Social Life Part 39

A young man should ask the young ladies, daughters or relatives of the hostess, for their company in the dance early in the evening. A married gentleman should be general in his attentions in the ball-room. He should not dance more than once or twice with his wife, nor should he take her out to supper; but he must keep a quiet outlook over her comfort, and see that she is no wise lonely or neglected.

Attentions Paid to Ladies.

Neither should he confine his attentions in a marked manner to any one lady. It is ill-breeding to excite the comment sure to follow such a course. It is also bad form for any gentleman to confine his attentions to any one lady, or, as a rule, to ask her for more than two dances. Even engaged couples are not exempt from this law.

Gentlemen may put down their name on a lady's program for certain dances, and the engagement should never be forgotten. If, however, this lapse should occur, the humblest apology should follow, which the young lady, no matter how annoyed, should gracefully accept. Ill-humor is out of place in the ball-room.

If a lady from weariness, or any other cause, should wish to stop at any time in the dance, the gentleman must, without any comment, at once lead her to a seat, and remain with her until the set is finished, notwithstanding that she may, from a spirit of kindness, request him to seek another partner. Should she show symptoms of weariness, and be either too timid or too thoughtful for his enjoyment to ask him to take her from the floor, he should be quick to see, and to suggest that she rest for a moment.

Gloves form an important adjunct to a gentleman's toilet for a dancing party. Light colored gloves are always good form. Gentlemen are expected to wear gloves while dancing, since their ungloved hands would not only soil the delicate tints of the lady's gloves, but the slightest pressure of a warm, uncovered hand is liable to discolor the frail gauzes, or pale silks of their ball-room toilet.

It is not amiss to be provided with an extra pair of gloves which will be very useful should the first pair come to grief. Upon the same principle, two fresh handkerchiefs should be carried.

If dancing is not formally announced in the invitation, gentlemen will do well to provide themselves with gloves to be donned if that amus.e.m.e.nt is introduced in the course of the evening. Notwithstanding the royal indolence or whim of the Prince of Wales led him some time back to discard the use of gloves at evening parties, an example which many ultra-fashionables have followed, it still remains that gloves are both proper and necessary. If a gentleman attempts to dance without them he must hold his handkerchief in his hand in such a manner as to prevent its contact with the bodice of the lady's gown.

Loud talking and boisterous laughter are not to be tolerated.

Scrupulously avoid stepping upon the train of a lady's gown. Apologize if it accidentally occurs, and if serious damage ensue from the awkwardness, beg the privilege of taking her to the dressing-room to have the damage repaired.

For Ladies.

Young ladies must never refuse to dance with one gentleman, and afterward give the same dance to a more favored suitor. Nothing so quickly speaks of ill-breeding as this course. Ball-room engagements should not be forgotten. Young ladies should never be so unwise as to appear on the floor at every dance.

Daughters of the hostess should not repeatedly appear upon the floor while other lady guests are neglected. Not their own pleasure, but the pleasure of the company should be their first care.

Ladies should not cross the ball-room alone. It invites attention.

Ladies must not burden gentlemen (unless husband or near relative) with bouquet or fan to hold while they dance. Young ladies should not refuse a ball-room introduction to a gentleman without a sufficient reason, since to do so is always an embarra.s.sment to the one asking it. Still a lady has the privilege of refusal and may not be pressed for a reason. Young chaperons should never dance while their _proteges_ are unprovided with partners.

[Ill.u.s.tration: SCENE AT A RAILWAY STATION IN PARIS.]

A lady removes at least one glove while partaking of supper. But when a cup of tea, or an ice, only is taken this is not necessary.

DANCING.

Pope says: "They move easiest who have learned to dance," and while the opinions of society are greatly divided on the subject of this amus.e.m.e.nt, it cannot be denied that there is much truth in the a.s.surance that Locke gives us in his treatise on "Education:"

"Since nothing appears to me to give children so much becoming confidence and behavior as dancing, I think they should be taught to dance as soon as they are capable of learning it. For though this consists only in outward gracefulness of motion, ... yet it gives children manly thoughts and courage more than anything."

For the many, however, to whom these early advantages have not been given, while the dowry of a quick ear and natural grace has enabled them to "pick up" this social accomplishment, a few hints may be of use.

Dancing is really an art, and one that the gentleman especially should understand (since he takes the lead) before he ventures to ask a lady out upon the floor.

The gentleman should be very careful in the manner of holding his partner. He should give her proper support by putting his arm firmly around her, but not drawing her too close. Her right hand should be held in his left, the lady turning the right palm downward and almost straightening her right arm. The gentleman should bend his left arm slightly backward. The joined hands should be held steadily but kept away from the gentleman's body. To rest them upon his hip, is actual vulgarity. The gentleman's right shoulder and the lady's left, should be kept as far apart as the other shoulders, hence his right elbow must not be too much bent. The upper part of the body should be kept quiet, and the head held naturally, not turned one side, while the eyes are neither thrown up nor cast down in an affected style. Their steps should be in harmony and the gentleman must be very careful not to permit a collision with other couples.

At every slightest pause in the dance the gentleman should instantly drop his arm from the lady's waist. In these intervals it is proper to fan her if she desire it, and to enter into chatty conversation.

Gentlemen avoid all boisterous conduct in the dance, such as swinging a partner too rapidly, or lifting her too much from the floor. She, on her part, should dance lightly, never permitting her partner to carry her around, but performing her share well, or not dance at all.

