Real Life In London Part 11

"I am obliged to you, my friend," said I, "for this piece of information, and in order that you may understand something of the person you are speaking to beyond the mere exterior view, here is half-a-crown for your communication."

"Why, Sir," said he, laying on at the same moment a shovel of coals, "this here makes out what I said--Don't you see, said I, that 'are Gentleman is a gentleman every inch of him, says I--as don't want nothing at all no more nor what is right, and if so be as how he's got himself in a bit of a hobble, I knows very well as how he's got the tip{2} in his pocket, and does'nt want for spirit to pull it out--Perhaps you might like some breakfast, sir?"

1 Turn in--Going to bed. This is a term most in use among seafaring men.

2 Tip is synonymous with blunt, and means money.

~95~~"Why yes," said I--for I began to feel a little inclined that way.

"O my wife, Sir," said he, "will do all you want, when she rouses herself."

"I suppose," continued I, "you frequently have occasion to accommodate persons in similar situations?"

"Lord bless you! yes, sir, and a strange set of rum customers we have too sometimes--why it was but a few nights ago we had 'em stowed here as thick as three in a bed. We had 'em all upon the _hop_{1}--you never see'd such fun in all your life, and this here place was as full of curiosities as Pidc.o.c.k's at Exeter Change, or Bartlemy-fair--Show 'em up here, all alive alive O!"

"Indeed!" said I, feeling a little inquisitive on the subject; "and how did this happen?"

"Why it was a _rummish_ piece of business altogether. There was a large party of dancing fashionables all met together for a little jig in St.

Martin's lane, and a very pretty medley there was of them. The fiddlers wagg'd their elbows, and the lads and la.s.ses their trotters, till about one o'clock, when, just as they were in the midst of a quadrille, in burst the officers, and quickly changed the tune. The appearance of these gentlemen had an instantaneous effect upon all parties present: the cause of their visit was explained, and the whole squad taken into custody, to give an account of themselves, and was brought here in hackney-coaches. The delicate Miss and her a.s.siduous partner, who, a short time before had been all spirits and animation, were now sunk in gloomy reflections upon the awkwardness of their situation; and many of our inhabitants would have fainted when they were informed they would have to appear before the Magistrate in the morning, but for the well-timed introduction of a little drap of the _cratur_, which an Irish lady ax'd me to fetch for her. But the best of the fun was, that in the group we had a Lord and a Parson! For the dignity of the one, and the honour of the other, they were admitted to bail--Lord have mercy upon us! said the Parson--Amen, said the Lord; and this had the desired effect upon the Constable of the night, for he let them off on the sly, you understand: But my eyes what work there was in the morning! sixteen Jarveys, full of live lumber,

1 Hop--A dance.

~96~~were taken to Bow-street, in a nice pickle you may be sure, dancing-pumps and silk-stockings, after setting in the watch-house all night, and surrounded by lots of people that hooted and howled, as the procession pa.s.sed along, in good style. They were safely landed at the Brown Bear, from which they were handed over in groups to be examined by the Magistrate, when the men were discharged upon giving satisfactory accounts, and the women after some questions being put to them. You see all this took place because they were dancing in an unlicensed room. It was altogether a laughable set-out as ever you see'd--the Dandys and the Dandyzettes--the Exquisites--the Shopmen--the Ladies' maid and the Prentice Boys--my Lord and his Reverence--mingled up higgledy-piggledy, pigs in the straw, with Bow-street Officers, Runners and Watchmen--Ladies squalling and fainting, Men swearing and almost fighting. It would have been a pleasure to have kick'd up a row that night, a purpose to get admission--you would have been highly amused, I'll a.s.sure you--good morning, Sir." And thus saying, he turned the lock upon me, and left me to my meditations. In about a couple of hours the old woman made her appearance, and prepared me some coffee; and at eleven o'clock came the Constable of the night, to accompany me before the Magistrate.

"Aware that the circ.u.mstances were rather against me, and that I had no right to interfere in other persons' business or quarrels, I consulted him upon the best mode of making up the matter; for although I had really done no more than becomes a man in protecting a female, I had certainly infringed upon the law, in effecting the escape of a person in custody, and consequently was liable to the penalty or penalties in such cases made and provided. On our arrival at the Brown Bear, I was met by a genteel-looking man, who delivered me a letter, and immediately disappeared. Upon breaking the seal, I found its contents as follows:

Dear Sir, Although unknown to me, I have learned enough of your character to p.r.o.nounce you a trump, a prime c.o.c.k, and nothing but a good one. I am detained by John Doe and Richard Roe with their d----d _fieri facias_, or I should be with you. However, I trust you will excuse the liberty I take in requesting you will make use of the enclosed for the purpose of shaking yourself out of the ~97~~hands of the scouts and their pals. We shall have some opportunities of meeting, when I will explain: in the mean time, believe me I am

Your's truly,

Tom.

