Rattlin the Reefer Part 10

"I am afraid," said I, "we must dig him up like a dead tree, or an old post."

"It is, I believe, the only way," said the tutor, despondingly; "I was relieved once that way before in the bog of Ballynawashy."

"O, then you are from Ireland after all," said the lady.

"Only on a visit, madam!" said the baited fixture, with much asperity.

"But really," said she, "if I may judge from the present occasion, you must have made a _long stay_."

"I hope he won't take cold in his feet," said a very silly, blubber-lipped boy.

His instructor looked hot with pa.s.sion.

"But really, now I think of it," chimed in the now enraptured widow, "a very serious alarm has seized me. Suppose that the piece of wood, so nicely planted in this damp clay, were to take root and throw out fibres. Gracious me! only suppose that you should begin to vegetate. I do declare that you look quite _green_ about the eyes already!"

"Mercy me!" whispered the wag, "if he should grow up, he'll certainly turn to a _plane_ tree; for really, he is a very plain man."

The wielder of the ruler gave a tremendous wriggle with the whole body, which proved as ineffectual as it was violent.

"But don't you think, Ralph," said his tormentor, "as the evening is drawing in, that something should be done for the poor gentleman; he will most certainly take cold if he remain here all night; couldn't you and your school-fellows contrive to build a sort of hut over him? I am sure I should be very happy to help to carry the boughs--if the man won't go to the house, the house must go to the man."

"What a fine c.o.c.k-shy he would make!" said Master Blubberlips.

"O, I should so like to see it," said the lady. "It will be the first time he has been made _shy_ in his life."

He was certainly like an Indian bound to the stake, and made to suffer mental torture--but he did not bear it with an Indian's equanimity. As a few stragglers had been drawn to the funny scene, and more might be expected, I, and I only, of all the spectators, began to feel some pity for him; the more especially, as I heard a stout, grinning chaw-bacon say to the baker's boy of the village, who asked him what was the matter, "Whoy, Jim, it ben't nothink less than Frenchman's usherman, ha'

drawn all Thickenham common on his'n left leg for a stocking loike."

"Come," thought I, "it's quite time, after that, for the honour of the academy, to beat a retreat, or we shall be beaten hollow by this heavy-shod clodpole. Mr Riprapton," said I, "I don't bear you any malice--but I recollect my wager. If I extricate you out of the difficulty, will you own that I have won it?"

"Gladly," said he, very sorrowfully.

"Come here, my lads, out knives and cut away the turf." We soon removed the earth as far down as to where the hole of the wooden leg joined to the shank. "Now, my lads," said I, "we must unscrew him." Round and round we twirled him, his outstretched living leg forming as pretty a fairy-ring on the green sod, with its circ.u.mgyrations, as can be imagined. At last, after having had a very tolerable foretaste of the pillory, we fairly unscrewed him, and he was once more disengaged from his partial burial-place. I certainly cannot say that he received our congratulations with the grace of a Chesterfield, but he begged us to continue our exertions to recover for him his shank, or otherwise he would have to follow Petruchio's orders to the tailor--to "hop me over every kennel home." For the sake of the quotation, we agreed to a.s.sist; and, as many of us catching hold of it as could find a grip, we tugged, and tugged, and tugged. Still the stiff clay did not seem at all inclined to relinquish the prize it had so fairly won. At length, by one tremendous and simultaneous effort, we plucked it forth; but, in doing so, those who retained the trophy in their hands were flung flat on their backs, whilst the newly-gained leg pointed upwards to the zenith. Having first wiped a little of the deep yellow adhesion away from it, we joined the various parts of the man together; and, he taking singular care to avoid those spots where rushes grew, we all reached our home, with one exception, in the highest glee--as to the two wagers, he behaved like a gentleman, and _acknowledged_ the debt--which was a great deal more than I ever expected.

After having worked some fifty problems out of Hamilton Moore, of blessed memory, and having drawn an infinity of triangles with all possible degrees of incidence, with very neat little ships, now upon the base, now upon the hypothenuse, and now upon the perpendicular, my erudite usher p.r.o.nounced me to be a perfect master of the n.o.ble science of navigation in all its branches, for the which he glorified himself exceedingly. As I had made many friends, there was no difficulty in procuring for me a ship, and I was to have joined the _Sappho_, a first-cla.s.s brig of war, as soon as she arrived, and she was expected almost immediately. However, as at that particular time we were relieving the Danes from the onerous care of their navy, the sloop was sent, directly she arrived, to a.s.sist in the amiable action.

