Saar: Stardust And Shadows Part 18

"We'd never get across the Pyropean boundary without being discovered and then recaptured. We can't use them as hostages; to get us back, Taemin would sacrifice those men's lives. I must blow up the ship and get rid of this threat. It has to be scheduled to perfection. We take off almost at detonation time; that way, the pod might be mistaken for debris being shot off by it. There's a large planetoid nearby; we can make it there."

"Then what? We'll still be stranded in their territory."

"Only until we can be rescued by our forces. I sent a message to them from the Wanderl.u.s.t telling them to watch out for us. If this ship is sighted when I lower its cloaking shield, they'll know where we are, for a while. The pod has a rescue beacon, but we can't use it. I've taken one of their communicators to see if I can rig it to signal our side. Right now, our only hope of survival is to get away in the pod and cover our escape with the explosion. With luck, Taemin will think either the ship blew by accident or I destroyed it rather than allow us to be captured."

"Why did he do this to us?"

"I'll explain later. We have to hurry, woman."

Jana climbed into the only available pod, donned the protective helmet, and strapped herself into one of two seats. She told herself they had no choice but to blow up the ship and let their captors perish. If her husband did not fear for their lives, he wouldn't be making this daring attempt to get away.

Varian returned in a near-run. He leapt into the seat, yanked on his helmet, and buckled his harness. He readied the controls and continued the verbal counting which Jana knew not to interrupt. When he reached the chosen number, he pressed a b.u.t.ton to jettison the pod. Almost the minute they were outside, the ship began exploding from the engine room upward and outward. When debris was flung in all directions, he turned on the thrusters and off they went at a speed that bobbled the tiny craft.

Jana remained silent, rigid, and alert. Varian concentrated on his flying task to make them appear a shooting fragment of the ship. He hoped Nigel wasn't too far a way chasing the decoy drone to notice the brief blip on the radar screen and to surmise its meaning. No matter, he couldn't risk sending a signal to his friend. With luck, Taemin and Ca.s.s would think them dead, or quickly give up the search for them.

It was a b.u.mpy, scary, swift ride as they zoomed through the atmosphere of the planetoid Luz at the edge of Pyropea. Varian used the optical scanner and sensors to crash-land the craft. Just before impact, he gave her a warning of what was to come and told her to brace herself.

Jana obeyed, but it didn't do much good. The rocky terrain and rapid pace made for a rough and tumbling touchdown that seemed to jar her every bone. Her head spun as they twisted and turned and collided with objects. Her body pressed against the tight restraints. Her head was yanked about on a neck that would be sore later. Shrieks of panic were torn from her lips. She feared they were going to be killed, either in the crash or from obstructions.

When all movement ceased and the engine was shut off, Varian looked at her and asked if she was all right.

Shaken to the core, she glanced around to see if they were really stopped and still alive, then nodded.

He relaxed a moment. "I couldn't slow it down or anybody on radar would suspect something. No fragment or debris has brakes. Let's get out of here. We need to unload the gear and skuttle this pod. I brought along a charge to handle that for me. We have twenty minutes before the auto-beacon turns on. We need to find a safe place to hide from Taemin's scouts, possible bad weather, and any other perils on this hunk of rock."

"What if they come after us?"

"I brought along weapons, and we have enough supplies for a week. Let's move, woman; we don't have much time."

Varian released her straps and his. They doffed their helmets and tossed them into the seats they vacated. The supplies and weapons were hauled to a safe distance. Jana remained with them while "Ryker" set the charge to destroy the escape vehicle. He raced to her and flopped down on his belly beside her.

"Duck your head and cover your eyes from flying debris," he got out before the loud blast. When it was quiet and all scatterings had settled, he lifted his head and took a deep breath. "That takes care of that threat. I want you to stay here while I check for a good place to hide. Keep one of those weapons handy; Martella said she told you how to use them."

"Why don't we stay here until morning when we can see?"

"Too risky. If they come over the area tonight in shuttles with light beams, we'd be spotted on their monitors."

"Shuttles with searchlights?"

"Yes. Stay put. Yell if you hear or see anything."

