Since I Fell For You Part 14

Roman battled viciously with the desire that was swamping every cell in his body. He needed to force himself to do the right thing, rather than wishing he could keep kissing Suzanne. He needed to stop fantasizing about stripping her dress away again so that they could finish what they'd started beneath a moonlit sky and a thousand silver branches.

But as she stood in front of him in her wrinkled dress, her hair tangled from his hands, her mouth swollen from his kisses, she was... G.o.d, she was stunning. Just looking at her made him ache. And now that he knew how she felt in his arms? Now that he knew her taste? Now that he'd heard her sounds of pleasure?

No. He couldn't let himself spin out on any of that. What he needed to do was keep his mouth and hands to himself from here on out, and then go confess everything to her brothers.

Pain speared him right in the center of his chest from the sure knowledge that tonight was going to be the last night he ever spent with her.

Ever since he'd become an adult, Roman had always done what needed to be done, no matter how difficult. But nothing in his life had ever felt as hard as saying, "I need to take you back to your house and confirm that your father can stay with you. And then I'm going to find your brothers."

She shook her head, hard enough that her long hair moved as if in a wild breeze over her shoulders. "Don't."

"I have to."

"They'll insist you quit."

The twisting in his gut tightened down. "They will."

"And you'll go, won't you? You'll just walk out of my life as fast as you walked in. Here one day, gone the next, as if nothing that happened between us mattered at all."

"Suzanne." He couldn't hold back the emotion in his voice. Could barely keep himself from reaching for her as he said, "It mattered. You matter."

Renewed hope flashed in her eyes. "Then you'll stay."

Lord, how he wished he could. "We both know that's a bad idea."

"You want to hear about bad ideas? The clothes I've been wearing, the skin-tight dresses and heels? They aren't me. But I had a plan the first couple of days to try to seduce"-she put the word in air quotes-"you into kissing me so that you'd have to resign."

Before he could say anything in response to her admission-one that finally had everyone's reactions to her outfits making perfect sense-she said, "I know, it was stupid. And wearing heels this high and pointy all day sucks, by the way, although the dresses aren't so bad. But I was so frustrated by the way my brothers had forced a bodyguard on me, and by how stubborn you were about taking the job, that I couldn't see any other way out of it. Only, now that you've kissed me, I don't want out of it anymore. Even before you kissed me, I didn't want you to leave. And I don't think you do either, no matter how many times you've tried to act like you do whenever we start getting close."

"Suzanne-"

But she wouldn't let him get a word in. "Don't you see, we don't know if we're a good idea or a bad one yet. And if we do things your way, if we do things my brothers' way, and you resign tonight just because we kissed, we're never going to have a chance to find out. I've spent nearly my entire life writing code, and you know what I've learned a million times over? That if I give up every time something doesn't work, it will never work. I've always fought like h.e.l.l for the things that matter most." Her eyes flashed in the moonlight. "For the people who matter most."

The words had barely left her lips when she spun around and went flying through the forest in her dress and heels, back in the direction of the wedding reception.

CHAPTER TWENTY.

With everything Suzanne had said spinning around inside his brain-inside his heart-Roman was slower than usual as he pursued her through the trees.

"Where are you going?" He knew, of course, but maybe a miracle would happen and she'd give him a different answer than the one he was expecting.

"To talk with my brothers before you do." She whipped him a warning look over her shoulder. "And don't try to stop me. This is my life, not theirs, and it's long past time the three of them understood that."

Roman saw where she was coming from, and he couldn't say he didn't agree. At the same time, Suzanne's standing up for herself with her family didn't change what he had to do. She needed another bodyguard, someone one hundred percent professional who wouldn't constantly be distracted by attraction and jealousy. Someone who would do his job, rather than spend all his time trying to learn the inner workings of her heart.

She knew exactly where to find her brothers-two of them, at least. Alec and Harry were sitting on the end of a boat dock halfway between the Inn downtown and their father's home, beers in hand. Roman could easily imagine the four Sullivan siblings together on this dock over the years.

