Snapdragon: Tiny Threads Part 11

"No, you decided I wasn't going to talk to her anymore."

His words shot through me like a knife. I stood, staring at him while I tried to digest what had just come out of his mouth.

Then, the thread snapped.

"You know what?" I screamed "Go to h.e.l.l!"

I stomped past him and locked the bathroom door behind me. So many emotions rushed over me at once, I was faint. How stupid was I to fall for his c.r.a.p? I should've seen what was going on. All the progress we'd made was c.r.a.p. It was a delusion, my own sad attempt to save something that was obviously a waste of time. My hopes were crushed. Anger didn't even cover how I felt.

And he was an idiot. She was working her way back into his life with her bulls.h.i.t intentions. He either didn't care, encouraged her, or he was just the most ridiculously clueless man on the planet. I was steering toward stupid, uncaring idiot.

Yeah, we'd taken a few steps in the right direction, but it wasn't nearly enough.

He'd opened up to me once. We'd had s.e.x more times in the prior month than we had in over six months, and he'd started sleeping in our bed more nights than not-but none of it was enough.

It was all superficial-Band-Aids, and badly applied.

I'd been too optimistic-too forgiving and nearly blind.

He'd gotten away with distracting me with what he thought I wanted-attention. Sure, I craved his attention, but what I needed was to know he truly wanted me-loved me, and was as committed to our marriage and family.

Kissing, touching, and hurried s.e.x wasn't going to fix things. We were back at square one as far as I was concerned.

I splashed some water on my face, wiped it dry, and stared at myself in the mirror. I did not like what I saw. I looked tired, weary, and lost. There was misery and fear written all over me. I wasn't fooling anyone, especially myself.

Once I felt like I had myself under control, I went back to my guests and tried to ignore the curious stares as I took my seat. I wasn't discussing it, no way in h.e.l.l. I was already freaking humiliated and hurt. I wasn't in a sharing mood.

"Sorry about that."

"Dad left," Skylar said quietly.

She wouldn't look at me-her eyes stayed pinned on her plate. I couldn't look at the other girls or the rest of my family and friends. G.o.d, how dare he treat me that way in front of everyone. There was no way they hadn't heard us fight. Our house wasn't big enough to get away with secret screaming matches.

"He must have had work to do. He's a very hard worker. He has to work so hard," Sarah sighed sadly.

"It's Sat.u.r.day night, Sarah. What conceivable reason could he have to walk out on his family at dinner?" Tara snapped, grabbing her gla.s.s of Merlot and draining it. I could see her eyeball twitch from where I sat.

"It's none of your business, Tara. Stay out of it," Glenn said from across the table. "And apologize to my mother for talking to her that way."

My eyes widened, and I shot a quick look over at Jason. He was shocked, and I didn't blame him a bit for being put off by the freaking antics. Jesus, he'd never want to be around any of us again.

"I didn't say anything that everyone at this table isn't already thinking, Glenn. And it is my business. We're sitting at his table for dinner and he leaves without explanation? It's unacceptable for him to disrespect Jenna like this."

"Tara, just stop," I begged.

"You don't deserve this, Jenna. You don't." She took a deep breath and threw her napkin on the table. "I'm sick of him embarra.s.sing you with his selfish c.r.a.p."

"Oh, she's not embarra.s.sed," Sarah chided. "She knows this is the way it is. He works too much. If she wants these fancy dinners and fancy cars and things, someone has to pay for them, don't they?"

"Oh my G.o.d, Sarah! Shut up!" Tara barked.

Sarah gasped and lowered her head. Yeah, it was getting real at the Grainger table. I knew it was coming, I just freaking knew it.

Tara stood and pointed at Glenn. "That was an insult, a.s.shole. Now you can tell me not to be mean to your mommy!"

I stood and held my hand out to her. "Tara, calm down."

Unshed tears finally broke free and traveled angrily down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Jenna. I told you this would be a bad idea. I am so sorry I ruined your evening. I should've known better than to think I could be in the same room as the two of them and expect us all to get along."

She gave me an apologetic smile, teary and sad, before turning to Jason. "Dr. Hutchens, it was really nice meeting you. I'm sorry for... everything."

Jason rose from his chair and walked over to stand in front of her. He lifted her hand and pressed a soft kiss on her knuckles.

