Riley Jensen 06 - The Darkest Kiss Part 13

His lips twisted. "A car accident. A stupid, f.u.c.king car accident. And no one's fault but the weather's."

"I'm sorry-" The words were out before I could retract them. They were stupid words, really, because they had no meaning when we were strangers and I hadn't even known his mate. So I added, "I'm sorry we got onto this subject. I'm sorry I made you remember-"

As if he would ever forget.

"Hey, I brought the topic up, not you." He shrugged, and it was almost as if he were shrugging away the cloak of his woes, putting it away for another day. I wondered how long it had actually taken to gain such control over the ache. "And to answer your original question, no wolf can walk away from a soul mate. It 'd be like ripping out your heart and flinging it away-you can't survive if you do it."

"And yet you survived her death."

His laugh was bittersweet. "Yeah, I did. But only thanks to my ever-loving, G.o.dd.a.m.n nagging sister." I raised my eyebrows. "How did your sister save you?"

"She refused to let me die." He shrugged. "Our pack is a small one, and the two of us were always close. I think that bond is the only reason I'm alive today."

I studied him for a moment, then asked, "So you did try to die?"

"Of course. My heart and my soul had left me. It didn't matter that we hadn't sworn our love to the moon-she was my world. My reason for living. Without her-" He shrugged, and gave me that heartbreaking smile again. "Except my sister wasn't about to let me go so easily."

They had to have one h.e.l.l of a strong relationship for her to be able to drag him back from the brink of death. I very much doubted the normal bond of siblings would have done so.

G.o.d, if something ever happened to Liander, would Rhoan choose death? We had a strong bond-a bond as strong as life itself-but I really didn't know if that would be enough to pull my brother back. No matter how badly he sometimes treated his mate, Rhoan loved Liander with every fiber of his being.

I licked my lips and said, "So you're still close to your sister?"

"She nagged me back to life. How could I walk away after something like that?"

The waitress arrived, and we ordered our coffee and cake. I glanced at my watch, wondering when Jilli was going to come out. Jack would get less than pleasant if I stayed and chatted for too long-especially when we had a bada.s.s running around killing humans.

"This wolf that walked away," Ben asked, after a moment, "what made you think he was your soul mate?"

I shrugged. "It was probably wishful thinking more than anything else. I cared for him-cared for him a lot-but we never really got it together enough to see if it could ever be more."

"And when you made love?"

I raised an eyebrow, amus.e.m.e.nt teasing my lips. "When we made love, a good time was had by all."

Amus.e.m.e.nt twitched Ben's lush mouth. "That goes without saying for a wolf."

"Then why ask the question?"

His grin was as s.e.xy as h.e.l.l and my hormones did another little dance. And really, I couldn't be sorry that my self-imposed exile from s.e.x seemed to be coming to an end. I might still hurt, but what was the point in continuing to abstain from something that was so much a part of who I was?

I might not be ready to step out with my heart on my sleeve, but a good time was definitely beginning to hit my agenda once again.

"What I mean by that question," he said, "is what did you feel deep down? Besides arousal, besides desire?"

I'd felt lots of things when I was with Kellen, and some of those feelings had not been entirely my own. Quinn, I 'd discovered, had found a way to use the sensual, s.e.xy dreams we'd shared as a path into my deeper thoughts, placing a compulsion deep within to avoid the things he disapproved of. Like the wolf clubs. And Kellen.

"What I was feeling often depended on how I was feeling about our relationship at the time, or what else was happening in my life. Why do you want to know?"

"Because the first time I made love to Jodie, I knew she was the one. My heart, my soul, my life. We were inseparable from that moment."

I raised my eyebrows. I'd never felt that with anyone. Not even Quinn. "So it was love at first sight?"

He laughed, a warm rich sound that sent tingles of desire scooting across my flesh. "G.o.d, no. Quite the opposite, in fact.

We worked with each other for six months and never got an inkling. And our first kiss was nothing more than the polite kiss colleagues share at Christmas. It wasn't until we actually had s.e.x that things changed."

So did that mean the whole meeting-of-eyes-across-the-crowded-room moment I'd been dreaming of half my life was just that? A dream? Or was it simply a matter of different wolves, different situations?

I had to hope so. Fate had s.n.a.t.c.hed away so many of my dreams of late that it would really hurt to lose that one as well.

I crossed my arms and leaned forward a little. His gaze flicked downward, caressing my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and the heat of his desire flicked around me. My nostrils flared as I sucked in the scent, feeling it swirl its way through me. It was nice, so nice, after such a long absence. "So what was it like? That first moment, I mean."

"Well, there was no chorus of angels singing, if that's what you were expecting."

I grinned. "In this day and age, I think angels have better things to do than hang around chorusing while people mash body parts."

Amus.e.m.e.nt flirted with his mouth again. "It was more a feeling of belonging and completeness. From the moment that we made love, I could think of no other, wanted no other."

I definitely hadn't felt that with Kellen. Or Quinn, for that matter, even though there 'd been a connection-a deep connection-between us. One that was richer and stronger than I could ever possibly explain. But did that validate my feelings that he wasn't the one? The fact that I'd walked away-or rather, sent him away-seemed to confirm that possibility. Not to mention the fact that even when we were together, I'd also had other partners. Much to his disgust, for sure, but still...

"It wasn't like that with us," I said eventually. "But I was hoping it was something we'd grow into."

"You don't grow into a soul mate," he said, the amus.e.m.e.nt on his lips clear in his voice. "It's just something that is. Or isn't."

"Trust me, nothing is that simple in my life."

"Love is."

