Shakespeare Jest-Books Part 25

-- _Of the marchant that made a wager with his lord._ x.x.xvi.

-- A certayne marchaunt, before his lorde that he was subiecte vnto, amonge other thynges praysed his wyfe, and sayde, that he neuer harde her lette a *****. Wherat the lorde meruailed, and sayd it was impossible: and so layde and ventred a souper with the marchant, that before thre monethes were ended, he shulde here her lette a ***** or twayne. On the morowe, the lorde came to the marchaunt, and borowed fyfty crownes, the whiche he promysed trewely to repay agayne within viij dayes after. The marchaunt ryght sore agaynst his wylle lent it, and thoughtfully abode, tyll the daye of payment was come: and than he wente to his lorde and requyred his moneye. The lorde, makynge as though he had hadde more nede than before, desyred the marchaunt to lende hym other fyftye crownes, and promysed to paye all within a monethe. And all though the good man denyed hit longe, yet for feare lest he shulde lose the first somme, with moche grutchynge he lente hym the other fyfty crownes. And so wente home to his house ryghte heuye and sorowfull in his mynde. Thus thynkynge and dredynge diuers thynges, he pa.s.sed many nyghtes awaye without slepe. And as he laye wakyng, he harde his wyfe nowe and than rappe out *****. At the monethes' ende the lorde sente for the marchant, and asked him, if he neuer sythe harde his wyfe let a *****. The marchant aknoweleginge his folye, answered thus: Forsothe, syr, if I shulde for euery ***** paye a souper, all my goodes and landes wolde nat suffice therto. After whiche answere, the lorde payde the marchant his money, and the marchant payde the souper.

Here by ye maye se, that many thinges pa.s.se by them that slepe, and it is an old sayenge: He that slepeth, byteth no body. By this tale ye may note also that they, the whiche fortune swetelye enbraceth, take theyr reste and slepe soundely; And contrarye wyse, they that bene oppressed with aduersite, watche sorowefullye whan they shulde slepe. This man, which for a very folisshe thing preysed his wyfe, afterwarde whan a lyttell care beganne to crepe aboute his stomacke, he perceiued that faute in her ryght great. The morall boke, called Cato,[195] counsayleth vs to watche for the more parte: For moche s...o...b..r and slepe is the norisshinge of vice.

FOOTNOTES:

[195] Vide supra, p. 22.

-- _Of the friere that gaue scrowes agaynst the pestilence._ x.x.xvii.

-- Amonge the limitours[196] in the cyte of Tiburtine (Tivoli), was a certayne friere, which vsed to preache about in the villages to men of the countrey: and for as moch as they greately suspecte[d] that a plague of pestilence shulde come amonge them, he promysed eche of them a lytell scrowe:[197] which he sayde was of suche a vertue, that who so euer bare hit hangynge aboute his necke xv dayes shulde nat dye of the pestilence.

The folisshe people trustynge herevpon, euerye one after his power gaue him money for a scrowe; and with a threde of a mayden's spynninge, they hanged hit aboute their neckes. But he charged them that they shuld nat open it tyll the xv dayes ende: for, if they did, he sayde hit had no vertue. So whan the frire hadde gathered moche moneye, he wente his waye. Soone after (as the desyre of folkes is to knowe newes) the sayd scrowes were redde, in which was writen in Italian speche:

_Donna, si fili et cadeti lo fuso, Quando ti pieghi, tieni lo culo chiuso._[198]

Which is to saye in englysshe: woman, if thou spynne, and thy spyndell falle awaye, whan thou stoupest to reache for him, holde thyne ****

close. He sayde, that this pa.s.sed all the preceptes and medicines of the phisitians.

By whiche tale one may lerne, that all is nat gospell that suche wanderers about saye, nor euerye word to be beleued: For often tymes:--

_Gelidus jacet anguis in herba._

FOOTNOTES:

[196] A word used by Chaucer. It signifies a person licensed to preach and beg within a certain _limit_. There was an order of mendicant friars.

"Lordings, ther is in Engelond, I gesse, A mersschly land called Holdernesse, In which there went a lymytour aboute, To preche and eek to begge, it is no doubte."

CHAUCER'S _Sompnour's Tale_; Works, ed. Bell. ii. 103.

[197] Scrowl.

-- _Of the phisitian, that vsed to write bylles ouer eue._ x.x.xviii.

-- A certayne phisitian of Italy vsed ouer night to write for sondry diseasis diuers billes, called resceitz, and to put them in a bag al to gether. In the morning whan the vrins (as the custome is) were brought to him, and he [was] desired to showe some remedy, he wolde put his hand in to the bag, and at al auentures take oute a bille. And in takinge oute the bille he wolde say to him that came to seke remedye in their language: _Prega dio te la mandi bona_. That is to saye: Praye G.o.d to sende the a good one.

