Seiju no Kuni no Kinju Tsukai Chapter 61

Chapter - 61 (Sagara Kurohiko)

Eh? 

She feels... annoyed? 

"I-If I said something that hurt your feeling then I will apologize. However, Iー" 

"I...." 

I'm at a loss for words. 

Her high black thighs are already wrinkled. 

"................................." 

Her questioning eyes looked at me. 

"You didn't retort eh. in other words, it hit the mark isn't it." 

I can't find words to rebuke. 

"In the end, you're the same as me. Because you don't want to be hated by anyone, trying desperately to be a 『kind person』 ... I can understand." 

Combing her hair upward, Cecil-san shows a smile, which somehow it gives off a s.a.d.i.s.tic feeling to it. 

"Because, in the past, I'm also like that." 

Cecil-san crosses her legs. 

"I guess so. after all, Hibigami made you his 『arch-enemy』, while on the other hand, I'm just a 『disappointment』 after all." 

"Respect?" 

A faint irritation appeared from her glare directed toward me. 

"You've always spouting such thing as 『respect』 or 『like』 from your mouth, but, you said that to anybody right? for the sake of being liked by anybody." 

"You said the things about me to Hibigami is because you want to be loved by me right?" 

"Nn? am I wrong?" 

"??" 

Her shoulder shaken slightly as if enduring an extreme anger. 

"How long, are you going to talk to me as if you're above me." 

"Even though every time I call out to you, every time I touch you... each time I do that, even though you always only get embarra.s.sed."  

She scowled at me. 

Her lips show a smile; however, I can feel hostility from her eyes. 

"You're stronger than I do right?" 

Cecil-san holds my right hand. 

"If that's the case thenー here, how about you push me down? I've said something cruel right? Then, you can get angry and mess me up!" 

However, I brush her hand off. 

If it's gla.s.swork, then I can break it easily. 

I stand up. 

I also put force in it. 

Howeverー if a fellow gla.s.swork were to b.u.mp each other, won't both will break? 

She shows and awkward smile toward me. 

"Fufufu... finally you feel like doing it? that's fine..." 

I let go her hands. 

And then she glared at me. 

"I know, I know this is only an outburst of anger. I also know that I'd said something nonsensical." 

Cecil-san clenches her hands while her shoulders shake. 

"No matter who comes, I will definitely take out my anger. this feeling that I can't throw,  I should vent it on somebody." 

That's why she does not want to meet anybody. 

I thought something was strange. 

And thenー 

"Something like that is the thing that makes me feel irritated!" 

I was. .h.i.t 

".........................." 

"......................" 

Like a child, she keeps beating my chest. 

I might be rude to say this kind of things. 

And then she buried her face in my chest and spoke with a voice that seems to about to vanish. 

"Even, I'm just a human..." 

After that, Cecil-san cried calmly for a while. 

................................. 

After her sniff had become small, finally Cecil-san calmed down. 

"Misunderstood?" 

"Indeed... I guess you're right. You're a natural while, on the other hand, Iー" 

"There's no such a thing as me being strong. of course, I'm also not a natural." 

I decide to put a smile on my face. 

"I don't have any confidence in me you know. Thus, just like what Cecil-san had said. I want to be loved... that's right; I want to be loved by everyone. I want to be liked by a gentle person. after all, as far as I can remember, I've almost never had someone that love me." 

I have no memory of someone love me in the former world. 

That's why, when I came to this world, and have someone worried about me, being kind to me, I feel happy. 

"Until now, I have no one that shows me kindness like this. That's why I'm really happy. However, at the same time, I was afraid that I might lose it. I become scared of being hated. If I don't become a 『good person』, I might lose it after all." 

Naturally, I have an expression of self-mockery. 

"Is it weird for someone who wants to be loved to do that?" 

Rather than don't know what's good as an answer, the air of guilt is drifting around. 

"That isー." 

In that expression, uneasiness and regret seem to have mixed up. 

I don't intend to blame her for it, though. 

"I'm sorry, I just said something a bit nasty just now... but you know, Iー." 

......................... 

I try to withstand, howeverー my voice has begun shaking. 

After all... 

I also have no intention to stop. 

*Gokuri* I gulp down my saliva. 

"I also want to become one you know." 

"Become me whom I was unable to become." 

Just like the protagonist from an interesting love comedy light novel, who redo their life. 

I want to become a strong willed person just like a character from manga, and never be depressed again. 

A perfect Superman. 

It might sound immature but refreshing. 

I want to start such life. 

Don't bother with hesitation. 

Proceed ahead. 

Even now that determination did not change. 

