Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living Part 4

There is another reason why, on the part of woman, this time should be extended, especially when she is a bride and inexperienced in these matters, and that is, that her "innocence," and all her education, make her feel that she is _doing wrong_, or at least permitting a wrong thing to be done, and this holds back the proper growth of her pa.s.sion, hinders the tumescence of her s.e.x organs, delays the flow of the precoital secretion, and so keeps her from becoming properly prepared for her share of the mutual act.

Again, her fear of pregnancy may still further r.e.t.a.r.d her coming into a proper condition. Indeed, this last is the almost common cause for her failing to be in readiness for meeting her husband. All of which items must be taken into account by both husband and wife, and intelligently, lovingly dealt with, if the best results for both parties are attained.

As regards the item of possible pregnancy, special note will be made of this feature later on. It is here placed in abeyance for the time being, because its consideration can be better provided for after some other points have been studied.

Now the one easily understood (and as easily practiced as understood) direction as to what to do by way of preparation for the act of coitus is: _do as lovers do when they are "courting."_ And everybody knows what that is! And note this--that _n.o.body ever hurries when they are courting!_ They delay, they protract, they dilly-dally, they "fool around," they pet each other in all sorts of possible and impossible ways. They kiss each other--"long and pa.s.sionate kisses, they again and again give and receive"--they hug each other, nestle into each other's arms--in a word, they "play together" in a thousand-and-one ways which the "goody-goods" declare to be wrong, and the cold-blooded call nonsense or foolishness, but which all _lovers_ know is an _unspeakable delight_ ("unspeakable" is the word, for who wants to _talk_ when these blissful experiences are going on!).

Now, these things, and the likes of these things, in limitless supply, should always precede the act of coitus. It is right there that this part of the first act of this wonderful four-act drama or play should be wrought out, and if they are omitted or disregarded, the play will end in _tragedy, with all the leading actors left dead upon the stage_!

Now the chief, if not the only, reason why this part of the supreme act of married life is not always preluded in this way is found in the _false view_ of what the _marriage ceremony means_, and a wrong impression as to what it confers upon the parties who say "yes" to its prescriptions. That is, the common idea is, that the taking of "marriage vows" bestows certain _rights_ and imposes certain _duties_ upon the new husband and wife. It is thought that such ceremony makes certain acts _right_ which would _otherwise_ be _wrong_, and that it establishes the _right_ to engage in such acts, _with or without any further consultation or consent in the premises_. It makes love a matter of _contract_, a something _bound by promise and pledge rather than a free and unfettered effusion of the soul_.

The result of this is that, whereas, before the marriage ceremony both the man and woman take the utmost care to do everything in their power to increase, magnify, and retain each other's love, after they have been granted a "license," and the minister has put their hands together and prayed over them--after this, they both think they have a "_cinch_" on each other, that they are bound together by a bond that cannot be broken, a tie so strong that it will need no further looking after, but which will "stay put" of its own accord, and which may therefore be let to shift for itself from the hour of its p.r.o.nouncement! Nothing _could be further from the truth than this is_.

And yet it is a common feeling and belief among young married people!

Nor is it any wonder that this should be so. The very form of the marriage ceremony and contract tends to make it so. The fact that marriage originated as a form of slavery, and that much of its original status yet remains--all these things tend to establish these wrong ideas regarding the estate, in the minds of the parties to it.

Nor are the evils that come from such wrong view of marriage all confined to one side of the house. On the contrary, they are about evenly divided between husbands and wives, witness a few ill.u.s.trations, as follows:

A couple had been married about a year. They had no children, nor were there prospects of any. The husband was beginning to spend his evenings away from home, leaving his wife alone. One evening, as he was making ready to go out, his wife said: "What makes you go out evenings now, and leave me alone! You didn't use to do it!" And the husband replied:

"Why, you don't do anything to make it interesting for me now! You used to put on your prettiest clothes when I came to see you, fixed up your hair bewitchingly, had a smile for me that wouldn't come off, would sing for me, read to me, sit on my lap and pet me and kiss me, and now you never do anything of the kind." And before he could say more, the wife responded: "_Oh, but we are married now, and it's your duty to stay with me!_"

What wonder that the husband went out of the house, slamming the door after him! The wonder is that he ever came back.

