Silent. Part 4

"I...I need to go home."

"I'm sorry, Alex. We have to-"

Some part of me knew it was pointless, but I burst out of the office anyway. I wanted no part of what they were saying...well, of what Suzie was saying, since the other two f.u.c.kers were only watching. Watching me unravel.

I headed for my locker. In hindsight, I probably should have headed straight for the door, but certain habits were hard to break. I needed my science notebook for a homework a.s.signment I probably wouldn't do, and I needed to get rid of the heavy social studies text currently in my bag. I always went to my locker after last period. To my locker, and then home.

After a few seconds, I noticed the cop trailing behind me. I sped up, cursing the fact that no one could run well in flip-flops.

I expected him to grab me, or order me to the floor or something, but he just followed from a few feet away. Maybe he was letting me waste my energy, since he knew full well I wouldn't be making it out of there.

I almost ran into Jose as he was packing up by his locker for the weekend. When he saw the cop on my tail, his eyes went wide-saucers of white in his round dark face. I knew his next move would be to cut and run.

"Jose," I shouted, and now the cop did reach out and grasp my shoulder.

Jose gave me a look like holy s.h.i.t, whatever you do, keep your mouth shut. holy s.h.i.t, whatever you do, keep your mouth shut.

"Tell my mom I didn't say nothing, okay? Tell her I didn't say nothing!"

That was all I could get out before the cop dragged me away.

Chapter 4: In an Instant.

I waited in the office for almost an hour, while Suzie made arrangements arrangements. Then she and the cop put me in the backseat of her car. Once she'd pulled away from the school, she flipped on the child locks-as if there were any way I was suddenly going to open the door and roll out onto the 105 freeway.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To a group home." Suzie spoke softly again-white women didn't seem to raise their voices that much, but she was unusually quiet. "Just until we can contact your mother and find out what the situation is."

A group home? That sounded like some place the mentally r.e.t.a.r.ded were sent, but I kept my mouth shut. Maybe I was was r.e.t.a.r.ded...I'd certainly managed to let things get out of hand pretty d.a.m.n quickly. r.e.t.a.r.ded...I'd certainly managed to let things get out of hand pretty d.a.m.n quickly.

I tried to fight off the dread by staring out the window, telling myself I should enjoy the rare chance to see the world outside my neighborhood. We sped on past billboards advertising casinos and a racetrack, and some gray industrial buildings heaving out plumes of black smoke. Nothing really glamorous-just more drab freeway, under dreary overcast skies.

We'd gone from one part of the ghetto to another. There were no 7-11s and no Starbucks when we took the exit...only one lone no-name gas station. And a good half of the billboards were in Spanish-a surefire sign of ghetto, if you asked me.

Suzie pulled up in front of a very ordinary house. It was bigger than most on the street, but I'd been expecting something more along the lines of Juvee, with a barbed wire fence, maybe-not a regular old home. A large white garage sat in front of the red brick building, which, though old, did not look like it was about to crumble. Maybe the neighborhood wasn't as ghetto as I'd thought.

The child lock clicked off, finally releasing me from my prison, but I didn't make a move until Suzie came around and got the door for me.

"Alex, I know this is a lot to take in. I promise you nothing final is happening right now."

"Better not be." I followed her toward the house. "How long I gotta be here?"

"This is just temporary." Her words might've been meant to rea.s.sure, but they sounded flat to my ears. "Hopefully, things can be settled soon."

Fat chance. I had the sickening sense in that moment that nothing would ever be settled again.

Still, I tried to push it aside. "Are you gonna talk to them? To Hector and my mom?"

"Well, perhaps, or perhaps another social worker will."

"And will the cops be there?"

"Most likely."

Oh, f.u.c.k. Hector would kill kill me for bringing the cops to his doorstep. Even if these people did decide I could go home, I probably wouldn't be able to. I might never have a home again. me for bringing the cops to his doorstep. Even if these people did decide I could go home, I probably wouldn't be able to. I might never have a home again.

A feeling hit me, and for a moment I didn't recognize it. I rarely felt anything this strong. But as I stood in front of the strange house filled with G.o.d-only-knew-what-kind of people, my throat tightened and my chest caved in on my heart and my neck no longer seemed strong enough to keep my ready-to-blow head attached to my body.