Having many who interested themselves about me, some apparent and others hidden, a ship was soon found for me, but by what chain of recommendation I could never unravel. As far as the ship was concerned, I certainly had nothing to complain of. She was a fine frigate, and every way worthy to career over the ocean, that was, at that time, almost completely an English dominion. The usual quant.i.ty of hopes and wishes were expressed, and my final leave was taken of all my village friends. Mr R enjoined me to correspond with him on every opportunity, gave me his blessing, and some urgent advice to eschew poetry, and prophesied that he should live to see me posted. There was nothing outwardly very remarkable in the manner of Mrs Cherfeuil on the eve of my departure. I went to bed a school-boy, and was to rise next morning an officer--that is to say, I was to mount my uniform for the first time. I believe that I was already on the ship's books; for at the time of which I am writing, the clerk of the cheque was not so very frequent in his visits, and not so particular when he visited, as he is at present. Notwithstanding the important change that was about to take place in everything connected with myself, I did sleep that night, though I often awoke,--there was a female hovering round my bed almost the whole of the night.

CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN.

RALPH COMMENCES HIS PUBLIC CAREER BY ACCEPTING AN IOU, HE HARDLY KNOWS WHY--HE FINDS HIS FUTURE CAPTAIN BASED ON A BOTTLE--HE IS NOT TAKEN BY THE HAND.

So ignorant were those few, on whom devolved my fitting out, of what my station required, that I had made for me three suits of uniform, all of which had the lion upon the b.u.t.tons instead of the anchor, and from which the weekly account was absent. My transmission from school to town was by the stage; at town I was told to call on a lawyer in the King's Bench Walk, in the Temple, who furnished me with twenty pounds, and a letter for my future captain, telling me I might draw upon him for a yearly sum, which was more than double the amount I ought to have been entrusted with; then coldly wishing me success, he recommended me to go down that evening by the mail, and join my ship immediately, and wished me a good morning.

I certainly was a little astonished at my sudden isolation in the midst of a vast city. I felt that, from that moment, I must commence man. I knew several persons in London, parents of my schoolfellows, but I was too proud to parade my pride before them, for I felt, at the same time, ashamed of wearing ostentatiously, whilst I gloried in, my uniform.

I dined at the inn where I alighted on coming to town, called for what I wanted in a humble semi-tone, said "If you please, sir," to the waiter; paid my bill without giving him a gratuity, for fear of giving him offence; took my place in the mail, and got down without accident to Chatham, and slept at the house where the coach stopped. On account of my hybrid uniform, and my a.s.serting myself of the navy, the people of the establishment knew not what to make of me. I wished to deliver my credentials immediately; but my considerate landlord advised me to take time to think about it--and dinner. I followed his advice.

It is uncertain how long I should have remained in this uncertainty, had not a brother midshipman, in the coffee-room, accosted me, and kindly helped me out with my pint of port, which I thought I showed my manliness in calling for. He did not roast me very unmercifully, but what he spared in gibes he made up in drinking. I abstained with a great deal of firmness from following his example: he warmly praised my abstinence, I suppose with much sincerity, as it certainly appeared to be a virtue which he was incapable of practising. About seven o'clock my ready-made friend began to be more minute in his inquiries. I showed him my introductory letter, and he told me directly at what hotel the captain was established, and enforced upon me the necessity of immediately waiting upon him; telling me I might think myself extremely lucky in having had to entertain only one officer, when so many thirsty and penniless ones were cruising about to sponge on the Johnny Raws.

For himself, he said he was a man of honour, quite a gentleman, and insisted upon paying his share of the two bottles of port consumed, of which I certainly had not drunk more than four gla.s.ses. Secretly praising my man of honour for his disinterestedness, for I had asked him to take a gla.s.s of wine, which he had read as a couple of bottles, I ordered my bill, among the items of which stood conspicuously forth, "Two bottles of old crusted port, fourteen shillings."

"d.a.m.ned imposition!" said my hitherto anonymous friend. "Of all vices, I abominate imposition the most. I shall pay for all this wine myself.

Here, wai-_terre_, pen and ink. Banking hours are over now; I have nothing but a fifty pound bill about me. However, you shall have my IOU. You see that I have made it out for one pound--you'll just hand me the difference, six shillings. Your name, I think you said, was Rattlin--Ralph Rattlin. A good name, a very good purser's name indeed.

There, Mr Rattlin, you have only to present that piece of paper when you get on board to the head swab washer, and he'll give you either cash for it, or slops."

I gave the gentleman who so much abhorred imposition six shillings in return for his paper, which contained these words:

"I owe you twenty shillings. Josiah Cheeks, Major-General of the Horse Marines, of his Majesty's ship, the _Merry Dun_, of Dover.--To Mr Ralph Rattlin."