Again: A woman who was a graduate of a famous Eastern College and who had taught for a number of years, who was from one of the "first families" in the east, and was counted as a lady of the highest culture and refinement, finally married a Western business man. On their bridal night, as they were retiring, the man laid his hand on the woman's bare shoulder, and she threw it off, and said: "Don't be disgusting! I married you because I was tired of taking care of myself, or of having my relatives take care of me. You are worth fifty thousand dollars, and one-third of all that was made mine just as soon as the preacher got through his closing prayer, and you can't help it! That's the truth, and we are married, and you can make the best of it!"

These are both truthful tales, nor are they the only ones of the sort that could be told.

On the other hand, these are matched with acts of ignorant and careless young husbands, who do dastardly deeds to their brides because they think _the law_ and the _contract_ give them the right!

There is no need to go into details. The whole evil is revealed by the words of the woman just quoted: "_Oh, but we are married now_."

These records, and all like them, lead to the remark that _marriage confers no rights, to either the bride or the bridegroom, in the highest meaning of the word_. So far as its outward and formal observance is concerned, marriage is merely a sort of protection for society which has grown up through the years, and which is probably for the best, for the present, things being as they are. But it should be well understood that it can _never_ lead to _true happiness_ if it is viewed and utilized _merely_ on its _legal and formal side. True marriage is based on mutual love; and mutual love can never be traded upon, or made an item of formal agreement and contract._ People may contract to live together and to cohabit, and they may faithfully carry out their agreements; _but this is not marriage_! It is simply _legalized prost.i.tution, bargain and sale, for a consideration. It is blasphemy to call it by the sacred name of marriage!_

Truly does Tennyson say: "Free love will not be bound." Indeed it cannot be! It must remain forever free if it stays at all. And if the parties to it try to bind it, the more chains, fastenings, pledges and agreements they put upon it, the sooner and quicker will it escape from all its holdings and fly away and _stay away_!

And so, to come back to where we left off (for we said there should be no hurrying or haste here) let married people understand that the key to married happiness is _to keep on "courting" each other_. Indeed, to make courting continually grow to more and more. During the whole extent of married life, never neglect, much less forget to be lovers, and to show, _by all your acts_, that you are lovers, and great shall be your reward. Don't ask how to do this! You know how, well enough.

Do it!

And be careful _not_ to do anything that a careful lover ought not to do! This direction should be heeded by both husband and wife. Make yourself beautiful for your husband, Oh, wife, and keep yourself so.

As between the public, or your friends, or society, give them what of yourself you can spare, after you have given to your lover all that you can bestow upon him, or he can wish you to bestow. Don't give to everybody and everything else, church, society, work, children, friends, or what-so-ever--don't give _all_ of yourself to these, and let your husband "take what there is left." Don't do that, as you value your married success and happiness! Don't say: "Oh, but we are married now," and let it go at that!

The beautiful and delicate flowers of married love need to be watched and tended with the most skilful care, _continually_, by both husband and wife. Treated in this way, they will not only be fragrant and lovely through all the years of wedded life; but as, one by one, the blossoms shed their petals and change their forms so that luscious fruits may come in turn--as these changes take place, new, more beautiful and more fragrant flowers will continue to the very end of the longest married life. Don't ever forget this, or doubt it, as you hope for happiness in the marriage state! Mind what is here said, and act accordingly _all the time_--days, nights and Sundays.

Now if these truths are thoroughly inculcated, "kicked in" so firmly and deeply that they will never "jar loose" or get away, we will move on.

So, then, the _first_ part of _every_ act of coitus should always be a _courting_ act, in which there should be _no haste_, but in which the parties should "_make delays_," as John Burroughs says.