"With this advice, so consonant with my own opinion, I immediately complied; and having satisfied the broken-headed Charley, and paid all expences incurred, I was induced to walk into the office merely to give a look around me, when by a lucky chance I saw you enter. And thus you have a full, true, and particular account of the peregrinations of your humble servant."

Listening with close attention to this narrative of Sparkle's, all other subjects had escaped observation, till they found themselves in the Strand.

"Whither are we bound?" inquired Sparkle.

"On a voyage of discoveries," replied Dashall, "and we just wanted you to act as pilot."

"What place is this?" inquired Bob.

"That," continued Sparkle, "is Somerset-house. It is a fine old building; it stands on the banks of the Thames, raised on piers and arches, and is now appropriated to various public offices, and houses belonging to the various offices of the Government."

"The terrace, which lies on the river, is very fine, and may be well viewed from Waterloo Bridge. The front in the Strand, you perceive, has a n.o.ble aspect, being composed of a rustic bas.e.m.e.nt, supporting a Corinthian order of columns crowned with an attic in the centre, and at the extremities with a bal.u.s.trade. The south front, which looks into the court, is very elegant in its composition.

"The bas.e.m.e.nt consists of nine large arches; and three in the centre open, forming the princ.i.p.al entrance; and three at each end, filled with windows of the Doric order, are adorned with pilasters, entablatures, and pediments. On the key-stones of the nine arches are carved, in alto relievo, nine colossal masks, representing the Ocean, and the eight main Rivers of England, viz. _Thames, Humber, Mersey, Dee, Medway, Tweed, Tyne, and Severn_, with appropriate emblems to denote their various characters.

"Over the bas.e.m.e.nt the Corinthian order consists of ten columns upon pedestals, having their regular entablature. It comprehends two floors, and the attic in the centre of the front extends over three intercolomniations, and is divided into three parts by four colossal statues placed on ~98~~the columns of the order. It terminates with a group consisting of the arms of the British empire, supported on one side by the Genius of England, and by Fame, sounding the trumpet, on the other. These three open arches in the front form the princ.i.p.al entrance to the whole of the structure, and lead to an elegant vestibule decorated with Doric columns.

"The terrace, which fronts the Thames, is s.p.a.cious, and commands a beautiful view of part of the river, including Blackfriars, Waterloo, and Westminster Bridges. It is reared on a grand rustic bas.e.m.e.nt, having thirty-two s.p.a.cious arches. The arcade thus formed is judiciously relieved by projections ornamented with rusticated columns, and the effect of the whole of the terrace from the water is truly grand and n.o.ble. There is however, at present, no admission for the public to it; but, in all probability, it will be open to all when the edifice is completed, which would form one of the finest promenades in the world, and prove to be one of the first luxuries of the metropolis.

"That statue in the centre is a representation of our late King, George the Third, with the Thames at his feet, pouring wealth and plenty from a large Cornucopia. It is executed by Bacon, and has his characteristic cast of expression. It is in a most ludicrous situation, being placed behind, and on the brink of a deep area.

"In the vestibule are the rooms of the Royal Society, the Society of Antiquarians, and the Royal Academy of Arts, all in a very grand and beautiful style. Over the door of the Royal Academy is a bust of Michael Angelo; and over the door leading to the Royal Society and Society of Antiquarians, you will find the bust of Sir Isaac Newton.

"The Government-offices, to which this building is devoted, are objects of great astonishment to strangers, being at once commodious and elegant, and worthy the wealth of the nation to which they belong. The hall of the Navy office is a fine room with two fronts, one facing the terrace and river, and the other facing the court. On the right is the Stamp-office: it consists of a mult.i.tude of apartments: the room in which the stamping is executed is very interesting to the curious. On the left you see the Pay-office of the Navy.

"The princ.i.p.al thing to attract notice in this edifice is 99~~the solidity and completeness of the workmanship in the masonry, and indeed in every other part."