"You're lucky to have them, you know."

That stopped Suzanne at the edge of the dock. "I know I am." She turned to him, and the moonlight illuminated the beauty and fierce intelligence that rocked his world every time he looked at her. "They've always taken care of me, the same way I've taken care of them. But being loved by someone doesn't give them license to walk all over you."

Her words. .h.i.t home in a big way. Roman's father had always said he was pushing Roman to fight more, to win more, to play for the bigger purses, because he loved him. Because he was looking out for his son. Because he wanted Roman to have a better future than he did working at the factory. It had taken Roman a lot of years to understand that his father hadn't been lying-it was the best way Tommy Huson could parent after being raised by a father who had always spoken with his fists. Unfortunately, it had turned out that what Tommy thought was best for his son was the worst. Spending every night as a teenager in the boxing ring hadn't made Roman happy. Especially when he could never make up for the damage he'd done to some of the other guys he'd fought.

Alec heard them first, turning with a smile. "We were wondering where you and Roman were." His grin fell away d.a.m.ned quick, however, as he took in Suzanne's wrinkled dress, messy hair, and fierce expression.

"Something happened." Alec jumped up from his perch at the end of the dock, Harry springing up beside him. "Are you okay, Suz?"

"I'm fine." When one of her heels caught between two planks of wood, she kicked them off. Being barefoot and at least half a foot shorter than her brothers didn't make her any less impressive, however, as she walked up to them. "I asked Roman to kiss me." She paused as if for impact. "He did. And I kissed him back."

A feral growl emerged from Alec's throat as he leaped past Suzanne to get to Roman. He wouldn't normally have let the other man's hands grip his neck, but it was no less than he deserved for doing exactly what he shouldn't have with the one woman on the planet who was completely off-limits.

Harry and Suzanne were both working to pull Alec off as he roared, "We hired you to protect our sister." His fury reverberated through the night sky. "Not to take advantage of her!"

"He didn't take advantage of me," Suzanne said as she finally pushed between them, making Alec's fingers slide from Roman's neck. "I already told you, I'm the one who asked him to kiss me."

If anything, Alec grew angrier. "He's your G.o.dd.a.m.ned bodyguard, Suz! Not some guy we set you up with on a blind date."

"Roman is a great bodyguard. I don't want one, and I still have to admit that. But he isn't just a great bodyguard. He's intelligent. And sweet. And easy to talk to. And-" She shook her head. "I don't have to explain anything to you. Neither of us do. If we want to kiss again, then we'll kiss again whether you like it or not."

Jesus, she was a fireball. A gorgeous fireball whom Roman hadn't been able to figure out how to keep his mouth-or hands-away from.

"Like h.e.l.l you will." Alec shot Roman another furious look. "You're fired, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d. And if you come anywhere near my sister again, I'm going to absolutely destroy you."

"Alec." Harrison's voice was loud. Firm. As firm as the push he gave his brother in the opposite direction of Roman and Suzanne. "Tempers are too high right now. We should let everything settle and come back to discuss things later when everyone is feeling more rational."

"I'm feeling perfectly rational," Suzanne insisted.

Roman wished he could say the same thing. But the truth was that he hadn't felt rational since the second he'd set eyes on Suzanne.

She turned away from her brother to face him. "I know you came here to resign, and I know that's what I've said I wanted all along, but now I want you to stay."

"You've changed your mind about wanting a bodyguard?"

"You make me feel safe. And like I said before, I have more thinking to do about things before I can make any definite decisions." She held his gaze in the moonlight. "But I don't want you to go. Not yet."

"If you think I'm going to let this guy work for you anymore-"

She spun back to Alec. "I didn't come here so that you could tell me what to do! I came here because I love you enough to tell you I've made up my mind, and you're not going to change it." Again, she turned to Roman. "Stay."

