Shadowborn - Captivity Part 16

I returned to the stand of trees and spent a lot of time prowling through it, trying to decide on a positive plan of action. I was so deeply into it that the pa.s.sage of time lost all meaning, and it came as a surprise when I realized the army was beginning to move again. Talasin and Garam had finished their ch.o.r.e, then, and we still had a fighting force.

I went back to where I'd left my horse and mounted up, but not because I'd come to anydecisions. The only decision I seemed to want to make was to ride away and never see Fearin again, but I couldn't do that. Diin-tha wasn't likely to be understanding about desertion, and I couldn't let Fearin simply get away with what he'd done. I wanted him to feel the same hurt I had, and then I'd be able to ride away.

The rest of the afternoon pa.s.sed into the distance, and suddenly it was time to make night camp. The guardsmen got started doing it just the way they always did, but they were somehow both noisier and more quiet than usual. Even I noticed that when I rode up to the tent that had been created for me, especially when the guardsman who took my horse made no effort to say anything to me. He looked too preoccupied for conversation, but not particularly worried.

I shrugged over the problem of whether or not there would be trouble with the army once they understood and believed what they'd been told, and went into the tent. I had my own problems to occupy me, and if we lost the army it could well be exactly the help I needed. Diin-tha's plans would have to be held off on while another army was recruited, and that opened up a lot of possibilities. I poured myself some wine and sat down with the cup, then considered possibilities.

Time disappeared behind thought again, and the first I knew of it was when I heard the sound of throat-clearing by the entrance to my tent. I looked up to see Lokkel standing just inside, and when my gaze touched him the Healing Master smiled faintly.

"I don't mean to disturb you, child, but Fearin asked me to fetch you," he said. "Our meal is set out in his tent, and the meeting is about to begin. Will you allow me to escort you there?"

I was tempted to refuse to go, but couldn't see how that would help anything. Simply thinking about the problem hadn't done me any good so far, and seeing the man in front of me just might trigger an idea. It was at least worth trying, and if I later felt like walking out I could certainly do it.

"Master Lokkel, I would be pleased to have you escort me," I said as I put my cup aside and rose to my feet. "Is it any cooler out there yet?"

He immediately seized on the topic of weather, and began to tell me how weather can actually affect a healing spell if the master isn't careful. We walked through the darkening camp together, him deeply into the lecture, me trying to think about nothing at all, and then suddenly we were there. The outside blue of Fearin's tent gave way to the gold of the interior, and Lokkel's hand on my left elbow guided me over to the food table.

"Fill up a healthy plate, now," he directed with a chuckle. "As you can see, the others are busy getting Prince Ijarin's impressions of how the men are taking the news. Fearin asked him to look them over, and as usual it was an excellent idea. I'll finish speaking to you later."

He patted my shoulder before walking away, and that was when I realized he hadn't completed his lecture about healing and the weather. Since I'd seen everyone gathered around Ijarin, I hadn't paid attention to where Lokkel had gotten, but obviously it hadn't been where he wanted to be. As I reached for a plate I wondered if he'd just been threatening about going back to the subject later, and then I wondered why I'd taken a plate. I had no appet.i.te whatsoever, not for anything the food table offered.

"So this time you were just in your tent," a soft voice said from behind me. "What I'd like to know is why you didn't decide instead to be in my tent. I would have enjoyed finding you here when I came in."

"I'll bet you would have," I muttered, making no effort to turn and look at Fearin. "Or at least you think you would have. What do you want now?"

"Why do I have to want anything besides talking to you?" he asked, and if I hadn't known better I would have believed the almost-bewildered tone in his voice. "Is something wrong? I know I've been too busy today to give you much in the way of attention, but I fully intend to make up for that later tonight. We can pretend we're the only people left in the world, and - "

"Aren't you bored with that yet?" I interrupted, suddenly getting the idea I'd been very nearly praying for. "I am, which is why I tried something different this afternoon. You know, Fearin,you really ought to get more practice with women, without all that pretending nonsense. You don't know what you're missing, but now I do."

I'd made my voice go very smug and satisfied, but for a moment there was no response from him. I thought he might be considering what I'd said, and when he stalked around to my right I was sure of it.

"Say that again, only this time with more detail," he ordered in a very soft voice, a glance showing him to be ... Annoyed? Angry? Shocked? "What are you bored with, and what sort of different thing did you try this afternoon?"

