Redemption Series: Redemption Part 35

"Uh ... right." He would have to tell Kari first, break the news to her tonight.

The last thing he wanted was to see Angela Manning without his wife's knowing about it. "Are you sure? You took a test?"

"Of course I'm sure," she huffed. "What happened to us, Tim? You told me you loved me, remember? And yes, after two people live together for weeks on end, a pregnancy is a real possibility."

He knew he should feel compa.s.sion, and he did. He was sorry for her, even sorrier for her unborn child. But something in her tone caused him to know without a doubt that he didn't love this 313 woman. He never had. She had been merely a diversion, a mistake. And somehow that made the situation worse.

"I'm sorry, Angela." Tears welled in his eyes. That was an understatement. "I don't know what to say."

There was a pause, and she sniffed again. "We need to talk." Tim ma.s.saged his temples and felt the beginning of a migraine. "Okay. Tomorrow, noon, in my office."

As he hung up the phone and gathered his things, he felt an ache in his chest and knew it was his heart breaking. From that moment on, nothing about his future would ever be the same again.

And now he had to go home and tell Kari.

Dirk Bennett's body was colder than it had been in his entire life. His fingers were numb, and his teeth chattered. But deep within was a fire, a pa.s.sion that made the night seem almost warm.

He gazed out the window of his pickup and stared at Angela's apartment.

Soon, my baby ... soon.

A small, hinged box sat on the front seat beside him, and he reached for it, feeling his arms ripple with the motion. They were muscled enough that it was almost difficult to bend them. ;Gently, tenderly, he lifted the box lid and stared at the diamond ring inside, the one he had purchased more than a year earlier.

The ring he would place on Angela's finger the moment she said yes.

And Dirk knew without a doubt that moment was coming. .He'd watched Angela's apartment off and on for the past three months, varying his schedule and convincing himself more every day that he'd been wrong about the professor. The man wasn't still seeing Angela on the side.

At the same time, Dirk had tripled the number of pills he was taking. He smiled.

The pills were the best thing to happen to him 314 since meeting Angela. His body was drawing looks from half the girls at the campus weight room.

There was no way she'd turn him down now.

He closed the lid on the ring box, set it back on the seat, and opened the glove compartment. Life would have been much simpler if Professor Jacobs had stayed away from his girl to begin with.

Dirk blinked and rubbed his fists over his jeancovered thighs. An image came, and then another and another. Angela with the professor at lunch. Angela and the professor walking hand in hand near her apartment. The two of them going into her apartment and turning off the lights.

It didn't matter that the man wasn't seeing Angela anymore. Dirk gripped his steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. If the professor were there in front of him, he'd still ...

Everything was suddenly hazy red and blurred around the edges. Dirk tightened his grip on the wheel and held his breath. He hated Professor Jacobs for what he'd done. If it wasn't for him, Angela would never have left him. If the professor hadn't gone after his girl, life would be different. Dirk fired his fist into the dashboard and left a hole several inches deep.

He studied his fingers and wiped at three spots that were bleeding. Fear joined the dance of emotions on the floor of his heart. What's wrong with me? The action had relieved some of the rage, but not all of it. He opened the glove box and fingered the revolver inside. As he did, a truth dawned on him.

If he was wrong, if for any reason Professor Jacobs was still seeing his girl, there would be no point in scaring him off as Dirk had originally planned.

It was time to make wedding plans, not wait in the wings while Angela Manning disgraced herself in a sordid affair. No, the situation was far too serious to mess around with just scaring the professor away.

Dirk wiped his b.l.o.o.d.y knuckles on his pants leg. At this 315 point, he would have to handle the situation differently-very differently.

Even if it cost him his life.

He started his engine, clicked open the gun's chamber, and peered inside.

Good. Plenty of bullets.

That meant he didn't have to go to the store. Instead, he had time for dinner and some homework. Then he'd come back, walk up the inside stairs to Angela's front door, and give her the ring.

The rage he'd felt moments ago was already fading. In fact, he felt pretty good.

As long as no one got in his way-by ten o'clock that night he and Angela Manning would be engaged.

316.

316.

317.

Kari WAS IN THE BABY'S BEDROOM trying to decide what shade of pink wallpaper would look best with the pastel bedding she and her mother bought earlier that day.

It didn't matter that everyone-even Tim-thought she was having a boy. She still had a deep sense that the precious child growing within her was a girl.