Jana accepted the weapon he placed in her grasp. She sat on the rock seat and waited for him to return. Not once did she allow her attention to stray. She strained to follow him in the full moon with her eyes and ears; then he vanished from sight and hearing. She focused on watching the sky for approaching ships, enemy ships. She waited, and waited, and waited; and became nervous and frightened. "Ryker!"

"I'm coming, love." When he joined her, he said, "I found a rock shelf that will shield us from detection. Let's get us and our stuff under it."

She followed his lead, then was left under the overhang while he covered their tracks. Her gaze grew accustomed to the darkness in the sheltered spot. Beyond it, there seemed to be plenty of moonlight for his task and for sighting dangers. She was relieved when he returned.

"That was not an enjoyable journey!" he joked to relax them. "You sure you're all right, love?"

"A few b.u.mps and bruises, but fine. You?"

He leaned against the stone and stretched out his legs. "Fine. Relax, love. We're safe for now. Snuggle up to me and get some sleep."

Jana propped her back against his torso and rested her head on his shoulder. It felt good when his right arm crossed her chest and his fingers curled around her left arm to hold it there. She raised her hand and pressed it over his. "You timed our escape perfectly. You're a good pilot. Your skills and wits never cease to astonish me. What now?"

"We try to get some sleep; we'll need it. Tomorrow, we move farther away from the crash site and cover our trail as we go. If the pod is located, there will be nothing that would indicate it was occupied. Hopefully they'll think it was thrown clear during the destruction, crashed, and finished exploding. We could be here a long time, Jana, so we'll need to be careful with our rations and look for others. Mostly water. We can do without food for a while but not liquid."

"Whatever you say, I'll do."

He hoped and prayed that was true. As soon as he put a safe distance between them and this spot, he'd confess all. "Thanks, love, it could save our lives. Sleep now. I want to move out at first light."

"Shouldn't we take turns standing guard or something?"

He chuckled. "No need, I'm a light sleeper."

The moment dawn appeared, Varian had them up and traveling away from the crash site and the scouts Taemin was sure to send eventually. He urged them onward all day with nothing more than short breaks for rest and nourishment. Jana did not complain or hold them back, despite the fact that she was in a dress and heels. At one point, she tried to lighten the grim situation by joking about her inappropriate hiking wear and shoes. She jested about packing better the next time. The blond alien had grinned and agreed. He seemed to enjoy her sense of humor in such a precarious predicament. He praised her stamina, courage, and good mood. Yet, he journeyed, in dread of what faced him at dusk: his confession.

They trekked over rough and difficult terrain that was filled with craggy peaks, arduous hills, large boulders in giant piles, and rocky ravines. They skirted bluffs and jutting mountains, walked around craters, avoided p.r.i.c.kly plants and sticker trees, and challenged dry scrubland. Most of the large formations on the landscape were in browns and blacks that sent out gloomy messages.

In one spot, the rocks and grit around them were a mingling of light and dark blue, but the blond alien told Jana they held nothing of value. In places where sand was abundant, it was in large grains and was the color of carrots. So far, they hadn't come across water, and that worried Jana.

"Is the entire planetoid this rugged?" she asked during a short break. "Have you ever been here before?"

"Yes and yes." He wasn't ready to tell her that all Star Fleet officers made it a point to know the terrain and demands of most places in enemy worlds and in their own in case that information was vital to them one day. He hadn't been here before, but he knew where he was leading them: to a destination he hoped was safe. "I travel all over in search of things I need to know and gather." That was misleading but true.

"Do you remember your way around? Is there any water available?"

"In a few places. We're heading for one. We'll make camp there."

"Won't Taemin or his searchers look for us at water holes?"

"He doesn't know I'm familiar with Luz; that's where we are."

Jana took a deep breath and slowly released it. "That's a relief and good fortune. Mercy, I hope we have plenty more."

"So do I, Jana love. After we camp and sleep, I'll begin work on the communicator signal in the morning. Blink your eyes and hope we have good luck with it. If so, we could be rescued soon."

Jana didn't ask, But what happens if our luck runs out?

