Realm Of Light Part 21

Again he frowned. "Why did she come here? How-"

"To rescue me," Elandra said, frowning back. "I told you that, Caelan E'non. Don't you care?"

"My name is not E'non," he interrupted sharply, a new tone in his voice that she hadn't heard before. "I will not wear that name. Better I go nameless, like a b.a.s.t.a.r.d, than carry that."

Her face went hot from an emotion other than pa.s.sion, and she stepped away from him as though burned.

He stared at her with his brows raised. Then sudden comprehension dawned in his eyes. "Forgive me. I meant no slur against you."

"Don't apologize," she said bitterly. "The facts of my birth are well known."

Consternation filled his face. He reached out to her, but she backed away. Her back was rigid; her hands were clenched at her sides.

"Please," he said. "Don't be angry at me. I spoke without thinking. The things I learned today about my own parentage ... no matter. I have no right to take my anger out on you. Truly, I am glad that you have been healed."

She stared at him, her eyes widening. "Are you saying your father isn't-that you aren't-"

Caelan's jaw clenched hard.

"I'm sorry," she said swiftly, trying to retreat. "I should not ask something so personal."

A wry expression crossed his face, and he gave her a twisted little smile. "At least your parents are human," he said bitterly. "At least your father could sire you without having to be enspelled. It seems I am something the Choven created in order to save the world."

Elandra's mouth fell open in astonishment. "The Choven!"

"Choven made, just like this sword," he said, touching the hilt with his fingertips.

"But you are human."

He shrugged. "I don't know what I am. I am not sure they know. If they do, they will not say."

"But-"

"At least it answers my questions about how I can do the things that I do."

She did not like the bleak tone in his voice. She did not like the way his face shut her out.

"Don't turn to granite, the way you do sometimes. Don't pretend it doesn't matter, when clearly it does. We have shared, remember?"

He didn't look at her. "That was before."

"And now?" she insisted, tugging at his sleeve to make him look at her. "Has your l.u.s.t cooled already?"

Her bold question turned his face scarlet. He would not meet her eyes. "We should never have shared. Had I known-"

"What is different now from before?" she demanded. "You have learned truths you do not like. Are you the only one? Is it easy to stand isolated and detached from everyone? Is it better to hurt others before they hurt you? You shared yourself with me. We can't ignore that, or forget it happened. Or can we? How could you do such a thing to me?"

"I didn't mean-" His face contorted, and he turned away. "You don't understand."

"Then make me understand. Don't shut me away from the truth."

His eyes met hers then, and they were filled with torment. "I have been told my future," he said hoa.r.s.ely. "I am afraid of it."

Her anger faded to compa.s.sion. She reached up to touch his cheek. He caught her hand and pressed his lips to it.

"I thought you didn't care-wouldn't care," he whispered. "You said-"

"I know what I said," she replied breathlessly. "I was a fool. But now I am free. I can admit what fills my heart."

He released her hand abruptly and stepped back. "Don't pity me."

"I don't-"

"Not human," he said bleakly, staring across the clearing at nothing. "Not anything-"

"Stop it!" she shouted. "This whining self-pity is not like you. What has unmanned you so?"

He shook his head, looking ashamed.

"Is your destiny worse than mine? Have you suffered more than I? Take hold of your blessings, not your regrets. Are we not alive? And together? Is that not a place to begin anew?"

He bowed his head. "Yes, you are right. But I have less than before to offer you."

"Do you think I care?"

There it was, her declaration thrown out in the open. She felt bolder than bra.s.s, afraid, but exhilarated too.

Caelan lifted his head and met her eyes. At once she felt as though she had been dipped in boiling water. She couldn't breathe properly. Her thoughts were spinning.

Somehow she managed to continue her argument, although his eyes and hers seemed to be speaking in a language of their own. "Name one blessing given to you," Elandra said sternly. "I have been saved from the darkness. That is one blessing for me. What about you?"

He swallowed, and she grew weak from watching the movement in his throat.

"Lea is alive," he said hoa.r.s.ely.

Astonishment filled Elandra, momentarily distracting her. "Alive! How is this possible? You said-"

"I know. I found her here." He bit his lip and seemed to struggle for words. "There is too much to explain. But she is well and safe. The Choven have cared for her all these years."

"The Choven again," Elandra said in wonder. "It is surely a miracle. Caelan, how wonderful. Where is she? May I meet her?"

He glanced at the snowcapped mountains towering above the forest. "She's up there."

"I want to meet her. Why didn't you bring her to me?"

His face clouded, and he shook his head. "It is not that simple."

More secrets. She crossed her arms impatiently. "Why not? Caelan, you really don't understand anything, do you?"

"No, I really don't," he retorted with equal heat. "I don't understand how my sister can live half in and half out of the spirit-world without being a spirit herself. I don't understand why she prefers the Choven and their ways to everyone else. I don't understand how she could reach into the realm of shadow with her will and bring us here to her the moment we stepped through the Gate of Sorrows. Do you understand? If you do, please explain it to me."

"Caelan-"

He strode away from her, head down, moving blind and fast.