She felt the baby turn and placed her hand on her abdomen. An active girl.

Kari could hardly wait for the chance to meet her daughter face-to-face, cradle her close, and watch Tim experience his first moments of fatherhood. Brooke had told her that having a child humbled a man, and Kari didn't doubt it. She could imagine Tim staring at his own flesh, face-to-face. Realizing the depth of his vulnerability, knowing that every decision from that point on would affect and shape his child.

It was a transformation that was bound to strengthen the new bond between them.

Kari wandered across the room and stared at the baby's only 318 toy, a stuffed white baby eagle that perched precariously on the dresser. It was from Tim, his first gift to their child.

"White because G.o.d gave us a clean new start with this baby," he had told her a week ago when he brought it home. He'd waited until they were seated near the fire that night before presenting her with the gift. She'd held it in her hand, admiring the detail on the wings, the feel of the plush body.

Tim ran a finger over the toy and let his hand settle on hers. "And an eagle, because eagle families are forever. And one day when we're past all this, we'll have forever too."

Kari blinked, but the memory remained. She reached for the stuffed bird and nuzzled it against her face. The white synthetic fur was whisper soft, and she could picture their daughter, a few years from now, carrying the eagle around by the wing. It would be her favorite, probably a dull gray by then, and most of the fur would be loved off. But Tim's words about the small, sweet toy and the meaning behind it would be as fresh and new as ever.

Kari heard a noise and spun around to find her husband looking at her from the doorway. Since they'd been back together, he'd made a point of being home earlier than he had in the days before his affair. It was one of the ways she knew he was trying.

"Hi." She smiled at him and guided the eagle on a miniature flight not far from her face. "Our girl's going to love this." She set the bird back down. "I didn't hear you come in."

The corners of Tim's mouth made an attempt to lift, but his eyes were sad. He crossed the room and ma.s.saged his fingers into her shoulder as a shadow fell across his eyes. "How was your day?"

Concern rattled her heart. "Good." She angled her head. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He searched her face, his hand still gripping her shoulder. "Fine. Just a long day."

She wanted to believe him, but his stooped shoulders and worried expression gave him away. "You sure?"

"Yep." He drew a slow breath. "I have some papers to check. I'll be upstairs."

319 It was an hour after dinner when he found her in the living room writing in the baby book. A Celtic instrumental arrangement played in the background, and the smell of roast chicken still lingered in the house.

Kari tilted her head back and met his searching eyes. Whatever was eating Tim had not dissipated, and again she felt her stomach tighten. "Finished with your papers?"

"No." He drew a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I have to go back. I forgot a stack on my desk."

"Oh." Immediately Kari wondered if Tim was lying to her, if he had plans to go somewhere else instead of back to work. She dismissed the thought. Tim was beyond lying to her; it was one reason their reconciliation was going so well.

She stood and stretched, forcing her voice to be casual. "Want me to come?"

"That's okay." For an instant he seemed frozen in place. Then he came to her and took her hands in his. "May I tell you something?" His voice was quietly intense.

"Sure." She held her breath, desperate to know what was going on in his head.

His grip on her hands tightened. "What happened to us was my fault, Kari.

Completely my fault."

She felt herself relax. Was that all this was? A bout of delayed guilt? "That isn't true, and you know it." Her thumbs gently ma.s.saged the tops of his hands.

"We both made poor choices."

Tim shook his head. "Your being busy didn't make it okay for me to have an affair. No matter how lonely I felt."

An expectant silence lay between them, as if Tim still had something important to say. She lowered her brow. "That's why you're so distant tonight?"

"No." He searched her face, her eyes. His mouth was open, but he didn't seem to know what to say.

"What?" He let his gaze fall to the place where he held her hands. When he looked up, his eyes were wet. "Nothing. It's just-" She 320 waited, trying to read him. "I'm so sorry, Kari. I'm sorrier than you'll ever understand."

She gently pulled her hands from his and wrapped them around his waist. She had to stretch out her arms to do it. "I know."

He held her as close as her protruding belly would allow. Their faces were inches apart, and Kari wondered if this would be the moment when their lips might finally meet. They hadn't done more than hug or hold hands since they'd been back together. But with his emotions so raw, a kiss seemed possible.

Instead, Tim smoothed a finger over her eyebrow and traced it gently down the side of her face. "I want you to remember something."

