Samantha at Saratoga Part 29

Wall, she had her skirts all on when I went in, all a foamin' and a shinin', down onto the carpet, in a glitterin' pile of pink satin and white lace and posys. Gorgus enough for a princess.

And I didn't mind it much, bein' only females present, if she wuz exposin' of herself a good deal. I kinder blushed a little as I looked at her, and kep' my eyes down on her skirts all I could, and thinkses I to myself, -- "What if G. Washington should come in? I shouldn't know which way to look." But then the very next minute, I says to myself, "Of course he won't be in till she gets her waist on. I'm a borrowin' trouble for nothin'."

At last Miss Flamm spoke and says she, as she kinder craned herself before the gla.s.s, a lookin' at her back (most the hull length on it bare, as I am a livin' creeter); and says she,," How do you like my dress?"

"Oh," says I, wantin' to make myself agreeable (both on account of principle, and the lawsuit), "the skirts are beautiful but I can't judge how the hull dress looks, you know, till you get your waist on."

"My waist?" says she.

"Yes," says I.

"I have got it on," says she.

"Where is it?" says I, a lookin' at her closer through my specks, "Where is the waist?"

"Here," says she, a pintin' to a pink belt ribbon, and a string of beads over each shoulder.

Says I, "Miss Flamm, do you call that a waist?"

"Yes," says she, and she balanced herself on her little pink tottlin' slippers. She couldn't walk in 'em a good honerable walk to save her life. How could she, with the instep not over two inches acrost, and the heels right under the middle of her foot, more'n a finger high? Good land, they wuz enuff to lame a Injun savage, and curb him in. But she sort o' balanced herself unto 'em, the best she could, and put her hands round her waist -- it wuzn't much bigger than a pipe-stem, and sort o' bulgin' out both ways, above and below, some like a string tied tight round a piller, - and says she complacently, "I don't believe there will be a dress shown to-night more stylish and beautiful than mine."

Says I, "Do you tell me, Miss Flamm, that you are a goin' down into that crowd of promiscus men and women, with nothin' but them strings on to cover you?" Says I, "Do you tell me that, and you a perfesser and a Christian?"

"Yes," says she, "I paid 300 dollars for this dress, and it haint likely I am goin' to miss the chance of showin' it off to the other wimmen who will envy me the possession of it. To be sure,"

says she, "it is a little lower than Americans usually wear. But in fashion, as in anything else, somebody has got to go ahead.

This is the very heighth of fashion," says she.

Says I in witherin' and burnin' skorn, "It is the heighth of immodesty."

And I jest turned my back right ont' her, and sailed out of the room. I wuzn't a a goin' to stand that, lawsuit or no lawsuit. I wuz all worked up in my mind, and by the side of myself, and I didn't get over it for some time, neither.

Wall, I found my companion seated in that comfertable place, and a keepin' my chair for me, and so I sot down by him, and truly we sot still, and see the glory, and the magnificence on every side on us. There wuz 3 piazzas about as long as from our house to Jonesville, or from Jonesville to Loontown, all filled with folks magnificently dressed, and a big garden layin' between 'em about as big as from our house to Miss Gowdey's, and so round crossways to Alminy Hagidone's brother's, and back agin'. It wuz full as fur as that, and you know well that that is a great distance.

There wuz some big n.o.ble trees, all twinklin' full of lights, of every coler, and rows of shinin' lights, criss-crossed every way, or that is, every beautiful way, from the high ornimental pillers of the immense house, that loomed up in the distance round us on every side, same as the mountains loom up round Loontown.

There wuz a big platform built in the middle of the garden, with sweet music discoursin' from it the most enchantin' strains. And the fountains wuz sprayin' out the most beautiful colers you ever see in your life, and fallin' down in pink, and yellow, and gold, and green, and amber, and silver water; sparklin' down onto the green beautiful ferns and flowers that loved to grow round the big marble basin which shone white, risin' out of the green velvet of the gra.s.s.

Josiah looked at that water, and sez he, "Samantha, I'd love to get some of that water to pa.s.s round evenin's when we have company." Sez he, "It would look so dressy and fashionable to pa.s.s round pink water, or light blue, or light yeller. How it would make Uncle Nate Gowdey open his eyes. I believe I shall buy some bottles of it, Samantha, to take home. What do you say? I don't suppose it would cost such a dretful sight, do you?"

Sez he, "I s'pose all they have to do is to put pumps down into a pink spring, or a yeller one, as the case may be, and pump. And I would be willin' to pump it up myself, if it would come cheaper."

But my companion soon forgot to follow up the theme in lookin'

about him onto the magnificent, seen, and a seein' the throngs of men and wimmen growin' more and more denser, and every crowd on 'em that swept by us, and round us, and before us, a growin' more gorgus in dress, or so it seemed to us. Gemms of every gorgus coler under the heavens and some jest the coler of the heavens when it is blue and shinin' or when it is purplish dark in the night time, or when it is full of white fleecy clouds, or when it is a shinin' with stars.

Why, one woman had so many diamonds on that she had a detective follerin' her all round wherever she went. She wuz a blaze of splendor and so wuz lots of 'em, though like the stars, they differed from each other in glory.

But whatever coler their gowns wuz, in one thing they wuz most all alike -- most all of 'em had waists all drawed in tight, but a bulgin' out on each side, more or less as the case might be. Why some of them waists wuzn't much bigger than pipe's tails and so I told Josiah.

And he whispered back to me, and sez he, "I wonder if them wimmen with wasp waists, think that we men like the looks on 'em. They make a dumb mistake if they do. Why," sez he, "we men know what they be; we know they are nothin' but crushed bones and flesh."