My whole life had changed in an instant. All because of a stupid pair of shoes. All because my d.a.m.n feet wouldn't stop growing.

That feeling-it was complete f.u.c.king terror. terror.

My flip-flops rooted themselves to the driveway, and I didn't budge another inch.

"Alex? Let me take you inside and introduce you to Ms. Loretta. She and her sister Ms. Cecily run this foster home together."

"No." I hitched my bag up on my shoulder, fingers locking around the strap, like holding onto that bit of my old reality could keep me grounded. "I don't want to meet any Ms. Loretta. I want to go home, right now."

"I can't take you home until we-"

"I said I want to go home right now right now!"

Jesus, I sounded like a two-year-old having a temper tantrum. My mind was spinning, and I'd started to sweat. What was I supposed to do in a place like this? Was I a foster kid foster kid now? now?

"Alex." Suzie placed an arm on my shoulder.

"Get the f.u.c.k off me, lady!"

I jerked away from her and went into a crouch stance, eyes darting around wildly in search of the best route of escape.

"Young man, you best close your mouth right now, 'cause you not gonna be usin' that kind of language in this house!"

A very tall and heavy black lady in a long red wrap dress stood at the front door, both hands on her hips and a glare on her face that froze me in my tracks.

"Now you bring yourself on in here, and don't you let me hear that foul mouth again."

"Alex, this is Ms. Loretta," Suzie said gently, and suddenly I didn't want her to go anywhere. Ms. Loretta looked a lot scarier than a chubby white woman in a gray suit. "Now, let's get you settled in."

Ms. Loretta was still staring me down, so I very meekly followed Suzie inside.

"Alex doesn't have a change of clothing. If he ends up having to stay the night, do you have something in his size?" Suzie asked her.

"Oh, yes, we got. Don't you worry, Ms. Suzie. He'll be fine, won't he."

Another glare had me nodding fearfully.

"All right." Suzie stretched out her arm for a moment, like she wanted to squeeze my shoulder again, but then thought better of it. She tucked her hands at her sides and just gave me a smile. "Alex, would you like to talk some more about the DCFS process right now, or would you prefer some time to rest?"

I said nothing.

After a moment of staring, Suzie sighed. "I think we can talk some more later, and I'll let Ms. Loretta take it from here." She walked away and closed the door behind her, leaving me alone in the foyer with Ms. Loretta.

The giant of a woman sized me up with a long, hard look, her expression daring me to back-talk her, or make some sort of complaint about where I'd found myself. I scanned my surroundings warily. A clean but bizarrely decorated kitchen lay just beyond the hallway, covered in wallpaper of golds and yellows and reds. That was really all I could make out from where I stood, except for Ms. Loretta herself.

I tried to look at her without actually making eye contact, still afraid to be caught by her stare. She was a lot like her kitchen-large and gaudy, with gold hoop earrings standing out against her dark skin and bright dress.

"Lights out at 9:30," she announced without further introduction. "Since we don't know how long you gonna be with us, I won't a.s.sign you ch.o.r.es, but dinner's at 7 o'clock, and you'll be expected to clean your own dishes."

The back door of the house swung open.

"Wipe your feet!" Ms. Loretta yelled, and a few seconds later a boy appeared.

He was about my height, and probably around my age, with short, dark curly hair and light brown skin. Of mixed-race, obviously...and a good mixture at that.

"A new kid?" he asked, eyeing me carefully.

"This is Alex." Ms. Loretta said. "He might only be here for the night. Take him outta my hair...I gotta start on dinner."

The boy c.o.c.ked his head toward the back of the house, and I followed, still clutching my backpack strap with both hands against my shoulder.

"I'm Brandon. Dwayne's out back, Ryan and Andrew are at after-school care...you wanna drop your stuff upstairs first?"

I shrugged.

"Well you're talkative." He rolled his eyes.

I was no blabbermouth, but here in this foreign setting, I'd apparently lost my voice entirely.

He led me through a family room that lived up to more of Ms. Loretta's taste in bright colors, then up to a large bedroom filled with bunk beds and tiny desks. The walls were bare and the sheets a dingy gray...but the place was fairly clean, and I had to admit it was a step up from my usual sleeping s.p.a.ce.