Kari waited, her heart beating hard.

"No matter what else happens, I never want to hurt you again." Their eyes held, and gradually the distance between their faces dissolved until their lips came together. Tears stung at Kari's eyes and spilled down her cheeks. The salty taste mingled with their kiss, and the feelings between them grew.

It wasn't the type of pa.s.sion they'd once shared, though Kari imagined one day it would be. Instead, it was a kiss of infinite sadness for all they'd loved and all they'd lost and all they'd never have again. But it was something more as well. It was a kiss that hinted at a hope that was from G.o.d alone.

Kari pulled away first. She reached for the car keys on the coffee table. "Go get your papers. I'll be waiting."

"You're so beautiful." He studied her face as if he were trying to memorize her.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Kari." He kissed her once more.

"Do you believe me?"

"I do." She wiped at her tears and handed him his keys. "I believe you with all my heart."

As Tim bid her good-bye and drove away, Kari realized it was true; she really did believe him. And with everything inside her 321 she prayed that his days of lying were over. Because after all she'd been through since summer she was sure of one thing.

If Tim Jacobs ever betrayed her trust again, it would kill her. Even if it took decades for her heart to stop beating.

Tears streamed down Tim's face as he drove toward his office. He clutched the steering wheel, furious with himself. He'd had the perfect opportunity to tell Kari, but he couldn't. It had been physically impossible-not with her spirit opening to his and sweet trust written boldly across her face.

He exhaled through clenched teeth. Now he'd have to wait until he got back home.

He'd rather drive off a cliff than look into Kari's beautiful eyes-eyes that believed in him again despite his affair-and tell her that Angela Manning was pregnant with his child. It was the worst possible situation he could imagine, and he had no idea how any of them were going to survive it.

He was racking his brain for possible solutions long after he reached his office and gathered up the stack of papers. He was about to leave when an idea struck him.

Maybe Angela was wrong about the pregnancy. Maybe she only suspected it and wanted his support just in case. Either way, suddenly he knew he didn't want Angela Manning in his office tomorrow at noon. He needed to get this over with tonight. He set the stack of papers down on his desk.

What if he wrote her a note telling her how committed he was to Kari? Then he could drop it by her apartment tonight, hand it to her, and tell her he had to go. He wouldn't even step inside. Just hand her the note, tell her Kari was expecting him, and leave. When he got home, he'd tell Kari the truth, and somehow they'd find a way to handle the situation.

The plan continued to take shape as he sat down, pulled out a sheet of paper, and scribbled a letter to Angela. Enough to tell 322 her he was sorry and yes, if she was pregnant, he was responsible. But no matter what else she might need from him, he could never again give her his heart.

Because whether or not she was pregnant, his heart belonged to his wife, where it should have been all along.

He tucked the note in his pants pocket, grabbed the stack of papers once more, and headed for his car. As he started the engine, he had the strongest impression that he should sc.r.a.p the plan and go home instead. That somehow G.o.d himself wanted him to avoid seeing Angela Manning that night at all costs.

Well, that feeling was probably because of the counselor's insistence that he stay away from Angela no matter what. Tim knew that was sound advice. But the reason for the rule was the danger of repeat affairs, and there wasn't even a remote danger of that tonight.

Seeing Angela now was merely his way of avoiding a public meeting with her and perhaps a scene.

Surely G.o.d wouldn't have a problem with that.

He turned onto her street, parked his car, and closed his eyes. Please, G.o.d, let Angela be wrong. But either way, please be with me. Slowly, moving like a man twice his age, Tim climbed out of the car and took the first steps toward his future. A future he desperately prayed did not involve Angela Manning and an illegitimate child.

Dirk Bennett pulled up in front of Angela's apartment and turned off the engine.

He saw no point in sitting outside. He clutched the ring box in his left hand, more determined than he'd ever been.

He opened the car door and made a motion to get out, but then he remembered the gun. The professor hadn't been around for weeks, months even. But what if he was here tonight? What 323 if after all of Dirk's plotting and planning and waiting for the perfect moment, Professor Jacobs was with Angela tonight?

Rabid anger flooded his being at the very possibility, and in a flurry of motion he grabbed his revolver from the pa.s.senger seat. Dirk's hands trembled at the thought of seeing the man and putting an end to the affair once and for all.