Rattlin the Reefer Part 45

At this instant, the steward rushed in, partly dressed, crying out, "Sir Reginald, Sir Reginald, the constables and the magistrates have broken down the hall-door, and are now coming upstairs, to arrest the housebreakers--they have packed up all the plate, and it lies in the hall, ready to be carried off?"

"My G.o.d! It is too late," said Sir Reginald, wringing his hands.

"No," said I; "let him escape by the window. Be so good, sir," said I to the priest, "to secure the door--we shall gain time. Hold it as long as you can against all intruders. The scaffolding will enable the culprit to reach the ground with comparatively little danger."

The priest obeyed; and not only fastened the door, but also barricaded it with furniture.

"Now, Pigtop," said I, "if you wish to preserve my friendship, a.s.sist this poor wretch to escape--he is paralysed with his abject fears.

Come, sir," addressing Joshua, "you will certainly be hung if you don't exert yourself."

"He'll be hung yet," said Pigtop sulkily. "But I am an old sailor, and will obey orders--nevertheless, I know that I shall live to see him hung. Come along, sirrah!"

Between us, we led him to the window. We then thrust him out, and he stood shivering upon the cross-boarding of the scaffolding level with the window-sills.

"Slide down the poles, and run," said I--and Pigtop together.

"I can't," said he, shuddering; "the chasm is awfully deep."

"You must, or die the death of the felon."

"Oh, what shall I do!"

"Cast off the lashing just above you," said Pigtop; "pa.s.s it over the crosspiece over your head, make a running noose, put it under your arms, and keep the other end of the rope in your hand. You may either cling to the pole with your legs as you like, or not--for then you can lower yourself down at your ease, as comfortably as if you were taking a nap."

"Come away, Pigtop--shut the window, close the shutters--the constables are upon us!" I exclaimed. This was done immediately, and thus was the immaculate Joshua shut out from all view. As the attacks on the door of the apartment became more energetic, and we concluded that Joshua was now safe, we were going to give the authorities entrance, when we heard a dreadful crash on the outside of the window.

"The lubber's gone by the run, by G.o.d!" said Pigtop; "he'll escape hanging, after all!"

"Let us hope in mercy not," said Sir Reginald, shuddering. "I trust it is not so. I hear no scream, no shriek. I am sure, by the sound, that it was the toppling down of the boards; he has most likely displaced some of them in his descent."

"Shall we admit, Sir Reginald, the people who are thundering at the door?"

"Not yet: let there be no appearance of disorder--remove these"-- pointing to the small altar and crucifix--"and would it not be as well, my friend, to divest yourself of those holy vestments? they are irritating to heretical eyes. a.s.sist me, sir, to my chair."

I placed him respectfully nearly in the position in which I first discovered him. All vestiges of the Catholic religion were carefully removed, and the door, at last, thrown open. The crowd entered.

Hurried explanations ensued; but we could not conceal from the magistrate that a robbery had been planned and nearly effected, and that the real culprits, for whom, at first, Pigtop and I had been mistaken, had escaped.

At length, the master of the inn suggested that perhaps they had pa.s.sed out of the window, and might be still upon the boarding or the scaffolding. The shutters were hastily thrown open--and, sight of horrors! Joshua Daunton was discovered hanging by the neck--dead! Sir Reginald gazed for some moments in speechless terror on the horrible spectacle, and then fell back in a death-like swoon.

The body was brought in, and every attempt at resuscitation was useless.

He had died, and was judged; may he have found pardon! Some thought that he had hung himself intentionally, so completely had the noose clasped his neck; others, among whom were Pigtop, thought differently.

The old sailor was of opinion, from the broken boards that had given way beneath his feet, that, when he had got the noose below his chin, and no lower, his footing or the scaffolding had failed him; and that, letting go the other end of the rope, it had taken a half hitch, and thus jammed upon the cross-pole. However the operation was brought about, he was exceeding well hung, and the drop represented to perfection. As Pigtop had prophesied, the post-chaise in the shrubbery was turned into a hea.r.s.e, in order to convey his body to the inn for the coroner's inquest.

"I knew I should live to see him hung," said Pigtop, doggedly, as he bade me good-night, when we both turned into our respective rooms for the night, in the house of my father.

Contrary to all expectations, the shock, instead of destroying, seemed to have the effect of causing Sir Reginald to rally. He lived for six months after, became fully satisfied of my ident.i.ty; and just as he was beginning to taste of happiness in the duty and affection of his son, he died, having first taken every legal precaution to secure me the quiet possession of my large inheritance.

My grief at his decease was neither violent nor prolonged. After his burial, I was on the point of repairing the old mansion, when I found myself involved in three lawsuits, which challenged my right to it all.