And this should be added: that, for married lovers, courting has a far wider range of possibilities than it has for the unmarried. Previous to marriage, there are conventionalities and clothes in the way! After that, neither of these need be in evidence, and this makes a lot of difference, and all in favor of the best results, if rightly used, and made the most of. One hardly need to go into details here, (though this may be done later on in this writing). If the lovers will be as free with each other unclothed as clothed; if they will utterly ignore all conventionalities, and do with and for each other anything and everything that their _impulses_ and _inclinations_ suggest, or their desires prompt; if they will, _with the utmost abandon_ give themselves up to petting each other in every possible way that _mother nature_ has put within their reach; if they will hug and kiss and "spoon" and "play with each other" just as they want to do--if they will do this, and not _hurry_ about it--then, in due course, they will successfully execute the _first act_ of the great play they are performing; the s.e.x organs will become fully ready for the union they are both longing for; the "prostate flow" will have added to the erect condition of the p.e.n.i.s; the walls of the v.a.g.i.n.a and all the area of the v.u.l.v.a will be enlarged, soft, flexible and made smooth and slippery by a most generous supply of the "pre-coital secretion" and everything will be in _perfect readiness_ for the next part of the performance, namely the union of the organs.

And here it becomes necessary to say something about the position of the parties in making such union. There are a large number of these possible, some of which may be noted later, but here, only the most common one will be considered (it is said there are more than forty different positions possible in this act).

The most common position is for the woman to lie flat on her back, with her legs spread wide apart, and her knees drawn up so that the angle made by the upper and lower part of the leg shall be less than a right angle. Her head should not be too high, there should be no pillow under it.

Into her arms, and between her spread legs as she lies thus, her lover should come. His body will thus be over and above her, and _he should sustain himself on his elbows and knees_, so that little or _none_ of his weight may rest upon her. In this position, face to face (and it should be noted that only in the human family is this position of coitus possible! Among mere animals, the male is always upon the back of the female. They--mere animals--can never look each other in the eye and kiss each other during the act! This is another marked and very significant difference between human beings and all other animals in this regard) it is perfectly natural and easy for the organs to go together, when properly made ready, as here-before described. The woman should also place her heels in the knee-hollows of her lover's legs, and clasp his body with her arms.

The entrance of the p.e.n.i.s into the v.a.g.i.n.a should not be too abrupt, unless circ.u.mstances are perfectly favorable for such meeting and it is _the wish of the wife_ that it be made in this way. It is only fair to say, though, that such bold and p.r.o.nounced entrance is often _greatly desired by the woman_, if her pa.s.sion has been fully aroused at this stage of the act. Such union is not infrequently of the greatest delight to her, if everything is favorable for its being so made. But, if there is any pain produced in her by the coming together, the meeting should be gentle and slow, the p.e.n.i.s working its way into the v.a.g.i.n.a by degrees, till, finally, it is entirely encased therein. Once thus happily together, the v.a.g.i.n.a and uterine cavity will still further expand, till, in due order, the two organs will be fitted together perfectly, a single unit, _one_, in the highest sense of unity.

This is the _second_ act in this wonderful play.

Once well together, and the organs perfectly settled and adapted to each other, the _third_ act begins, namely, _the motion of the organs_--the sliding of the p.e.n.i.s back and forth, partly in and out of the v.a.g.i.n.a, though this is not really the best way of describing just what should take place. What _should_ actually be done is, that the _two_ organs should engage in this motion, which is _common to them both_. They should _mutually_ slip a few inches, back and forth, _each party to the motion doing a fair half_.

It is often supposed, by both an uninitiated husband and an "innocent"

wife, that all the motion should originate with the husband--that he should slide his p.e.n.i.s in and out of the v.a.g.i.n.a, while the woman should lie still and "_let him do it all_." This is, however, a _great_ mistake, and one that has caused an endless amount of ill to untold numbers of husbands and wives. And for the following reasons:

In the position just described, if the wife has her arms around her lover's body and her heels in his knee-pockets, while he supports himself by his elbows and knees over and above her, resting _none_ of his weight upon her, it is perfectly easy for her to lift her hips up and down, or sway them from side to side, or swing them in a circling "round-and-round" motion, as she may choose to do. She can thus _originate_ her half of the in-and-out motion--a something she will delight to do, _if given a fair chance._ If, however, the man lies heavily upon her, holding her down with the weight of his body, the possibility of such action on her part is prevented, and this results disastrously to both parties. And so, in this part of the act, the husband should take the _utmost care_ to give his wife the _full and complete freedom_ to move her hips as she chooses, and as a successful climax demands that she should.

