Sketches of the Fair Sex, in All Parts of the World Part 7

In one circ.u.mstance relating to courtship, the Italians are said to be particular. They protract the time as long as possible, well knowing that even with all the little ills attending it, a period thus employed is one of the sweetest of human life.

A French lover, with the word sentiment perpetually in his mouth, seems by every action to have excluded it from his heart. He places his whole confidence in his exterior air and appearance. He dresses for his mistress, dances for her, flutters constantly about her, helps her to lay on her rouge, and to place her patches. He attends her round the whole circle of amus.e.m.e.nts, chatters to her constantly, whistles and sings, and plays the fool with her. Whatever be his station, every thing gaudy and glittering within the sphere of it is called in to his a.s.sistance, particularly splendid carriages and tawdry liveries; but if, by the help of all these, he cannot make an impression on the fair one's heart, it costs him nothing but a few shrugs of his shoulders, two or three silly exclamations, and as many stanzas of some satirical song against her; and, as it is impossible for a Frenchman to live without an amour, he immediately betakes himself to another.

There is hardly any such thing among people of fashion as courtship.

Matters are generally so ordered by parents and guardians, that to a bride and bridegroom, the day of marriage is often the second time of their meeting. In many countries, to be married in this manner would be reckoned the greatest of misfortunes. In France it is little regarded.

In the fashionable world, few people are greater strangers to, or more indifferent about each other, than husband and wife; and any appearance of fondness between them, or their being seen frequently together, would infallibly make them forfeit the reputation of the _ton_, and be laughed at by all polite company. On this account, nothing is more common than to be acquainted with a lady without knowing her husband, or visiting the husband without ever seeing his wife.

GERMAN WOMEN.

Of all the German females, the ladies of Saxony are the most amiable.

Their persons are so superiorly charming and preferable in whatever can recommend them to be notice of mankind, that the German youth often visit Saxony in quest of _companions_ for life. Exclusive of their beauty and comeliness of appearance, they are brought up in a knowledge of all those arts, both useful and ornamental, which are so brilliant an addition to their native attractions. But what chiefly enhances their value, and gives it reality and duration, is a _sweetness_ of temper and festivity of disposition, that never fail to endear them on a very slight acquaintance. To crown all, they are generally patterns of conjugal tenderness and fidelity.

As they are commonly careful to improve their minds by reading and instructive conversation, they have no small share of facetiousness and ingenuity. From their innate liveliness, they are extremely addicted to all the gay kind of amus.e.m.e.nts. They excel in the allurements of dress and decoration, and are in general skilful in music.

The character, however, of the women in most other parts of Germany, particularly of the Austrian, is very different from this.

Notwithstanding the advantages of size and make, their looks and features, though not unsightly, betray a vacancy of that life and spirit, without which beauty is uninteresting, and, like a mere picture, becomes utterly void of that indication of sensibility, which alone can awaken a delicacy of feeling.

As their education is conducted by the rules of the grossest superst.i.tion, and they are taught little else than set forms of devotion, they arrive to the years of maturity uninstructed in the use of reason, and usually continue profoundly ignorant the remainder of their days, which are spent, or rather loitered away, in apathy and indolence.

The princ.i.p.al happiness of the Austrian ladies of fashion consists in ruminating on the dignity of their birth and families, the antiquity of their race, the rank they hold, the respect attached to it, and the prerogatives they enjoy over the inferior cla.s.ses, whom they treat with the utmost superciliousness, and hold in the most unreasonable contempt.

In the mean time, their domestic affairs are condemned to the most unaccountable neglect. They dwell at home, careless of what pa.s.ses there; and suffer disorder and confusion to prevail, without feeling the least uneasiness. Great frequenters of churches, their piety consists in the strictest conformity to all the externals of religion. They profess the most boundless belief in all the silly legends with which their treatises of devotion are filled; and these are the only books they ever read. The coldness of their const.i.tution occasions a species of regulated gallantry, which is rather the effect of an opinion that it is an appendage of high life, than the result of their natural inclination.

It must, at the same time be allowed, that the Austrian women are endowed with a great fund of sincerity and candor; and, though too much on the reserve, and p.r.o.ne to keep at an unnecessary distance, are yet capable of the truest attachment, and always warm and zealous in the cause of those whom they have admitted to their friendship.

Though the Germans are rather a dull and phlegmatic people, and not greatly enslaved by the warmer pa.s.sions, yet at the court of Vienna they are much given to intrigue: and an amour is so far from being scandalous, that a woman gains credit by the rank of her gallant, and is reckoned silly and unfashionable if she scrupulously adheres to the virtue of chast.i.ty. But such customs are more the customs of courts, than of places less exposed to temptation, and consequently less dissolute; and we are well a.s.sured that in Germany there are many women who do honor to humanity, not by chast.i.ty only, but also by a variety of other virtues.