Sez he, "I could make my own waist look jest like 'em, if I should take a rope and strap myself down."

"Wall," sez I, in agitated axents, "don't you try to go into no such enterprise, Josiah Allen."

I remembered the eppisode of the afternoon, and I sez in anxins axents, and affectionate, "Besides not lookin' well, it is dangerous, awful dangerous. And how I should blush," sez I, "if I wuz to see you with a leather strap or a rope round your waist under your coat, a drawin' you in ; a changin' your good honerable shape. And G.o.d made men's and wimmen's waists jest alike in the first place, and it is jest as smart for men to deform themselves in that way as it is for wimmen. But oh, the agony of my soul if I should see you a tryin' to disfigure yourself in that way."

"You needn't be afraid, Samantha," sez he, "I am dressy, and always wuz, but I haint such a fool as that, as to kill myself in perfect agony, for fashion."

I didn't say nothin' but instinctively I looked down at his feet, "Oh, you needn't look at my feet, Samantha, feet are very different from the heart, and lungs, and such. You can squeeze your feet down, and not hurt much moren the flesh and bones. But you are a destroyin' the very seat of life when you draw your waist in as them wimmen do."

"I know it," sez I, "but I wouldn't torture myself in any way if I wuz in your place."

"I don't lay out to," sez he. "I haint a goin' to wear corsets, it haint at all probable I shall, though I am better able to stand it, than wimmen be."

"I know that," sez I. "I know men are stronger and better able to bear the strain of bein' drawed in and tapered." I am reesonable, and will ever speak truthful and honest, and this I couldn't deny and didn't try to.

"Wall, dumb it, what makes men stronger?" sez he.

"Why," sez I, "I s'pose one great thing is their dressin'

comfortable."

"Wall, I am glad you know enough to know it," sez he. "Why," sez he, "jest imagine a man tyin' a rope round his waist, round and round; or worse yet, take strong steel, and whalebones, and bind and choke himself down with 'em, and tottlin' himself up on high heel slippers, the high heels comin' right up in the ball of his foot -- and then havin' heavy skirts a holdin' him down, tied back tight round his knees and draggin' along on the ground at his feet -- imagine me in that perd.i.c.kerment, Samantha."

I shuddered, and sez I, "Don't bring up no such seen to harrow up my nerve." Sez I, "You know I couldn't stand it, to see you a facin' life and its solemn responsibilities in that condition. It would kill me to witness your sufferin'," sez I. And agin' I shuddered, and agin I sithed.

And he sez, "Wall, it is jest as reasonable for a man to do it as for a woman; it is far worse and more dangerous for a woman than a man."

"I know it," sez I, between my sithes. "I know it, but I can't, I can't stand it, to have you go into it."

"Wall, you needn't worry, Samantha, I haint a fool. You won't ketch men a goin' into any such performances as this, they know too much." And then he resumed on in a lighter agent, to get my mind still further off from his danger, for I wuz still a sithin', frequent and deep.

Sez he, as he looked down and see some wimmen a pa.s.sin' below; sez hey "I never see such a sight in my life, a man can see more here in one evenin' than he can in a life time at Jonesville."

"That is so, Josiah," sez I, "you can." And I felt every word I said, for at that very minute a lady, or rather a female woman, pa.s.sed with a dress on so low in the neck that I instinctively turned away my head, and when I looked round agin, a deep blush wuz mantlin' the cheeks of Josiah Allen, a flushin' up his face, clear up into his bald head.

I don't believe I had ever been prouder of Josiah Allen, than I wuz at that minute. That blush spoke plainer than words could, of the purity and soundness of my pardner's morals. If the whole nation had stood up in front of me at that time, and told me his morals wuz a tottlin' I would have scorned the suggestion. No, that blush telegraphed to me right from his soul, the sweet tidin's of his modesty and worth.

And I couldn't refrain from sayin' in encouragin', happy axents, "Haint you glad now, Josiah Allen, that you listened to your pardner; haint you glad that you haint a goin' round in a low necked coat and vest, a callin' up the blush of skern and outraged modesty to the cheeks 'of n.o.ble and modest men?"

"Yes," sez he, graspin' holt of my hand in the warmth of his grat.i.tude, for he see what I had kep' him from. "Yes, you wuz in the right on't, Samantha. I see the awfulness of the peril from which you rescued of me. But never," sez he, a lookin' down agin over the railin', onto some more wimmen a pa.s.sin' beneath, "never did I see what I have seen here to-night. Not," sez he dreemily, "sense I wuz a baby."

"Wall," sez I, "don't try to look, Josiah; turn your eyes away."

And I believe he did try to -- though such is the fascination of a known danger in front of you, that it is hard to keep yourself from contemplatin' of it. But he tried to. And he tried to not look at the waltzin' no more than he could help, and I did too.

But in spite of himself he had to see how clost the young girls wuz held; how warmly the young men embraced 'em. And as he looked on, agin I see the hot blush of shame mantillied Josiah's cheeks, and again he sez to me in almost warm axents, "I realize what you have rescued me from, Samantha."

And I sez, "You couldn't have looked Elder Minkley in the face, could you? if you had gone into that shameful diversion."

"No, I couldn't, nor into yourn nuther. I couldn't have looked n.o.body in the face, if I had gone on and imposed on any young girl as they are a doin', and insulted of her. Why," sez he, "if it wuz my Tirzah Ann that them, men wuz a embracin', and huggin', and switchin' her round, as if they didn't have no respect for her at all, -- why, if it wuz Tirzah Ann, I would tear 'em 'em from lim."