Now if the wife be left free to move, as just described, and the in-and-out motion proceeds as it should, what immediately follows will vary in a great degree. Thus, the time taken to reach the climax, or last act of the performance, may be a few seconds, or several minutes, may require a mere half dozen motions, or _several hundred!_ All depends on the intensity of the pa.s.sions of the husband and wife, especially the latter, and their skill in manipulating this part of the act.

The effect of this motion is to still further excite and still more distend all the organs involved. Normally, the motion grows faster and faster, the strokes becoming as long as the length of the organs will possibly permit without separating them. The flow of the lubricating fluids, from both organs, becomes more and more copious, till, all at once, the o.r.g.a.s.m, or _fourth stage_, is reached!

It is difficult to describe what this o.r.g.a.s.m is like. There is no bodily sensation that at all corresponds to it, unless it be a sneeze, and this is only like it in that it is spontaneous, and a sort of nervous spasm (a sneeze is sometimes spoken of as an o.r.g.a.s.m). A s.e.xual o.r.g.a.s.m is a nervous spasm, or a series of pulsating nervous explosions which defy description. The action is entirely beyond the control of the will, when it finally arrives, and the sensation it produces is delectable beyond telling. It is the topmost pinnacle of all human experiences. For a husband and wife to reach this climax, at exactly the same instant, is a consummation that can never be excelled in human life. It is a goal worthy the endeavor of all husbands and wives, to attain to this supreme height of s.e.xual possibilities.

On the part of the man, the o.r.g.a.s.m throws the s.e.m.e.n into, and all about the v.a.g.i.n.al-uterine tract. The amount of s.e.m.e.n thus discharged at a single climax is about a tablespoonful, enough to entirely flush and flood the area into which it is thrown. Its use and action there have already been described, and so need not be repeated here.

On the part of the woman, the o.r.g.a.s.m causes no corresponding emission of fluid, of any sort, that is jetted forth as is the s.e.m.e.n. Yet the spasmodic action of the s.e.xual parts, so far as nervous explosions are concerned, is exactly like that of her partner. Palpitation follows palpitation, through all the s.e.xual area; the mouth of the womb opens and closes convulsively, the v.a.g.i.n.a dilates and contracts again and again, and the v.u.l.v.a undergoes similar actions. The sensations are all of the most delectable nature, the whole of the woman's body being thrilled, over and over, again and again, with delights inexpressible.

This, however, seems to be the entire mission of the o.r.g.a.s.m in woman.

_It has nothing whatever to do with conception_; though many people, especially young husbands who know just a little about the phenomenon, believe that it is an _essential_ to pregnancy. _But such is by no means the case._ All that is needed to bring about conception in a woman is the presence of the ovum in the uterus, and its meeting s.e.m.e.n there, and so becoming fertilized. So far as becoming pregnant is concerned, the _woman_ need have _no pleasure at all_ in the act of coitus. Indeed, women have been made pregnant by securing fresh s.e.m.e.n from some man and injecting it into the v.a.g.i.n.a with an ordinary female syringe!

The false idea, which largely prevails, and which usually takes the form that there is no danger or possibility of conception unless the o.r.g.a.s.m is _simultaneous on the part of the man and woman_, has caused many a woman to become pregnant when she thought such a result to be impossible, because she and her lover did not "spend" at the same instant. For the same reason, many a young husband has impregnated his wife when he least expected to do so, thinking that because he alone experienced the o.r.g.a.s.m, that therefore conception was impossible.

Again, there are many married men and women who do not know that it is possible for a woman to experience an o.r.g.a.s.m at all! The writer once knew a case of this kind, where a husband and wife, most intelligent and well cultivated people, lived together for twenty years, and to whom were born six children, who, at the end of that time were wholly unaware of such possibility! They afterwards discovered it by accident, as it were, and after that enjoyed its delights for many years. There are some, yea, many, women who never experience this sensation at all, but of this more will be said later.

All these phenomena seem to indicate the fact that, so far as women are concerned, _the o.r.g.a.s.m is entirely for her delectation and delight. It forms no part of the act of conception_, and its only possible function, beyond that of pleasure, is that, because of the exceedingly delightful sensations it produces, it may lure women to engage in coitus when, but for this fact, they would not do so, and that it thus increases the possibility of women becoming mothers.

