Samantha at the World's Fair Part 52

For three men looked up and laughed, and one girl snickered, besides some other wimmen.

Sez I, hunchin' him, "Do be still and less go to our old place."

"Oh, no," sez he, speakin' up to the top of his voice, "don't less leave; here is such a variety!"

"Potatoes surprise," sez he; "it must be that they are mealy and cooked decent; that would be about as much of a surprise as I could have about potatoes here, to have 'em biled fit to eat; we'll have some of them, anyway.

"Philadelphia caperin'--I didn't know that Philadelphia caperin' wuz any better than Chicago a-caperin' or New York a-caperin'. Veal o just! I guess if he had been kicked by calves as much as I have, he wouldn't talk so much about their Christian habits.

"Leg of mutton with caper sa.s.s--wall, it is nateral for sheep to caper and act sa.s.sy, and it is n.o.body's bizness.

"Supreme pinted bogardus--what in thunder is that? Supreme--wall, I've hearn of a supreme ijiot, and I believe that Bogardus is his name.

"Terrapin a-layin' on Maryland--I never knew that terrapin wuz a hen before, and why is it any better to lay on Maryland than anywhere else?

Mebby eggs are higher there; wall, Maryland hain't much too big for a good-sized hen's nest, nor Rhode Island neither."

"Josiah Allen," I whispered, deep and solemn, "if you don't stop I will part with you."

Folks wuz in a full snicker and a giggle by this time.

"Oh, no," sez he, loud and strong, "you don't want to part with me till I git you a fashionable dinner, and we both cut style.

"Tenderloin of beef a-tryin' on"--a-tryin' on what, I'd love to know?--style, most probable, this is such a stylish place."

"Will you be still, Josiah Allen?" sez I, a-layin' holt of his vest.

"No, I won't; I am tryin' to put on style, Samantha, and buy you sunthin' stylish to eat."

"Wall, you needn't," sez I; "I have lost my appet.i.te."

"Siberian Punch! Let him come on," sez Josiah; "if I can't use my fists equal to any dum Siberian that ever trod shoe leather, then I'll give in."

Then three wimmen giggled, and the waiters began to look mad and troubled.

"English rifles"--wall, I shouldn't have thought they would have tried that agin. No, trifles," sez he, a-lookin' closer at it.

"English trifles!--lions' tails and coronets, mebby--English trifles and tutty-frutty. Do have some tutty-frutty, Samantha, it has such a stylish sound to it, so different from good pork and beans and roast beef; I believe you would enjoy it dearly.

"Waiter," sez he, "bring on some tutty-frutty to once."

The waiter approached cautiously, and made a motion to me, and touched his forehead.

He thought he wuz crazy, and he whispered to me, "Is it caused by drinkin'? or is it nateral and come on sudden--"

Josiah heard it, and answered out loud, "It wuz caused by style, by bein' fashionable; my only aim has been to git my wife a fashionable dinner, but I see it has overcome her."

The waiter wuz a good-hearted-lookin' man--a kind heart beat below that white necktie (considerable below it on the left side), and sez he to me--

"Shall I bring you a dinner, Mom, without takin' the order?"

And I replied gratefully--

"Yes, so do;" and so he brung it, a good enough dinner for anybody--good roast beef, and potatoes, and lemon pie, and tea, and Josiah eat hearty, and had to quiet down some, though he kept a-mournin' all through the meal about its not bein' carried on fashionable and stylish, and that it wuz my doin's a-breakin' it up, and etc., etc., and the last thing a-wantin' tutty-frutty, and etc., etc.

And I paid for the meal out of my own pocket; the waiter thought I had to on account of my companion's luny state, and he gin the bill to me.

And Josiah a-chucklin' over it, as I could see, for savin' his money.

And I got him out of that place as quick as I could, the bystanders, or ruther the bysetters, a-laughin' or a-lookin' pitiful at me, as their naters differed.

And as we wended off down the broad path on the outside, I sez, "You have disgraced us forever in the eyes of the nation, Josiah Allen."

And he sez, "What have I done? You can't throw it in my face, Samantha, that I hain't tried to cut style--that I didn't try to git you a stylish meal."

I wouldn't say a word further to him, and I never spoke to him once that night--not once, only in the night I thought there wuz a mouse in the room, and I forgot myself and called on him for help.

And for three days I didn't pa.s.s nothin' but the compliments with him; he felt bad--he worships me. He did it all to keep me from goin' to a costly place--I know what his motives wuz--but he had mortified me too deep.

CHAPTER XV.

Wall, this mornin' I said that I would go to see the Palace of Art if I had to go on my hands and knees.

And Josiah sez, "I guess you'd need a new pair of knees by the time you got there."

And I do spoze it wuz milds and milds from where I wuz.

But I only wanted to let Josiah Allen know my cast-iron determination to not be put off another minute in payin' my devours to Art.

He see it writ in my mean and didn't make no moves towards breakin' it up.

Only he muttered sunthin' about not carin' so much about ile paintin's as he did for lots of other things.

But I heeded him not, and sez I, "We will go early in the mornin' before any one gits there." But I guess that several hundred thousand other folks must have laid on the same plans overnight, for we found the rooms full and runnin' over when we got there.

Before we got to the Art Palace, you'd know you wuz in its neighborhood by the beautiful statutes and groups of figgers you'd see all round you.

The buildin' itself is a gem of art, if you can call anything a gem that is acres and acres big of itself, and then has immense annexes connected with it by broad, handsome corridors on either side.

It is Greek in style, and the dome rises one hundred and twenty-five feet and is surmounted by Martiny's wonderful winged Victory.

Another female is depictered standin' on top of the globe with wreaths in her outstretched hands.

Wall, I hope the figger is symbolical, and I believe in my soul she is!

You enter this palace by four great portals, beautiful with sculptured figgers and ornaments, and as you go on in the colonnade you see beautiful paintin's ill.u.s.tratin' the rise and progress of Art.