The Most Desirable Dances.

In making up a dancing program, quadrilles should always find a place, since many can walk through its measures that will not undertake the more active dances. It also gives opportunity for the graceful curtsy which no lady should fail to learn, and can be enlivened with conversation.

To the alluring round dances, polka, schottische, waltz, etc., there are many who strongly object, but, danced in private homes and in most cases under the eye of the young girl's mother, there can be found nothing dangerously objectionable in this favorite amus.e.m.e.nt. The minuet is a stately, beautiful old dance that is sometimes introduced, enabling both old and young to join in its slow and gracious measure.

New steps, new changes and new dances, with the technical features of which it is not the province of this book to deal, are continually coming into vogue with each season. A few words, however, with regard to the general etiquette of that justly popular dance, the German, will be in place here. The German, called the "Cotillion" in France and in Germany, where it originated, is the most fascinating dance in social use. b.a.l.l.s at which it is to appear, signifying that fact in the invitations sent out are more elaborate in their arrangements, and are held to a later hour, since the earlier portion of the night is devoted to waltzing and other dances, and the German is not commenced until after supper.

Many leave before it begins, especially those who expect to make the tour of several b.a.l.l.s and receptions during the night. A second and hot supper is usually served at its close, to those who partic.i.p.ate in its measures. Be certain when the German is to be introduced that a sufficient number of men are invited to make the affair a success.

The leader of the cotillion is chosen by the hostess, and should be thoroughly familiar with all its figures, new and old; skilled to command, and prompt to bring order out of confusion; at the same time energetic and good tempered. As there will always be some in a German who do not understand it, the leader must be ready to help them out.

Such parties should take their places near the end, and, in this way, will become familiar with a figure before it is their turn to dance.

No Favorites to be Allowed.

The leader will also see that gentlemen do not neglect some ladies for the pleasure of dancing frequently with more favored partners. In this he should be a.s.sisted by the hostess, and gentlemen should never disregard her quiet suggestion on this score. After all, "the ball-room is a more fitting field for a display of the Christian graces than most Evangelical people are willing to admit."

All those dancing the German must consider themselves as introduced, and each lady or gentleman is free to call "up" any partic.i.p.ant for his or her partner. In fact it is desirable that they should do so, since by devoting themselves entirely to their acquaintance there is danger of some being debarred from the amus.e.m.e.nt. For these reasons the German is unsuited for a public ball, and fitted only for a private house where the invitation is expected to certify the character of the guest.

Varied and beautiful are the figures that may be adopted, but the scope of this book will not permit full instructions for its elaborate changes. One suggestion, however, is in point; do not choose those "romping" figures where the fun is liable to become too fast and furious for ball-room decorum. The figures requiring "properties,"

such as ribbons, flags, j.a.panese lanterns, ap.r.o.ns, mirrors, etc., should have all the necessary articles carefully provided beforehand.

During most of the figures, "favors" are distributed; flowers, amusing trinkets, or sometimes pretty little souvenirs are given. Rosettes, scarf pins, bangles, tiny flags, artificial b.u.t.terflies, bon-bons in embroidered satin bags, badges, painted silk sachets, etc., are all appropriate. Tiny lanterns filled with perfume, and sometimes amusing toys will add to the fun of the occasion. It is better taste to give simple articles than to resort to the gifts of great value that some hostesses have bestowed, since such giving always suggests ostentation. Flowers alone are sometimes used and it is not necessary to make the favors a source of undue expense.

Regrets must be sent one's hostess if unable to attend a German, that the place may be filled. If a gentleman invites a lady especially as his partner for a German, he should send her a bouquet and if some unforeseen occurrence should prevent his attendance, he must at once send her an explanatory regret to that effect.

Private b.a.l.l.s Given in Public.

Many hostesses, feeling the inadequacy of their parlors to accommodate all the guests that they wish to invite at one time, without disagreeable overcrowding, have adopted the custom of giving their large entertainments at public a.s.sembly rooms. This custom, while it frees the hostess from much care, must also be deplored as depriving the gathering of that home atmosphere which is ever a safeguard.

The etiquette is the same as that of a private ball, and after calls are demanded within the same length of time. The decorations and arrangements resemble closely as possible those of a private house.

Public b.a.l.l.s.

Much of the etiquette given for Private b.a.l.l.s governs the conduct of those attending public entertainments of the same nature.

Introductions, however, must be sought before any attentions are offered a lady, and there is much more care exercised in granting them than under a private roof. Gentlemen, too, use their own pleasure in the choice of partners, not having the courtesy of their hostess to regard in this respect.

Of course, Military, Charity and Civic b.a.l.l.s are under the charge of trustees and committees, who not only take charge of the convenience of the guests, but endeavor by all means within their power to regulate the social standing of those obtaining _entree_ to the a.s.sembly. In many of the large cities a board of lady patronesses add prestige and a certain home protection to the successful carrying out of a public ball of the highest order. It seems to supply the protection of a hostess to the _fete_.

A young girl, even if the omission be excused at a private ball, does not attend a public affair of this nature without a chaperon. Late hours are more especially objectionable at public b.a.l.l.s than at a private house. One, or half-past, should find the adieux made.

A young lady, in refusing to dance with a gentleman, is not obliged to sit the dance out as she would be at the house of a mutual friend. She may, however, if she wish, do it in deference to his feelings.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE MASQUERADE a.s.sEMBLY.]