Sean's Reckoning Part 11

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned that he'd been pushing her too hard and overstepping some unspoken boundary where Kevin was concerned. He thought they'd talked that all out, but maybe she'd had second thoughts.

"Nothing, not really. I'm glad Kevin's found some friends. They don't even seem to mind that he's so much younger. It's almost as if he has big brothers. He talks about the two of them nonstop." She grinned at Sean. "Except when he's talking about you."

"There's nothing like having brothers," Sean said. "My parents taking off was bad enough, but in some ways losing my brothers was worse. We were best buddies, especially Ryan and me. Mikey was a couple of years younger than me, four years younger than Ryan, but he trailed around after us whenever we'd let him."

"What about the twins?" Deanna asked. "You never say much about them."

"It was different with the twins," Sean recalled. "They were still practically babies when Mom and Dad left-barely two years old. From the time they came home from the hospital, Ryan and I used to take one each and feed them, first their bottles, then that yucky stuff that pa.s.ses for real food." He shuddered at the memory. "If I don't ever again see another jar of mashed peas or carrots, it will be too soon. I've never seen a worse mess in my life than those two could make having lunch."

"You sure that's not the real reason you don't want to have kids of your own?" Deanna asked lightly.

"Baby food?"

She laughed. "No. I was thinking of the way babies are when you're feeding them. You realize just how dependent they are on you. It can be scary."

Sean thought back to the way he'd felt holding his baby brothers, as if he really were somebody's hero. If anything, that emotion was the one reason he could see in favor of having kids. It was all the rest-the terrifying fear of letting them down-that kept him single and childless. Instead, he'd settled for being a different kind of hero, one who never had to risk his heart, just his life.

"I suppose," he said eventually.

She seemed to sense she'd pushed him far enough. "So how's the search going for Michael?" she asked.

He shrugged, as uncomfortable with this topic as he had been with the one before. Despite how well the reunion with Ryan had gone, he had mixed feelings about the search for Michael. Most of the time he pushed it completely out of his mind. "I have no idea," he admitted. "I haven't heard from Ryan lately."

Deanna regarded him with obvious surprise. "You could always call him or stop by to see him, couldn't you? Didn't you say he owns a pub?"

"Yes, but..." He really didn't have a good explanation for why he'd been avoiding his brother. He was pretty sure it had something to do with the overwhelming feeling of happiness that had swamped him when Ryan had first come back into his life. He didn't trust that kind of emotion. It never lasted. He supposed a part of him was waiting for his brother to keep reaching out to him. Maybe he needed proof that Ryan was back in his life to stay.

Or maybe it was flat-out jealousy that Ryan had found something with Maggie that Sean wouldn't allow himself to feel.

"I'd like to go sometime," Deanna said.

He stared at her. "Go where?"

"To your brother's pub. I love Irish music. I imagine they have it there."

"On weekends," he admitted, still struggling with the fact that she'd actually initiated the idea of getting together with him.

She kept her unflinching gaze leveled on him. "Will you take me sometime?"

"What are you trying to do, Deanna?"

"Ask you on a date," she said, her expression innocent. "Wasn't I clear enough?"

He studied her suspiciously. "What if I said I'd take you to some other pub in the city?"

"Then I'd say you're avoiding your brother," she responded. "And you certainly wouldn't want me to get an idea like that, would you?"

He chuckled at the tidy trap she'd sprung. Until he'd met Deanna, he'd had no idea how many traces of cowardice lurked inside him. "No, I suppose not. I imagine you can be a real nag when you set your mind to it."

"I can," she agreed proudly. "I learned from Ruby."

Sean held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "We'll go the first weekend I'm off," he said.

To his surprise, instead of feeling trapped, he felt a faint stirring of genuine antic.i.p.ation. Maybe Ryan didn't have to be first to reach out. He'd been the one who'd searched for and found Sean, after all. And he had asked Sean to be the best man at his wedding. Maybe it was Sean's turn to take a risk and keep the lines of communication open.

He met Deanna's penetrating gaze, saw the warm approval in her eyes and realized that there could be yet another benefit to taking a tiny c.h.i.n.k out of the wall around his heart. Eventually there just might be enough room for a woman like Deanna to squeeze through.

Chapter Eight.

Joey had promised Deanna she could have Friday night off to go to Ryan's Place with Sean, but on Friday at three o'clock, he called her at the law office and said he needed her to come in after all. Deanna thought of how hard she'd had to work to get Sean to agree to go to his brother's pub in the first place and felt her heart sink.

"Joey, you can't do this to me. You promised," she said.

"I'm desperate," Joey countered. "Pauline's sick."

"What's wrong with her?" Deanna asked, instantly concerned. Joey's wife had struggled for years with diabetes. Sometimes when things got especially hectic at the restaurant, she forgot to take her insulin.

"Just a cold, but it's wiped her out. I don't want her coming in here, and she shouldn't be handling orders and sneezing all over the customers, anyway."

Deanna sighed. She could hardly argue with that. "Okay, I'll work."

"I'll make it up to you, I swear it," Joey promised. "Next week you can have the whole weekend off. Catch up on your beauty sleep."

"Next week's no good," she said at once, at least not for her plan to get Sean to visit his brother. She knew by now that Sean worked every other weekend. "I want the weekend after next. Guaranteed, okay?"

"Guaranteed. You've got it," Joey said.

"Put that in writing with a penalty clause for cancellation," she said wryly. At least thanks to working in a law office, she'd picked up a few hints about protecting her rights.

"What?" Joey asked blankly.