I carefully placed this precious doc.u.ment in my pocketbook, among my one-pound notes, at that time the princ.i.p.al currency of the country; yet could not help thinking that my friend cast an awfully hungry eye at the pieces of paper. He had already commenced a very elaborate speech prefatory to the request of a loan, when I cut him short, by telling him that I had promised my G.o.d-mamma not to lend anyone a single penny until I had been on board my ship six months, which was really the case. He commended my sense of duty; and said it was of no manner of consequence, as next morning he should be in possession of more than he should have occasion for, and then a five or a ten-pound note would be at my service. After vainly endeavouring to seduce me to the theatre, he made a virtue of my obstinacy, and taking me by the arm, showed me to the door of the hotel, where Captain Reud, of H.M.S. _Eos_ was located.

I was announced, and immediately ushered into a room where I saw a sallow-visaged, compact, well-made little man, apparently not older than two or three-and-twenty, sitting in the middle of the room, upon a black quart bottle, the neck of which was on the floor, and the bottom forming the uneasy and unstable seat. Without paying much attention to me, every now and then he would give himself an impetus, and flinging out his arms, spin round like a turnstile. It certainly was very amusing, and, no doubt so thought his companion, a fine, manly, handsome-looking fellow, of thirty-five or thirty-eight, by his long-continued and vociferous applause. The little spinner was habited in a plain but handsome uniform, with one gold epaulet on his right shoulder, whilst the delighted approver had a coat splendid with broad white kerseymere facings.

I could observe that both parties were deeply immersed in the many-coloured delirium of much drink. I looked first at one, then at the other, undecided as to which of the two was my captain. However, I could not augur ill of one who laughed so heartily, nor of the other, who seemed so happy in making himself a teetotum. Taking advantage of a pause in this singular exhibition, I delivered my credentials to the former and more imposing-looking of the two, who immediately handed them over to Captain Reud. I was graciously received, a few questions of courtesy asked, and a gla.s.s of wine poured out for me.

My presence was soon totally disregarded, and my captain and his first-lieutenant began conversing on all manner of subjects, in a jargon to me entirely incomprehensible. The decanter flew across and across the table with wonderful rapidity, and the flow of a.s.sertion increased with the captain, and that of a.s.sentation with his lieutenant. At length, the little man with the epaulet commenced a very prurient tale.

Mr Farmer cast a look full of meaning upon myself, when Captain Reud addressed me thus, in a sharp, shrill tone, that I thought impossible to a person who told such pleasant stories, and who could spin so prettily upon a quart bottle. "Do you hear, younker, you'll ship your traps in a wherry the first thing to-morrow morning, and get on board early enough to be victualled that day. Tell the commanding officer to order the ship's tailor to clap the curse of G.o.d upon you--(I started with horror at the impiety)--to unship those poodles from your jacket, and rig you out with the foul anchor."

"Yes, sir," said I; "but I hope the tailor won't be so wicked, because I am sure I wish the gentleman no harm."

"Piously brought up," said the captain.

"We'll teach him to look aloft, any how," said the lieutenant, striving to be original.

"A well-built young dog," said the former, looking at me, approvingly.

"Who is he, may I ask?" said the latter, in a most sonorous aside.

"Mum," said Captain Reud, putting his finger to his nose, and endeavouring to look very mysterious, and full of important meaning; "but when I get him in blue water--if he were the king's son--heh!

Farmer?"

"To be sure. Then he is the son of somebody, sir?"

"More likely the son of n.o.body--according to the law of the land,-- whoever launched him: but I'll never breathe a word, or give so much as a hint that he is illegitimate. I scorn, like a British sailor, to do that by a sidewind, Farmer, that I ought not to do openly; but there are two sides to a blanket. A popish priest must not marry in England.

Norman Will was not a whit the worse because his mother never stood outside the canonical rail. Pa.s.s your wine, Farmer; I despise a man, a scoundrel, who deals in innuendos;--O it's despicable, d.a.m.ned despicable. I don't like, however, to be trusted by halves--shall keep a sharp look-out on the joker--with me, a secret is always perfectly safe."

"O, then there is a secret, I see," said Mr Farmer. "You had better go now, Mr Rattlin, and attend to the captain's orders to-morrow." The word mister sounded sharply, yet not unpleasingly, to my ear: it was the first time I had been so designated or so dignified. Here was another evidence that I had, or ought to, cast from me the slough of boyhood, and enact, boldly, the man. I therefore summoned up courage to say that I did not perfectly understand the purport of the captain's order, and solicited an explanation.

"Yes," said he; "the service has come to a pretty pa.s.s, when the youngest officer of my ship asks me to explain my orders, instead of obeying them."

"I had better give him a note to the commanding officer, for I may not happen to be on board when he arrives."

A note was written, and given me.

"Good-night, Mr Rattlin," said the captain.