Quips and Quiddities Part 26

_ON EDINBURGH._

Pompous the boast, and yet a truth it speaks: A "Modern Athens"--fit for modern Greeks.

JAMES HANNAY, _Sketches and Characters_.

Lord Andover, a very fat man, was greatly plagued at a fancy bazaar to buy some trifle or other from the ladies' stalls. At length he rather rudely said, "I am like the Prodigal Son, persecuted by ladies." "No, no," retorted Mrs. ----, "say, rather, the fatted calf."

B. R. HAYDON, _Diary_.

A quiet conscience makes one so serene!

Christians have burnt each other, quite persuaded, That all the Apostles would have done as they did.

LORD BYRON, _Don Juan_.

"Were you born in wedlock?" asked a counsel of a witness. "No, sir, in Devonshire," was the reply.

HORACE SMITH, _The Tin Trumpet_.

Evanson, in his "Dissonance of the Gospels,"

thinks Luke is most worthy of credence. P---- said that Evanson was a _luke_-warm Christian.

CRABB ROBINSON, _Diary_.

_ONE FOR HIM._

Reading the paper Laura sat, "Greenwich _mean_ time, mamma, what's that?"

"My love, it's when your stingy Pa Won't take us to the Trafalgar."

SHIRLEY BROOKS, _Wit and Humour_.

I was once as desperately in love as you are now.

I adored, and was rejected. "You are in love with certain attributes," said the lady. "d.a.m.n your attributes, madam," said I; "I know nothing of attributes." "Sir," she said, with dignity, "you have been drinking." So we parted. She was married afterwards to another, who knew something about attributes, I suppose. I have seen her once, and only once. She had a baby in a yellow gown. I hate a baby in a yellow gown!

_Berkley_, in LONGFELLOW's _Hyperion_.

A man has generally the good or ill qualities which he attributes to mankind.

SHENSTONE, _Essays_.

How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail, And pour the waters of the Nile On every shining scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin, How neatly spreads his claws, And welcomes little fishes in With gently smiling jaws!

LEWIS CARROLL, _Alice in Wonderland_.

_Apropos_ of cutlets, I once called upon an old lady, who pressed me so urgently to stay and dine with her that, as I had no engagement, I could not refuse. On sitting down, the servant uncovered a dish which contained two mutton chops; and my old friend said, "Mr. Hook, you see your dinner."

"Thank you, ma'am," said I; "but where is yours?"

THEODORE HOOK, _apud_ PLANCHe.

In all distresses of our friends, We first consult our private ends; While nature, kindly bent to ease us, Points out some circ.u.mstance to please us.

SWIFT, _Verses on his own Death_.

On ne donne rien si liberalement que ses conseils.

LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, _Reflexions._

_A NUTSh.e.l.l NOVEL._

FOR A MINIATURE MUDIE.

VOL. I.

A winning wile, A sunny smile, A feather: A tiny talk, A pleasant walk, Together!

VOL. II.

A little doubt, A playful pout, Capricious: A merry miss, A stolen kiss, Delicious!!

VOL. III.

You ask mamma, Consult papa, With pleasure: And both repent This rash event, At leisure!!!

J. ASHBY STERRY, _Boudoir Ballads_.

Woman consoles us, it is true, while we are young and handsome! When we are old and ugly, woman snubs and scolds us.

LORD LYTTON, _What will he do with it?_

La societe est composee de deux grandes cla.s.ses: ceux qui ont plus de diners que d'appet.i.t, et ceux qui ont plus d'appet.i.t que de diners.

CHAMFORT, _Maximes_.