Deanna laughed as she imagined trying to enforce such a guarantee, even if she got Joey to sign it. "Never mind. I'll see you in an hour." As soon as she'd hung up, she drew in a deep breath, picked the phone back up and called Sean.

"I have to cancel tonight," she blurted when he picked up. "But I think you should go, anyway."

"Why do you have to cancel?" he asked, sounding suspicious. "Did you ever intend to go in the first place or was this all some scheme to make sure Ryan and I don't lose touch?"

"Of course not," she said indignantly. "I don't scheme."

"Okay then, why are you canceling at the last minute?"

Deanna had a feeling he wasn't going to be much happier about the real reason she was backing out. "I have to work at Joey's," she admitted, then added, "His wife's sick."

"And there's no one else he could call?" Sean asked, his skepticism plain. "There's at least one other waitress there that I know of."

"Adele never works weekends," she explained, referring to Joey's one other nonfamily waitress. "It's usually Pauline and me. With Pauline sick, Joey's in a bind."

"Just this once, don't you think he could have called Adele first?" Sean asked.

She saw no reason to explain why Adele always had weekends off, that she cared for an ailing husband on the days insurance wouldn't pay for a nurse. "It's not a big deal. I don't mind pitching in."

"You need time off," Sean countered. "And we had plans."

There was an odd note in his voice she couldn't interpret. "Are you more upset because I have to work or because I have to postpone our visit to the pub?"

"Both," he insisted. "I told Ryan we were going to be there, and I also know that you're stretched to the limit. You need a night off."

"Sean, you can go to the pub without me. You and your brother can spend a little time together. I'll meet him in a couple of weeks," she said reasonably.

"And the break you need? When are you going to squeeze that in?"

Deanna lost patience. "When I can," she said tightly. "Sean, my life is not one of your projects."

"I don't have projects," he said tightly, clearly exasperated. "And I don't need this."

"Well, neither do I," she retorted angrily. "I have enough on my plate without having to defend myself to you."

She hung up without listening to his response. Judging from the angry tone, it wasn't the apology he owed her, anyway.

All evening long Deanna kept expecting to look up and see Sean walk through the door. When there was no sign of him, she told herself it was for the best. She'd been running her life reasonably well for a long time now. She didn't need some man swooping in and forcing changes on her that he he thought were for her own good. thought were for her own good.

Despite her rationalization, she was still feeling sick at heart when Joey dropped her off in front of Ruby's at ten-thirty.

"Thanks again," he said as she got out of the car. "I'm really sorry about having to call you today and ruin your plans."

"Stop apologizing. I told you it wasn't a problem."

"Then why have you spent the entire evening looking as if you lost your best friend? You and Sean had a fight about this, didn't you? I know how upset he gets over the long hours you put in."

Typical of Joey to develop insight and sensitivity when she had something she didn't want to discuss.

"I'll talk to him," Joey offered when Deanna kept silent. "I can explain."

"No, you'll stay out of it," she countered.

"But he's a good guy. I like him. So does Paulie. She'll kill me if she thinks I did anything to mess up your relationship with the guy. And since all this happened because she was out sick, she'll be even more upset."

"Sean and I don't have a relationship," she said, not entirely sure how to describe what they did have. It seemed to be evolving from day to day.

Or at least it had been. She sighed.

Joey frowned. "I really think I'd better talk to him."

"No, absolutely not. Now stop worrying and go home and check on your wife. Give her my love."

"I'll wait till you get inside," Joey insisted. "Blink the lights like always, so I'll know you're safe."

Deanna leaned down and kissed his cheek. "You are such a worrywort. Good night."

As soon as she reached Ruby's apartment, she blinked the lights, then turned and looked directly into Sean's solemn face. Her heart leaped into her throat. She wasn't entirely sure whether it was because he'd just scared the daylights out of her or because she was overjoyed to see him. She decided to go with the fear factor.

"What on earth are you doing inside my apartment lurking in the shadows? You scared me half to death," she said.

"Sorry."

He didn't seem very sorry. "How long have you been here?" she asked.

"About an hour." He'd been sitting on the edge of the sofa, but he stood up now, took a step toward her, then stopped as if he was uncertain what to do next.

"Where's Ruby?"

"She went out with Hank. Kevin's asleep in the bedroom."

Deanna tried to process the fact that Ruby had left her son with Sean without checking with her first. Not that it was a problem, other than the fact that it was one more thing Sean could hold over her head. She recognized the reason for his knee-jerk reaction to anything he considered neglectful, but it always hurt when the accusation surfaced-spoken or unspoken.

"You're pretty high-priced for a baby-sitter. What am I paying you?"

He frowned at her attempt at levity. "Don't even go there."

Something in his tone warned her he wasn't in a joking mood. She bit back another jibe and said simply, "I'm amazed Kevin went to bed knowing you're here."

He grinned at that. "He was already asleep when I got here."

"Ah, that explains it."

He jammed his hands in his pockets in a gesture she'd come to realize meant he was uncomfortable. "So," he said, not quite meeting her gaze. "You want some coffee? I made a pot. I had a feeling it might be a long night."

"Oh?"

"I figure we've got a few things to hash out."

She studied him curiously. "Such as?"

"Why you get so uptight just because I'm concerned about you. Why I insist on acting like a horse's behind when you don't fall in with my plans."

Deanna bit back a grin. "You're right. I'll take that coffee. If we've got all that to discuss, it could be a long night."

She led the way into the kitchen, took two mugs from the cupboard and poured the coffee. "I brought home a couple of pieces of Joey's lemon meringue pie," she said, holding up a takeout box from the restaurant. "You interested?"