"It was my pleasure, Tara. These things happen in families. Believe me, you have nothing to apologize for."

Tara's breath hitched, and a legitimate smile swept over her features. She turned to the girls and nodded at Jason. "That, girls, is what a gentleman looks like."

I walked her to the door and told her I would keep Lily overnight. She and Benji had long since gone to his bedroom to play, and I was eager for the distraction. Lily was all sunshine and flowers and sing-songs. The house needed her to shield it from the ugliness.

After more apologies from her, I kissed her goodbye and went back inside to face the others. When I got to the table, the girls had already started clearing the table and cleaning up the kitchen. I was so grateful and so disappointed that they had to deal with the c.r.a.p Royal was putting them through.

"Jason, I don't know what to say. I'd say this is out of the ordinary, but... this is our life." I let out a humorless laugh and shook my head. "I thought we could be normal for the night, but apparently, we can't."

He smiled. "Jenna, I enjoyed myself regardless of the activities..." he laughed under his breath and pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you, Jason."

"I'm going to head out," he said, looking over at Abbie. "Abbie and I are going to grab a cup of coffee and get to know each other before I drop her home." At least that was a relief. Abbie walked up beside him with her coat in hand. She had a troubled look on her face, and I couldn't have felt more awful.

"I'm so sorry, Abbie."

She shrugged and then hugged me. "Call me tomorrow. I love you, Jenna."

I sucked in a hard breath and hugged her tight. "Have fun. Enjoy the company. He's wonderful."

She pulled back and winked. "You did good. Now, go have yourself a shot, take a long hot bath and relax. It'll be okay."

"Oh shoot," I cursed. "I still need to get Sarah and Glenn home and Royal took my truck! I don't have a lift for Glenn. d.a.m.n him!"

It just kept getting worse and worse. I was ready to rip my hair out of my head by the roots! I wanted to get rid of Sarah posthaste. If I didn't, I would end up smacking her.

"I can take them if you'd like, Jenna. My car is low enough that I should be able to get him in."

I smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you, Jason. I would appreciate it. I'm not sure when Royal will be back, so that's very helpful."

"It's settled then."

Giving Abbie another apologetic smile, I went into the den to give Sarah and Glenn the news. I did feel bad that Glenn's birthday had become such a nightmare, but he hadn't been much better than Royal.

After I shut the door, I turned off the porch light, locked the doors, and headed straight upstairs. It'd been a h.e.l.l of a night-more like a night from h.e.l.l-so I put the girls in charge of the little kids and went to bed.

I woke up the next morning alone.

Chapter 9.

"Jenna, are you even listening to me?"

Yeah, I heard him, but I had nothing to offer. If he'd listened to me in the first place, we'd already be done.

"I've been packing for over a week, Royal. Can you just give me a few minutes to get this done?"

He mumbled something indistinguishable and walked out of the room toward the garage. Thank G.o.d he did, because I couldn't deal with him for another second. We'd gone through the motions for weeks and were barely talking. He'd slept on the couch every night since the fiasco at Glenn's birthday dinner, and frankly, I didn't miss him at all. He could freeze to death for all I cared. It served him right.

He still hadn't apologized for being a jerk, even though I'd said I was sorry countless times for blowing up and slapping him. I'd never hit him, and it made my stomach turn thinking about it. I was wrong, but the Lana situation was making me a crazy person.

The last real conversation we'd had was an argument, so the strain was more p.r.o.nounced. Abbie called me one day and told me Lana had been to the work site to see him not once, but twice.

That left me full of suspicion and tons of anger. Most of all, it hurt. I wanted to trust him-I did trust him, but the thought of him spending time with her made me sick.

I had mixed feelings about our annual family trip. We'd gone to the lake every year since Macy was a baby. Things had been so tense and hostile between us, I couldn't see how it would be enjoyable for anyone. No one deserved to be around us at each other's throats all the time, but I didn't want to disappoint the kids.

So I was zipping my trap and trying to tamper down the urge to strangle him. Not such an easy task when just looking at him made me want to take a frying pan to his skull.

"Are you done with that s.h.i.t yet? I can't find the key to the d.a.m.n RV, and I need to fill it up with gas tonight. We won't have time tomorrow."