"I'm bored with you, and what I did this afternoon is none of your business," I answered with the smugness still intact, at the same time beginning to fill my plate. "It is, however, my business, and the sort I intend to continue with. You'll just have to find some other female meat to play your games with."

"What in the name of chaos are you talking about?" he demanded, a growl forming from the small smile I'd sent him. "Not only is this totally unlike you, I can't believe you'd just spit on everything we had together. It's as if someone came along and put a spell on - By all the G.o.ds, that must be it! Someone's talked you into this nonsense. Tell me who he is!"

"You think it's beyond me to see through you all by myself?" I demanded in turn, putting the half-filled plate down in order to turn on him with my sudden anger. "What's the matter, Fearin, was I supposed to be too innocent to know you for what you really are? Well, I do know, and there's nothing you can do to change things back."

"What do you mean, you know me for what I really am?" he growled with that false bewilderment just touching him again. "What am I supposed to be?"

"A lowlife and a sneak," I p.r.o.nounced clearly into his anger, my fists to my hips. "And don't bother trying to deny it, you'll only make yourself look even more ridiculous."

"Ridiculous," he echoed with mounting fury, and then those blue eyes hardened as he straightened. "I'm going to know exactly what's going on here, in detail and step by step. As soon as this meeting's over we'll sit down together and - "

"No," I stated, unimpressed with the stare coming down at me. "Since there's nothing you have to say that I care to listen to, I'll be leaving when everyone else does. To spend some time with a man who knows what he's doing."

I added that last like the thrust of a dagger to his middle, and the stroke made him stiffen with outrage just as I'd hoped it would. The blue of his eyes intensified as though he were about to start the fight I wanted, but then he suddenly looked away from me and toward the others.

"Stop pretending you haven't heard what's been said here," he ordered, and I turned to see five men who were busily inspecting various parts of the tent - in every direction but where Fearin and I stood. "I have the sudden certainty one of you knows the reason for this ... idiot's tantrum, and I want to know right now what it is."

Five voices began to speak at once, all of them apparently trying to declare innocence, and I suddenly remembered what Ijarin had said. If Fearin thought one of them was guilty he might act before stopping to think about consequences. And if he found out it was Ranander who had told me the truth... Simply not mentioning any name hadn't worked, so I now had to be more definite in my lack of information.

"You can't possibly think it was one of them," I said with as much scorn as I could muster.

"Your ever-faithful and obedient followers? They think you're wonderful, the poor, blind fools.

It was someone else who told me the truth, a person it's entirely beyond you to think of."

"Oh, so it was someone who talked you into this childishness," he pounced, making me curse my unthinking tongue. "I'm not about to let this drop, Aelana, so you might as well tell me now who it was."

"Maybe ... it was one of the camp women," I suggested in an airy way, just to see what his reaction would be. "They'd certainly know everything that was going on, not to mention the men doing the going. Yes, it was probably one of the camp women.""I've never had anything to do with the camp women," he came back immediately, having no idea he'd just confirmed the accusation against himself. "They'd have nothing to say about me at all, and haven't the imagination to make something up. I don't believe it was one of them."

"Well, then, I'm fresh out of suggestions," I returned with a shrug, refusing to show how torn up I felt on the inside. "If you can't come up with a better idea yourself, let's get back to the meeting. Since I have an appointment later, I'd like to get out of here as early as possible."

Five men winced as Fearin drew himself up again, but I ignored them all. I could see I'd have to be certain not to go near any man for a while, but that wasn't likely to be much of a hardship.

And they certainly wouldn't be coming after me, that was for sure. I would be left completely alone and unbothered, but for some reason couldn't decide whether or not I liked that idea...

"The men aren't happy about going through the Valley of Twilight, but since I'll be going in first they're willing to trust my ability," Fearin said in a very brusque way. "They're pleased with the looting and gold they were given the chance at so far, and they're willing to take a small risk in order to get more. Does anyone have anything to add to that?"

Talasin and Garam exchanged glances with Ijarin, then those three looked at Ranander and Lokkel. When the last two simply shrugged, Garam shook his head.

"No, that's the conclusion we've all come to," Garam began, obviously intending to add something else. Fearin must have seen that as clearly as I, but decided not to allow it.

"Then I declare this meeting over and done with," he announced in a very flat way. "If you men will excuse us now, Aelana and I want some privacy. There's something she's going to be telling me, I swear by all the signs of chaos that she will. I'll talk to the rest of you again tomorrow."