He'd never wanted anything more. But just because he wanted it didn't mean it was right. "You need someone who can be totally professional."

"Someone who doesn't care about me as anything but a job, you mean?"

d.a.m.n it, when she put it like that...

Still, he made himself say, in as gentle a voice as possible, "I'll make some calls first thing tomorrow and find you-"

"No. It's you or no one. And you know I'm not bluffing. I'll chew up and spit out any other bodyguard you a.s.sign to me."

"What's going on?" None of them had noticed Drake walking up the dock. "I came to let you guys know Smith and Valentina are heading out soon, so you can say good-bye. You guys look like you're about to throw punches at each other."

"Roman and I kissed," Suzanne informed her youngest brother. "And now he thinks he needs to resign, even though us kissing in no way diminishes how good he is at his job. Even if I'm still not sure I need a bodyguard, he's the best. And if we want to kiss, we're going to kiss, no matter what you or Harry or Alec think, or say, or do."

Drake looked from Suzanne to Roman to his brothers, then back at his sister. "I'll admit we were pretty heavy-handed about hiring Roman, but if you two have crossed a line-"

"Crossed a line?" She poked Drake's chest. "I've supported you every step of the way with Rosa. I freaking love that woman, but even if I didn't, I would have sucked it up and gotten behind you both. How dare you even think about questioning what I'm feeling for Roman?"

She felt something for him.

Roman's heart swelled. It didn't matter that he knew better, knew she was completely off-limits, knew he could never be with her in a million years. It still meant something hearing that his feelings weren't one-way. Meant something big. Because a woman like Suzanne wouldn't feel something for a guy who was completely worthless, would she?

No one had ever stepped up for him the way she was tonight. No one had faced down a firing squad for him. No one had put her relationship with her family on the line for him. Roman wished she could know how much it meant to him. But at the same time, he'd never forgive himself if he put a wedge between her and her family.

"I'm not worth it, Suzanne. Not worth fighting over."

"Maybe you are, maybe you aren't," she retorted. "But I'm not letting you walk out of my life until I know for sure one way or the other. And," she said as she glared at each of her brothers, "I'm not letting any of you force Roman out of my life either."

"Suz," Harry said, "this isn't like you."

Though tensions were about as high as they could get, Harry wasn't yelling. Roman had noticed over the past couple of years that when the academic spoke, people always listened. Likely because he never raised his voice. And also because he was a good guy on every level. Someone who would never cross the kind of line Roman had tonight.

"There's no question that Alec needs to cool down before he opens his mouth again, and Drake probably should too." Harry shot serious looks at both his brothers to make sure they understood. "But in the morning, Suz, I'm sure you'll understand why Roman needs to resign and find you a new bodyguard."

"No, you need to understand something. All of you need to understand it. I'm done being the peacekeeper. I'm done being the one to make nice between everyone and keep my own thoughts and hopes and desires at bay to try to make sure everyone else gets what they want and stays happy. I'm finally going to be the one making some waves. And all of you are going to have to deal with it." She glared at her brothers. "I forgave you for going behind my back and hiring Roman in the first place. But don't test me on this one." She ran her hands over her hair and then her dress. "And now that I've finally said what's needed to be said for a very long time, I'm going back to the wedding so that I can say good-bye to Smith and Valentina. If Roman wants to follow me back, fine. But the rest of you had better keep your distance right now." With that, she stalked back down the dock, only slowing to pick up her shoes.

Of course Roman was going to follow her. And not only because it was his job. Inside of a week, she'd become the most important person in the world to him. But first he needed to say a few things to her brothers.

"I owe all of you an apology for what I've done," he said in a grave tone, "and I want you to know I won't be taking any money from you. I never intended for this to happen."

"d.a.m.n straight kissing our sister shouldn't have happened," Alec snarled, his rage not having lessened. "We hired you to protect Suzanne, not take advantage of her."