I slammed the pen down and turned around.

"You've known about the trip as long as I have Royal. Why are you jumping down my throat? I've done all the grocery shopping, washed and packed the sleeping bags and the linens in the RV, stocked the RV, tested the air mattresses, aired out the tents, and packed up all the kids. I got the fuel for the stove and the lanterns, and everything else that needed to be done. What did you do again? Oh yeah-nothing."

"Poor Jenna, always so busy. If you didn't have time why'd you do it? Quit being a martyr."

He was being cruel, and it was working. It was a punch in the gut.

"A martyr is willing. I do it because n.o.body else will! I've been taking care of this family for years! When are you going to start?"

He chuckled under his breath and left the room. Here we go again. I folded the forms I'd filled out for the girls for cheer camp and placed them in the envelope, slipping them into my purse so I wouldn't forget. Camp started the day after we got home, so I wanted to be sure I had everything in order before we left.

Lord knew he wouldn't.

I went into the kitchen, grabbed the key from the rack-where all the d.a.m.n keys were all the d.a.m.n time-and stomped out to the garage. I chucked the keys at Royal's back and went inside without another word.

Benji still needed a bath, and since it was already late, I started with him. My list was as long as my arm, but he was hyper and excited and a warm bath always calmed him down before bedtime.

Plus, it was our very own alone time to read and talk without anyone else. I loved listening to him babble while he played.

"Do I get to fish with Gramps and Daddy?" he asked, plunging his toy truck in and out of the water.

"Don't you always get to fish?"

He nodded and continued to play with his toy. "You mad at Daddy, Mommy?"

A lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed it down. It killed me that he worried about us. We were horrible.

"No, I'm not mad. I'm just tired and took it out on him. Sorry we were yelling."

"He gets in so much trouble." He shook his head and continued playing.

"We'll have a lot of fun at the lake, bubs. Daddy's bringing the tubes so you get to play with those. You love that, huh?"

"Can I sleep in the tents this time?"

I gave him a small smile, knowing that as usual he'd end up in the RV with my parents. "You sure can. Whatever you want."

"I'm gonna sleep with you and Daddy 'cause the girls are noisy."

"That sounds good. Hurry up now so we can get to sleep. We leave early tomorrow."

I hadn't even dried him off before he was nodding off. While he was pliable and compliant, I slid his jammies onto him and tucked him in bed. The guilt was still eating at my soul from what he'd said earlier about the fighting. His precious innocence gutted me. How could we be so selfish? We were hurting our f.u.c.king kids!

After I left his room, I went downstairs, shut off the lights but left the kitchen lights on for Royal since he was still banging around in the garage, and went into the den to watch some TV to clear my head for a bit.

It seemed like all I'd had to think about was how dysfunctional my family was for months. I was exhausted, and I missed my husband. My partner. The one wish I had more than anything else was for him to put forward an effort to talk, or at least listen to me.

Something deeper was going on, and I wasn't interested in listening to his BS about work and lost contracts. We were crumbling, and having him ignore it or avoid it was gathering like thunder under my skin.

I wasn't usually so combative or aggressive, but d.a.m.n it, I was losing my s.h.i.t. I couldn't-wouldn't-lose him. Not emotionally and not physically. Whatever it was that he was going through, it was obviously more than he could manage.

I was still his best friend. His partner. His wife. I would do anything for him, anything and everything. I would be whatever he needed.

The one thing I was unwilling to do was stay quiet.

The kids drove with Royal and my dad in the RV to the campground, and my mom, Abbie, and I followed in my dad's truck with the boat. It was great having a little s.p.a.ce from Royal, and spending time with my mom was always fun. Plus-I got to catch up with Abbie.

Abbie was the freest spirited I knew, and I envied her freedom and wild child mentality. She'd always been that way, even when we were kids. It's one of the things that drew me to her in the first place. I'd been reserved and shy as a kid, and she brought out another side of me. Where I craved security and stability, she lived for adventure and risks.

That basically described her love life. She regularly dated several men at once because she didn't like to be tied down. She didn't like to close off her options, but I personally felt like she was afraid of commitment.

That's why when I met Jason, I knew he could be the game changer for her. She needed someone centered and responsible, not one of her usual playboy idiots. I couldn't wait to see how it played out for them.