Again five voices spoke together, this time to show instant agreement, but I rounded on Fearin in a rage. I intended to refuse to stay, in fact intended to tell him I'd never speak to him again, but all I had time for was to part my lips. Words became impossible when the air suddenly ...

blurred, a soundless echoing ring accompanying the blurring. I had no idea what was happening, but the shocked understanding on Fearin's face said that he did. He was looking past me, and when I quickly turned I also began to understand.

The mist I'd seen only once before was appearing in the tent, and in the mist the form of Diin-tha grew. The others stood staring, Garam and Lokkel looking as if they wished they'd been able to leave before the appearance, Talasin curious, and Ranander unworried. Ijarin all but stared open-mouthed, and then he suddenly looked as though a puzzle had been solved for him. Diin-tha solidified in the mist, as imposing as the first time I'd seen him, and his handsome face immediately smiled at his chosen leader.

"Do not upset yourself, Fearin," he rea.s.sured the man in his soft giant's voice. "I have taken steps to see that none will enter the while I remain, and in any event shall not stay long. I come only to give your group my approval for your efforts, and to give a special gift to one of you. So pleased am I with that one, that I see no reason to continue with what must surely be a punishment. You have earned the right to your own self, Kiri, and will continue so while you move in my cause. Do not thank me, for there is certainly no need."

I stood there with my mouth open as he smiled at me, then watched while he dissolved back into mist. When the last of the mist wafted away into nothing it took the blurring and soundless noise with it, but that wasn't the end of the episode. I finally looked around to see that everyone was staring at me, all with the same stunned shock in their eyes.

"All right, so now you know my real name," I conceded, seeing it would be a waste of time to deny it. "I don't know why he felt he had to tell you, but it really doesn't matter. And I happen to prefer Aelana, which was my younger sister's name. She didn't survive one of the Trials, so I haven't taken anything someone else is ent.i.tled to."

"But you did put aside something no one else is ent.i.tled to," Fearin said slowly, his stare even deeper than that of the others. "Kiri is the name given every generation to the first-born daughter of the Kenoss royal family, and no one else in the entire nation is allowed to use thename. That seems to explain a lot of things."

"Yes, like why the presence of three princes didn't impress her at all," Garam agreed, his dark eyes unmoving from my face. "Since her brothers must also be princes, it simply wasn't anything new to have us around. Or to argue with us."

"Especially to argue with us," Ijarin added with a grin. "Now that we've been properly introduced, I'd like to say how delighted I am to meet you, Princess Kiri."

"I knew Aelana wasn't her real name," Ranander said with satisfaction, his eyes bright. "I'm happy to meet you, too, Kiri."

Lokkel added something of his own with a smile, but Talasin didn't bother with words. He came forward without moving his gaze from me, took my hand, then kissed it! I was so shocked I s.n.a.t.c.hed the hand back, but his grin said it was too late. The others had come forward behind him, and looked as though they intended to do the very same thing.

"What's the matter with all of you?" I demanded, finding it impossible not to take a couple of steps backward. "How can a name turn you all into blithering idiots? And I told you I prefer to be called Aelana, so that's what I expect you to call me."

"It's hardly just the name that's turned us into idiots," Talasin said with a continuing grin, the others chuckling their agreement. "And we can't call you anything else, not without offending Diin-tha. Somehow Kiri fits you beautifully, a beautiful name for a beautiful girl."

I felt the chill then, the horrible cold that sent my hand to my face with the dread of premonition. Diin-tha couldn't have done that to me, he couldn't have, not when he said he was rewarding me! I knew I had to turn it back, was determined to turn it back, but Fearin stepped closer to put his hand to my shoulder.

"If you're trying to make yourself look the way you did before, I'm afraid it isn't working," he said in a very neutral voice. "Our Guardian said you'll continue in your own self for as long as you move in his cause, and it seems he meant it. You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"Beautiful and desirable," Garam corrected in a husky voice, his dark eyes almost literally drinking me in. "Let's see if we can find something to argue and fight about."

"I think you've all forgotten," Fearin said as he stepped out a short way in front of me, his voice the least bit louder. "You were about to leave before we were visited, and now would be a good time for you to get on with that leaving. As I said, I'll talk with you all again tomorrow."

"You don't really think we're just going to walk out of here?" Talasin said with a short laugh that had a lot of amus.e.m.e.nt in it. "We might have been willing earlier to let you court a messy death without interference, but now things have changed. We have as much right to risk an ending as you do, especially since it's less likely to turn out that way for one of us. Why don't we let the lady decide?"

