen, Stephanie Tomasegovich, Scott Ichikawa, Marcus Kwan and everyone at Wokano, Sharon Ito, George Huang, Hugh Hung, Kelly Wald, Steve Liu, Jason Martin, Hannah Song, Tia Carerre, Kelly Hu, Takoa Statham, David Kater, Chris Pham, Bobby Choy, Tom Plate, Mia Kim, Michele Chan, Susie Suh, Mark Dacasascos, Chin Han Ng, Sam Kang, Cynthia Cheng, Serena Kung, Joe Baker, Jan Yanehiro, Wendy Tronrud, John and Laurel Kao, Reverend Jesse Jackson, Jesse Jackson Jr., Nickie Shapira, Wendy Walker, Diane Sawyer, Larry King, Margaret Aro, Jon Klein, Anderson Cooper, Charlie Moore, Bob Dietz, Tim Kelly, Chris Albert, Bombu Taiko, Yukai Daiko, Diann Kim, John Frank, the Song Family, Ken Roh, Clothilde Le Coz, Joe Hahn, David Neuman, Bill Boyd, Ron Burkle, Jean Shim, Iman Dakhil, Aude Soichet, Richard Blum, President Jimmy Carter, Congressman Ed Royce, Young Kim, Congressman Dan Lungren, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Maria Shriver, Senator Dianne Feinstein, Richard Harper, Senator Barbara Boxer, Ann Norris, Supervisor Mike Antonovich, Congressman Howard Berman, Mayor Kevin Johnson, a.s.semblywoman Fiona Ma, Governor Bill Richardson, Janice Hartly, Senator John Kerry, Frank Jannuzi, Leon Fuerth, Pastor Jim Lee, Rabbi Abraham Cooper, Steve Bing, Andrew Liveris, Maya Soetoro-Ng, Konrad Ng, Lisa Smith, British Foreign Secretary David Miliband, British Foreign Office Minister Bill Rammell, Baroness Janet Whitaker, Baroness Caroline c.o.x, Lord David Alton, Glyn Ford, Amba.s.sador Peter Hughes, Susie Joscelyne, Mayor Ray Mallon, the Korean Peninsula Desk at the British Foreign Commonwealth Office, Dr. Jeffrey Boutwell and members of the Pugwash Conference, Lucy Keung, Robert Picard, Dr. Urs l.u.s.tenberger, Robert Hathaway and others at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars, the Committee to Protect Journalists, Reporters Without Borders, the Asian American Journalists a.s.sociation, and Amnesty International.

To Euna: I will never forget the courage and bravery you exhibited during those first six days of our captivity. You helped give me strength and hope. Thank you for sharing your incredible heart. I will forever regard you as a special part of my family. Love, Laura.

About the Authors

LAURA LING was vice president of Current TV's investigative journalism series was vice president of Current TV's investigative journalism series Vanguard Vanguard, and also served as an on-air correspondent for the show. Prior to joining Current in 2005, Laura worked as a series producer for Channel One News.

LISA LING is a correspondent for the is a correspondent for the Oprah Winfrey Show Oprah Winfrey Show, and a contributor to ABC's Nightline Nightline and the National Geographic channel. She was also a co-host of ABC's and the National Geographic channel. She was also a co-host of ABC's The View The View until 2002. until 2002.

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