Sunset neared and the horizon became blood-red with streaks of bright orange. The clouds overhead were indigo with lavender bases. In the distance in both directions, the largest and tallest formations looked like black silhouettes against the lighter or vivid backgrounds.

They finally reached their destination. They were hot, sweaty, tired, dusty, and apprehensive. Their muscles ached from their exertions. He ordered her to hide while he proceeded onward to make certain the location was deserted. When he was convinced, he waved her into what would become their camp.

"The seep's around that big rock. We don't want to camp beside it. Whatever kind of animal life Luz has in this area will come to drink there. We have enough trouble without tangling with strange or ill-tempered creatures. Let's eat and settle down. A lot might happen tomorrow. We need to be rested to face whatever comes." Varian wondered if he should make his confession tonight while she was weary in mind and body or wait until morning when she was fresh and alert.

"Are you sure that shuttle we hid from this morning was one of Taemin's? What if it was help for us? We might have given up our only chance of rescue."

"I promise you it wasn't one we wanted; it was Pyropean."

Jana a.s.sumed the size, or shape, or sound, of the shuttle had given him his answer. "Why did Taemin do this to us?"

Varian took a seat on a large rock and sipped water. "He thinks I've sided with Maffei and I'm working against him. He's right, Jana."

"What if he's the one to pick up your signal tomorrow?"

"I won't use the communicator unless I'm sure it will work."

Jana sat on the ground before him and between his parted thighs. She drank from her own portable container, then replaced the top and set it aside. She rested her cheek against his left leg, facing away from his body. Contact with his strength gave her courage. Yet, she was afraid and tense, and knew it was obvious. "If it doesn't, and we know we can't surrender to Taemin, we'll die here, won't we?"

Varian stroked her tawny hair and wiped a smudge from her cheek. He had to relieve some of her fears. He summoned his courage and replied, "I've been in worse binds. With Nigel's help, I'll get us out of this trouble; I promise." He felt her stiffen. "But right now, I have to tell you something important. It won't be easy for me to say or for you to hear. Listen and feel with your heart, Moonbeam, not with your head."

Jana turned her body to sit facing him on the ground. With wide eyes and parted lips, she stared at the sunny-haired alien. She realized in disbelief that she was hearing ... Varian Saar's voice! Even before he continued, she had no doubts who and what he was ... perhaps she never had.

Varian fused his solemn gaze to her shocked one. In a tender and contrite tone, he said, "I'm sorry I had to trick you along with everybody else, Jana, but it was necessary. It was the only way to save both of our worlds and our lives. After I explain the truth, I hope you understand and forgive me. I realize I shouldn't have come here and I certainly shouldn't have endangered you by bringing you along." Frustration entered his voice. "It just seemed like the perfect chance to get evidence on Taemin to force the Tabrizes away from war and into a permanent treaty. As Ryker, I've already accomplished that feat with Maal. Or I will after one more visit to let him see I made it back from the mission alive and to tell him Maffei is too strong to be attacked. Since Ryker is dead, he can't provoke his grandfather and ally against us anymore. Your world is safe now, Jana, and mine will be, too, in a few weeks. As soon as I arrange a new death for Ryker, we can put this all behind us. I'll handle it after I get us out of this mess. With luck, Nigel didn't fall for that decoy drone or he saw Garus's ship appear briefly on the monitor. He might be on his way here to rescue us. Before we left my ship, I gave him orders to shadow us in the Kiunterri and to be ready to respond to trouble, so don't lose hope."

Varian's gaze and tone softened as he vowed in earnest, "I love you, Jana; I have since the moment I saw you. Forgive me for duping you. Please understand I had no choice but to seek peace and safety for all of us."

Varian waited for a response and reaction, and it wasn't the one he had expected. Jana just sat there and stared at him as if in a trance. "Say something, my love," he coaxed. She didn't move or speak, only continued to stare at him with a near blank expression. He had to reach her.