"If it's ending you're looking for, the lady isn't the only one who can provide it," Fearin returned in a very soft voice, his eyes locked to Talasin's. "Do I have to get more specific before you remember who you're talking to?"

Garam and Ijarin immediately began to speak at once, with Lokkel and Ranander offering softer, less aggressive comments. I didn't know if the last two were adding to the argument or trying to stop it, but even beyond that I didn't care. I turned and got out of the tent just as fast as I could, returned to my own tent and laced up the entrance flap, then opened my swordbelt and threw myself down on my bedding.

"I don't believe this is happening," I whispered to the dim, empty tent, too numb to feel anything but disbelief. "It's just a bad dream, like the ones I had when I was a slave. When I wake up things will be just like they were."

But it wasn't a bad dream, at least not the kind you can wake up from. I didn't understand what had happened, didn't know why Diin-tha had done as he had. A reward, he'd said, but a reward for what? And why now, rather than after we'd secured his victory for him? It didn't make any sense, not the least little bit.The fear I'd been trying to hold off stole over me, and I shivered where I lay. I didn't want to be beautiful, not when the worst things happened to you when you were, but I couldn't change it back. My insides were turning so fast I thought I would throw up, but I couldn't afford not to pay attention. If anyone tried to come in after me - I slipped my sword out of its scabbard, my fingers closed tight around its hilt as I rolled to sitting. If anyone tried to come in after me I would kill them, by the G.o.ds I would! It wasn't going to be like the first time, it would never be like that again! I swallowed hard as I stared at the lacings, but it didn't matter. No one was here to see my uncertainty, to see how my hand trembled. After a while I would conquer the fear again, but right now all I could do was shake with the terror of memory.

It took a long time to pull myself together, a long time before my fingers eased their grip on the sword hilt. Everything took a long time that night, but then, it was a very long night.

Chapter 16.

More than half the morning was gone in our continued march to the west, and the heat was beginning to make the day uncomfortable. I rode alone because I refused to have it any other way, but I wasn't completely alone. Hundreds of stares followed after me, stares I'd tried to believe were my imagination, but the belief was wearing thin. If I turned I would find the eyes behind those stares, but having done that once already was enough.

I'd fallen asleep a few times during the night just past, but not soundly or deeply and not for very long. Once a voice had come to whisper at my laced-up tent flap, but no one had tried to unlace the flap and come in. By dawn I'd had the fear put back where it belonged, in the usually-forgotten past, and I'd been ready once again to take things as they came.

But not all things. I'd found another clean outfit in my tent, obviously by courtesy of Fearin, but had ignored it. The clothes I had on were more than well worn, and that suited me just fine.

After almost two seasons of being a slave the smell of sweat was an easy one to stand, but the others would hardly find it the same. If they didn't care to stay away from me of their own accord, I didn't mind helping them do it.

The sound of hoofbeats drew me out of inner reflection, and I looked around to see five of my six a.s.sociates pulling up to either side of me. I didn't know what was happening, but I soon found out.

"We'll be stopping for the noon meal up ahead there, where Lokkel is," Fearin told me, indicating the direction with a nod. "We also have to have an emergency meeting to come up with an immediate plan. This can't be allowed to continue."

His expression was half grim and half furious, and the rest of them didn't look much better. I thought Fearin would go on to give me some idea of what the problem was, but he didn't.

Possibly we were too close to where we would stop so it didn't pay to go into details now. I wondered in pa.s.sing if it had turned out that the army wasn't as willing to go through the Valley of Twilight as they'd thought, then dropped the idea with an inner shrug. Whatever it was, I'd soon hear all about it.

We drew rein near the small tent Lokkel stood in front of, then handed our horses over to two guardsmen once we'd dismounted. The two had watched our arrival with a lot of attention, and then weren't too fast about leading the horses away. Garam cursed under his breath then added more volume to the comments, and the men finally got the idea. They moved themselves out of our way, and we were able to follow Lokkel inside the tent.

"Help yourselves to the food while I take care of our privacy," Fearin said, waving to the table set up to the left. He, himself, turned right, but I wasn't given the chance to watch what he would do. Very suddenly I was surrounded, but unfortunately not by enemies.

"You stay right here, girl, and I'll fill a plate for you," Garam said, looking down at me withstill-smoldering eyes. "We can talk while we're waiting for Fearin."

"I have a better idea," Talasin said with a smile, looking only at me. "Kiri will say what she wants and I'll get it, and then she and I can talk."