The ladies at the princ.i.p.al courts, differ not much in their dress from the French and English. They are not, however, so excessively fond of paint as the former. At some courts, they appear in rich furs: and all of them are loaded with jewels, if they can obtain them. The female part of the burgher's families, in many of the German towns, dress in a very different manner, and some of them inconceivably fantastic, as may be seen in many prints published in books of travels. But, in this respect, they are gradually reforming, and many of them make quite a different appearance in their dress from what they did thirty or forty years ago.

The inhabitants of Vienna lived luxuriously, a great part of their time being spent in feasting and carousing. In winter, when the different branches of the Danube are frozen over, and the ground covered with snow, the ladies take their recreation in sledges of different shapes, such as griffins, tigers, swans, scallop-sh.e.l.ls, etc. Here the lady sits, dressed in velvet lined with rich furs, and adorned with laces and jewels, having on her head a velvet cap. The sledge is drawn by one horse, stag or other creature, set off with plumes of feathers, ribbons and bells. As this diversion is taken chiefly in the night time, servants ride before the sledge with torches; and a gentleman, standing on the sledge behind, guides the horse.

A VIEW OF MATRIMONY IN THREE DIFFERENT LIGHTS.

The marriage life is always an insipid, a vexatious, or a happy condition, the first is, when two people of no taste meet together, upon such a settlement as has been thought reasonable by parents and conveyancers, from an exact valuation of the land and cash of both parties. In this case the young lady's person is no more regarded than the house and improvements in purchase of an estate; but she goes with her fortune, rather than her fortune with her. These make up the crowd or vulgar of the rich, and fill up the lumber of the human race, without beneficence towards those below them, or respect towards those above them; and lead a despicable, independent, and useless life, without sense of the laws of kindness, good-nature, mutual offices, and the elegant satisfactions which flow from reason and virtue.

The vexatious life arises from a conjunction of two people of quick taste and resentment, put together for reasons well known to their friends, in which especial care is taken to avoid (what they think the chief of evils) poverty; and ensure them riches with every evil besides.

These good people live in a constant restraint before company, and when alone, revile each other's person and conduct. In company they are in purgatory; when by themselves, in h.e.l.l.

The happy marriage is, where two persons meet, and voluntarily make choice of each other without princ.i.p.ally regarding or neglecting the circ.u.mstances of fortune or beauty. These may still love in spite of adversity or sickness. The former we may in some measure defend ourselves from; the other is the common lot of humanity. Love has nothing to do with riches or state. Solitude, with the person beloved, has a pleasure, even in a woman's mind, beyond show or pomp.

BETROTHING AND MARRIAGE.

At a very early period, families who lived in a friendly manner, fell upon a method of securing their children to each other by what is called in the sacred writings Betrothing. This was agreeing on a price to be paid for the bride, the time when it should be paid, and when she should be delivered into the hands of her husband.

There were, according to the Talmudists, three ways of betrothing. The first by a written contract. The second, by a verbal agreement, accompanied with a piece of money. And the third, by the parties coming together, and living as husband and wife; which might as properly be called marriage as betrothing.

The written contract was in the following manner--"On such a day, month, year, A the son of B, has said to D the daughter of E, be thou my spouse according to the law of Moses and of the Israelites; and I give thee as a dowry the sum of two hundred suzims, as it is ordered by our law. And the said D hath promised to be his spouse upon the conditions aforesaid, which the said A doth promise to perform on the day of marriage. And to this the said A doth hereby bind himself and all that he hath, to the very cloak upon his back; engages himself to love, honor, feed, clothe, and protect her, and to perform all that is generally implied in contracts of marriage in favor of the Israelitish wives."

The verbal agreement was made in the presence of a sufficient number of witnesses, by the man saying to the women, "Take this money as a pledge that at such a time I will take thee to be my wife." A woman who was thus betrothed or bargained for, was almost in every respect by the law considered as already married.

Before the legislation of Moses, "marriages among the Jews," say the Rabbies, "were agreed on by the parents and relations of both sides.

When this was done, the bridegroom was introduced to his bride. Presents were mutually exchanged, the contract signed before witnesses, and the bride, having remained sometime with her relations, was sent away to the habitation of her husband, in the night, with singing, dancing, and the sound of musical instruments."

By the inst.i.tution of Moses, the Rabbies tell us the contract of marriage was read in the presence of, and signed by, at least ten witnesses, who were free, and of age. The bride, who had taken care to bathe herself the night before, appeared in all her splendor, but veiled, in imitation of Rebecca, who veiled herself when she came in sight of Isaac. She was then given to the bridegroom by her parents, in words to this purpose: "Take her according to the law of Moses." And he received her, by saying, "I take her according to that law." Some blessings were then p.r.o.nounced on the young couple, both by the parents and the rest of the company.

The blessings or prayers generally run in this style: "Blessed art thou, O Lord of heaven, and earth, who has created man in thine own likeness, and hast appointed woman to be his partner and companion! Blessed art thou, who fillest Zion with joy for the mult.i.tude of her children!

Blessed art thou who sendest gladness to the bridegroom and his bride; who hast ordained for them, love, joy, tenderness, peace and mutual affection. Be pleased to bless not only this couple, but Judah and Jerusalem, with songs of joy, and praise for the joy that thou givest them, by the mult.i.tudes of their sons and of their daughters."