"For you, maybe." I thanked the waitress as she brought over our order, then began tucking in to the thick, gooey chocolate cake. Which wasn't as delicious as the scent coming from the big wolf sitting opposite me, but still more than lived up to the standards of this place.

"So how does the whole s.e.x and dating bit work for you now?" I asked.

He shrugged. "There will always be an emptiness deep inside, one that no amount of lovemaking will ever fill. But I 'm a werewolf, and s.e.x is still d.a.m.ned good." He gave me a grin that was so s.e.xy my insides just about melted. "I can demonstrate just how good, if you'd like."

"You know," I said, glad my voice sounded dry rather than husky with the excitement that was buzzing around my insides, "as much as I enjoy a bit of exhibitionism, this is a little too public for me."

He laughed-a rich and luscious sound. "Well, I didn't mean right here and now."

"I'm glad." Time, I thought, to change the subject. "Have you heard from Ivan?"

He took a sip of coffee, then said, "Yeah. He checked himself out of hospital this morning."

I frowned. "Was that wise? That vamp's still out there and Ivan might still be a target."

"He seems to think that the worst is over." Ben shrugged. "He said Vinny will keep him safe."

I snorted. "Vinny sold him out the first time. Why wouldn't she do it again?"

"He believes she values him too much to give the vamp access again."

"If he believes that, he's an idiot." Vinny was hungry for both power and wealth, and I didn't think she was particularly fussy about how she got either.

He shrugged, then looked past me. "Ah, here she comes."

I twisted around. The woman approaching was typically wolf in build, but given she probably stood at five one, she was definitely on the small side. But she exuded a sense of authority and her brown eyes had a no-nonsense gleam to them.

She kissed Ben lightly on the cheek then her gaze came to me. "Riley Jenson, I presume?"

I nodded and fetched my badge out of my purse to show her. "Ben's requested my help in finding out why your lover Denny died."

"Yes, he told me that."

There was a brief flicker in her eyes, one that hinted at sorrow. Then it was gone, replaced by the no-nonsense gleam. Jilli might be sad about her lover's death, but she wasn't going to let it stop her from going about her daily business. Jack would have loved her att.i.tude.

"Tell me, do you know if he had any vampire lovers?"

Little frown lines briefly creased her otherwise smooth forehead. "Not that I knew of. But we'd only been lovers for a few weeks."

"What about clubs? Which of those did he frequent?"

"All of them. Particularly the underground ones."

I raised my eyebrows and glanced at Ben. "There are still underground wolf clubs?"

"For people who have similar s.e.xual needs to Denny. Such things are generally not authorized at the legal clubs."

Meaning they weren't places I'd want to frequent-though I would, if it meant getting answers. I glanced back to Jilli.

"When did you and Denny last have s.e.x?"

"The night he died."

"So it was you I smelled on the sheets?" My gaze went to her neck as I said that, but she had a turtleneck sweater on.

"Yes, but he was perfectly fine when I left him." She sniffed. "He was sleeping, in fact."

Her tone seemed to imply he had no stamina, and I resisted the urge to smile. "And there's nothing else you can tell me?

Nothing he said or did that seemed odd to you?"

"No." She hesitated. "He did complain about being followed."

I raised my eyebrows. "When?"

"The night he died. He said he'd spotted some lanky fellow trailing him a couple of times. He'd tried to point him out to me the night before, but I couldn't see him."

Lanky-Ivan's attacker had certainly been that. And given the scent that had been in both apartments, it was looking more likely that my sense of smell was spot-on, and it was the same attacker.

"So did you believe he was being followed?"

She hesitated. "Denny wasn't into playing games like that. If he said he was being followed, then yes, I believe him. " She glanced at her watch. "Is that all?"

"Yes. Thanks."

She nodded and marched efficiently off.

"Denny never mentioned anything like that to me," Ben said heavily.

"I wonder if he mentioned it to the police?" Wondered if Jilli had. I should have asked, but I guess it would be in the report if she had. I took a sip of coffee, then said, "Did Ivan visit the underground clubs?"

"No. Ivan is as straightlaced as they come."

"So that's probably not the connection, then." I studied him for a moment, then said, "What about you?"

Amus.e.m.e.nt gleamed in his eyes. "I know where they are, simply because I sometimes need to direct clientele there.

Nonpareil does not cater to such needs."

"Just good old-fashioned s.e.x, huh?"

"Not just good, thank you very much. Our standards are beyond excellent."

I grinned. "Not to blow your own horn, of course."

"Of course," he agreed, with the sort of look that had the blood surging through my veins.

Man, what I wouldn't give to be able to...

My phone chose that moment to ring, which was probably a good thing. I really didn't need to be thinking about what I'd like to do with this wolf. I grabbed my purse from underneath the table and dragged out my cell. The number wasn 't one I recognized, which was unusual because this was a Directorate phone, and few people had the direct number.

I pressed the receive b.u.t.ton and said, "Riley speaking."

"Riley? This is Vincenta."

Speak of the devil, and she calls. Something inside me went cold. "How did you get my number?"

"Ah," she drawled, amus.e.m.e.nt evident in her rich tones. "That would be giving away trade secrets, now, wouldn't it?"

The kiss, I thought. It had something to do with that G.o.dd.a.m.n kiss. That'd teach me not to follow my instincts.

I was getting a new number as soon as I got back to the Directorate.

"What do you want, Vinny?"

"Ivan has been killed. I felt his death a few moments ago."

"You felt it?" How was something like that possible? As far as I knew, the bond of a vampire and his-or her-get went no deeper than creator and child. There was a duty of care to get them through the first treacherous years of turning, a responsibility that most took seriously if they didn't want the Directorate hunting their a.s.ses. But to have the depth of connection to actually feel a true death?