Brandon pointed to an empty bed, and I finally parted with my bag there. I wouldn't have, if I'd had anything valuable in it-I wasn't stupid enough to leave my stuff unattended like that.

Something shifted under a ma.s.s of blankets beside me, and I jumped back, hitting my bare ankle against the bed frame.

Brandon snickered. "That's Seb. He's a r.e.t.a.r.d."

A r.e.t.a.r.d named Seb? s.h.i.t, maybe I was was in that kind of group home. Or maybe Brandon and this guy had some sort of issue with each other. I tried to get a better look at the sleeping figure, but I could only see a bit of ash-blond hair peeking out over the sheets, and the boy didn't say anything. Not much to go on. in that kind of group home. Or maybe Brandon and this guy had some sort of issue with each other. I tried to get a better look at the sleeping figure, but I could only see a bit of ash-blond hair peeking out over the sheets, and the boy didn't say anything. Not much to go on.

"You gonna come out back or what?" Brandon huffed impatiently.

"Mhm." At least I made a sound that time as I turned and left the room.

Out in the small backyard, I came upon another tenant-Dwayne, Brandon had said-tossing a basketball into a leaning hoop.

Dwayne was black. Black black. Not that that was a problem for me-I probably had less of a beef with black people than most of my friends, 'cause of the time I'd spent in the projects. You either got along with your neighbors there, or you invited a s.h.i.tload of drama into your life.

"New kid," Brandon said to him.

Dwayne gave me the once over as he continued to dribble the ball. He was tall and muscular, with the cut off sleeves of his t-shirt nicely displaying his biceps. "He here to stay?"

"Dunno." Brandon shrugged.

"I f.u.c.kin' hate new kids."

I'd never been one to take insults lying down, and as confused as I still was, I knew that moment was Do or Die Time. If, G.o.d forbid, I actually did did have to stay there, I really needed to get my act together and shake off this lost little boy thing I had going on. have to stay there, I really needed to get my act together and shake off this lost little boy thing I had going on.

"f.u.c.k no I ain't stayin'," I told Dwayne, glaring. "Who wants to stay in a s.h.i.thole like this?"

"Like you ain't from a s.h.i.thole. If you wasn't, you wouldn't be here."

"I'm here 'cause a b.i.t.c.h teacher couldn't mind her own f.u.c.king business. There's nothing wrong with my home, so I'll be outta here in no time."

Dwayne pa.s.sed the ball to Brandon, who made a run for the basket and dunked it neatly. His shirt rode up a little, and I would have liked to take some time to appreciate that, but I couldn't really shift my attention from the current showdown.

"Then what's that bandage on your arm for, new kid? You tried to slit your wrists 'cause mommy and daddy don't love you enough?"

I took two steps forward and drew my arm back to punch, but suddenly found myself restrained.

Brandon had snuck around behind me, and he now had both my arms locked in his. My back pressed up against his wide chest as he pulled me away. "Easy, new kid. There are worse places than this, and you gonna find yourself there if you p.i.s.s off Ms. Loretta."

I threw him off and stepped away from both boys. "My name name is Alex." is Alex."

"All right, Alex." Dwayne sneered, white teeth glowing against dark lips. "You play basketball? Or just soccer? 'Cause we don't have no soccer ball."

"s.h.i.t, I don't wanna play nothing right now." I crossed my arms. "I just want to get the h.e.l.l out of here."

"Good luck with that." Dwayne shrugged, retrieving the ball and returning to his dribbling.

Brandon laughed beside my ear. "Wow, you makin' friends fast."

"And why would I want to make friends with you?"

"You never know how long you gonna be here...and like I said, there are worse places."

A little of the fury Dwayne had worked up began to deflate. Brandon didn't seem like such a bad guy, really. He was still grinning at me, and he had dimples. Small, round dimples in perfect caramel skin.

I mentally recited the alphabet once and uncrossed my arms.

"Yeah. So what's your story, then? Why you here?"

Brandon sat down on the steps by the backdoor. "My mom smokes crack. She's gonna go to rehab, though, so I can go back and live with her. What about you?"