After the virgins had sung a marriage song, the company partook of a repast, the most magnificent the parties could afford; after which they began a dance, the men round the bridegroom, the women round the bride.

They pretended that this dance was of divine inst.i.tution and an essential part of the ceremony. The bride was then carried to the nuptial bed, and the bridegroom left with her. The company again returned to their feasting and rejoicing; and the Rabbies inform us, that this feasting, when the bride, was a widow, lasted only three days, but seven if she was a virgin.

At the birth of a son, the father planted a cedar; and at that of a daughter, he planted a pine. Of these trees the nuptial bed was constructed, when the parties, at whose birth they were planted, entered into the married state.

The a.s.syrians had a court, or tribunal whose only business was to dispose of young women in marriage, and see the laws of that union properly executed. What these laws were, or how the execution of them was enforced, are circ.u.mstances that have not been handed down to us.

But the erecting a court solely for the purpose of taking cognizance of them, suggests an idea that they were many and various.

Among the Greeks, the multiplicity of male and female deities who were concerned in the affairs of love, made the invocations and sacrifices on a matrimonial occasion a very tedious affair. Fortunate omens gave great joy, and the most fortunate of all others was a pair of turtles seen in the air, as those birds were reckoned the truest emblems of conjugal love and fidelity. If, however, one of them was seen alone it infallibly denoted separation, and all the ills attending an unhappy marriage.

On the wedding day, the bride and bridegroom were richly dressed, and adorned with garlands of herbs and flowers. The bride was conducted in the evening to the house of her husband in a chariot, seated between her husband and one of his relations. When she alighted from the chariot the axle-tree of it was burnt to show that there was no method for her to return back. As soon as the young couple entered the house, figs and other fruits were thrown upon their heads to denote plenty; and a sumptuous entertainment was ready for them to partake of, to which all the relations on both sides were invited.

The bride was lighted to bed by a number of torches, according to her quality; and the company returned in the morning to salute the new married couple, and to sing _epithalamia_ at the door of their bed-chamber.

Epithalamia were marriage songs, anciently sung in praise of the bride or bridegroom, wishing them happiness, prosperity and a numerous issue.

Among the Romans there were three different kinds of marriage. The ceremony of the first consisted in the young couple eating a cake together made only of wheat, salt and water. The second kind was celebrated by the parties solemnly pledging their faith to each other, by giving and receiving a piece of money. This was the most common way of marrying among the Romans. It continued in use, even after they became Christians. When writings were introduced to testify that a man and a woman had become husband and wife, and also, that the husband had settled a dower upon his bride, these writings were called _Tabulae Dotales_ (dowry tables;) and hence, perhaps the words in our marriage ceremony, "I thee endow."

The third kind of marriage was, when a man and woman, having cohabited for some time and had children, found it expedient to continue together.

In this case, if they made up the matter between themselves, it became a valid marriage, and the children were considered as legitimate.

Something similar to this is the present custom in Scotland. There, if a man live with, and have children by a woman, though he do not marry her till he be upon his death-bed, all the children are thereby legitimated and become ent.i.tled to the honors and estates of their father. The case is the same in Holland and some parts of Germany; with this difference only, that all the children to be legitimated must appear with the father and mother in church at the ceremony of their marriage.

FEMALE FRIENDSHIP.

It has long been a question, Which of the two s.e.xes is most capable of friendship? Montague, who is so much celebrated for his knowledge of human nature, has given it positively against the women; and his opinion has been generally embraced.

Friendship perhaps, in women, is more rare than among men; but, at the same time, it must be allowed that where it is found, it is more tender.

Men, in general, have more of the parade than the graces of friendship.

They often wound while they serve; and their warmest sentiments are not very enlightened, with respect to those minute sentiments which are of so much value. But women have a refined sensibility, which makes them see every thing; nothing escapes them. They divine the silent friendship; they encourage the bashful or timid friendship; they offer the sweetest consolations to friendship in distress. Furnished with finer instruments, they treat more delicately a wounded heart. They compose it, and prevent it from feeling its agonies. They know, above all, how to give value to a thousand things, which have no value in themselves.

We ought therefore, perhaps, to desire the friendship of a man upon great occasions; but, for general happiness, we must prefer the friendship of a woman.

With regard to female intimacies, it may be taken for granted that there is no young woman who has not, or wishes not to have, a companion of her own s.e.x, to whom she may unbosom herself on every occasion. That there are women capable of friendship with women, few impartial observers will deny. There have been many evident proofs of it, and those carried as far as seemed compatible with the imperfections of our common nature. It is, however, questioned by some; while others believe that it happens exceedingly seldom. Between married and unmarried women, it no doubt happens very often; whether it does so between those that are single, is not so certain. Young men appear more frequently susceptible of a generous and steady friendship for each other, than females as yet unconnected; especially, if the latter have, or are supposed to have, pretensions to beauty, not adjusted by the public.

In the frame and condition of females, however, compared with those of the other s.e.x, there are some circ.u.mstances which may help towards an apology for this unfavorable feature in their character.