Elandra hurried after him. "Wait. Caelan, I'm sorry. We are both too angry. We're hurting each other without meaning to. Please stop, and let us try again."

He halted, but kept his back to her. "What is there to try?" he asked wearily.

She frowned, feeling all sorts of emotions tangled inside her. Why did it have to be so hard? Why was he so hostile, so ready to turn away from her now that she at last wanted to turn to him?

"Perhaps we can try to be friends," she said cautiously.

He snorted and swung around. "Friends?" he said.

She suddenly felt like a fool.

"I have a long journey," he said, scowling at the ground. "I had best get started."

Alarmed, she stared at him. Already she saw farewell in his eyes. Her heart turned to stone.

"And me?" she asked quietly. "Will you leave me behind, as once you left your sister?"

Pain flashed through his face. "That is not fair."

"You are not fair!" she retorted. "Why are you hurting me like this? What have I done, to make you turn against me?"

"Elandra," he said bleakly, "I face a task you cannot share. Here." He drew his sword and held it out to her, hilt first. "Take it. Hold it a moment."

"No," she said.

"Take it. Swing it. Show me your technique."

Her eyes were stinging. "Cruelty doesn't become you."

He slid the sword back into its scabbard. "Enough of this foolishness. You cannot ride into war. No matter how much you care about the throne, you-"

"You need me," she insisted. "I have as much right to go as you."

"And what will you do? Fight?"

"You'll get no troops without me," she said angrily. "You can't raise an army on your own, and you know it. Besides, I don't have to ride into battle. I can stay out of harm's way."

"You will be safer here with my sister and the Choven."

"Will I?" she snapped. "What do you know about it? Has my future been revealed to you? Do you know what my destiny is? Do you?"

"I am supposed to break the world!" he shouted. "Is that an ordinary battle? Is that any place for you to be? I don't expect to come back. At least give me the consolation of knowing you're safe."

"Safe?" she echoed. "This isn't about staying safe. We weren't intended to fold our hands and hide from events, neither of us. If you are to break the world, I am to reap its tears. What have you to say to that? Does that sound like I am to stay home and spin wool?"

They glared at each other, breathing hard, both furious, and then she realized how ridiculous it was to be standing in a snow-filled ditch, nose to nose and yelling about their destinies like two children trying to outdo each other with boasts.

She snorted, trembling, and pressed her hands to her lips.

A corner of his mouth twitched.

They stepped back from each other, breathing hard in the silence. Then their eyes met, and they smiled at the same time.

Elandra drew a swift breath that became laughter. "How silly we are. What are we arguing about?"

He beat on his chest and struck a foolish pose. "I shall conquer the world."

She imitated him. "And I shall do it better!"

They laughed harder; then he reached out, and she ran to his arms. She wanted to go on laughing forever like this with him, yet she felt close to tears also, for how near they had come to ruining everything. Relief spread over her, and she clung more tightly to him.

"We are fools," he said, kissing her hair. "We would fight about the air if it served our purpose."

She felt suddenly as though she could not breathe. This was the moment. It felt as though time had stopped around them. "Caelan," she said very softly, refusing to look up into his eyes in case he refused her. "It grows late, too late to travel. Traulanders are afraid of the dark-"

"We are not not afraid of the dark," he corrected her with mock sternness. "We are afraid of wind spirits. That is only sensible." afraid of the dark," he corrected her with mock sternness. "We are afraid of wind spirits. That is only sensible."

"Then the wind is certainly brisk," she said shyly. "It is cold and late. Soon it will be dark. Let us go to the cave together."

He said nothing, and her heart fell to her slippers. She dared peek up at him and saw him frowning, saw the battle of hope, disbelief, and acute longing in his face. That gave her courage.

Reaching up, she caressed his cheek with her hand. "Let us go to the cave," she said, her voice low and throaty. "Let us have tonight before we face our future."

Part Three

Chapter Fourteen.

Dawn came too soon.

Elandra wakened slowly, stretching beneath the warm fur cloak that had served as their coverlet. Her bed was made of thick pine boughs, with Caelan's tattered red cloak spread across them. They had spent the night in the innermost cavern, where hundreds of emeralds embedded in the ice walls glittered around them like stars. A fire that needed no replenishing had burned nearby all night. Food, steaming hot, had been waiting for them.

She could smell fresh platter cakes now, making her ravenous. Truly this was a special, magical place. She was not ready to leave so soon.

But Caelan was already out of bed. Quietly he was dressing with his back to her. She rolled onto one elbow and watched him, loving the gleam of firelight on his sun-bronzed skin, the smooth ripple of muscle and sinew, the k.n.o.bby ridge of vertebrae up his spine as he bent over to pull on his leggings. Thinking of the night and its mysteries, she felt herself blushing, but she didn't care. She was wildly, gloriously happy. Caelan had been both ardent and gentle, a combination that had led her quickly past shyness into pa.s.sion. In exchange, she had drawn on the dances of pleasure that had been taught to her during her time with the Penestricans. She had been both wanton and innocent, and even now as she dreamed of all that they had shared, she felt her pulse quickening and a sensual little smile curving her lips.