Indeed, there is no stronger temptation to a woman to run the risk of becoming pregnant than her desire to experience an o.r.g.a.s.m! But more of this later.

As soon as the o.r.g.a.s.m is over, a total collapse of the husband and wife takes place. They are truly "spent," a most expressive word, which alone can describe their condition. On the part of the man the up-to-this-moment stout p.e.n.i.s, becomes almost instantly limp and shrunken, while all the female organs become quiescent. A most delightful languor steals over them; every nerve and fibre of the whole body relaxes; and a desire to fall asleep at once, comes upon them irresistibly. And the thing for them to do is to avail themselves of such natural impulse, just as soon as possible. They should always have at hand, and within easy reach, a towel, or napkin, with which to care for the surplus of the seminal emission, which, as soon as the organs are separated, will, in greater or less quant.i.ty, flow from the v.a.g.i.n.a. Some of the same fluid will also remain upon the p.e.n.i.s when it is withdrawn. The husband should absorb this surplus which remains with him with the towel, as soon as the organs are parted, and immediately leave his super-imposed position, leaving his wife _perfectly free_, to do as she will. She should arrange the towel between her thighs, exactly as she would a sanitary napkin, making no attempt to remove the surplus s.e.m.e.n at that time, and turn over and go to sleep _immediately_. (It is said that if the woman goes to sleep on her _back_, after coition, she thereby increases the _probability_, of becoming pregnant. This is a point that women who greatly desire motherhood should note. The writer knew one case where a wife lay on her back for twenty-four hours after coition and so became pregnant after all other means had failed.)

Now it might seem that such neglect, on the part of the woman, to immediately remove the surplus s.e.m.e.n, was uncleanly and unsanitary.

But this is not at all true, and for this reason: _The s.e.m.e.n is a most powerful stimulant to all the female s.e.x-organs, and to the whole body of the woman_. The organs themselves will absorb quant.i.ties of s.e.m.e.n, if left in contact with it, and it is most healthful and beneficial to them, and to the woman, to have them do so. It is for this cause that many women increase in flesh, and even grow fat after they are married and so can avail themselves of this _healthful food._ As a matter of fact, _there is no nerve-stimulant, or nerve-quieter, that is as potent to woman-kind as s.e.m.e.n_. There are mult.i.tudes of "nervous"

women, hysterical even, who are restored to health, and kept in good health, through the stimulative effects of satisfactory coitus and the absorption of s.e.m.e.n, when both these items are present in perfection.

On the other hand, there are many women who suffer all sorts of ills, when these normally beneficial factors are misused or wrongly applied.

The results that follow all depend upon the way the act is done, and its products utilized.

So, after the act of coition is over, let the woman slip a "bandage"

into place as soon as possible, and go to sleep. If she sleeps long, so much the better, so much more will she be benefited by the presence of the s.e.m.e.n and its absorption. When she naturally wakens, she may bathe the v.u.l.v.a region with warm water; but there is no need of, nor is it wise to try to cleanse the v.a.g.i.n.a and the uterine tract by the use of a v.a.g.i.n.al syringe. Above all, never inject cold water into the v.a.g.i.n.a, especially do not do this immediately after coitus. Some women use a cold water injection immediately after coitus. There is no surer way to ill health and ultimate suicide. The parts are congested with blood at such times, and to pour _cold_ water upon them is as though, when one is dripping with perspiration, he should plunge into a cold bath. Nature has made wise provision for taking care of all the s.e.m.e.n that remains in the v.a.g.i.n.a. Let the parts alone, and they will cleanse and care for themselves.

Such, then, is a somewhat extended review of the act of coitus at its best estate, and in a general way. _Its perfect accomplishment is an art to be cultivated, and one in which expertness can only be attained by wise observation, careful study of all the factors involved, and a loving adaptation of the bodies, minds and souls of both the parties to the act. It is no mere animal function._ It is a _union_, a _unity_ of "two _souls_ with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one." There is nothing low or degrading about it, when it is what it ought to be, when it is brought to, and experienced at, its highest and best estate. It is _G.o.d-designed, G.o.d-born, G.o.d-bestowed!_ As such it should be thankfully received and _divinely used_ by all the sons and daughters of men.