However, 

"However a person is not that easy to change... even with forbidden spell, it didn't change my personality immediately. to change, I will become strong; I will put an effort, however, as one expected, by the end of it, inside of me is still 『Sagara Kurohiko』." 

I strongly clench my teeth. 

Howeverー it's no use. 

"However by the end of it, some part of me is still someone who is lower than average person. in the end, I'm still unable to become what I want to become." 

I was unable to stop the things that run down from my eyes. 

"Emm, Kurohiko... I about youー..." 

Sure enough, I guess. 

I firmly close my eyes. 

I come here to listen what happen to Cecil-san right? 

Should it be me comfort her while looking cool here right? 

However, it was difficult to suppress the torrent of emotion that come out. 

I wipe my eyes with my sleeve. 

Not looking serious. 

"The truth is since I've came 『here』, I've been pretty anxious. What if even this place won't accept me?" 

Even now I still consider it. 

The words that the big man said toward Mia-san who is a demi-human that have no country. 

『Whichever country they go, in order to keep living, they have to sell their own self.』 

At that time, of course, I feel angry because someone said that to Mia-san, but, more than anything, I want to get stronger. 

"Ahahaha... I-I'm really sorry... I began talking something absurd... Ah, emm, I recommended not to become a shut-in alright? Shut oneself away and don't want to have anything to do with people, somehow I feel like I see myself after all~..." 

Cecil-san suddenly stands up and pull my hands. 

"ーー." 

E-Emm... 

Depending on one's point of view currently, I collapsed on the bed with the posture of as if pushing Cecil-san down. 

A smell that not belong to me. 

This is a bit too close... 

"It's fine you know?" 

Just like that, I try to raise my upper body. 

Our lower half still stick to each other. 

Wet deep blue eyes are looking at me fixedly. 

"If it's alright with you, I don't mind accepting you." 

Accepting? 

Looking at the current situation, I can only think of that... 

"If you like, I offer to become your wife in the future?" 

"You did say that you want to raise in the world before right?" 

"It's easy to get a high status if you marry the daughter of Arclight family. The position of my grandparents also will be available too. You would be acknowledged for being superior if I were to invite you to a ball. And also won't that fulfill the pride of man?" 

"It's fine for you to think of me as a tool. please feel free to use me to rise." 

"However, I hope you won't neglect me." 

Is she...serious? 

"That's why... you did this?" 

She does not seem wanting to hide it. 

"Even though I say calculation, the thing that you will get is even greater? I would like for you... to take responsibility, though." 

It won't be an exaggeration if I say that the world most beautiful woman is accepting me. 

In a sense our normal has 『ended』 with what had happened, however; instead, it has become a more comfortable relationship. 

If I see it objectively, there are no demerits in it. 

"......................" 

However, 

"P-Please don't make light of me too much, Cecil-san." 

Saying that, I went down from the bed. 

"... am I being rejected?. it's not like you're wavering for a moment, though." 

"Fufufu, there you go again saying something irresponsible. you're really a handful man aren't you, seriously..." 

Cecil-san laying sprawled on the bed while looking at the ceiling, she talks as if sounds happy. 

"May I hear the reason why I'm being rejected?" 

"Again saying that kind of thingー." 

".........................." 

And then she fell silent after laughed in small voice for a moment. 

I waited. 

Cecil-san then opened her mouth. 

"I have confidence in waiting, but, isn't that quite the cowardice answer?" 

Cecil-san who still hides her eyes opened her mouth. 

The thing which she built desperately was being denied altogether.  

Hibigami said about changing her, but, it gives off the implication of 『though it will be impossible』 meaning in it. 

And then she lost sight her 『living place』. 

The thing that she relies upon has disappeared. 

I guess, that's probably how she feel. 

Rain began pouring down at the imperial city. 

Because I wear overcoat lent to me by Arclight family, my uniform is not that wet. 

It's because I felt like returning alone while putting in order my own feeling. 

Cecil-san said she would return to attend the academy tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. 

Then she apologized for shutting herself inside her room. 

And then I have some thought while walking. 

Did I change? 

My own self. 

I don't really understand. 

I don't really understand, butー I should just do what I'm able to do, and want to do. 

First I should make sure that the subjugation of magma monster successful. 

The dinner had been prepared; however, I don't see Mia-san figure. 

I submerged myself in hot water, my body which has grown cold becomes warm little by little. 

I get out from the bath. 

Nn? 

I looked at the door. 

"He?" 

"Kyurie...-san?" 

"Emm, w-why are you here?" 

"Wa!? I-I'm sorry!" 

I covered my important place with clothes immediately. 

"I understand! first please, close the door!" 

Uuh, I'm careless... 

But still, why did Kyurie-san come here at this time, I wonder?