Roman knew he was in the wrong-he shouldn't have touched Suzanne, plain and simple. But that didn't mean he could let her brother get away with being an idiot where she was concerned. "If you actually think someone could trick your sister into kissing him, then you don't know her as well as you think you do. Suzanne is too smart and too tough to be taken advantage of by anyone, no matter how beautiful she is."

Alec advanced on him again. "Of course I know Suzanne is smart, tough, and beautiful. She's too good for you in every way."

"She is."

Roman's quick agreement made Alec pause. A couple of beats later, however, he let his anger loose again. "I know what you're like with women. I know how you treat them."

"I'm making a vow to you right now that I will never treat Suzanne like that."

"Are you asking us to believe you're going to change your stripes now?"

"No."

"Then what the h.e.l.l are you going to do?"

"I'm going to do whatever I can to convince her that she needs another bodyguard, and then I'm going to get out of her life. And stay out."

Roman had turned to track down Suzanne at the party, when Drake asked, "What if she won't let you go?"

Roman's gut twisted tighter than ever before as he shook his head, letting Drake know that wasn't an option. If push came to shove and he had to tell Suzanne the full truth about his past, once she heard it all she'd understand why he could never be her dream man. No matter how hot their kisses were, she'd want to run from him and never look back.

"Don't worry," he promised her brothers, "she will."

"Something's gotten into Suzanne." Alec was still fuming. "She's never acted like that. Never talked to us like that."

"No, she hasn't, but that doesn't mean she isn't right." Harry looked pensive. "She's always been the peacekeeper. She's always put herself last if it meant making sure everyone else was happy."

"Face it, guys," Drake said, "from what I've seen so far, Roman seems to make her pretty happy. Happy enough that she's not about to let him quit until they figure out if they can make things work." None of them wanted to hear it, but that didn't change the facts. "I'm worried about her too, but you both know I never liked this plan to hire a bodyguard behind her back."

"It was the only way we could make sure she was protected." Alec's hands fisted again. "At least, she should have been."

"Looks to me like he's doing a good job of protecting her," Drake pointed out. "All they did was kiss."

"He's her G.o.dd.a.m.ned bodyguard!" Alec's frustration bubbled over again. "I can't believe I handpicked him for the job. What the h.e.l.l was I thinking?"

Harry rubbed a hand over his head, leaving his dark hair standing on end. "Two things are clear right now. She won't stand for letting Roman resign-or be fired. And, whether this was the plan or not, she likes him. More than she's liked any guy in a very long time."

"I wouldn't have let any of you stand in my way with Rosa," Drake said. "If Suz is serious about Roman, she's not going to be any different."

"Jesus." Alec looked like his whole world was turning inside out. "You really think she's serious about that b.a.s.t.a.r.d?"

"That b.a.s.t.a.r.d was your friend ten minutes ago," Drake pointed out.

"I'm itching to rip into someone," Alec growled. "Don't push me right now, little brother."

"If you need a sparring session to let off some steam, old man"-Drake took a step forward-"I'm up for it."

Just as he had dozens of times before, Harry got between them. "Beating the c.r.a.p out of each other tonight isn't going to help Suzanne."

Alec's fists opened and closed several times before he finally backed away from Drake. "Swear to G.o.d, if he hurts her..."

"If he hurts her, we'll all make him pay," Harry agreed. "But right now the three of us need to do exactly what she said-take a step back and let her live her own life without us always b.u.t.ting in."

"I can never forget the way she looked when Mom left and we found out she wasn't coming back." Alec's eyes were bleak as he remembered the past. "She cried so long, so hard, that her eyes swelled completely shut. Our nanny took her to the doctor, and I insisted on going with them. The doctor said nothing was wrong with her, that the swelling would go down by the next day. But he didn't know what he was talking about-everything was wrong. From that day forward, I vowed never to let anything happen to make her cry like that again." He looked at his brothers. "If Roman makes her cry, I won't be able to control myself."