The Unexpected Discovery Of Love 67 Pretense

Though he wanted to ask her about her actions lately, it was clear she didn't want to talk about it. He was lost in thought as he stared at his phone, he missed her a lot, he really wanted to go see her too, he had no choice but to remain where he was. His father may find out once he leaves, that would create more problems for him. Plus she didn't want him to, for reasons best known to her.

Without much thought he turned off his phone and left the office. Everyone was on Christmas break, since he felt bored at home, he decided to come out and work and remove her from his thoughts entirely. Very quickly, he walked out of the office, he got into his car and drove off. If not for the fact that it was holiday, he would have gone to look for a house already. He had this gut feeling that she might not want to live with him any more so he should prepare to leave.

On new year's day, she sent him a text message wishing him a happy new year, he curtly replied, wishing her the same. He made no move to contact her again, Kim saw this as him giving up on them. Forgetting she pushed him away first. On the bright side, she realized she had a problem and she had to fix it but she had no idea what it was. She was like broken doll, pretending to be okay. 

You can't pretend to be okay forever, pushing aside your problem. There were cracks already, if not mended, it would only lead to further breakage. Sometimes pretending to be okay is nice but after lying to yourself for so long, the line between truth and lies eventually become blurry. You won't be able to tell what your real emotions are.

Presently, her emotions were jumbled. It was all over the place, she couldn't tell if she was saddened or pretending to be saddened. She didn't know if she truly loved him or if she just needed to have someone. She had continuously lied to herself that she needed no one and she could do things on her own. After moving from one home to another, you pick certain experiencs people who have parents would never understand. You realize you're alone in this big world and no one really cares. Then when someone starts caring, it scares you. You try to run away from it. You don't want to depend on it at the same time, you don't want to loose it.

Though, she said she was okay, though she laughs like there was nothing wrong, this is only a front to hide the real state of things. How could she let people see her for who she truly is. You can't trust anyone these days, after all, your enemies don't betray you. It's your friends that stab you in the back while smiling at you. Unbeknownst to you, you treat them as friends, you confide in them, but they use those secrets against you. She could not trust people, this is not shown in her words. In fact, she acts like she trusts you but that's exactly what it is, an act. She didn't trust Carl enough with herself. She couldn't bring herself to trust him so she was hurting them both. Pushing him away while pulling him towards. Unrequited love wasn't complicated, you just love someone. She just liked him, but then she got greedy, wishing he would reciprocate that love, but if he did, she would push him alone. She was too guarded, she had built her defences over the years and she was content in her comfort zone but Carl wanted her to come out of her cave, how could she agree so soon. How could let him talk her into destroying those defences she built herself.

She may not accept that she's broken, but there was something missing. Indeed, she wasn't born this way, no one is but circ.u.mstances change people, it shapes them to become who they are. She had learned life lessons from an early age, these lessons prevent her from fully embracing the now. She couldn't come to terms with reality as there were so many obstacles blocking her path.

...

On the second week of January, Carl sent in his resignation letter, he was done playing with the Stans, though, he wanted to know their secrets, he didn't have the time to be there. He needed to train himself, he needed to build himself. He needed to brace himself from his unknown enemy. And working there will not help him. So without waiting for approval, he left the company.