"I already know what she likes and doesn't like," Ranander said very clearly, most of his usual good humor gone. "I'll fill a plate for her, and then - "

"Really, my lords and princes, the child is clearly tired and hungry," Lokkel announced in dry, impatient tones. "Leave her to me, and - "

"You two wouldn't know how to treat her even if I did leave her to you," Garam snapped, glancing at Ranander and Lokkel, then briefly moved his eyes to Talasin. "Or better yet, make that the three of you. I'm the only one here - "

"Who knocks a woman down and considers that a compliment?" Talasin interrupted, finally looking at Garam. "If you know the meaning of the word gentle, none of the women you ever a.s.sociated with are aware of it. You - "

"And none of the women you ever a.s.sociated with even knew you were there," Garam countered to Talasin while Ranander and Lokkel demanded their own pieces of the argument. I stepped aside to give them a better chance at each other, and only then saw Ijarin standing near the food table, watching the argument with a lot of amus.e.m.e.nt. It was only possible to move a few steps away from all of them, which means Ijarin took no time at all to join me.

"You don't seem to be pleased that they're not showing real concern and caring any longer,"

he remarked, his very light eyes still filled with laughter. "You can't mean you liked it better when you had to fend off good intentions rather than active courting."

"It's well known that crazy people find amus.e.m.e.nt in things where no sane person would," I stated, looking away from him. "With that in mind, I intend to ignore anything and everything you say."

"Well! I'm relieved to see at least one thing about you hasn't changed," Ijarin declared with a chuckle. "If you were ever civil to me I'd suspect you'd just been told I was dying or some such. I think I know how hard you're finding this, but try to bear in mind how hard it is on them.

Last night Fearin said you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and I have to agree with him. Our unexpected trouble is coming from the fact that I'm not the only one who agrees."

"Not the only one by half," another voice seconded the comment before I could ask about it, a growly, irritable voice. "I find it hard to believe that our men can handle the idea of marching through the Valley of Twilight, but are losing control fast after one look at a woman. You'd think they'd never seen beauty before."

"I think we both know there's more to it than that, Fearin," Ijarin countered, finally losing all that amus.e.m.e.nt. "The only positive point we've encountered so far is that they're all so jealous of one another they refuse to cooperate to get what they want. If they banded together we'd really have our hands full. No, their obsessive attraction is anything but natural, but I'd rather not think about what else it could be."

"I have thought about it, but I'd rather not discuss what I came up with," Fearin grumped, staring at me balefully. "If you haven't gotten the point yet, Aelana - Kiri, I mean, it seems we've discovered that most of the army has decided it wants you. If you're willing to accommodate them just say the word, but if you're not we have to find a way to turn them disinterested fast. Before there are any incidents, unfortunate or otherwise."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," I told him, annoyed that they would try to tell me something like that. "No one is beautiful enough to attract an entire army, and I resent your trying to make me believe I am. If you have nothing better to do with your time than play stupid tricks - "

"Kiri, he isn't joking and this is no trick," Ijarin said, his eyes directly on me as he spoke the words slowly and clearly. "Of course no woman is supposed to be that beautiful, but for some reason you are. Can you think of why - someone - would cause that to happen?""Someone," I echoed, knowing immediately that he meant Diin-tha. The cold closed in with that thought, along with bewilderment and a vast amount of confusion. The G.o.d had done this?

Why?

"Maybe our Guardian decided she'd earned punishing when he saw the way she was treating me," Fearin suggested, his darker blue eyes showing he agreed with Ijarin's idea. "I would have preferred to handle it myself, though, especially since this situation gives me even more of a headache. And the reason it's happened doesn't make much difference right now. What we need is something that will stop it."

"I know what will stop it," a new voice volunteered, and then a still-sober Ranander was standing with us. "It's really very simple and will take care of the problem for good."

"Is this suggestion your own idea, or do you really know," Fearin asked him, frowning with sudden interest. "This is important, Ranander, so consider your answer carefully before you give it."

"I know," he answered at once with a shrug. "Since it only makes a little sense I wouldn't have thought of it on my own, but Kiri can handle it and then she won't be bothered. Afterward she can spend her time with friends."

"Tell us what the idea is, Ranander," Ijarin nudged gently when Ranander began to smile at me. "The sooner we know, the sooner Kiri will be safe."

"Of course," the brown-haired man agreed, moving part of his smile to Ijarin. "Kiri will fight a representative part of the army, and when she wins the rest will be too afraid to come near her.