I soon came to a determination as to my plan of action. I paid off all the establishment; and, having got hold again of my foster-father and mother, Mr and Mrs Brandon, I rebuilt the lodge for them comfortably, and there I located them. I shut up the whole of the Hall, except a small sitting-room, and two bedrooms, for Pigtop and myself; and thus we led the lives of recluses, having no other attendants than the Brandons.

By these means I was enabled to reserve all my rents for carrying on my lawsuits, without at all impairing the estate. In eighteen years, I thank G.o.d, I ruined my three opponents, and they all died in beggary.

The year after I came into undisputed possession of my estates, the next heir got a writ issued against me of "_de inquirendo lunatico_," on the ground of the strange and unworthy manner that I, as a baronet with an immense estate, had lived for those last eighteen years. I told my reasons most candidly to the jury, and they found me to be the most sensible man that they had ever heard of, placed in a similar position.

After having thus speedily settled these little matters, as I was fast approaching my fortieth year, I began to alter my style, and live in a manner more befitting my rank and revenues; yet I still held much aloof from all intimacy with my neighbours.

I am now in my forty-first year, and grown corpulent. It is now twenty-one years since I saw my unfortunate parent interred, and I walk about my domains Sir Ralphed to my heart's content--or, more properly speaking, discontent. Old Pigtop is a fixture, for he has now really become old. I cannot call him my friend, for I must venerate him to whom I give that t.i.tle, and veneration, or even esteem, Pigtop was never born to inspire. My humble companion he is not, for no person in his deportment towards me can be less humble than he. He is as quarrelsome as a lady's lapdog, and seems never so happy as when he has effectually thwarted my intentions. Prince Hal said of the jolly wine-bibber, Jack, that "he could have better spared a better man!" Of Pigtop I am compelled to say more--"I could not spare him at all." He has become necessary to me. He was never very handsome; but now, in his sixty-second year, he is a perfect fright; so, at least, everybody tells me, for I don't see it myself.

His duties about my person seem to be continually healthily irritant; the most important one of which is, to keep me a bachelor, and scare away all womankind from Rathelin Hall. He controls my servants, and helps me to spoil them. Such a set of heavy, bloated, good-for-nothing, impudent, and happy dogs, never before fed upon a baronet's substance, contradicted him to his very face, and fought for him behind his back.

The females in my establishment bear but a most n.i.g.g.ardly proportion to the males--in the ratio of Falstaff, one pennyworth of bread to his many gallons of sack: and these few are the most hideous, pox-marked, blear-eyed damsels that the country could produce--all Pigtop's doing.

Never shall I forget the consternation, the blank dismay of his countenance, when, one fine, sunshiny morning, I announced to him my intention of installing in the mansion some respectable middle-aged gentlewoman as my housekeeper. It was some time before he could find his speech.

"Blood and thunder! bombs and fury! what have I done, that you should turn me out of your house in my grey hairs--now I'm dismantled, as it were, and laid up in ordinary?"

"Turn you out, Piggy! what could put that in your foolish noddle?"

"If madam comes in, I cut my cable, and pay off Rathelin Hall right abaft--even if I die in a ditch, and am buried by the parish. Take a housekeeper!--oh Lord! oh Lord! oh Lord! I would just as soon see you married, or in your coffin."

"But some such a person is absolutely necessary in an establishment of this extent; so a housekeeper I'll have, of some sort."

"Why the devil need it be a woman, then? why won't a man do--why won't I do?"

"You?"

"Yes, me--Andrew Pigtop. I ask the appointment--do, there's a good Sir Ralph, make it out directly. Clap your signature to it, and let it run as much like a commission as possible. I ask it as a favour. You know the great sacrifices that I have made for you."

"The first time I ever heard of them, upon my honour. Pray enlighten me."

"Why, you must be convinced, Sir Ralph, if I had not left the navy to attend you all the world over, as the pilot-fish sticks to the shark, I should, by this time, have been an old post-captain, and very likely C.B. into the bargain."

"You, who remained one quarter of a century a master's-mate during an active war, should rush up through the grades of lieutenant and commander to be posted during another quarter of profound peace! But, perhaps, you would have depended upon your great family interest. Well, if I make out your commission as my housekeeper, will you do the duties of the office?"

"On course."

"And wear the uniform?"

"On course, if so be it be such as a man might wear; I bar petticoats and mob-caps, and female thingamies."

"Will you carry the keys?"

"On course."

"And see that the rooms and the pa.s.sages are well swept, and that the maids are up betimes in the morning?"

"d.a.m.n them!--on course--certainly."

"And, when Lady Aurelia Cosway and her five beautiful daughters drive up to the door, will you go and receive them in the ball; and, making them a profound curtsey, beg to conduct them into a dressing-room?"