After taking a rather prolonged view of this elegant edifice, they again sallied forth into the Strand, mingling with all the noise and bustle of a crowded street, where by turns were to be discovered, justling each other, parsons, lawyers, apothecaries, projectors, excis.e.m.e.n, organists, picture-sellers, bear and monkey-leaders, fiddlers and bailiffs. The barber and the chimney-sweeper were however always observed to be careful in avoiding the touch of each other, as if contamination must be the inevitable consequence.

"My dear fellow!" exclaimed a tall and well-dressed person, who dragged the Honourable Tom Dashall on one side--"you are the very person I wanted--I'm very glad to see you in town again--but I have not a moment to spare--the blood-hounds are in pursuit--this term will be ended in two days, then comes the long vacation--liberty without hiring a horse--you understand--was devilishly afraid of being nabb'd just now--should have been dished if I had--lend me five shillings--come, make haste."

"Five shillings, Diddler, when am I to be paid? you remember--' When I grow rich' was the reply."

"Know--yes, I know all about it--but no matter, I'm not going to settle accounts just now, so don't detain me, I hate Debtor and Creditor.

Fine sport to-morrow, eh--shall be at the Ring--in cog.--take no notice--disguised as a Quaker--Obadiah Lankloaks--d----d large beaver hat, and hide my physog.--Lend me what silver you have, and be quick about it, for I can't stay--thank you, you're a d----a good fellow, Tom, a trump--shall now pop into a hack, and drive into another county--thank ye--good day--by by."

During this harangue, while Tost was counting his silver, the ingenious Mr. Diddler seized all he had, and whipping it speedily into his pocket, in a few minutes was out of his sight.

Sparkle observing Dashall looking earnestly after Diddler, approached, and giving him a l.u.s.ty slap on the shoulder--"Ha! ha! ha!" exclaimed he, "what are you done again?"

"I suppose so," said Dashall; "confound the fellow, he is always borrowing: I never met him in my life but ~100~~he had some immediate necessity or other to require a loan of a little temporary supply, as he calls it."

"I wonder," said Sparkle, "that you are so ready to lend, after such frequent experience--how much does he owe you?"

"Heaven only knows," continued Tom, "for I do not keep account against him, I must even trust to his honour--so it is useless to stand here losing our time--Come, let us forward."

"With all my heart,", said Sparkle, "and with permission I propose a visit to the Bona.s.sus, a peep at St. Paul's, and a chop at Dolly's."

This proposition being highly approved of, they continued their walk along the Strand, towards Temple Bar, and in a few minutes were attracted by the appearance of men dressed in the garb of the Yeomen of the Guards, who appeared active in the distribution of hand-bills, and surrounded a house on the front of which appeared a long string of high and distinguished names, as patrons and patronesses of the celebrated animal called the Bona.s.sus. Crossing the road in their approach to the door, Tallyho could not help admiring the simple elegance of a shop-front belonging to a grocer, whose name is Peck.

"Very handsome and tasty, indeed," replied Sparkle; "that combination of marble and bra.s.s has a light and elegant effect: it has no appearance of being laboured at. The inhabitant of the house I believe is a foreigner, I think an Italian; but London boasts of some of the most elegant shops in the world." And by this time they entered the opposite house.

CHAPTER IX

"In London my life is a ring of delight, In frolics I keep up the day and the night; I snooze at the Hummums till twelve, perhaps later, I rattle the bell, and I roar up the Waiter; 'Your Honour,' says he, and he makes me a leg; He brings me my tea, but I swallow an egg; For tea in a morning's a slop I renounce, So I down with a gla.s.s of good right cherry-bounce.

With--swearing, tearing--ranting, jaunting--slashing, smashing--smacking, cracking--rumbling, tumbling --laughing, quaffing--smoking, joking--swaggering, Staggering: So thoughtless, so knowing, so green and so mellow, This, this is the life of a frolicsome fellow."

~101~~UPON entering the house, and depositing their shilling each to view this newly discovered animal from the Apalachian mountains of America, and being supplied with immense long bills descriptive of his form and powers--"Come along (said Sparkle,) let us have a look at the most wonderful production of nature--only seventeen months old, five feet ten inches high, and one of the most fashionable fellows in the metropolis."

"It should seem so," said Tallyho, "by the long list of friends and visitors that are detailed in the commencement of the bill of fare."

"Perhaps," said Tom, "there are more Bon a.s.ses than one."