"Your rescue wasn't a delusion and you were never ill. I kept you drugged for a week while Tris, Nigel, and I made the changes in me and on Darkar. Shara was alive, and she did try to kill you. Ca.s.s did kidnap you from me and take you to Ryker. I was the one who freed you so we could marry. Everything I told you on my ship that night was true, is true, Moonbeam. I used a lookalike cyborg on Auriga because I knew you doubted my ident.i.ty. I couldn't take you to Maal's until you were convinced I was Ryker, and that seemed the only way. I couldn't risk you being questioned by him or other enemies with Thorin, and I couldn't arouse any possible captor's suspicions by making you immune to it with Rendelar. I know I've hurt and deceived you many times, but never again, I swear. No matter what happens or what's involved, from now on, I'll tell you the truth."

Varian didn't know what to think when she did not scream at him, curse him, pound him, cry, or vent her anger and hurt in any visible manner. He wondered if she was in shock; he had brought along a medical kit; maybe he should see if it held vitricine.

Finally Jana spoke in a deceptively calm and soft voice, "Whose idea was this charade? Were you under orders again to dupe me?"

"It was my idea, Jana; but Grandfather, Draco, and Brec agreed to let me attempt it. While you were asleep and recovering from your ordeal with Shara, I read that evil woman's journals and I viewed videotapes she and Ryker had made with Maal, Taemin, Ca.s.s, and others. They showed me how much danger we were in. I felt I had to do something to send all that evil to the grave with Shara and Ryker. I realized the only way to beat them was to do it as Ryker, make Ryker correct his mistakes before I laid him to rest. Only he could get to Maal and Taemin to prevent war. I realized too late I was cruel and rash in my plan and actions, but so much was at stake, Jana, so very much."

She noticed how he stressed certain points by expressing the same thing in a different way to make sure she grasped his point, his b.l.o.o.d.y excuse. "You believed only you could save everything and everybody? It was your sole responsibility so you appointed yourself savior of it all?"

He ignored her sarcastic tone. "I was the only one in a position to do the job because I knew I could pa.s.s for Ryker: in looks with a little help from Tris, in character and personality because I knew my half brother well, and in traits and secrets because I had the journals, tapes, and the complex entry code. Shara even recorded the codes for the androids and computers and safes. She never imagined anyone could get into the complex to take advantage of them. Thank Kahala she was wrong. During my final showdown with Ryker, he taunted me with the entry code. He told me you were locked inside, that you two were married, and he was planning to kill both of us. He said if I won our battle, you and Trilabs were the prizes. I didn't want to kill my own brother, Jana, but he forced me to do so in self-defense. I think he's better off dead; he was irretrievably evil and mad. Don't you see? I had all I needed in my possession to impersonate Ryker."

"Along with my unsuspecting a.s.sistance."

He perceived her sadness and disappointment. But where, he mused, was the fury he had antic.i.p.ated? How could she stay so calm and controlled? "Yes, Jana," he admitted. "And I'm sorry. I love you, woman, and I need you. Can you forgive me? Do you understand why I did what I did? I promise I won't ever do anything like this again."

There was pleading in those fake emerald eyes and deep tone, but, she told herself, they could be another pretense. She chilled her own tone and gaze and put emphasis on each of her next words. "You used cruel and intentional lies to deceive and delude me. You made me doubt my sanity. You convinced me you didn't love me or want me. You convinced me Ryker did. You put everyone and everything above me and above our relationship, our happiness, even our survival and safety. No, Varian, I can't forgive or forget, or come back to you. I would always be second choice after duty."

He slid off the rock seat to his knees before her. He grasped her shoulders. "No, Jana, it won't be like that. I swear, never again."

She pushed away his hands. "You can't make a promise you can't and won't keep. You would do something like this again and again, if I permitted it. If it were the first time, perhaps I could be lenient. But it isn't; you've tricked me, used me, and betrayed me before."

"I've explained all those times, Jana. Don't you realize my burdens and responsibilities? I'm a Star Fleet officer, a ship commander, a member of the Elite Squad, the kadim's grandson. I can't behave like other men. Don't you realize most of the hostilities in the Tri-Galaxy are because of what happened in my family, with my father, with my half brother? I, more than anyone, should help destroy them."

