Social Life Part 17

In answering an invitation it is well to repeat the date, as: "Your kind invitation for Tuesday, May fifth." This will give an opportunity, if any mistakes have been made in dates, to rectify them at once. This caution it would be well to observe in answering any invitation.

Answer decisively as well as promptly. Do not, if there is a doubt as to your being able to attend, selfishly keep the lists open in your favor by suggesting that "You hope to have the pleasure," etc., or, if married, that "one of us will come." This is an injustice to those inviting you, who, to make a success of their entertainment, must know at once the number to be depended upon. Say "yes" or "no" promptly and abide by your decision. To do this will, in case of refusal, give time to fill your place at table.

Accepting a Dinner Invitation.

In accepting a dinner invitation the following form is very suitable.

This, of course, presupposes that the invitation has also been written in the third person. (See Invitations.)

Mr. and Mrs. Harvey Pratt accept with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner on Tuesday, December fifteenth, at eight o'clock. 24 Abercrombie Street. Wednesday.

A gentleman might respond thus:

Mr. Fremont Miller has much pleasure in accepting the very kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner on Tuesday, December fifteenth, at eight o'clock. Union League Club. Wednesday.

To answer a formal invitation carelessly and familiarly is to show a degree of disrespect to the sender, but, if the invitation be in note form, first person, answer in same fashion, it being usually safe to follow the style of invitation in either accepting or refusing the proffered pleasure.

Never "present one's compliments" in response to an invitation. It is entirely out of date; neither should one say "the _polite_ invitation of Mr. John Jones." All invitations are presupposed to be "polite."

"Your kind" or "very kind invitation" is a gracefully-turned and amply sufficient phrase for all occasions.

Declining a Dinner Invitation.

An unexplained regret is often (as before mentioned) wounding to the feelings of a sensitive person, leaving at times the impression that one did not care to come. This can always be avoided by particularizing the cause of refusal. A plea of expected absence, a previous engagement to dine elsewhere, a recent bereavement, or sudden illness in the family, are each of them good and sufficient reasons for non-acceptance and should always be mentioned. Thus, in reply to a formal dinner invitation, a "regret" might be sent in the following terms:

Mr. and Mrs. Harvey Patten sincerely regret that, owing to the sudden illness of their daughter Eleanor they will be deprived of the pleasure of accepting the very kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner on Tuesday, December fifteenth. 24 Abercrombie street.

Wednesday.

This form of refusal will be found suitable for all formal occasions, varying the name of the entertainment and the cause for non-acceptance to suit the circ.u.mstances.

Persons in Mourning.

Invitations to those in mourning should be sent as a matter of course, except during the first few weeks of deep bereavement, when their sorrows are not to be intruded upon by the gayeties of the outer world. After this first season of sorrow, invitations, which neither custom nor their own feelings permit them to accept, should be sent, that they may know that they are not forgotten in their solitude.

To these there is always given the privilege of declining all invitations without any specified cause therefor, their black-bordered stationery showing all too plainly the sad reason that prompted their refusal. They should then send their cards (black-bordered) by mail enclosed in two envelopes. These will take the place of a personal call and should be the same in number. It may be mentioned here that while people in deep mourning are not usually invited to dinners or luncheons, it is customary for them to receive invitations to all weddings and other social gatherings, and though they may not accept, still it is gratifying for them to know that they are remembered in their seclusion.

[Ill.u.s.tration: A LETTER OF CONDOLENCE.]

Addressing the Answer.

The answer to an invitation should always be addressed to the person in whose name it is sent. If "Mr. and Mrs. Richard Roe request the pleasure," etc., address the answer to "Mr. and Mrs. Richard Roe." If "Mrs. Richard Roe is At Home" on a certain date, address the reply to her alone. In case of wedding invitations, address all answers to the parents of the bride, in whose name they are sent out, never to the bride, although she may be your only personal acquaintance in the family, the civility being due to the issuers of the invitation. This is customary in the case of all invitations.

Wedding Invitations.

Wedding invitations are usually thought to require no answer unless it be to a sit-down wedding breakfast. In this case the same exactness in reply and the same form is demanded as for a dinner invitation. If the invitation is extended to friends at a distance and presupposes an intention to entertain the recipients for any length of time, the obligation for speedy reply is equally necessary.

If the invitation is given by an informal note, as is the case with some very quiet weddings, an answer must always be returned and in the same note form. This attention is demanded by courtesy.

To a large crush wedding a regret, accompanied or not by a gift, may be sent if desired; an acceptance is not necessary. Where the invitations are to the church only, they are amply answered by sending or leaving cards at the house. To receive a card stating that the wedded pair will be "At Home" on certain dates, means that they desire to continue their acquaintance with the parties thus invited, who should either call in person or send cards promptly.

Wedding Anniversaries.

Anniversary invitations require an answer, thus giving a very pleasant opportunity for congratulating the happy couple. The following forms are suitable:

Mr. and Mrs. Arthur c.u.mmings accept with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Kennet Wade for Thursday evening, October tenth, and present their warmest congratulations on their Silver Wedding Anniversary. 45 Church Street.

Thursday.

For a refusal:

Mr. and Mrs. Arthur c.u.mmings sincerely regret that, owing to an unexpected absence from town, they are unable to accept the very kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Kennet Wade for Thursday evening, October tenth, but beg to present to them their warmest congratulations on this occasion of their Silver Wedding Anniversary. 24 Church Street. Wednesday.

The same formulae in answering will apply to any of the anniversary festivities.

Theater and Opera Parties.

These parties are frequently made up on rather short notice and the invitations are then sent to the house by special messenger who awaits the reply, which must be written at once, that the lady or gentleman giving the entertainment may be sure of a certain number to fill the box or stalls, engaged for the evening. Occasionally, when the party is given by a gentleman, he takes a carriage and gives out the invitations in person when a verbal answer is returned.

Luncheons and Suppers.

Invitations for these are written in the same form as for a dinner, merely subst.i.tuting the word "luncheon" or "supper" for "dinner," and should be accepted or refused in precisely the same style. Answers also should be sent with the same promptness that the hostess may be certain of arranging her table satisfactorily.

Other Invitations.

Other invitations, aside from those already specified in this department, scarcely demand an answer, except they bear the words: "The favor of an answer is requested," or the initials, "R.S.V.P."

Simple "at home" affairs never need an answer, though cards must always be sent, or left in person, immediately afterward. Garden parties, where they are held at any distance from the city and carriages are to be sent to convey the guests thither, always require an answer; this, however, is usually indicated upon the card.

Refusing After Acceptance.

Should it unfortunately occur, after accepting an invitation, that, by one of the sorrowful happenings so often marring our best laid plans, we are prevented from fulfilling our promise, let the regret sent be prompt, that your hostess, especially if the entertainment be a dinner or luncheon may possibly, even at the eleventh hour, be able to supply the vacancy. Make it explanatory as well, that she may feel positive that no mere whim has caused the disarrangement of her plans.

What Not to Do.

Never write the word "accepts," "regrets" or "declines" upon your visiting card and send in lieu of a written note. To do so is not only an insult to your hostess but a mark as well of your own ill-breeding.

An invitation, which is always an honor and implies the best that your host is able to offer, should always receive the courtesy of a civil reply.

Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage