Redshirts: A Novel Part 2

The first crewman looked at Dahl. "As I already said, no one can prove I gave the XO anything," he said. "And maybe."

"Xeno-pseudoagaricus naturally produces a chemical that in most humans provides a relaxing effect," Dahl said. "But in about one-tenth of one percent of people, it does the opposite. The receptors in their brains are slightly different from everyone else's. And of those people, about one-tenth of one percent will go berserk under its influence. Sounds like your XO is one of those people."

"Who are you, who is so wise in the way of alien fungus?" said the crewman.

"Someone who knows that no matter what, you don't deal upward on the chain of command," Dahl said. The crewman grinned.

"So why aren't you in the brig?" Duvall asked.

The crewman motioned to Dahl. "Ask your friend, he's so smart," he said. Duvall looked to Dahl, who shrugged.

"Xeno-pseudoagaricus isn't illegal," Dahl said. "It's just not very smart to use it. You'd have to either study xen.o.biology or have an interest in off-brand not-technically-illegal alien mood enhancers, possibly for entrepreneurial purposes."

"Ah," Duvall said.

"If I had to guess," Dahl said, "I'm guessing our friend here-"

"Finn," said the crewman, and nodded to the other one. "And that's Hester."

"-our friend Finn had a reputation at his last posting for being the guy to go to for substances that would let you pa.s.s a urine test."

Hester snorted at this.

"I'm also guessing that his XO probably doesn't want it known that he was taking drugs-"

"Fungus," said Finn.

"-of any sort, and that in any event when the Xeno-pseudoagaricus made him go nuts, he attacked and Finn here was technically defending himself when he fought back. So rather than put Finn in the brig and open up an ugly can of worms, better to transfer him quietly."

"I can neither confirm nor deny this interpretation of events," Finn said.

"Then what's with the MPs?" Hanson asked.

"They're here to make sure we get on the Intrepid without any detours," said Hester. "They don't want him renewing his stash." Finn rolled his eyes at this.

Duvall looked at Hester. "I'm sensing bitterness here."

Hester finally made eye contact. "The b.a.s.t.a.r.d hid his stash in my foot locker," he said, to Duvall.

"And you didn't know?" Duvall asked.

"He told me they were candies, and that if the other crew knew he had them, they'd sneak into his foot locker to take them."

"They would have," Finn said. "And in my defense, everything was candied."

"You also said they were for your mother," Hester said.

"Yes, well," Finn said. "I did lie about that part."

"I tried to tell that to the captain and the XO, but they didn't care," Hester said. "As far as they were concerned I was an accomplice. I don't even like him."

"Then why did you agree to hold his ... candies?" Duvall said. Hester mumbled something inaudible and broke eye contact.

"He did it because I was being nice to him, and he doesn't have friends," Finn said.

"So you took advantage of him," Hanson said.

"I don't dislike him," Finn said. "And it's not like I meant for him to get in trouble. He shouldn't have gotten in trouble. Nothing in the stash was illegal. But then our XO went nuts and tried to rearrange my bone structure."

"You probably should have known your product line better," Dahl said.

"The next time I get something, I'll run it by you first," Finn said sarcastically, and then motioned toward the window, where the shuttle could be seen approaching the berth. "But it's going to have to wait. Looks like our ride is here."

CHAPTER TWO.

The Intrepid's four other new crew members were met on the ship by a petty officer named Del Sol, who quickly marched them off to their stations. Dahl was met by the Intrepid's chief science officer, Q'eeng.

"Sir," Dahl said, saluting.

Q'eeng returned the salute. "Ensign Junior Rank Dahl," he said. "A pleasure to meet you. I do not always greet my department's new arrivals in this manner, but I have just come off duty and I thought I would show you your station. Do you have any personal items you need to stow?"

"No, sir," Dahl said. His and the others' foot lockers were going through ship's security for inspection and would be delivered to their quarters, the locations of which would be uploaded to their phones.

"I understand you spent several years on Forshan, and that you speak the language," Q'eeng said. "All four dialects."

"Yes, sir," Dahl said.

"I studied it briefly at the Academy," Q'eeng said, and then cleared his throat. "Aaachka faaachklalhach ghalall chkalalal."

Dahl kept his face very still. Q'eeng had just attempted in the third dialect the traditional rightward schism greeting of "I offer you the bread of life," but his phrasing and accent had trans.m.u.ted the statement into "Let us violate cakes together." Leaving aside the fact it would be highly unusual for a member of the rightward schism to voluntarily speak the third dialect, it being the native dialect of the founder of the leftward schism and therefore traditionally eschewed, mutual cake violating was not an accepted practice anywhere on Forshan.

"Aaachkla faaachklalhalu faadalalu chkalalal," Dahl sad, returning the correct traditional response of "I break the bread of life with you" in the third dialect.

"Did I say that correctly?" Q'eeng asked.

"Your accent is very unusual, sir," Dahl said.

"Indeed," Q'eeng said. "Then perhaps I will leave any necessary Forshan speaking to you."

"Yes, sir," Dahl said.

"Follow me, Ensign," Q'eeng said, and strode forward. Dahl raced to keep up.

Around Q'eeng the Intrepid was a hive of activity; crew members and officers moved purposefully through the halls, each appearing to have someplace very important to get to. Q'eeng strode through them as if he had his own bow wave; they would magically part for him as he came close and close behind him as he walked past.

"It's like rush hour in here," Dahl said, looking around.

"You'll find this crew to be quite efficient and effective," Q'eeng said. "As the flagship of the Universal Union, the Intrepid has its pick of crew."

"I don't doubt that, sir," Dahl said, and looked briefly behind him. The crew members behind him had slowed down considerably and were staring at him and Q'eeng. Dahl couldn't read their expressions.

"I understand you requested at the Academy to be stationed on the Intrepid," Q'eeng said.

"Yes, sir," Dahl said, returning his attention to his superior officer. "Your department is doing some real cutting-edge work. Some of the stuff you do on board is so out there we had a hard time re-creating it back at the Academy."

"I hope that's not a suggestion that we're doing sloppy work," Q'eeng said, with a slight, tense edge to his voice.

"Not at all, sir," Dahl said. "Your reputation as a scientist is unimpeachable. And we know that in the kind of work your department does, initial conditions are both significant and difficult to re-create."

Q'eeng seemed to relax at this. "s.p.a.ce is vast," he said. "The Intrepid's mission is to explore. Much of the science we do is front line-identify, describe, posit initial hypotheses. Then we move on, leaving it to others to follow our work."

"Yes, sir," Dahl said. "It's that front line science that appeals to me. The exploration."

"So," Q'eeng said. "Do you see yourself partic.i.p.ating in away team missions?"

Directly in front of them, a crew member seemed to stumble over his own feet. Dahl caught him. "Whoa," Dahl said, propping him back up. "Careful with those feet, now." The crew member pulled away, his mumbled "Thanks" very nearly dopplered as he hastened off.

"Agile and polite," Dahl said, grinning, then stopped grinning when he noticed Q'eeng, also stopped, staring at him very intently. "Sir," he said.

"Away teams," Q'eeng said again. "Do you see yourself partic.i.p.ating in them?"

"At the Academy I was known more as a lab rat," Dahl said. Q'eeng seemed to frown at this. "But I realize that the Intrepid is a vessel of exploration. I'm looking forward to doing some of that exploration myself."

"Very good," Q'eeng said, and started moving forward again. "Being a 'lab rat' is fine at the Academy and may be fine on other ships. But the reason that the Intrepid has made so many of the discoveries that interested you in the first place is because of its crew's willingness to get into the field and get its hands dirty. I'd ask you to keep that in mind."

"Yes, sir," Dahl said.

"Good," Q'eeng said, and stopped at a door marked "Xen.o.biology." He opened it, showing the laboratory beyond, and stepped through. Dahl followed.

It was empty.

"Where is everybody, sir?" Dahl asked.

"The Intrepid crew does a lot of cross-consultation with crew members in other departments, and often have secondary or supernumerary postings," Q'eeng said. "You are supernumerary with the Linguistics Department for your facility in Forshan, for example. So people don't always stay chained to their workstations."

"Got it, sir," Dahl said.

"Nevertheless," Q'eeng said, pulled out his phone, and made a connection. "Lieutenant Collins. The newest member of your department is at your laboratory to present himself to you." A pause. "Good. That is all." Q'eeng put away his phone. "Lieutenant Collins will be along presently to welcome you."

"Thank you, sir," Dahl said, and saluted. Q'eeng nodded, saluted in return and walked off into the hallway. Dahl went to the door and watched him go. Q'eeng's bow wave preceded him until he turned a corner and went out of sight.

"Hey," someone said behind Dahl. He turned. There was a crew member standing in the middle of the lab.

Dahl looked back out the door, to where Q'eeng had turned, and then back to the new crew member. "Hi," Dahl said. "You weren't here two seconds ago."

"Yeah, we do that," the crew member said, and walked over to Dahl and stretched out his hand. "Jake Ca.s.saway."

"Andy Dahl." Dahl took his hand and shook it. "And how exactly do you do that?"

"Trade secret," Ca.s.saway said.

A door opened from the other side of the lab and another crew member entered the room from it.

"There goes the trade secret," Ca.s.saway said.

"What's in there?" Dahl asked, motioning to the door.

"It's a storage room," Ca.s.saway said.

"You were hiding in the storage room?" Dahl said.

"We weren't hiding," said the other crew member. "We were doing inventory."

"Andy Dahl, this is Fiona Mbeke," Ca.s.saway said.

"h.e.l.lo," Dahl said.

"You should be glad that we were doing inventory," Mbeke said. "Because now that means that it won't be a.s.signed to you as the new guy."

"Well, then, thanks," Dahl said.

"We'll still make you get coffee," Mbeke said.

"I would expect nothing less," Dahl said.

"And look, here is the rest of us," Ca.s.saway said, and nodded as two new people came through the hallway door.

One of them immediately approached Dahl. He saw the lieutenant's pip on her shoulder and saluted.

"Relax," Collins said, and nevertheless returned the salute. "The only time we salute around here is when His Majesty comes through the door."

"You mean Commander Q'eeng," Dahl said.

"You see the pun there," Collins said. "With 'king,' which is what his name sounds like."

"Yes, ma'am," Dahl said.

"That's a little nerd humor for you," Collins said.