"That's supposed to make whatever you do all right? When duty calls, you're expected and determined to make any sacrifice and take any risk to answer it? You can simply cast aside conscience, honor, compa.s.sion, right and wrong, and anyone in your way just to carry out your orders?"

"You make duty and loyalty and love for my world sound terrible. You make me sound terrible. I've been reared by an officer and a ruler, and I've been trained as an officer, trained to obey. I had no choice."

"Yes, Varian, you did. You've always had other choices. And so do I for the first time since we met. You said this ruse was your clever idea, so you have only yourself to blame for the consequences."

"I didn't do it for glory, Jana! I can't ever reveal it."

"I don't care why you did it. I want you out of my life, Varian, totally and forever. I don't want to see you again, if we ever get off of this enemy ball."

Varian's heart thudded with trepidation and his skin crawled with fear. He told himself she couldn't be serious, only angry and hurt. "I can't do that, Jana, I love you. I need you."

"Need me? For what this time? For what next time?"

The bitterness in her voice and coldness in her multicolored eyes caused him to wince in torment. "For myself, Moonbeam, only for myself."

"For how long? Until your next secret a.s.signment? Next burden?"

"Until the Universe ceases to exist. I can't lose you, Jana. I can't."

"You already have, Varian, the moment you let me wake up on Darkar with Ryker as my husband instead of in your arms on the Wanderl.u.s.t."

"You have to understand and forgive me, Jana," he insisted.

She shook her head and glared at him. "No, I don't and I won't, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. It's over between us, Varian. Over!"

"I'll find a way to change your mind. I have to."

"So you can get your hands on Trilabs through me? Ryker, and even Shara, warned me you might try something like that. To try to get me back will be a waste of your time."

"You're worth all of it and more."

"But you aren't worth mine. You don't deserve my love and trust."

"Perdition, woman, I'm not after Trilabs! If that was my goal, I could take it by force. Give me another chance to prove you're wrong."

"You've had plenty of them, too many. Now that you've obtained the goals most important to you, I'm the only thing left you crave, at the bottom of the stack, where you've always put me and will always keep me. I would be a fool to let you hurt me again, and I'm not a fool, you b.l.o.o.d.y traitor."

"I swear on my life and honor I won't ever hurt you again."

"I know you won't, because I'm not going to let that happen. Go marry Canissia like you planned. I don't want you anymore."

"I never intended to marry that wicked b.i.t.c.h. It was only a ruse to draw her out of hiding after she kidnapped you. I never imagined Ryker would use it to coerce you into marrying him. I suspected she was in on your disappearance, but I had to get my hands on her to question her. She had to believe I didn't suspect her and think she had something valuable to return for: me. She disappeared because Ryker arranged her death, but she foiled his attempt. That day she came to see us, I knew the truth from those tapes and I managed, to convince her she was wrong, or at least I thought I had her fooled. Something I said or did that wasn't recorded by Ryker and Shara caused her to suspect the truth. She eluded the tail I had put on her: Command 10. When her ship was located and put under surveillance, it was at Zenufia. The trouble is, she wasn't on it; she's with Taemin. She must have told him her suspicions and they planned this trap for us. As a taunt or terror tactic, they had Garus drop clues to me that he didn't understand. I had to get us off that ship. The only reason I didn't arrest her on Darkar was to prevent exposing my ruse. I will have her in custody and prison soon. She'll pay for her crimes."

Varian tried to hold her hand, but she jerked it away and glared at him. "What we have is special, Jana. We can't just throw it away over a misunderstanding, over something vital I was compelled to do. I'm sorry for the past. Let me make it up to you."

"No, not now, not ever."

"Never is a long time, Moonbeam. I won't let you end it for us."

"Can't you get it through your thick and conceited head that you already have ended it for us. Give it up, Varian; I did weeks ago."

"When, Jana? Was it the day I used that cyborg on Auriga? Until that trick, you didn't believe I was Ryker, no matter how well I played him. Even afterward, you still had doubts."

"But you played him so well that you made me fall in love with him and want him, not you."