By this tale ye may se, that miserable is their state whiche fortune muste helpe and nat reason. Suche a phisitian on a tyme sayde to Pausanias: Thou aylest nothinge. No, sayde he, I haue nat had to do with thy phisicke. And an other tyme a frende of his sayde: Syr, ye ought not to blame that phisitian: for his phisicke dyd you neuer hurte. Thou sayest trouthe, quod he: for, if I hadde proued his phisicke, I shulde nat nowe haue been alyue. And ageyne to an other that sayde: Syr, ye be an olde man, he answered: yea, thou were nat my phisitian. Such maner [of] checkes are to lyttell for the leude foles, that wyll practise phisicke, before they knowe what [be]longeth to theyr name.

FOOTNOTES:

[198] In orig. and in Singer this is printed as prose, according to the usual practice. The same is the case with the line below.

-- _Of hym that wolde confesse hym by writinge._ x.x.xix.

-- Ther was a yonge man on a tyme, which wrote a longe lybell[199] of his synnes; whether he did hit for hypocrisy, folysshenesse, or oblyuion I can not say: and whan he shulde confesse him, he gaue hit to the confessour to rede: whiche confessor, beinge well lerned and experte in that busynes, parceyued hit wolde requyre a longe tyme to rede ouer: wherfore after a fewe wordes he sayde: I a.s.soyle the frome all the synnes conteyned in this lybell. Yea, but what shall my penaunce be, quod the yonge man? Nothinge els, sayde the confessour, but that thou shalte the s.p.a.ce of a moneth rede this lybell ouer euery daye vii tymes.

And all thoughe he sayde it was impossyble for him to do, yet the confessour wolde nat chaunge his sentence. By which mery subtyle answere he confuted the breble brable[200] of the folysshe felowe.

By this tale ye may perceyue that he that occupyeth this office, that is to saye, a confessour, ought to be discrete, prudent, and well lernedde.

This confessour knewe well the ordinaunce of holye churche: whiche wylleth confession to be made with the mouthe, and nat by wrytynge.

FOOTNOTES:

[199] Narrative or account. In its original signification, libel merely implied _libellus_, a little book or volume, a pamphlet, but not necessarily one of an offensive kind.

-- _Of the hermite of Padowe._ xl.

-- An hermite of Padow,[201] that was reputed for an holy man, vnder the semblaunce of confession, entyced many of the notablest wyues of the towne vnto folye and lewednes. So at last, whan his offence was dyuulgate and knowen (for hypocrisy can nat longe be hid) he was taken by the prouost, and brought before the prince of Padowe, duke Francis the vii of that name, whiche for his disporte sent for his secretarye, to wryte the womens names, that the hermit had layen by. Whan the hermyte had rehersed manye of the dukes seruantes wyues, and the secretarye merely laughenge had writen them, he semed as he had al said.

Be there any mo, sayde the duke? No forsothe, said the hermite. Tel vs trouth, quod the secretarie, who be mo, or els thou shalte be sharply punisshed. Than the hermyte sighinge said: Go to, write in thin owne wife amonge the nomber of the other; which saienge so sore greued the secretarye, that the penne felle out of his hande and the duke laughed right hartily, and sayde it was well done: that he that with so great pleasure harde the fautes of other mennes wyues, shulde come in the same nombre.

By this ieste we may lerne, that one ought nat to reioyce at an others grefe or hurte: For lytell woteth a man what hangeth ouer his owne heed.

FOOTNOTES:

[200] Silly and licentious talk. Taylor the Water-Poet, at the end of his _Wit and Mirth_, 1622 (_Works_, 1630, folio I. p. 200), uses the expression _Ribble-rabble of Gossips_, which seems to be a phrase of very similar import.

[201] Padua.

-- _Of the Uplandysshe man, that sawe the kynge._ xli.

-- An vplandysshe man, nourysshed in the woddes, came on a tyme to the citie, whanne all the stretes were full of people, and the common voyce amonge them was: The kynge cometh. This rurall manne, moued with noueltie of that voyce, had great desyre to se, what that mult.i.tude houed[202] to beholde. Sodaynly the kynge, with many n.o.buls and states before hym, came rydynge royally. Than the people all about stedfastly behelde the kynge and cryed aloude: G.o.d saue the kynge: G.o.d saue the kynge. This villayne[203] herynge them crye so, sayde: O where is the kynge, where is the kynge? Than one, shewynge hym the kynge, sayde: yonder is he, that rydeth upon the goodly whyte horse. Is that the kyng, quod the villayne? what, thou mockest me, quod he; me thinke that is a man in a peynted garment.

By this tale ye may perceyue (as Lycurgus proued by experience) that nourysshynge, good bryngynge vp and exercyse ben more apte to leade folke to humanite and the doynge of honest thynges than Nature her selfe. They for the mooste part are n.o.ble, free, and vertuous, whiche in their youthe bene well nourysshed vp, and vertuously endoctryned.

FOOTNOTES:

[202] Hovered. This form of the word is used by Gower and Spenser. See Nares (ed. 1859), voce _Hove_.