Simon the Jester Part 20

"Oh, Lord, man, how can you make a jest of it?"

"Would you have me drive about in a hea.r.s.e, instead of a cab, by way of preparation?"

"But what have the doctors told you?" asked Lola.

"My two dear people!" I cried, "for goodness' sake don't fall over me in this way. I'm not going to die to-morrow unless my cook poisons me or I'm struck by lightning. I'm going to live for a deuce of a time yet.

A couple of weeks at least. And you'll very much oblige me by not whispering a word abroad about what you've heard this afternoon. It would cause me infinite annoyance. And meanwhile I suggest to you, Dale, as the lawyers say, that you have been impolite enough not to say how-do-you-do to your hostess."

He turned to her rather sheepishly, and apologised. My news had bowled him over, he declared. He shook hands with her, laughed and walked Adolphus about on his hind legs.

"But where have you dropped from?" she asked.

"Berlin. I came straight through. Didn't you get my wire?"

"No."

"I sent one."

"I never got it."

He swung his arms about in a fine rage.

"If ever I get hold of that son of Satan I'll murder him. He was covered up to his beastly eyebrows in silver lace and swords and whistles and medals and things. He walked up and down the railway station as if he owned the German navy and ran trains as a genteel hobby. I gave him ten marks to send the telegram. The miserable beast has sneaked the lot.

I'll get at the railway company through the Emba.s.sy and have the brute sacked and put in prison. Did you ever hear of such a skunk?"

"He must have thought you a very simple and charming young Englishman,"

said I.

"You've done the same thing yourself!" he retorted indignantly.

"Pardon me," said I. "If I do send a telegram in that loose way, I choose a humble and honest-looking porter and give him the exact fee for the telegram and a winning smile."

"Rot!" said Dale, and turning to Lola--"He has demoralised the whole railway system of Europe with his tips. I've seen him give a franc to the black greasy devil that bangs at the carriage wheels with a bit of iron. He would give anybody anything."

He had recovered his boyish pride in my ridiculous idiosyncracies, and was in process of ill.u.s.trating again to Lola what a "splendid chap"

I was. Poor lad! If he only knew what a treacherous, traitorous, Machiavelli of a hero he had got. For the moment I suffered from a nasty crick in the conscience.

"Wouldn't he, Adolphus, you celestial old blackguard?" he laughed. Then suddenly: "My hat! You two are fond of darkness! It gives me the creeps.

Do you mind, Lola, if I turn on the light?"

He marched in his young way across to the switches and set the room in the blaze he loved. My crick of the conscience was followed by an impulse of resentment. He took it for granted that his will was law in the house. He swaggered around the room with a proprietary air. He threw in the casual "Lola" as if he owned her. Dale is the most delightful specimen of the modern youth of my acquaintance. But even Dale, with all his frank charm of manner, has the modern youth's offhand way with women. I often wonder how women abide it. But they do, more shame to them, and suffer more than they realise by their indulgence. When next I meet Maisie Ellerton I will read her a wholesome lecture, for her soul's good, on the proper treatment a self-respecting female should apply to the modern young man.

Dale filled the room with his clear young laugh, and turned on every light in the place. Lola and I exchanged glances--she had adopted her usual lazy pantherine att.i.tude in the armchair--and her glance was not that of a happy woman to whom a longed-for lover had unexpectedly come.

Its real significance I could not divine, but it was more wistful than merely that of a fellow-conspirator.

"By George!" cried Dale, pulling up a chair by Lola's side, and stretching out his long, well-trousered legs in front of the fire.

"It's good to come back to civilisation and a Christian language and a fireside--and other things," he added, squeezing Lola's hand. "If only it had not been for this horrible news about you, dear old man----"

"Oh, do forget it and give me a little peace!" I cried. "Why have you come back all of a sudden?"

"The Wymington people wired for me. It seems the committee are divided between me and Sir Gerald Macnaughton."

"He has strong claims," said I. "He has been Mayor of the place and got knighted by mistake. He also gives large dinners and wears a beautiful diamond pin."

"I believe he goes to bed in it. Oh, he's an awful a.s.s! It was he who said at a public function 'The Mayor of Wymington must be like Caesar's wife--all things to all men!' Oh, he's a colossal a.s.s! And his conceit!

My word!"

"You needn't expatiate on it," said I. "I who speak have suffered much at the hands of Sir Gerald Macnaughton."

"If he did get into Parliament he'd expect an armchair to be put for him next to the Speaker. Really, Lola, you never saw such a chap. If there was any one else up against me I wouldn't mind. Anyway, I'm running down to Wymington to-morrow to interview the committee. And if they choose me, then it'll be a case of 'Lord don't help me and don't help the b'ar, and you'll see the derndest best b'ar fight that ever was.' I'll make things hum in Wymington!"

He went on eagerly to explain how he would make things hum. For the moment he had forgotten his enchantress who, understanding nothing of platforms and planks and electioneering machinery, smiled with pensive politeness at the fire. Here was the Dale that I knew and loved, boyish, impetuous, slangy, enthusiastic. His dark eyes flashed, and he threw back his head and laughed, as he enunciated his brilliant ideas for capturing the const.i.tuency.

"When I was working for you, I made love to half the women in the place.

You never knew that, you dear old stick. Now I'm going in on my own account I'll make love to the whole crowd. You won't mind, Lola, will you? There's safety in numbers. And when I have made love to them one by one I'll get 'em all together and make love to the conglomerate ma.s.s!

And then I'll rake up all the prettiest women in London and get 'em down there to humbug the men--"

"Lady Kynnersley will doubtless be there," said I; "and I don't quite see her--"

He broke in with a laugh: "Oh! the mater! I'll fix up her job all right.

She'll just love it, won't she? And then I know a lot of silly a.s.ses with motor-cars who'll come down. They can't talk for cob-nuts, and think the Local Option has something to do with vivisection, and have a vague idea that champagne will be cheaper if we get Tariff Reform--but they'll make a devil of a noise at meetings and tote people round the country in their cars holding banners with 'Vote for Kynnersley' on them. That's a sound idea, isn't it?"

I gravely commended the statesmanlike sagacity of his plan of campaign, and promised to write as soon as I got home to one or two members of the committee whom I suspected of pro-Macnaughton leanings.

"I do hope they'll adopt you!" I cried fervently.

"So do I," murmured Lola in her low notes.

"If they don't," said Dale, "I'll ask Raggles to give me an unpaid billet somewhere. But," he added, with a sigh, "that will be an awful rotten game in comparison."

"I'm afraid you won't make Raggles hum," said I.

He laughed, rose and straddled across the hearthrug, his back to the fire.

"He'd throw me out if I tried, wouldn't he? But if they do adopt me--I swear I'll make you proud of me, Simon. I'll stick my soul into it. It's the least I can do in this horrid cuckoo sort of proceeding, and I feel I shall be fighting for you as well as for myself. My dear old chap, you know what I mean, don't you?"

I knew, and was touched. I wished him G.o.d-speed with all my heart.

He was a clean, honest, generous gentleman, and I admired, loved and respected him as he stood there full of his youth and hope. I suddenly felt quite old and withered at the root of my being, like some decrepit king who hands his crown to the young prince. I rose to take my leave (for what advantage was there in staying?) and felt that I was abandoning to Dale other things beside my crown.

Lola's strong, boneless hand closed round mine in a more enveloping grip than ever. She looked at me appealingly.

"Shall I see you again before you go?"

"Before you go?" cried Dale. "Where are you off to?"

"Somewhere south, out of the fogs."

"When?"